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Understanding Sandhya and Bhabo. (Page 3)

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UMDU

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UMDU

Joined: 31 August 2012

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Posted: 06 November 2012 at 3:45pm | IP Logged
[QUOTE=priya713]Great Analysis. Spot on. One thing ..maybe I'm wrong but it seems like all this has happened in a matter of 2 or 3 days so if today was the deadline for the 3rd year application, Suraj didnt have too much time to "warm" up bhabho. Although, he should have done it in a better way. 

Thanks again for the lovely analysis!! 
[/QUOTE Thank you for your words of encouragement. The Warming up I was talking about was graduation idea and even Bhabasa who knows Bhabo well said she would be agreeable at a pinch to the idea of engineer or doctor but not IPS. With sufficient pressure about Chavvi needing help in third year Bhabo could have been convinced but the talk of IPS put up her guard. and she went in the opposite direction.

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Juna04

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Juna04

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Posted: 06 November 2012 at 4:45pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by UMDU

Yesterday's episode got me thinking. Bhabo is extremely anxious to see Sandhya erase her dreams. She is fully aware that any hint of  Sandhya's passion can get her son running. All her attempts to brainwash Sandhya  according to her have failed, when she sees the book in Sandhya's hands. She immediately asks her whether it is a fiction and when Sandhya says it is a subject book, her alarm bells get active She decides to do round 2 brainwashing to completely do away with the problem . Sandhya voluntarily surrenders her books. Bhabo is not satisfied. Than Sandhya talks about the pen and expresses her reluctance to part with it. That gets Bhabo interested as she believes that is the key. Sandhya's reluctance makes her even more determined. This is what must be reminding my Beendani of her father and his dreams for her. If I take it away from her maybe she will stop dreaming. Out of sight out of mind principle. When people are desperate we often do things which are irrational. Many times I have seen students desperately praying to God for passing the exam even though they know their preparation is inadequate and they will not do well. Similarly when we come across zodiac sign predictions in the newspaper we glance through them knowing fully well they are not likely to play out.. There are several such irrational behaviours which we do  but cannot explain. Bhabo is no different. Taking away of the pen will not erase Sandhya's dreams but as they say in Hindi 'Dhoobte ko tinke ka sahara'. 

              Understand her psychology here. She truly believes she is acting in the interest of her son and Beendani. She is not doing anything which is morally or ethically wrong. She as an elder and a wiser person  has to ensure they are together and happy in the future. She applies the same principle that  I have been talking about.For a  larger and long term good, small wrongs can be excused. She knows she is hurting Sandhya but in her mind they will appreciate her in future for having shown them the right path.

            Sandhya has fought several battles outside the house including thwarting a terrorist attack but is unable to stand up for her rights at home  WHY?  
1. Her love for Suraj
2. Her fear of her parents being blamed if she walks out.
3. Her fear she should not be responsible for bringing a rift between the mother and son.
4. She does not want to burden her brother as she will be dependent on him if she walks out.
5.After the loss of her parents  and betrayal by the brother she has come to love the Rathi family as her own. It is her safety net.
6.. It is very difficult for a small town girl to break away from the strangle hold of traditions as society does not take kindly to such rebellion and most women fear a backlash so they stay put and accept all the humiliation thrown in their direction. A totality of all the factors put together prevents Sandhya from breaking away.
            The error which Suraj made was to venture into talking about the  IPS dream immediately. He should have warmed up his mother to graduation and than talked about it later. The shock of IPS has made Bhabo's resistance twofold. It was a tactical error from his side so the battle will be even more fierce. His enlisting Ankur for the drama was the second mistake he made as Bhabo views  it as a great Kothari conspiracy.
    Now the only recourse left with Suraj is to make his intentions crystal clear before his mother without wavering .A confrontation cannot be avoided. The time for round table conference has long passed.  If he stands tall and firm Bhabo will not be able to control him. The very fact she is not talking to him openly but is going through Sandhya reflects her fear over her inability to persuade him directly.  They say hit the iron when it is hot. Now that Suraj knows, he should take advantage of the situation and fight back. His firmness will make  the others in the family also realize they can't take him for granted. Chalo  Suraj  HALLA BOL !

UMDU Star    Purrrfffect analysis and I agree with all that you have mentioned in this post and really want Suraj to take a firm unwavering stand with Sandhya as well as Bhabho and the rest of the family.

I dont like the way the siblings have been behaving - with rudeness towards Sandy and Suraj and speaking out of turn in a family conference esp by Chavvi...
Also Somebody besides Sandjhya needs to bring to the attention of Bhabho how badly behaved, irresponsible and thoughtless her other children have been and she needs to be told and shown how her upbringing has been faulty.

I am hoping somehow that Chavvi's in-laws somehow help in Bhabho's realisation of how lucky she is to have a Suraj and  a Sandhya in her family as they are the only ones who are sensible in that entire family...

So coming to your post UMDU I want Suraj to take charge somehow and be focussed in his mission along with being respectful in his manner...

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ladyterp

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ladyterp

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Posted: 06 November 2012 at 6:25pm | IP Logged
UMDU, I agree with everything that you said for Sandhya's reason.  She promised Bhabho that she will never come in between mother and son.  And yes, she is sensitive to her inlaws opinion of her parents.  Which daughter is not?  Sooraj needs to man up and take the reins here.  I want to see a bond build between Sooraj and Sandhya and eventually lead to them understanding each other better.  They already do.  I loved what Sandhya said to Bhabho two days ago - "Bhabho, sooraji ka dil bahut saaf hain.  Yeh mujse jyaada aap jante hai".  The way she said that was wonderful.  She has a very high opinion of her husband.  What a lovely couple.

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-Amli-

IF-Sizzlerz

-Amli-

Joined: 10 January 2012

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Posted: 06 November 2012 at 6:47pm | IP Logged
@MSN:- I did some serious mind-pulling in my loose-wire mode. Clap for me.. Clap LOL..

Okay, Coming back to the topic, Why I was focusing on finance more because we're living in world of digitization. One can make money (In the corporate world, we often use word "make money" instead "earn money.") while working from home through internet..Big smile. Yes, Internet is a medium one can utilize it to make money so Sandy can go with that option by working as a content writer, creating blogs...Wink. No degrees required for that. Just knowledge of good English n basic knowledge of HTML n one is ready to go.Day Dreaming Days are gone for unconditional love. Nowadays, majority of relations relays on Conditional love -- Give n Take.Ouch.

Younger generation girls definitely lacking of patience n tolerance power compared to ladies of your generation..(I'm definitely in..)..Confused.

Changes in the society is done very rapidly before even we adapt in 21st century..(Harsh reality..).

Out of the topic, We often believe that when we starts to work n make money, we can actually become an independent entity  which is one big illusion.LOL. From the birth to death we're dependent entities.Shocked.

Hai Laa..Shocked.. I can reply in sensible manner as well..Shocked ROFL


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b2011-SamiR-vish.naren

UMDU

IF-Dazzler

UMDU

Joined: 31 August 2012

Posts: 3183

Posted: 06 November 2012 at 7:24pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by ami_dabh

@MSN:- I did some serious mind-pulling in my loose-wire mode. Clap for me.. Clap LOL..

Okay, Coming back to the topic, Why I was focusing on finance more because we're living in world of digitization. One can make money (In the corporate world, we often use word "make money" instead "earn money.") while working from home through internet..Big smile. Yes, Internet is a medium one can utilize it to make money so Sandy can go with that option by working as a content writer, creating blogs...Wink. No degrees required for that. Just knowledge of good English n basic knowledge of HTML n one is ready to go.Day Dreaming Days are gone for unconditional love. Nowadays, majority of relations relays on Conditional love -- Give n Take.Ouch.

Younger generation girls definitely lacking of patience n tolerance power compared to ladies of your generation..(I'm definitely in..)..Confused.

Changes in the society is done very rapidly before even we adapt in 21st century..(Harsh reality..).

Out of the topic, We often believe that when we starts to work n make money, we can actually become an independent entity  which is one big illusion.LOL. From the birth to death we're dependent entities.Shocked.

Hai Laa..Shocked.. I can reply in sensible manner as well..Shocked ROFL


Ami just wait for my tmrw's thread as I now after a lot of thought know why they have made Sandhya  not so rebellious at home. Your questions compelled me to think and I now know the answer. I am grateful to you for stirring me in that direction.  I love it when you put your foot down as the more you argue the more I think.

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UMDU

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UMDU

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Posts: 3183

Posted: 06 November 2012 at 7:47pm | IP Logged
Thank you so much Juna for your kind words of encouragement.I think Bhabo already knows what a gem she has got in Sandhya and in her drunken state admitted it also. Openly her ego stops her from admitting. Regarding her two brats, I also want them to see tamed.

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peachesandcreamb2011-SamiR-vish.naren

UMDU

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UMDU

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Posted: 06 November 2012 at 7:53pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by ladyterp

UMDU, I agree with everything that you said for Sandhya's reason.  She promised Bhabho that she will never come in between mother and son.  And yes, she is sensitive to her inlaws opinion of her parents.  Which daughter is not?  Sooraj needs to man up and take the reins here.  I want to see a bond build between Sooraj and Sandhya and eventually lead to them understanding each other better.  They already do.  I loved what Sandhya said to Bhabho two days ago - "Bhabho, sooraji ka dil bahut saaf hain.  Yeh mujse jyaada aap jante hai".  The way she said that was wonderful.  She has a very high opinion of her husband.  What a lovely couple.
Thank you so much for your encouraging words. Suraj and Sandhya are a match made in heaven  and I agree with you totally.

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peachesandcream

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peachesandcream

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Posts: 415

Posted: 06 November 2012 at 8:25pm | IP Logged
I think Babho to some degree understands the limitations of the members of her household and has expectations accordingly.  This may be one of the reasons for her maintaining such a tight rein.  Agree with you UMDU, she does understand what she has in Sandhya.

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