Diya Aur Baati Hum


Diya Aur Baati Hum
Diya Aur Baati Hum

Are people very flexible to changes?????

rsvparam11 Newbie

Joined: 25 February 2012
Posts: 38

Posted: 08 November 2012 at 10:28pm | IP Logged

Just thought of penning down my POV on this topic. With perspective to DABH, almost all the people are dead against Bhabho's behaviour. People hate her to the core. But is there an empathetical way to look at the issue. Before penning down my points, one thing is that there are many ways of dissecting a concept. I don't know how many will like the below write up. Let me tell you in the beginning itself, I welcome healthy criticisms, comments, appreciations rather than mocks and bashings.

First let me tell you that, in the beginning, I was neither liking nor hating bhabho...later at some pt...I was hating her. Then I started liking her. Before the revelation of IPS dreams of sandy, I have never come across bhabho back biting/scheming like meena. Even I am shocked / upset with oil massage, karva chauath, taking last momento of sandy's parents.

Let's start analyzing bhabho's background as far as depicted in the serial. Firstly she is an illiterate house wife whose world is only her family. Always we have seen bhabho & suraj saying that she has given her sweat & blood for the upliftment of the family. CVs have not substantiated further on this aspect and they have confined the info of her contribution to this. If they substantiate on this it will be good. Her doctrine is Woman has to be expert in household chores and a woman who is successful in kitchen is the successful woman. According to her a woman gets blessed once she becomes mother. Does the viewers remember bhabho preaching chavvi "now you have learnt to read and write few letters, it's sufficient, now start learning household chores cooking" after she said that she has passed in 83% in her 2nd year exams.  Many times she has said that this is what her parents have taught her and this is how has lived and this is how she will live till the end of her life. Bhabho's age could be around 50's. Bhabho has lived her life with this outlook for 40 ' 50 years.

We youngsters talk about changes. Let us take a look how youngsters are flexible for changes with DABH ' related. Let's see about sandy. After she got married, it was a drastic change for. Was she comfortable with the new people, new surroundings in the beginning. Later she got to know that her bro has betrayed both her and suraj's family. When did she accept sooraj ' her husband ' gem of a person, his love? She went to heights of telling him that she has tried to be a gud bahu, gud babhi but never tried to be gud wife and she doesn't even know if she ever can accept him. After the bus accident after receiving  so much kick from sooraj. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Some more examples to analyze  if people are very flexible for changes. I am a working lady. Let me share some experience. Changes'all the people in an organization r educated rt..Sometimes there will be changes in the seating arrangement for employess like desk, monitor, keyboard. I myself have felt uncomfortable for 2 -3 days and then got used to it. I have heard the same thing from all of my colleagues. Many times I have seen some of my colleagues reacting for these trivial changes. Is this the psychology of humans that they are not very flexible to changes?

One more example: let's take a person is living in a rented house for 25 years. Now he is able to build his own house and he has to leave this rented house and go to his own house. This person would have mixed feelings he is having his own house but at the same time he will not be comfortable living the house where he has lived for 25 years. If somebody says no for this, this is the experience that was shared with me by one of my relative.

Now let us see some changes relating to human body. Due to advancement in technology & medicine, we have something called as transplantations like kidney, retina etc.. As per Medical research, any foreign particle/bodies ' the immediate reaction from the body is rejection. Let's take the example of Kidney transplantation ' first of all this should happen with the same blood group after kidney transplantation so many stimulating medicines are given to the patient for his body to accept the new kidney of another human body.  There are so many post operation measures like, medicines, diet to be taken becoz body does not accept somebody's kidney.

Swami Vivekananda has said that "If you want to give something new to the world, first comes rejection, then rebellion/revolt next phase is acceptance".

So it means that any changes/new thoughts will not be easily accepted by the world/society/people. Discomfort to changes is inherent in the human body and mind.

So with this I would empathetically analyze the position of bhabho. First when she got to know the educational truths of sandy + a notion was created by meena that it was sandy who filed FIR against her ' the impact was complete rejection ' she went to the extent of throwing sandy out of the house. It was sooraj who took the blame on his shoulders and stopped her from being thrown out of the house. Later part was rebellion, where she did not accept her wholehearted only becoz of her son she did not throw her out after 15days test. But later when she got to know the truths, though sandy's knowledge of household chores did not improve and her qualification did not go down as per her expectations she accepted her wholeheartedly.

So in the same way, Bhabho rejected sandy's further studies. She has tried all means to stop her from further studies'agreed that the means are not fair & justified'but as per the latest updates sandy would continue her studies with the support of sooraj. This is rebellion stage. Later comes the Acceptance stage which I am eager to watch.

I have read some posts where people are happy that there is crack in the Mother-Son Relationship'.but really horribly painful to read those posts. It's very painful for me to see that there Mother-Son Relationship is in trouble. Earlier I had written a post where I mentioned that Meena has to be punished, becoz rt frm the start she is the real culprit, but I received negative comments for saying it is good that Meena realizes her mistake. But here as sandy was made scapegoat of others mistakes, even bhabho was kept in dark. Here only negative part is her temper, lack of knowledge and sometimes commonsense. I hope bhabho realizes her mistake in adopting back biting methods of influencing sandy from pursuing her dreams instead of sharing her feeling/anxieties atleast with her son and Mother-Son Relationship comes back to normal.

Bhabho is not bad at heart, she luvs her son esp sooraj v much'there r instances that were shown for the same. Bhabho yells at people does not mean there is no positivity in this character. In that Rajkumar's incident, when he was about to shoot at sooraj how emotional she was. When sooraj injured his palm to take sandy to her college for prize distribution ceremony seeing her son injured how emotional she was. Agree that there are extremities in this character. Also the feelings and anxieties that she expressed when he did not eat on karva chauth for not accepting sandy's dream. Actually she should have shared her anxieties, feelings with her son, DIL, instead of adopting these crooked methods like oil massage, her comments on karva chauth day, taking last momento of sandy's parents. But CVs want to make the show some spicy, hence, they made this character to take these steps. Don't know if at all CVs give a chance for her to express/share her feelings and anxieties with her son & DIL.


When sandy said not to expect anything from her to sooraj, there were many people who were supporting that statement and also many who were against that statement. People have empathetical feelings towards their generations, but let us have empathetical feelings towards bhabho also. Sandy has been preparing herself from 10 years for IPS, sooraj got to know about her dreamn just a couple of days back. Neither of them can forget their dreams, bhabho who has been living with her beliefs, doctrines that was taught to her for 40 ' 50 years, how can she change immediately.

In the beginning I had read that in this story, son fulfilling the needs & duties towards his family fulfills the ambition of his wife also. I hope in addition to this CVs also work to make younger generations understand the feelings of older generations and older generations understand the thoughts, concepts of younger generations. And both the generations understand each other mutually and lead a healthy and peaceful life in the society.

Edited by rsvparam11 - 08 November 2012 at 10:39pm

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Joined: 08 January 2012
Posts: 12254

Posted: 08 November 2012 at 10:44pm | IP Logged
Nice analysis from Bhabo's prespective. Loved it.

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Fizak IF-Dazzler

Joined: 29 January 2005
Posts: 4501

Posted: 08 November 2012 at 11:13pm | IP Logged
hey welcome to d forum . nice perceptive from bhabhos pov . liked ur analysis . I think u shld come forward for our daily discussion in forums. Smile

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UMDU IF-Dazzler

Joined: 31 August 2012
Posts: 3170

Posted: 08 November 2012 at 11:18pm | IP Logged
Very nice and thought provoking post. From my experience what I have learnt as  you grow older your ideas become very rigid and accepting change is difficult sometimes even impossible. I have taken out several threads trying to understand Bhabo from different angles. Here in this story both are right in their own way. Suraj wants to be an ideal husband and Bhabo wants to protect the interests of her son. These two ideas are clashing. How can talking with Bhabo help as she already knows what  IPS entails roughly. You cannot give her an assurance that SurYA will not be separated nor can you assure her it won't be dangerous her two primary fears than what good is talking to her going to do ?She will continue with her rigid stand and the stalemate will also continue. Somebody has to give up. Isn't it. Now India has been talking to her neighbours on territorial disputes for years. Have we been able to solve even one of them. NO. WHY? That is because nobody will give an inch. Same is the case here. This problem cannot be solved without confrontation between the older generation which represents traditionalism and the younger generation which represents modernity. Pyar se baat karna will not work here. Suraj may kick start his wife's education secretly in a night college but he has by doing that opened a pandora's box . His problems are going to increase manifold in the coming days.

Edited by UMDU - 09 November 2012 at 12:06am

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AHLMH Goldie

Joined: 11 September 2012
Posts: 1076

Posted: 08 November 2012 at 11:23pm | IP Logged
I liked it...

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b2011 IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 03 January 2011
Posts: 12552

Posted: 08 November 2012 at 11:27pm | IP Logged
Nice topic and analysis of the same.
Completely agree with you we are resistant to changes of any sort even if it is a very small change and take time to adjust to it.
We understand Bhabho's POV of holding her family's integrity and worry on the future of her son.  Her method of convincing SurYa is not fair.  She could have spoken to them and expressed all her insecurities with Sandy pursuing her career.  We all know she is good at heart, fair and not a scheming type of woman like Meena.  She could have directly spoken to Suraj at least explaining all these and they would have come up with some other way.  She has herself hurt her son by manipulating Sandhya.
I guess you misunderstood on this.  None of us are happy with the rift between mother and son.  We are interested in knowing how Suraj is going to handle this, how he is going to make Bhabho realize her mistake without hurting her, will he confront her once before taking any decision like enrolling Sandhya in night college.

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machoasif Senior Member

Joined: 11 April 2012
Posts: 892

Posted: 08 November 2012 at 11:29pm | IP Logged
gud analysis

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-SamiR- Goldie

Joined: 12 October 2012
Posts: 1406

Posted: 09 November 2012 at 12:18am | IP Logged
Great post Clap! Agree with pretty much everything that you said Smile

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