The sunlight hurt my eyes, with a yawn while I was getting ready to face a new day
I felt a strange warmth spread throughout the body, and I knew whoever was responsible.
I opened my eyes cautiously, meeting with a clear gaze, almost happy.
He did not speak, simply just stared at my face with a lost expression, he seemed almost ecstatic.
I do not even said hello and I rocketed straight into his arms, burying my face in his chest, and enjoying its full aroma. He froze for a few seconds - he was probably surprised by my gesture-but he hugged me and started stroking my hair.
I knew I was wrong, my conscience told me to run away from there as soon as possible, but something was blocking me.
Perhaps the fear of being abandoned, or the simple desire to protect that yesterday had upset me, pushing me to donate my body to the man who I had claimed to hate so much.
I do not love him, that's for sure, but I feel something growing inside of me, a warmth that clouds my reason and prompts me to ask his affection, his protection.
It's makes me scary, because the thought of get attached to him would mean to tie to a world that I abhor with all my heart.
My eyes filled with tears, I felt weak, damn weak, and his presence made me feel even more unsure of myself.
He kissed my hair, taking my chin with one hand and forcing me to meet his gaze.
- Are you okay? - He asked, and his voice was serious, worried.
The same concern I had seen yesterday, while I sobbed on his chest.
I nodded, tears in my eyes.
He approached our faces, and I held my breath, but I do not get off from this closeness. Our mouths touched sweets, without malice.
In his gestures I sensed affection, caring, but I was afraid it was the poor fruit of my imagination.
His sweet scent invaded my nostrils, dazzling me, compromising my already precarious self-control.
But soon the kiss turned into something passionate, impetuous.
Suddenly I froze.
Something in his eyes, had changed.
It was no longer clouded by passion, the desire to enjoy my body.
The green of his eyes stood out, dazzling, and I could see an infinite sweetness, unreal.
His face slowly approached me, but this time he was different: he was uncertain, undecided, as his lips when rested on mine.
That contact made me burst the chest, while the inferno raging in my soul.
Our lips moved in sync, as his hands caressed my face, my hair, my forehead.
We remained in that position for hours, lulled by the gentle torpor of blankets, face to face, kissing and exploring the unknown sensations that I did not know to name.
I felt the body of Arnav adhere to mine, his warm embrace infuse that affection which at that time was much needed.
Suddenly we parted away without losing eye contact, and resumed our breath.
He lay down next to me, grabbing me and forcing me to bury my face again in my chest.
His delicate hands caressed my hair, and his voice, when he spoke was incredibly clear.
-You do not know how much I've been waiting for this moment- he whispered, his tone cracked.
I looked up and saw his eyes: they were happy, but I could see a bit of pain in them.
- What do you mean? - I asked, resting my head on my elbow.
He stroked my cheek - I have long desired that thou accept me, that you demonstrate me , even with only a gesture, that I don't disgust you ... -
- It isn't you to shudder me, but your nature-I replied back, and it seemed to have a Deja-vu: the conversation we had already had some time ago.
He sighed - I cannot change, Khushi-
- You could try ... - I whispered, looking into his eyes
He smiled weakly - You do not know what you say ... -
- Yes, I know! - I raised my voice, and then lower it soon after - I ... Arnav, try to think about how our lives would be if you were not forced to do a job like this ... we could be happy and ... -
-Would you love me if I was not who I am? – he asked point-blank, and I, without even thinking, I nodded.
- Yes, Arnav-I emphasized his name to emphasize the fact that, finally, after months of ups and downs he and me were setting up a civil conversation, with equal rights and dignity.
Civilians are called by name ...
- I would love you, because I know that my love for you would be right. I would love everything about you, every detail, because I could be able to live with a clear conscience. I ... -
He looked at me, and his eyes made me die the voice in my throat seemed troubled, his eyes expressed such despair that made me miss the voice suddenly.
- Khushi-whispered - I ... I cannot. I'm sorry, but you cannot understand. One day, perhaps, I'll tell you everything ... -
I moaned, he suddenly had immobilized the wrist, moving me closer to himself abruptly and vehemently kissing on the lips.
I returned the kiss, confused, and after a few minutes he pulled me away, looking into my eyes.
-You are my Khushi-he whispered, and I shuddered with the intensity of his gaze and his words.
I did not answer, even though inside of me I was terribly angry: I was not an object, and I did not belong to anyone.
But I knew that the words would not be served, so I just keep quiet, letting go those caresses prohibited.
Suddenly I had an idea, and I moved away from him, staring intently into his eyes.
- Arnav-whispered - what happened to Richard? -
He looked away – He is paying for what he did-he snapped, and I saw him clench his hands into fists.
I got pale, I did not want to have another life on my conscience.
Even if he had hurt me, even though he was a lousy murderess, even if the world would certainly be better off without elements like him, who was I to decide what should be his fate?
- Do not kill him-I told him and I saw his eyes, suddenly came back to me, narrow slit.
-What did you say? - He asked, stunned, looking at me as if seeing me for the first time.
I sat on the bed, keeping my eye appealing chained to his.
- Arnav- I whispered, taking his hands in mine - do not hurt him ... please! -
He stared at me for a moment, intensely, and then burst out laughing.
But it was a sarcastic laugh and bad, that reminded me of the Arnav, I had known in those months.
- Let me get this straight-his tone might seem ironic, but I felt the anger hidden in the voice-That man hit you, insulted you, humiliated you and almost raped you, and you do not want me to kill him? - Looked at me like if I were crazy.
I left his hands and started to move away, but he would not let me, imprisoning my wrist in a narrow iron.
I looked at him again, furious
- You will never understand, Arnav-I snapped, raising my voice - it is useless to talk to you! -
- This is where you're wrong. I am willing to listen to you, but you cannot ask for such nonsense!- he barked, and pulled me slightly
I became red with anger, I did not like when he did this.
- It seem absurd these? - I said, looking grim - the life of a man is in your hands, you should be proud to be able to decide, with a simple gesture to let him live. Forgiveness is a human feeling, Arnav, is part of the solidarity of consciousness that you have so easily forgotten! - My eyes glittered with anger, but continued unabated my speech-Do you really think everything will be due? Sooner or later we all pay for our sins, and it's up to you to admit your guilt. Do not you think ... -
Suddenly I stopped, because his lips were back on mine, his hands on my body.
I returned the kiss passively, and when he pulled away we were both breathless.
He put his forehead to mine, gasping air.
I stared into his eyes, with an intense gaze, clear, sincere.
- I love it when you get angry -he whispered, and I snorted.
He kissed my hair, and then he took my face in his hands, looking intently.
- You are so beautiful-he said, and I took his hands, gently detaching from him.
- Save him Arnav-I begged – don't kill him ... do it for us, for me-I looked up, my eyes were shiny. We stood there staring at me for what seemed like hours, but finally, I saw a spark in his eyes that made me hope that he uphold my request.
He took my hands still clasped to his, and kissed them, closing his eyes for a moment.
- Fine-he whispered, but I saw a note in his voice uncertain.
- Really you'll do? - I asked, hopeful, and he opened his eyes, giving me a piercing look.
- Yes-he said and were close to kiss the corner of the mouth - I will, but I know that sooner or later I will regret ... -
- It will not happen-I whispered, resting my head on his chest and letting wrap by his arms.
- I want to make you happy, Khushi-he said in my ear, and I closed my eyes.
I shook his hand with more force, hugging him.
- Now I am-I whispered, and at that time I was not lying.
Arnav had been shown to feel sorry for someone, he had saved me, had taken care of me, and he had agreed not to kill the man.
At that moment I was really happy.