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Understanding Sandhya and Bhabo.

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UMDU

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Posted: 06 November 2012 at 12:47pm | IP Logged
Yesterday's episode got me thinking. Bhabo is extremely anxious to see Sandhya erase her dreams. She is fully aware that any hint of  Sandhya's passion can get her son running. All her attempts to brainwash Sandhya  according to her have failed, when she sees the book in Sandhya's hands. She immediately asks her whether it is a fiction and when Sandhya says it is a subject book, her alarm bells get active She decides to do round 2 brainwashing to completely do away with the problem . Sandhya voluntarily surrenders her books. Bhabo is not satisfied. Than Sandhya talks about the pen and expresses her reluctance to part with it. That gets Bhabo interested as she believes that is the key. Sandhya's reluctance makes her even more determined. This is what must be reminding my Beendani of her father and his dreams for her. If I take it away from her maybe she will stop dreaming. Out of sight out of mind principle. When people are desperate we often do things which are irrational. Many times I have seen students desperately praying to God for passing the exam even though they know their preparation is inadequate and they will not do well. Similarly when we come across zodiac sign predictions in the newspaper we glance through them knowing fully well they are not likely to play out.. There are several such irrational behaviours which we do  but cannot explain. Bhabo is no different. Taking away of the pen will not erase Sandhya's dreams but as they say in Hindi 'Dhoobte ko tinke ka sahara'. 

              Understand her psychology here. She truly believes she is acting in the interest of her son and Beendani. She is not doing anything which is morally or ethically wrong. She as an elder and a wiser person  has to ensure they are together and happy in the future. She applies the same principle that  I have been talking about.For a  larger and long term good, small wrongs can be excused. She knows she is hurting Sandhya but in her mind they will appreciate her in future for having shown them the right path.

            Sandhya has fought several battles outside the house including thwarting a terrorist attack but is unable to stand up for her rights at home  WHY?  
1. Her love for Suraj
2. Her fear of her parents being blamed if she walks out.
3. Her fear she should not be responsible for bringing a rift between the mother and son.
4. She does not want to burden her brother as she will be dependent on him if she walks out.
5.After the loss of her parents  and betrayal by the brother she has come to love the Rathi family as her own. It is her safety net.
6.. It is very difficult for a small town girl to break away from the strangle hold of traditions as society does not take kindly to such rebellion and most women fear a backlash so they stay put and accept all the humiliation thrown in their direction. A totality of all the factors put together prevents Sandhya from breaking away.
            The error which Suraj made was to venture into talking about the  IPS dream immediately. He should have warmed up his mother to graduation and than talked about it later. The shock of IPS has made Bhabo's resistance twofold. It was a tactical error from his side so the battle will be even more fierce. His enlisting Ankur for the drama was the second mistake he made as Bhabo views  it as a great Kothari conspiracy.
    Now the only recourse left with Suraj is to make his intentions crystal clear before his mother without wavering .A confrontation cannot be avoided. The time for round table conference has long passed.  If he stands tall and firm Bhabo will not be able to control him. The very fact she is not talking to him openly but is going through Sandhya reflects her fear over her inability to persuade him directly.  They say hit the iron when it is hot. Now that Suraj knows, he should take advantage of the situation and fight back. His firmness will make  the others in the family also realize they can't take him for granted. Chalo  Suraj  HALLA BOL !


Edited by UMDU - 06 November 2012 at 4:04pm

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-Amli-

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Posted: 06 November 2012 at 12:52pm | IP Logged
Dhishkaoo! Colorful AK-47 rifle.Clap Star Clap.

With logical, Psychological and tactical analysis.Clap.

Chalo Sooraj babua "HallaBol" against Bhabho since AK-47 stand besides you.Approve.

I appreciate "Nayi Soch ki Nayi Lehar" from your end.Wink.

Sandhya has fought several battles outside the house including thwarting a terrorist attack but is unable to stand up for her rights at home  WHY?  
1. Her love for Suraj :- If you love someone that means one has to bear all the tortures from hub's mother??? Yeh Kaahe kaa rule hain?Evil Smile

2. Her fear of her parents being blamed if she walks out.:- I don't see such a fear in her..Thumbs Down

3. Her fear she should not be responsible for bringing a rift between the mother and son.:- Here, I agree up to some extent.

4. She does not want to burden her brother as she will be dependent on him if she walks out.:- How can she think such a way when she has support of her dear husband all the way..Shocked. My Sandy baby is educated enough to live by herself and find any job and even capability to earn more than Ankur..Approve.

5. It is very difficult for a small town girl to break away from the strangle hold of traditions as society does not take kindly to such rebellion and most women fear a backlash so they stay put and accept all the humiliation thrown in their direction.-- So What if girl coming up from small town??? She can't stand for herself??? Nah.I disagree with you. I'm coming from small village n I've seen many girls who're coming from small towns/villages are more courageous n powerful to stand for herself.



Edited by ami_dabh - 06 November 2012 at 1:34pm

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Posted: 06 November 2012 at 1:28pm | IP Logged
Well said.
 
Sandhya despite all she has been able to accomplish is still a relatively young girl.  She has truly accepted  Suraj's parents as her own and also looks up to them as her elders.  I think this is a factor in her succombing to Babho's wishes.  There is the desire to please a parent and do as she has been advised by an elder.  To some extent this might even be a sort of emotional blackmail by Babho who is aware of Sandhya's  acceptance of her.

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farhana874

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Posted: 06 November 2012 at 1:56pm | IP Logged
Nicely written Aunty!

My only question to Bhabo is why she doesn't apply such strong n active n ruthless action towards her other DIL and children when she knows they are doing wrong, speaking wrong, even thinking wrong almost all the time!!!

And regarding your points on Sandy'a action-

# 1,2,3...To some extent I agree
#4...I am with Amlu.
#5...I disagree...She is a girl from small town...But her IPS dream has already proved she wants to stand against all the wrongs being done in the name of culture n tradition! She is not an 'aam ladki' from a small town!

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UMDU

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Posted: 06 November 2012 at 1:58pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by ami_dabh

Dhishkaoo! Colorful AK-47 rifle.Clap Star Clap.

With logical, Psychological and tactical analysis.Clap.

Chalo Sooraj babua "HallaBol" against Bhabho since AK-47 stand besides you.Approve.

I appreciate "Nayi Soch ki Nayi Lehar" from your end.Wink.

Sandhya has fought several battles outside the house including thwarting a terrorist attack but is unable to stand up for her rights at home  WHY?  
1. Her love for Suraj :- If you love someone that means one has to bear all the tortures from hub's mother??? Yeh Kaahe kaa rule hain?Evil Smile

2. Her fear of her parents being blamed if she walks out.:- I don't see such a fear in her..Thumbs Down

3. Her fear she should not be responsible for bringing a rift between the mother and son.:- Here, I agree up to some extent.

4. She does not want to burden her brother as she will be dependent on him if she walks out.:- How can she think such a way when she has support of her dear husband all the way..Shocked. My Sandy baby is educated enough to live by herself and find any job and even capability to earn more than Ankur..Approve.

5. It is very difficult for a small town girl to break away from the strangle hold of traditions as society does not take kindly to such rebellion and most women fear a backlash so they stay put and accept all the humiliation thrown in their direction.-- So What if girl coming up from small town??? She can't stand for herself??? Nah.I disagree with you. I'm coming from small village n I've seen many girls who're coming from small towns/villages are more courageous n powerful to stand for herself.

Ami your answers clearly reflect the aggression of youth  .
1. When you love someone you cannot see them in pain. She knows her confrontation with Bhabo will cause considerable amount of pain to Suraj who will have to choose between her and his mother and she does not want to put him in that dilemma.
2. When her being educated was revealed to the Rathi family and Sandhya asked Suraj why he lied he tells her to protect her parents image and she agrees. She has been shown very sensitive to anybody lifting a finger against her parents in several places.
3.Sandhya has done her second year graduation. Do you honestly believe in India you can get a job with that. Her brother who is an engineer is sitting at home unemployed.
4.Ami you may be a small town girl and may stand up for your rights but let me tell you you are an absolute minority. Most of the girls in India in small towns will think like Sandhya and not like you. I can prove I am correct in my assessment because if problems of dowry, female infanticide ,gender inequality of all kinds exist rampantly in this subcontinent it is  because of the girls not raising their voices against injustice.  If as you say girls do stand up and 100% of them revolt against the system than the problems would have gone away long time back. Why do you still have them in 21st century despite so many girls acquiring education? The reason for that is it takes a lot to rebel against the society and you can be ostracized by all for standing up. Girls do not want to look at such an uncertain future. So they bear it. When joint families break up only than change can be expected not otherwise. It will happen but will take time.
5. She is no doubt not an aam ladki as she dreams big but to fulfill those dreams you need financial support and for that she does not want to burden her brother who has just started a family and is un employed. I do not believe in India you can get a decent job with 2nd yr which can finance your dreams. Get real.


Edited by UMDU - 06 November 2012 at 2:03pm

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Posted: 06 November 2012 at 2:12pm | IP Logged
lovely post again UMDU .Clap u have a knack of highlighting the other side which is much neededStar

poor sandy my heart goes for her .her dilemma is understandable poor girl doesnt want any problems in the family coz of her ..

i remember her convo with ankur where she says 
 "main apnay sapnoon ka bhooj surajji kay upar nahi dalna chahti "
that is exactly what has happened so can imagine her mental state .
having said that i still want to send that Jhansi ki Rani ka DVD to her she needs to stand up for her rights.

Bhabo will be bhabo she knows sandys weakness so she is banking on her emotional atyachar 


Edited by shehjar - 06 November 2012 at 2:31pm

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Posted: 06 November 2012 at 2:12pm | IP Logged
@Umdu Chachi:- Girls who do college can't earn???Silly Me and many of my friends started working since we entered into college life. We used to work in call centers. Nowadays, We can find at least employment opportunities where one can at least survive. You want me to be real.. Okay..May be not more than Ankur but she can earn n live by herself. She wont be a burden. She can run her own coaching classes..There are plenty of options available if one decides to stand for herself.Thumbs Up.She have FDs that money can utilize for higher studies..Embarrassed .

Chalo, I don't wanna stretch discussion further since our views are quite differ.Smile.


Edited by ami_dabh - 06 November 2012 at 2:15pm

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Posted: 06 November 2012 at 2:14pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by farhana874

Nicely written Aunty!

My only question to Bhabo is why she doesn't apply such strong n active n ruthless action towards her other DIL and children when she knows they are doing wrong, speaking wrong, even thinking wrong almost all the time!!!

And regarding your points on Sandy'a action-

# 1,2,3...To some extent I agree
#4...I am with Amlu.
#5...I disagree...She is a girl from small town...But her IPS dream has already proved she wants to stand against all the wrongs being done in the name of culture n tradition! She is not an 'aam ladki' from a small town!

Thanks for your inputs  Farhana. No doubt she is not an aam ladki as she dreams big.  She has to do 2 more yrs of studying 1 yr to complete graduation and one year of preparation. Who is going to finance all that. She cannot get a job with not even a graduate degree and her brother is unemployed.  Her parents are dead. She does not want to create a rift between her husband and the mother. So cannot ask Suraj. Where does she get the money from? Dreaming we all do but in practical terms most cannot be achieved as you need money to fulfill them. Talk of revolt can come when you have a roof over your head and your stomach is full and for both you need money.

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