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Did anyone grow up with abusive Indian parents ? (Page 4)

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tulipbaby53

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tulipbaby53

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Joined: 25 October 2007

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Posted: 12 November 2012 at 10:10am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Loving2011

Also, online dating and matrimony sites are very dangerous!!
 
Tell my parents that! They put my ad on shaadi.com behind my back and gave out my number and photos to random Indian men. Am I the only one that thinks this is dangerous?  My parents would say "These are all rich men that we talked to on the phone. They are very good."   But, talking to someone on the phone for 15 min. isn't enough to gauge one's character. Plus, people can lie online about who they really are. How does a parent know that a man really makes 100K? 
 
 My parents know that I've met perverts on matrimonial sites and even had to call the cops on someone, yet they still think that shaadi.com is the best solution for me. 
 
To be honest,  I'm open to falling in love with someone outside of my race.  It's just that my parents are pressuring me to stick with Indians.
 
 
 
 

Well, you do have rights, and it is against the law for them to put your information on a matrimony site without your permission. If you wanted to, you can press charges for that. That's really bad that your parents did that to you. You are absolutely right: You can't know a person from an online encounter and talking to them on the phone. Plus, I don't know if your parents' recommendation on a guy would be the best considering all that you have been through.

Honestly, love is blind. You do not have to feel pressured to love an Indian man if your heart is in love with someone else. Fall in love with whoever you want; just make sure you're with them because you want to be with them. 

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Loving2011

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Loving2011

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Posted: 12 November 2012 at 11:06am | IP Logged
Thank you, Tulip. Wow, I had no idea that it was against the law for your parents to do that.   This happened a few years ago though, so I have no evidence. They did take my ad down, but it was only after a lot of fighting and yelling.  They said they put my ad on shaadi.com to help me and that they wanted what's best for me.  
 
I think meeting and trusting people from all different cultures and races is one of the best decisions I've made.  I'm not talking about dating, but even when it comes to making friends.  I was very isolated when living with my parents. Now, I get to see the world as a single and free woman. Embarrassed There are a lot of good people all over the place.


Edited by Loving2011 - 12 November 2012 at 11:10am

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moomin4455boreddamseltulipbaby53

tulipbaby53

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tulipbaby53

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Joined: 25 October 2007

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Posted: 12 November 2012 at 1:55pm | IP Logged
Yes, they posted private information. That's not allowed, but it might be hard to prove though. Plus, hiring a lawyer would cost a lot of money and take a lot of time. It might be worth it though. 

I'm glad you're getting to experience that. You get to grow as a person, and that is one of the best things! I'm amazed at how positive your attitude is. It's inspiring! Embarrassed Your past was dark, but your future is bright! Wish you well.

Edited by tulipbaby53 - 12 November 2012 at 1:55pm

Loving2011

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Loving2011

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Posted: 14 November 2012 at 9:47am | IP Logged
Tulipbaby-would you say most indians today don't care about interracial marriages? Ive met Indian American men that have gotten angry at me and have tried to pressure me to stay within my race. One guy even said I was selfish and that it was his responsibility to get other Indians to marry within the community. Some Indian aunties on forums also have gotten offended when I compare. Yesterday, a white man told me how I was one of the most classy and dignified woman that he's met. I was shocked, because I've had Indian men thinking that I'm a s**t. No, I don't sleep around, but I've had indian men wrongfully assume that I do. Getting over Indian men saying hurtful things about me is hard.   
 
It's also frustrating having to explain why I would prefer inter-racial dating. 


Edited by Loving2011 - 14 November 2012 at 12:39pm

tulipbaby53

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tulipbaby53

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Posted: 14 November 2012 at 2:19pm | IP Logged
Well, I can definitely say from my family and extend family circle, that we as Indians do not care about interracial marriages. Some do care a lot, but they still respect the decision. Even my Dadi in India does find it a bit different, but she's not against the whole this. It's just a really new concept for her. Having said that, most people in India are not as openminded as many members of my family are. Actually, even some Indian families here really do frown upon interracial marriages. They put a lot of pressure on their kids to marry only Indians. They usually feel like Indian people understand each other culturally better, and that Indian people make the best matches. That is not true at all, but it's what many people like to believe. It depends on family-to-family. There are a lot of openminded people. I feel like sometimes second generation (American-born) Indians are more openminded and supporting of that.

Even in my family though, a Hindu being with a Muslim is still considered "bad". I don't know why though. I told my mom once how I was dating a Muslim, and she had a fit. I didn't see what I was doing wrong, but she did not like it at all. Even my family in India do not like Muslims at all. I know there's frictions between the people, but I didn't think that the thinking would carry here to America too. 

I know how you feel by being thought of as trashy even though you are not. Sometimes a girl who is bold and speaks her mind is strange for some Indian people to see. In American culture though, it's seen as classy. I've had some Indian aunties comment because sometimes I drink that I have no class. I'm not an alcoholic, and it is legal for me to drink. Having said that, I don't drink to the point that I make a fool out of myself, but here and there I do drink. I don't see the problem. 

Again, you have to just follow your heart. If you love someone who's not Indian, and they love you too, then there's no harm in that. I don't think the heart sees the race when loving. 

Loving2011

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Loving2011

Joined: 05 November 2012

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Posted: 14 November 2012 at 2:44pm | IP Logged
Wow, I would never think that someone in today's age would be shocked at a woman socially drinking. The good thing about my family and their circle of friends is that drinking alcohol is no big deal. 
 
I think some Indians born and raised in America can still be quite conservative. My cousins in India seem more open-minded than some of the Indians I've grown up with in America. It's interesting. 
 
 

tulipbaby53

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tulipbaby53

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Joined: 25 October 2007

Posts: 44059

Posted: 14 November 2012 at 3:17pm | IP Logged
Yeah, for the most part it's not in my family circle, but sometimes if I go to weddings and see a lot of my other family, I hear them commenting sometimes. 

I think it depends on the topic and the family. I still think majority of my family in India would not be okay with most of the things my immediate family circle is okay with. 

peridot.

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peridot.

Joined: 28 February 2009

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Posted: 14 November 2012 at 11:43pm | IP Logged
One thing I noticed in India is that marriage means more than a union between two individuals. Its more like two families (extended) coming together. The expectations are high from families on both sides. It can be  overwhelming. The couple would be expected to follow their tradition and rituals. Inter racial marriages could be seen as an obstacle to that . Not sure but I think the opposition is mainly because of the apprehension that the parents feel about the boy or girl from a different cultural background gelling with them and their extended families.

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