Dry autumn morning greeted her as she stepped out on her porch. Slowly she looked up at the dreary morning sky where sun was creeping out from behind the fleeting clouds. Soon it will be sunny, pushing back the signs of the previous night, the sounds of the mourning would die down as the sounds of birds happily chirping will fill the air but one thing would remain the same; her broken heart.
Sighing deeply she stepped down on the ground, the dead leaves making crunching sound as she walked on them to make her way to the backyard. She took out a shovel from the garden hedge and started to push the leaves away, clearing the yard. She stopped as a memory crossed her mind; it had been a similar crisp morning a year ago but it had been a happier one, she was smiling, he was with her. She shook her head to push the memory away and dropping the shovel on side went back into the house.
*
The kettle continued to boil the water as she sat down on the dining table staring out at the dusky sky from the window. Her mind was still clogged with memories from the past; hurtful memories. She closed her eyes to stop them but they kept playing in her mind. The kettle whistled loudly breaking her reverie. Standing up she took the cup and poured hot water in it before placing a tea bag in it. Going into the lounge she sat down on the big sofa cum chair facing the main door.
"Lillian I said I'm sorry."
"It doesn't change anything Derek. Just leave."
"Lillian'" he stopped his words hanging in mid air. "I'm going." He said with a hint of desperation in his voice. Somewhere he hoped she would stop him.
"Go, I never wish to see you again."
He paused at the door and turning around looked at her with longing eyes.
"You don't mean that do you?" There was hurt in his voice.
She closed her eyes taking every ounce of her will not to break down before him.
"Just go." She said between clenched teeth.
She kept standing there with her back to the door; cold, detached. Finally she turned around as she heard the door click as he went away.
A shudder ran through as the memory made a way. She gulped hard remembering how it was the worst fight they ever had in the three years they had been together. He loved her she knew that now but she had been foolish enough not to see it then.
He had been guilty, he had made a mistake but he had repented too. He had asked for forgiveness but she had denied him that and now she wanted forgiveness but it was too late. She would never get that because he will never be coming back. A lone tear rolled down her cheek as the silent fact hit her hard again.
He was never coming back. He was gone.
"Derek, I'm sorry." She whispered closing her eyes.
She hoped he had forgiven her, she knew he would have if he had survived that accident. If only they had not fought that, if only she had given him a chance they would still be together but no he was gone. And all there was left now was bitter pain and regret.
"I'm sorry." She said again before breaking down into a flood of tears. Still waiting and hoping for a chance to find release'
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