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what a woman wants... (Page 4)

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ladyterp

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ladyterp

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Posted: 15 November 2012 at 7:53pm | IP Logged
Life and relationships are not as white and black as you think and imagine.  I am saying this to those who are not married yet.  Those who are married know that already through their experience.  There is a lot of gray area in between the white and black.  It is not one size fits all solution for problems.  For each couple it is different and the stability depends on extended family and its influence on the couple.  Personalities play a big role as well.  So while feminism is all good on paper, it is not simple to exercise in life.  In DABH, I actually support Sandhya the most.  Sooraj operates without any practicality and Bhabho is irrational.  The only sane person is Sandhya because she knows well how the balance of peace will tilt if she pursues her passion to become an IPS officer without Bhabho's approval.

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Posted: 15 November 2012 at 8:17pm | IP Logged
@ladyterp- Very well said. I completely agree with you. I'm also in support of Sandhya. Actually, I support SurYa.Thumbs Up.

Damn, it really hurts man when people blame her for everything like a hell.Ouch.Disapprove.

One query is running in my mind:- What if Sandhya had raised her voice against Bhabho then Sooraj's approach towards her remain the same???Day Dreaming I don't think so.Thumbs Down. Mummy's boy like Sooraj won't ever bear if their wife raise the voice in front of family. Sandhya has earned respect in Sooraj's eyes through her maturity, bearing Bhabho's rants. No doubt Sooraj is also matured n understood her silence n all. What I'm trying to convey here is there are many factors affect to make relationship successful. It's not like a one way traffic.

Waise, JamKudi.. There is 3rd category of man which is hybrid - combination of 1 n 2. LOL. Excellent telescopic analysis.

P.S.- This is my personal POV. Dont throw eggs on me. I'm mentally not ready to bear it.

Edited:- What if Sooraj got married to a girl like Chhavi who's selfish, greedy, liar? Who's blunt n insult his mother? Will his approach remain the same towards her?Day Dreaming.

Out of topic:- I really don't understand why we're wasting time n energy by creating threads of upcoming tracks? Why can't we cherish the present moments? Everyone wanted to see SurYa happy n now when they're happy still all are unsatisfied here --  Why??? Ain't we sensible enough to cherish their happiness? Confused


Edited by ami_dabh - 15 November 2012 at 8:44pm

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Posted: 15 November 2012 at 10:00pm | IP Logged
ladyterp i agree with whatever you told. This is a multifaceted topic. I did not want to make a long long boring post. Though I am not sure, I feel you have not completely read what I wrote. I have mentioned the other sides too... Its not feminism.. I dont know whether you are married. I wrote this post keeping in mind all experiences I have came across my practise time... Bitter truth is most women in India are facing the same thing though there are a very good number of exceptions..

I strongly disagree to your opinion that you said Sooraj works without practicality.. Where he has been shown not practical??


ami no mercy on you. Only eggs.ROFL Because you know things and analyse them better than me..
Sandy used to raise her voice many times against Bhabho before they all found she was educated. All those times Sunny has patiently tried to make her understand why Bhabho is saying so. Dont you remember it was Sandy who criticized Bhabho for not letting Mohit to do studies. Same Sandy also badly criticized her in regarding the election issue.. And Sunny needed to console her in both there situations. Its true she was right. She was raising her hands against his mother then. But despite uneducated, Sunny never tried to oppose her.

hopefully you are forgetting the talk between Sunny and Sandy after her decided her not to throw out of house after her education matter is revealed. Sandy has said she kept silence because if she opens her mouth when Bhabho jump on her parents, it would turn very disastrous. Do you think Sunny will ever behave disastrous like that to anyone? I dont think so.

Also he trusted her even though there was nothing to prove that it was not her who filed complaint against Bhabho. He could have deceived her. But did he?

remember how beautifully she ruined his suhaag raat. Its true she was betrayed. But he was not knowing her pain of being betrayed at that point. Still he never changed his attitude towards her. Did not he? Normal Indian men could never forgive such a girl.

so what was Sunny's reaction when he repeatedly used to hear 'Sooraj ji main aap se pyaar nahin karti, yeh rishta sirf ek bhoj hain mere liye..' etc etc before the bus accident track. From the bottom of his heart, did he ever try to hate her or dislike her or hurt her eventhough he believed she will divorce him? How much he could have got hurt when he realised she will divorce him because he is not the suitable one for her? Now dont tell me Sunny was the furious SV2. Before that watch 26th may maha episode again.

If she were a girl like Chavi, they would have consummated very earlier. Still he is waiting for her to approach him with her full wish. I dont think any normal Indian man could do that, even after one year of his marriage. Its a big thing that you are not getting what you deserve, still you are waiting patiently.

finally are you forgetting the fact that Sandy herself told Sooraj she was very selfish and used to think only about herself before marriage..???


I agree she has earned respect and trust with what she did and silenty kept bearing all pain. But it was the trust of Bhabho, not Sooraj. From the time he met her in temple, he had respect and trust in her. Forget temple, after marriage. It was Sooraj only who said her that husband and wife are supposed to trust and support each other when she said that the examination is hers and why he is poking his nose in her matter. Remember the episode when she made burnt halwa for first time.

NEED MORE EXAMPLES?

finally, who is discussing upcoming tracks???LOL.LOL.LOL.

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Posted: 15 November 2012 at 10:22pm | IP Logged
Hahaha. Itane saare eggs maar diye???LOL

Khair koi baat nahi. No matter how many examples you'll give here I still firmly believe adjustments, sacrifises eqaully done from both ends.

I am not at all interested to stretch this matter.

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Posted: 15 November 2012 at 10:25pm | IP Logged
now that makes sense. Equality is the most needed. Everything is from both ends. But saying only Sandy did Sandy did makes no sense. These days I feel our CVs are not giving much importance to what Sandy feels while going through all these problems. Other than some mournful looks, nothing is there. Where as they are promoting Sunny very well.. I feel that a little awkward. They should equally show what she feels too...

Edited by June_Anne_Mary - 15 November 2012 at 10:27pm

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Posted: 15 November 2012 at 11:12pm | IP Logged
Very nice post JAM.There are dominating men and dominating women. There are bitchy woman and  MCP men. So you have these categories in both. The problem why male domination started is because men are physically stronger and by ensuring women did not study they continued their hegemony. They were supported in this move by our own gender. Now with the spread of education it should have changed but despite literacy women find it difficult to break away due to 
1. Fear of society
2.Spoiling the lives of their children.
3.Legal system is slow and apart from maintenance the custody battle has to be fought for years
4.The girl does not get the support of parents as they are fearful that their other daughters may not get a match.

All these factors prevent a woman from making the ultimate break. They prefer to suffer in silence.
Change will come but for that break from the joint family is necessary so that the man and woman are equal in their fights and the man does not draw support from his mother and brothers. Than he is likely to be more understanding and can view his wife with an independent eye without the bias of his mother or others in the family.You will no doubt lose the advantages of a joint family system but you lose some you win some. The girl also should work to make the marriage work and should not pick up small fights like why should I get you water or why can't you do it ? If for every small thing in the name of financial independence you try to fight than no marriage can work. The girls have to adjust more as our society has not progressed to 50% partnership. If you are fiercely independent than better not to marry as you ruin your life and his. 
           Coming to DABH I agree with JAM that Suraj has been extremely patient. No husband to my knowledge will wait for consummation this long patiently. He is suffering the maximum due to the mistakes of Ankur. Earlier he struggled to get his wife accepted now he is struggling to fulfill her dreams. You will talk about WTC here. I can only say one thing why would a Pushkar halwai want to be a top cook ?. The Rathis are happy with their existence. In all this what has Suraj got? Neither has he got physical intimacy with his wife nor is he able to keep his mother happy and there are fights everyday in the house. His peaceful life has been shattered. In Sandhya's case she had the opportunity to walk away when she did not love her husband but chose to stay and is suffering. I sympathise with her but her suffering is more due to her brother's cheating. Had she been married into a better family she could have had the world. Suraj on the other hand suffers due to no fault of his.


Edited by UMDU - 15 November 2012 at 11:17pm

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Posted: 15 November 2012 at 11:46pm | IP Logged
Brilliant post JAMI, & great analysis  .. if sandhya was married to someone like mohit or vikram,  she would never have got the support  she's getting today from suraj.. .. just can't even think of imaginning sandy selling sarees 

Ami -  can't imagine if suraj was married to someone like chhavi.. poor guy he would be just having an artificial smile & chhavi would be disrespecting bhabo & bashing suraj ji

the cvs made a perfect match -  surya


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Posted: 15 November 2012 at 11:54pm | IP Logged
thanks a lot uma ji. have my platonic hugs.Hug.Hug.Hug.Hug as I always say, you fill what I leave behind. I have on option than to totally agree with every word you wrote.

About Sooraj going WTC, I want to say taking part in that competition was not necessary for him to live. He would have been happy with his small world and own sweet shop even if he could not take part in it. Sandy has shown him the dream and successfully made him achieve crossing all hurdles. Its sure without her it was impossible to win WTC. But on the other hand winning the competition has made no change in his life than he just got a trophy. Where as if Sandy is living than merely existing or surviving only because of Sooraj. Once she becomes IPS, her life and world will change, sure. Now whatever she suffer is only because she has chosen to suffer as you told. But Sooraj always suffer for what he has not done. I have no problem in that because he has patience, which will help him to overcome any of his difficulties.

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