#It's a promise
Empty, lost in a torrent of sensations outside, I watched what surrounds me. After days of agony, in which pain, slow and tortuous, had scratched me with its powerful coils, I had not found a good reason to react. Sitting in a strange bed, for the first time really I analyzed for my short, pathetic life. I was strong, I had always been. That was what I thought. But the lies are revealed. Always. You cannot live as mere illusions. These, with maddening slowness of a repressed sigh, wear inside, confusing our eyes the faint line between reality and fiction. I was not strong, I had never been. At the slightest difficulty, the smallest obstacle, I collapsed in a vast ocean of despair. But I could not deny myself the most obvious truths: a man had died before my eyes.
A man was dead and I had not the strength to bear such a burden. A man was dead and I, lying on a soft bed unknown, I could not think of the weight of the wasted life, the act of human love that had been denied. His Will haunt me for life. I'll remember always his eyes, blinded by pain. A moment he was there, the next he was gone. Everything to the will of a man who had nothing to human, if not the angelic features embodied in a body. A man with deaf arrogance, he took the liberty to choose the life of a boy. Inevitably to mark his destiny. As he'll mark mine.
This week, when my heart has been prey to the most atrocious torture, he came often to visit. At night, when he thought I was asleep. How could even he assume that after what I had seen, I could close my eyes? His dying image haunted me day and night, without rest. I did not have the strength to react. Neither will. What would it do? He would have killed me, because I would have never say him what he wanted. Ever. So is not it better to wait until the end in a bed, without ever leaving, without wanting to see anyone?
A woman comes, another one of his wh**es. She looks at me, I see so much compassion in her eyes. I know what you see. A little girl. A little girl from the banal beauty, a flower withered between the coils of hell. Deep dark circles around my thin face, felt by many sleepless nights and refusing food.
I'm wearing a light robe, silk is fine, but I try to think as little as possible. Because it do not belong to me. Belongs to him, the man with such contempt I insist to hate. My frail body is too weak to move, despite the anxiety oppresses me.
- They told me I'd find you here ... - the woman looks at me, her smile, her eyes as they are sincere. I do not understand what she wants. She sits on the edge of the bed and wrapped my hands in her.
-Your hands are frozen ... -she said
-What do you want? -Since days I cannot hear my voice, it sounds strange, hoarse, more off than usual.
Sigh, I see concern in herblue eyes.
- Arnav told me that you does not touch the food, and it's days that you do not get up from this bed ... -
I turn my head, I do not have the courage to look into her eyes. I, Khushi Kumari Gupta, who is afraid to look into the eyes a filthy wh**e? If someone had said a few days ago, I would not have believed him.
I swallow - I do not think it concern you. -
-You're wrong-she interrupted me - Arnav explicitly asked to talk to you, to help you react -
-What for? You know he will kill me, as he did with that guy ... -
She laughed, but it was not a bad laugh ... it seemed almost stunned by what I had said.
- I do not know-piped, returning suddenly serious - Arnav has no intention to hurt you, I'm sure ... -
At that point I burst: she meant it or she was making fun of me? That monster had caused me so much pain that make me a different person and she had the courage to deny everything? Suddenly the invisible barrier that I bordered apathy broke and tears, coupled with fierce anger, began to fall from my eyes.
- Do you realize what you just said? - I shouted, angry-Are you defending him? He killed a man! He killed a man in front of me without the slightest hesitation, without a single hesitation! How can you say such a thing? He is a monster, a monster! - I was shaking, I had a nervous breakdown over my body, culminating in hysterics. The woman opened her eyes, afraid of my violent reaction and approached me further. She took me by the shoulders, trying to stop my trembling, but it was all in vain: the memory of man lying on the ground, blood, eyes vacant bully the victim returned to me, bending my will as nothing and no one would ever fact. The tears and intense tremors clouded my vision, I could not stop, I could hear the woman's voice softened, and she asked me to calm down.
Then, suddenly, everything stopped, as the calm after the storm. Stopped because I heard a clear voice, crystal clear but equally ruthless reach my ears.
A voice that had the ability to terrorize.
I slumped on the bed, my eyes wide, I looked catatonic.
- What's up? - Said the voice, authoritarian, I heard the woman to get up and join him.
- She had a fit of hysterics, but it's okay ... -
I felt, suddenly, the weight of his gaze on me.
- She's trembling - a note of concern cracked the voice of that bas***d
I heard the woman sigh, but the silence descended on the room. A silence waiting.
Two strong arms lifted me, without any apparent effort, and I found myself lulled by the chest of that being disgusting.
It was then that our eyes met, the green ocean for a moment destabilized me, but it was a poor second.
- LEAVE!!! - The voice, though hoarse, was incredibly combative. I screamed and struggled, trying to escape his grasp. He pressed closer to him, and then I found myself shaking, the sobs shook my chest.
I lost sense of time, but I realized that I had taken to another room, much more dark and luxurious, and resting in a bed. I drew back, frightened, when I saw his eyes wander over my body at that time covered by a semi-transparent robe. But he, surprisingly, smiled and walked away, he was still sitting on the same bed where I was. The situation that had arisen made me sink back in that crazy blind terror, and the sobs began to shake my chest. It was then that he saw me so shaken, opened his eyes and walked over to me. The tremors increased. He took me by the shoulders and forced me to lie down on the bed, crossing my eyes, close to mine.
- Now calm down-his voice was authoritative, but shocked by the concern
I cannot, I wanted to scream, but I could not speak.
- Calm down, now! - He lost his patience, it was evident. He obliged me with a look of ice, trying to keep still, to slow down my tremors. My eyes widened when, without warning, he placed a gentle kiss on the forehead. It was not possible. It could not be possible that such a man was capable of doing such an act. Gesture that had a dramatic effect on my body: sudden tremors subsided, and I felt strangely numb.
He noticed that I had calmed down, because slowly he enveloped me in a soft blanket and looked at me, suddenly cold and distant.
- Sleep .. - it was not a request, but an order. An order to which I decided to obey, despite my instincts formally to send him to the hell.
However, before I abandon unconsciousness, a question came spontaneously from my lips ...
- Why? -
I did not expected an answer, my eyelids closed and, without further ado, I let myself be lulled by sleep.
Days went by, the hours were marked by the slow beat of my heart, but nothing made me react. Closed in that cage, imprisoned in a world that was abhorred, the tenuous bond with my inner reality was disappearing to make room for an empty world, where my life did not matter anymore. I often wondered why I was still alive, because I had not been killed, as he had done with that guy. The memory of his body lying on the ground, pale, and the life he was leaving, returned to haunt me.
I closed my eyes.
The pain was too sharp, too powerful.
I had always thought to be strong. A tough girl, so I called those who had the opportunity to meet me. Nonsense, the truth was that my strength had always been illusory.
Holding on to the only hope of escape, my days were happening, slowly and inexorably, marked by boredom and pain, a lethal mix for my physical and psychological health.
He used to visit me every so often. He inquired after my health, trying to talk to me, but I was an empty shell, filled only with hatred I felt towards him. Because I knew what it was, I knew that behind his visits there was an ulterior motive: he wanted I help him killing other people. People like us, who did nothing wrong, fighting to make this world better.
Distributed justice, instilled peace, the fight, sure, but always for purely altruistic. No, I would not have contributed to the abomination. I would not have told him who had helped me find the Clan Di Souza. He kill me, if he wanted to. I would die with a clear conscience, my soul would have affected me.
But he ... he would rot in the depths darkest hell, I was sure. But I had the feeling that he wouldn't have killed me, not right away. Before he would hurt me, a terrible pain, unbearable, so acute that I begged myself to death. Because his eyes were a deep hatred when he looked at me. A hate hiding something else, something I could not identify.
A slight knock at the door distracted me from these painful thoughts. Why they know if they were able to enter anyway?
I did not even allowed to enter, I knew immediately that door would open. And I knew who would come. And there he was, to confirm all my suspicions. Handsome and cruel, an seducer angel, too good to be true. But sick in my stomach reminded me that he was real, a nightmare turned into reality.
I straightened up, sitting down on the bed, looking at him with hatred. He remained impassive, completely indifferent to the contempt I showed to him. His eyes fell on me, causing me a strange vertigo
- You're pale-these words had the power to infuriate me further
- Are you interested? -
-Yes, I need you again-his gaze had shifted toward the window, he did not seem to want to look at.
- I told you- I whispered - I will not say anything-
- I'm not so sure ... -
- What makes you think that? -
He turned to me, his eyes flashed in mine. I looked away
- You're fragile, Gupta. Just a nothing to destroy you ... -
I stood up, suddenly seized with a blind fury.
I approached him, my steps were cautious, but I was trembling with impatience.
He was tall, very tall. I realized when, a short distance from his body, I realized that my head reached his chest. I lifted my face and looked better in his eyes, at that moment turned a feeling that I could not decipher.
- Kill me, then-I whispered - kill me as you killed that guy -
- You do not know what you say-he snapped, looking at me with hatred.
- Yes, I know-I said - what was the name of that guy? Because he had a name, right? And a family, a home, friends, maybe he was also in love ... thou you torn away him from all this.
He looked away, but in his eyes I saw a blind rage, a rage that I had never seen his face
- It does not matter, Gupta. You're a girl, naive. You do not know what is really important in life! -
- Certainly not the money, or the power! - I cried - It is the love, the passion, the feeling, what drives us to move forward, and you do not try this! YOU ARE NOT WORTHY TO LIVE! -
And suddenly I found myself up against the wall: I had dragged forcibly close the cabinet, imprisoning in his arms, looking at me with hatred ...
- WHAT COUNTS IS TO SURVIVE! - He shouted, his smell made me feel sick - You do not know anything. NOTHING! You're a fool, an idiot, but you'll pay for this, I swear on the most dear thing of the world! -
My eyes were fixed on his, that attracted me like a magnet. He shook my hair with one hand, leaving a slow caress on my face. I tried to draw back to that contact, but he held me with one arm. The only thing I could do was turn my head to one side, and I blurted occasion: I looked away from him and began to stare insistently the closet door.
I felt his face closer to mine, and his lips close to my ear - You're gonna pay, Gupta. I'll make you live in hell darker. I'll bind you, I'll hide you in my world ... I will destroy you. You'll beg to die, I assure you. -
- Never. I'll never give up to you. I will fight until the end, because I am better. Remember, Raizada. You are not worthy to live. -
With a howl of rage I got slammed on the bed, but he did almost gently, as if afraid to lose control and really hurt me. He jumped, bending on me with his body, yelling all the hate towards me.
- I'll destroy you, Gupta. If it's the last thing I do, you will bind to my will! -
His eyes burned into mine, I could not believe that a being so unclean could have eye so wonderful.
Suddenly he stood up, being careful not to hurt me with his abrupt gesture, and walked toward the door. Before leaving he turned to me, killing with a look so intense that I get goose bumps
- Mine will be a slow torture. I will not hurt you in the body but in the soul. All that you hate the most, will overwhelm you Gupta. Mine is a promise. -
Without looking at me, he turned away and left me alone to torment me with my sorrow. I burst into tears, what he had said it did not matter, but the fact of being alone, imprisoned in his seedy world, I did foresee that his promises were based ... he really wanted to destroy me.
Edited by DUGGUlicious - 15 November 2012 at 7:25am