bhabho /Sandhya- Me, mom & grandma...Its about POV

I have been observing the forum for some time now...and has seen most of us have kinda formed an opinion about bhabho.  Bhabho was given all sort of adjectives for her deeds. I have in between also seen few post wherein some one had tried to justify the deeds of bhabho...

To me this is fight between two generations; the fight of two thought process. I like most of us was completely with Sandhya and was hating bhabho ( cursing is right word) for behaving like that. It was all right till i had the conversation with my mom & my grandmother about it. Both of them are again regular view of DABH.  With that conversation i think i could have a sneak peak in what was the rational of bhabho doing all this.

Most of viewers of DABH are from traditional family and i am sure could relate to this behaviour of bhabho.  The effect of Suraj fighting or just trying to put up a a fight for her wife's dream already started to have implication on Joint family of Rathi's. Everyone would then want to have their way out which does not work in Joint family. Mostly the big brother of house ( in joint family) is suppose to make most of sacrifice to keep family together ( though not true in all case).  Having said that it does not mean sandhya's dream has to be ignored. But keeping both things together is very difficult thing.  For bhabho its a big situation, if she agrees to his son's request, tomorrow all other sons and daughter will come with some other thing and would want their way out. ( obv there no one sees what other things Suraj & sandhya had done for family). Mohit has already given hint for that. So would Meena/chavvi would also do. It would not be easy for bhabho or rather impossible for bhabho to then keep others under leash. Even bhabhasa has hinted has her dream was to become a doc or teacher it would have been easier to convince bhabho.

I understood the fight that was going on in mind of bhabho as she has been a family oriented lady like my grandmom.  For her lady is the one who binds the family together and for that she may have to sacrifice her dream and her happiness on the way. But then she gets happy along with her family, live their dreams. Times are changing and now the next generation ( that of my mom) who would have not been able to change that path in her days are ready to do so for their children. My mom can relate both to Bhabho and sandhya.  She would here try to see some balancing act. My mom would want me to fulfil my dreams and open to dreams of my Sister in law as well. However she would insist both of us to take care of our families as well .

There view point made me realise that Bhabho is not a negative person. She is not selfish for sure as she does not have her self interest. Her self interest is in interest of family.  She wants her son and family to be happy and together...and she wants sandhya to be the leader after her and keep family together ...i think i understand her POV also. Tactics she may be using to express this concern is still out of me...

I want Sandhya to fulfil her dreams  and also see family together. As i am from joint family i like to be part of it.  I think Suraj and sandhya would have to work together to make both of these happen. Cause sandhya becoming IPS at cost of family happiness would leave her with guilt.

Ghosh...to much written...now i will rest all of my problems on able shoulder's of our   CV's  and see how do they unfold the situation...and yes i know this is a main plot of story and would take longer time to unfold ..it justifies as well  cause you need to show that journey ...( i see few ppl complaining it being dragged) ...i see CV's doing full justice to this dilemma and i trust they woud come out with best way forward and parting line...for me now bhabho is not villain or selfish...she is not getting any sadistic pleasure in haressing sandhya...its just that she believes in her values which are different from next generation. So that journey of two thoughts coming together need to shown...and changing tradition and values which are getting outdated takes time...

I am so glad to read this post. I have been in this forum from day one giving arguments to justify Bhabo's behaviour. I may not agree with her but I can definitely understand her . Infact I have taken out atleast 5 threads to defend her case. Here it is not a fight alone between generations it is also a fight whether to allow your bahu to become an IPS officer. I truly believe that even educated parents living in big cities may not take kindly to this idea. Bhabo is after all from a village.

Nice thoughts.  I think the problem for those of us who post against Bhabho is not with her background or her determination to keep the family intact.  The problem is the path that she has taken to reach her destination.  It is not a straightforward path.  True that she is not going to gain anything personally but how about EGO?  Don't forget that most people are driven by ego, no matter how much one denies.  And that is for both educated and non-educated people.  Education has nothing to do with it.  Bhabho in my view uses family, traditions, life's difficulties as an excuse sometimes.  Even her husband is seeing through her dark shades now...I too grew up in a semi joint family on maternal side and trust me I saw nothing like this in my grandmother.  In fact my grandparents were so forward thinking that my aunt who became a widow at 21 got her remarried upon the insistence of my grandfather.  So for a person to be broad minded, education has nothing to do with it.  I carry that perspective of course based on what I saw growing up.  

pjarpi  Thank you for your post here and you have expressed very well the exact situation in the Rathi family.

To me this is fight between two generations; the fight of two thought process

Thanks you all...

I also want to add that Bhabo knows fully well what a good soul Sandhya is. She also knows how devious Mohit and Chavvi are, what a penny pincher Vikram is and that Meena has no scruples and can betray anyone for her interests. She may not be educated but is street smart. She knows how to use them in her confrontation with Suraj to prove to him who holds the reins of the house. She will not hesitate to use any  way to prove her point and to remain the head of  the Rathi family hierarchy. She does not think of morality or ethics if she is convinced about something and no amount of reasoning will make her bend..She will do whatever it takes to keep her joint family intact. That is because that  is the source of her power. This is Bhabo for you.Like it or condemn it she will not change easily.