12th Nov Epi- good yet average rating - Page 4

Originally posted by: UMDU

UMDU this is a wonderful reply to Srija's questions...  you have explained the differences in ideologies very clearly here.

Now Suraj and Bhabho differ in their ideology both think they are doing the right think and we the liberal minded would be on Suraj's side but there are many who would be more sympathetic to Bhabho's idealogy...

Thank you Juna. Like you I am a die hard romantic and would definitely support Suraj. However having said that  Bhabo has her own insecurities to contend with. No doubt she is egoistic, blunt, brash, insensitive and single minded in her approach to keep her family intact. We may condemn her methods of doing things but her intentions are not evil. She is a very possessive mother when it comes to Suraj as he is the one who was her back bone during her difficult times. You have to understand that she feels Suraj does not understand the implications of IPS. She is being far sighted in stopping him as he will realize it later. Her calling him a halwai or insulting before others is no doubt unpardonable. That is her way of dealing with any crisis. She gets worked up, will cry, will do dramatics as being uneducated sophisticated and calm way of putting across your point is unknown to her.When ever she feels threatened she will call the Rathi Panchayat look for support from Mohit and Chavvi and pressurise others emotionally by shouting or crying to bend to her ways. Hanuman galli has several Bhabos and to change their mindset we need time. Patience cannot be expected from them so who else is left but us to be patient and see the transformation take place. Edited by UMDU - 11 years ago

UMDU aunty, wish you a very happy diwali. 

Originally posted by: ah99

UMDU aunty, wish you a very happy diwali. 

I have to mention a certain point. You always say that Bhabho is against IPS education because it is too dangerous and she fears for her son's happy married life. If that were true, why couldnt she just let Sandhya know about that and encourage her to finish her studies, and maybe use her education to teach other children, or something like that ?

The real problem is her ego. She does not want Sandhya to study. Period. To that end, she is willing to play all sorts of mind games. If she really loved her son and her daughter in law as much as she claims she does, she would not hurt their feelings and disrespect them in front of the entire family time and again. My POV.

All other aspects of Bhabho's character analysis that you give are correct, except this one thing. Your comments?

Originally posted by: ah99

UMDU aunty, wish you a very happy diwali. 

I have to mention a certain point. You always say that Bhabho is against IPS education because it is too dangerous and she fears for her son's happy married life. If that were true, why couldnt she just let Sandhya know about that and encourage her to finish her studies, and maybe use her education to teach other children, or something like that ?

The real problem is her ego. She does not want Sandhya to study. Period. To that end, she is willing to play all sorts of mind games. If she really loved her son and her daughter in law as much as she claims she does, she would not hurt their feelings and disrespect them in front of the entire family time and again. My POV.

All other aspects of Bhabho's character analysis that you give are correct, except this one thing. Your comments?

Thank you for your inputs. I have also stated in the post her insecurities her possessiveness and her determination to head the Rathi hierarchy. Go through the post clearly. Here one of the major blunders made by Suraj is that he talked about IPS. If that was not enough he enlisted the support of Ankur for the play. Try to now think what Bhabo will conclude. It will definitely be interpreted as a Kothari conspiracy. By his action Suraj has made her more regressive. Knowing his mother well do you not find it naive to go and talk to her directly about IPS. When Bhabasa  tried to tell Suraj it would have been ok if it were engineer or doctor and Suraj did not accept the idea and Bhabo was listening to the conversation with tears in her eyes. After hearing this how do you think she will melt .In other professions Suraj could have got Bhabasa's help, here he also is opposed to the idea.If the CVs had wanted to show Bhabo as you say than they would not have shown the scene where she cries for her son and his impossible dreams. Why did they show us that? They could have just stuck to rude and crude Bhabo? Why did they show us her humane side? That was done to make you understand her perspective.It is not all black and white and that is what they have tried to show through Bhabo's character. If they had talked about just graduation without mentioning  IPS, Suraj would have met resistance but not to the extent of burning the form. She would have been amenable with Bhabasa prodding. You want to believe it when they show her shouting  but you ignore scenes where they tried to show fears. Why?Here Suraj with his actions has closed the last way as well as now he has made her put up her guard.. I do not know where you live but let me tell you something in traditional North Indian families things are never discussed or debated. The youngsters are expected to listen to the elders.Revolt is punished severely. The same rule applies to all households of Hanuman Galli .All I am trying to say is Bhabo is in no way different from her peers.They are all the same.I am only attempting to give you the inevitability of the situation.No where have I said she is not egoistic. However had the approach of Suraj been gentle with Bhabasa's support she would have conceded. Here you have created an impossible situation where now when ever she agrees also the IPS fear will be there and it will be an approval with reluctance. This ia a never ending debate so it is  better we agree to disagree on this. Happy Diwali to you too. Edited by UMDU - 11 years ago

UMDU aunty,

Originally posted by: Juna04

 

Totally agree with you ah99   I never can accept that Bhabho's fears are only based on the dangers of that profession.   She is definitely having fears and insecurities on various issues like-  changes in the family heirarchy, structure, culture, breaking tradition, etc as it will definitely change the dynamics of all that she has known all her life.

She definitely is worried about her Son's married life as it would change a lot of things in the house. If she really loves her son she should have a talk with him and express all her fears and sort things out instead of being so forceful and rigid in her ways.  She definitely has a big ego and ultimately it does boil down to her ego.

 

Even though it is a perception that mothers love is always unconditional -  In reality one can see mothers who have spoilt relationship with their children on the basis of ego.   Bhabho in my opinion is one of them but in her case she is lucky to have a son like Suraj and a dil like Sandhya who will not let their relationship worsen to that extent.  Which means that they will have to sacrifice and take up hardships to get what they want and go against Bhabho.

 

Thank you, Juna. Agree with all your points. Specially this- Even though it is a perception that mothers love is always unconditional -  In reality one can see mothers who have spoilt relationship with their children on the basis of ego.   Bhabho in my opinion is one of them but in her case she is lucky to have a son like Suraj and a dil like Sandhya . 

In our country, younger ones talking about elders mistakes is taboo. Grown ups know more, so younger ones automatically have to shut up, they say. In most cases, in this day and age, youngsters revolt and some go to the extent of leaving the house. Atleast that I appreciate that in DABH, the leads never give up on their parents. And yet, it is refreshing to see Suraj determined, not letting go of his wife's dreams (even though he has given up his desires 100s of times for his Bhabho- like the gold chain he got for his would-be wife etc. But in this case he is not giving up and I loved the way his expressions were sad, but totally defiant and guilt free. One important thing that Baba sa is also missing -I hope he mentions this in the upcoming episodes to Bhabho- is that Sandhya lost her parents and was cheated by her brother. She is Suraj's wife, manasa, vaacha, karmanaha. They have made promises to respect and honor each other for life. It is ofcourse Suraj's responsibility to take care of his wife. How can this action be seen only and only as a son's betrayal and not as a husbands responsibility? I dont expect Bhabho to understand this, becos she is too hurt and feels betrayed now. In such circumstances it is impossible to see the other person's position. But I am hoping that Babasa should mention this in the up coming episodes.

 

Originally posted by: ah99

UMDU aunty,

All your replies are valid, again. But point of contention is also the same, again. Bottom line is that Bhabho does not want Sandhya to study. Tears in her eyes when Suraj-Babasa conv took place- becos of the shocker, in her reaction to suraj was, 'tune yeh baat mere saamne laane ki zurrat kaise ki' or some such thing. if fear for sandhya's life and her safety were the only things on her mind, then the first reaction could have been like,' tu isske khatre nahi jaanta hai, maine tujhse zyada duniya dekhi hai beta, agar beendni ki kuch ho gaya to tu kaise jiyega' or some such thing, right? 

Also, I find Bhabho's nature put offish when she lets Mohit and Chavi blabber and trample Suraj all over the place. The other day also, only when Meena started taunting Suraj, she thought it was necessary to intervene and say no one should say anything to Suraj. Why didnt she say anything sooner?

One more thing, if unsurpassed love for her son is the only feeling Bhabho has, then the Hoi scene is impossible. No matter how angry a mother is, that too, a traditional mother like Bhabho who beleives in reeti-riwaaj, subh-ashubh etc. Never can such a mother not bless her son when he touches her feet on a festival, tht too on Hoi. Anger has its place, and reeti-riwaaj and superstitions have their place, right? How could Bhabho not bless Suraj, to me, it was the worst behaviour of her's till date. And yes, I am including all the earlier incidents like water-filling episode, papad, jewelry and also burning the form.

But then like you said, we agree to disagree on this. I only raised the question because your primary defense for Bhabho all along is that she fears for her son and DIL's happiness and safety. I am not trying to put you off by these arguments, I respect your opinion, thats why the debate in the first place. Hope you dont mind.

Edited by UMDU - 11 years ago

Aunty, I never said she does not love her son. She does. Infact, Suraj is her favorite and she does not shy away from openly accepting this. I do not like that one bit and I feel that her partiality is the main reason why her other children turned out they way they did but thats another story and another discussion. My point is, she does love her son so much that she feels the urge to control her married, grown up son, who will be a parent himself soon. That being said, her behavior does suggest that her love for her principles and so called ideals and sanskaars (in my opinion wrong names given to her ego) is way more than that love for her child. I am not saying Bhabho is a bad person. I have always believed that people are not good or bad, their actions are. No person is purely white or black. Somewhere or sometime in their lives they have done things both right and wrong. Some people do more right than wrong, some otherwise. Some accept their flaws in public, most do not. 

Don't worry beta she will change.It is a serial showing the fight to change the traditional structure.That can hardly show Bhabo passive and Sandhya becoming IPS in a week. They have to show resistance from traditional quarters to change and Bhabo here represents the conservative element. To bring modern ideas you have to give her a shock.Than she will respond. Unless that happens she will take time.I agree she does not want her beendani to study but if IPS had not been mentioned she would have been more amenable to listen atleast .IPS has put her off. IPS has made Bhabasa also anti Suraj.  The Rathi drama is basically a mother's extreme possessiveness towards her son and the inability of her son also to break away from his mother.