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Lying about virginity

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sonali_k

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sonali_k

Joined: 08 July 2006

Posts: 7

Posted: 08 July 2006 at 11:45am | IP Logged
When I was in college, I used to have a roomate who had a bf for 4 years and they had a fully sexual relationship. After that, we graduated and started working. Then she had bf for another 1 yr which also included sex.  Now her parents have found a guy for her and she told me that she told this guy that she is a virgin. I cannot understand how she can lie about being virgin like that. Q for guys here, if you found out after marriage that your wife lied about being virgin, what would be your reaction? Is it ethical to do like that and cheat somebody like that? I have no issues about pre-marital sex. But I believe if you have pre-marital sex with someone else, you have to be honest about it to your future partner. Or is it ok to lie like that? My friend cooly tells me this and she has no guilty feelings associated with it.  In the west, girls and boys have pre-marital sex. But the girls are honest and open about it and dont lie about being virgins to their future husbands. What do u guys say? 

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Prarara

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Prarara

Joined: 06 July 2006

Posts: 61

Posted: 08 July 2006 at 12:35pm | IP Logged
I think it really isn't a big deal. Though I'd like to know, I wouldn't care if my wife had had sex before.

Just done ask and don't tell IMHO.

Dazlingflower

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Dazlingflower

Joined: 06 October 2005

Posts: 622

Posted: 08 July 2006 at 12:50pm | IP Logged
won't the guy know if you are not a virgin? Confused Not unless if the guy she is marrying is also a virgin? It's wrong...I know. She shouldn't lie about it. How old is she? If she didn't see anything wrong with having coitus with 2 different men..that means she must have approved of it. She must have thought it was okay...so why feeling guilty about it? So why lie now? The other person has complete right to know what he is getting in to?

SolidSnake

IF-Rockerz

SolidSnake

Joined: 12 January 2006

Posts: 6916

Posted: 08 July 2006 at 1:18pm | IP Logged
Why should a girl always prove whether she is a virgin or not, shouldn't same yardstick apply to men also. Confused

MNMS

Goldie

MNMS

Joined: 15 December 2005

Posts: 1989

Posted: 08 July 2006 at 2:18pm | IP Logged
SS, I agree with u... Why double standards ??? Like only women need to be accountable on virginity issue... All i am saying that if it is like this then MEN should also tell whether they are virgin or not... some sick men get angry and react foolishly even if the girl has lost virginity in a rapeAngryAngry DISGUSTING!!!!

I think lying in this particular case is not good... if later her husband finds that she lied to him... it will affect this marriage... im not saying that this will destroy the marriage : It depends on the relationship and understanding between the two that in wht magnitude this lie puts discomfort in marriage.. but it will be a complicated situation later on than it is Now.

sonali_k

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sonali_k

Joined: 08 July 2006

Posts: 7

Posted: 08 July 2006 at 2:19pm | IP Logged
Prarara said,
"I think it really isn't a big deal. Though I'd like to know, I wouldn't care if my wife had had sex before.

Just done ask and don't tell IMHO. "

<<<<You are contradicting yourself. You say you would like to know and then say, dont ask and dont tell?

<<<< Dazzling Flower,
The guy in question is a virgin. So he asked her if she was and she told him yes. Also he is good looking and well educated. I believe she is lying because she knows he will not agree to marry her if she tells him of her past. She is on the heavier side and not good looking as such. But her parents are rich and so are his. And this is kind of an arranged marriage where the parents fixed them up. I told her what she would do, if he finds out after marriage about her past bf's. And she says, he will not find out. I think since he is a virgin, he has complete right to expect a virgin spouse. I believe having sexual relations with someone for 4 years if like being married to someone for 4 years. Then its disgusting to lie to someone that you area a virgin.

Morgoth

IF-Veteran Member

Morgoth

--

Joined: 01 June 2004

Posts: 6832

Posted: 08 July 2006 at 3:17pm | IP Logged
If you are getting into a serious relationship with someone, then you should not lie about virginity.

This applies to both men and women. Honesty is the best policy in a relationship. If your future spouse does not know the truth, then it may create marital problems later.

In the worst case scenario, if a person lied about his/her virginity and he/she was also HIV positive, the future spouse would also be at risk.

Aparna_BD

IF-Dazzler

Aparna_BD

Joined: 01 July 2005

Posts: 4926

Posted: 08 July 2006 at 3:57pm | IP Logged
Well i believe marriage should not be based on a lie only for the important facts of life example :past marriage, a child, or financial situation, health etc ....These are the things that a person carries some sort of a baggage. A past marriage may mean that he may be paying alimony, or have some relationship with the family. A serious health issue could mean many things. Therefore the things that will impact your future must be shared.

Now virginity is a just a silly piece of tissue ,many of us make a bid deal about (please its my opinion....so don't eat me if you disagreeTongue)!!! If one looses it in a past relationship or riding a bike or a horse. Its NOT going to affect your future. But since many Indians don't feel open about it and make the loss of virginity such a big deal. And you care for the feelings of your partner . I feel this information can be with held.

In marriage , often husband- wife keep some issues from each other so as not to hurt each other. This is one that one can keap from each other.

As for the guy being a virgin .....WHAT PROOF DO WE HAVE HE'S A VIRGIN???????????? How do you know he told the truth ?????????Wink

Edited by Aparna_BD - 08 July 2006 at 4:42pm

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