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Tahzeeb of Asad Ahmed Khan,Thank You note-11 (Page 7)

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mcdreamy.

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Posted: 04 November 2012 at 5:58am | IP Logged
Originally posted by crazy4KASH_AR

Originally posted by bary

like he cant wear kurta to office she cant wear a salwaar to a disco well even if she did it just make her stand out of the crowd which she clearly dont want,if modern and old fashioned are decided by mentality not by clothes that can be taken in opposite way where if she is modern by clothes she still remain herself as old fashioned by heart just like she is modern by heart and old fashioned by clothes
not that i dont like him saying not to wear najma jeans infact i loved it soo much coz first we wont having this lovely discussion if he didnt said it..lol second it shows how protective he is towards his sister just like a father to this daughter who restricts many things which he thinks is not good for his daughter but make allowances some times just like he did when he wants her to go to new place but want her to come back before night and if she wants to go at night coz the damn place wont be open at night he still made allowance by dropping and picking her back and made another allowance but when she wanna change the way she is just to mingle with others he doesn't wanna make allowances to go that far,well even though the decision should be hers to make if it brings some experience of some bad thing or it being out her comfort zone asad wanna protect or prevent her from the experience which is quite awesome
lovely topic



I don't deny with the fact that wearing jeans or not should have been Najma's decision.
But if Najma decided to seek permission from her brother knowing very well his attitude then we need to understand that she is still Asad's baby sister.No matter how much freedom Asad gives her,at the end of the day she is looking forward to her bhaijaan only to make few decisions in her life.For her, it has been Asad who has played the fatherly figure in her life.
Asad's mom didn't seem to have a problem with Najma wearing jeans but in this matter she kept silence because she too had faith in her son's decision.
As much as I have understood Najma's character,she is still not enough capable of making major new decisions in her life.
Unlike Asad,she always had her bhaijaan to guide her in every phase of her life.Asad had his mom but a father is as much necessary to a child as a mother.Fortunately, for Najma Asad is a fatherly figure.
Noone is going to say anything if one wears Kurta to office first of all apart from giving weird looks for few times but then people can get used to it.There is no dress code for wearing suits in office for men as such first of all.Not all people who work in office wear suits.We have men wearing pant shirts which is another formal wear again.
We see many women wearing ladies suits in corporate offices as well.Had wearing western formals been so essential,corporate offices must have been the first place to impose a dress code for women much before discos and all.

Personally,if you take me to a lounge and if I'm used to wear traditional clothes all my life,then honestly speaking I'm going to accompany you in suits only.No matter how many weird looks I get but I'm going to a lounge in suits only.I can't step out of my own principles and be comfortable and party at the same time.
Wearing suits is not old fashioned dear.In which world are you?
Just because women in the west wear apparels that are other than suits and sarees,it hardly means that suits/sarees have become old fashioned and don't fit in a place.Suits and sarees are formal wears as well and they have been made formals because of the cultural aspects of many countries.
Again personally,I may go to US and UK and won't change my style of living so that I can fit into a place.I can't change my lifestyle for pleasing others.
I will change my dressing sense if I grow fond of certain dresses and wish to try them.
I'm not going to do this for any damn person or country or place or whatever.

Sometimes I feel that in this decision of Asad I could connect one of my personality attributes to Asad.And that is why I mentioned my personal point of view as well in relation to this topic.

Asad didn't like that Najma wanted to change herself for her friends and a silly lounge.
As far as I have understood Asad,Najma is his beloved baby.
Had Najma been a bit mature,she might have found a way to convincce her bhaijaan.
At the first go noone can expect Asad to give her permission for wearing jeans owing to the reason she stated.
If Najma really wished to get into that attire and wanted to do it for herself,I don't think after too much persistence Asad would have said no.He can't keep on keeping aside the wishes of his sister and must have eventually given in.There are few things in which he knows that he should better make a decision for his sister and there are many things in which he has given full freedom to Najma.
Najma also understands this very well and that is why she turned up to her brother when she decided to change her outlook and get his permission.
There is always a way to make others agree to your wishes.
Najma seems a bit childish and she was unable to put forward her point properly according to me.
*****************************************************************************

I liked your post a lot and I tried my best to clarify my point of view regarding Asad's decision.You can still disagree because at the end of the day it's my personal opinion.
I'm happy that you found this topic lovely and worthy enough to put across your points so well.
I'll be waiting for your reply.
Take care!


Exactly right Asma :) I can totally understand Asad's POV of not allowing Najma to wear jeans, cos I myself have been in a similar situation. I live in the UK and my mom gives me all the freedom to wear and do whatever I want, but at the same time she maintains that line of limit too. There have been things (I'm not gonna indulge into details of what things specifically) that just like Najma I had wanted to do, solely cos my my friends were doing them and even though it would have put me out of my comfort zone I still wanted to do them to blend in with my friends and when I asked my mom she said a no straight away lol. Not because my mum is a hypocrite or something or she's orthodox, but cos she understand me well enough to know whether I'm doing something which is completely out of my comfort zone, for myself or for others and it's the same case with Asad and Najma. Initially I was pissed at my mum but then after when I gave it a thought I knew my mom was right. If I had actually wanted to do the thing for myself then I'm damn sure my mom would have agreed but the fact that I wanted to do simply for the reason my friends were doing it my mom didn't let me do it and if I have to change myself and my ways to blend in or please my friends then I'd rather not do it at all! Same case with Najma, she wanted to wear jeans and put herself out of her comfort zone just to please her friends and Asad knew that well that she wouldn't have been comfortable with it and doesn't allow her cos he understands her well. And the fact that she is asking Asad for permission, proves that she isn't capable of making some decisions herself and seeks her brother's guidance, who more than a brother is like a father figure for her.

Edited by ChocolateCharms - 05 November 2012 at 3:07am

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mcdreamy.

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Posted: 04 November 2012 at 6:03am | IP Logged
Also I would like to add that it's only been 5 episodes and it's way too early to judge Asad. And even if he is going to be judged now then it shouldn't only be based on one single thing that he said! There are so many other things that he has said and done and the ones that Asma has mentioned!

Edited by ChocolateCharms - 04 November 2012 at 6:21am

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helen_of_troy

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Posted: 04 November 2012 at 6:04am | IP Logged
awesome analysis dear
it's just too gud
i m in love with ur works
i always wanted to know about islam but never got the chance though
a very hearty thanks for ur analysis  i got to know many things about the religion

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Posts: 13214

Posted: 04 November 2012 at 6:09am | IP Logged
Originally posted by helen_of_troy

awesome analysis dear
it's just too gud
i m in love with ur works
i always wanted to know about islam but never got the chance though
a very hearty thanks for ur analysis i got to know many things about the religion


Thank you sooo much dear ffor your amazing encouragement.
I'm glad that I could throw some light on Islam with the help of Asad's character and provide you an insight about the religion.
You are most welcome to pm me any of ur queries related to Islam anytime.
I would love to help you clear your doubts.
I'm very happy to know that you could connect with my point of view and find logic in my views about Asad's character.
Thanks again.I'm glad that you love my posts.i'm in love with your comments dear.
Take care!
Asma

crazy4KASH_AR

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crazy4KASH_AR

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Posts: 13214

Posted: 04 November 2012 at 6:09am | IP Logged
Originally posted by ChocolateCharms

Originally posted by crazy4KASH_AR

Originally posted by bary

like he cant wear kurta to office she cant wear a salwaar to a disco well even if she did it just make her stand out of the crowd which she clearly dont want,if modern and old fashioned are decided by mentality not by clothes that can be taken in opposite way where if she is modern by clothes she still remain herself as old fashioned by heart just like she is modern by heart and old fashioned by clothes
not that i dont like him saying not to wear najma jeans infact i loved it soo much coz first we wont having this lovely discussion if he didnt said it..lol second it shows how protective he is towards his sister just like a father to this daughter who restricts many things which he thinks is not good for his daughter but make allowances some times just like he did when he wants her to go to new place but want her to come back before night and if she wants to go at night coz the damn place wont be open at night he still made allowance by dropping and picking her back and made another allowance but when she wanna change the way she is just to mingle with others he doesn't wanna make allowances to go that far,well even though the decision should be hers to make if it brings some experience of some bad thing or it being out her comfort zone asad wanna protect or prevent her from the experience which is quite awesome
lovely topic



I don't deny with the fact that wearing jeans or not should have been Najma's decision.
But if Najma decided to seek permission from her brother knowing very well his attitude then we need to understand that she is still Asad's baby sister.No matter how much freedom Asad gives her,at the end of the day she is looking forward to her bhaijaan only to make few decisions in her life.For her, it has been Asad who has played the fatherly figure in her life.
Asad's mom didn't seem to have a problem with Najma wearing jeans but in this matter she kept silence because she too had faith in her son's decision.
As much as I have understood Najma's character,she is still not enough capable of making major new decisions in her life.
Unlike Asad,she always had her bhaijaan to guide her in every phase of her life.Asad had his mom but a father is as much necessary to a child as a mother.Fortunately, for Najma Asad is a fatherly figure.
Noone is going to say anything if one wears Kurta to office first of all apart from giving weird looks for few times but then people can get used to it.There is no dress code for wearing suits in office for men as such first of all.Not all people who work in office wear suits.We have men wearing pant shirts which is another formal wear again.
We see many women wearing ladies suits in corporate offices as well.Had wearing western formals been so essential,corporate offices must have been the first place to impose a dress code for women much before discos and all.

Personally,if you take me to a lounge and if I'm used to wear traditional clothes all my life,then honestly speaking I'm going to accompany you in suits only.No matter how many weird looks I get but I'm going to a lounge in suits only.I can't step out of my own principles and be comfortable and party at the same time.
Wearing suits is not old fashioned dear.In which world are you?
Just because women in the west wear apparels that are other than suits and sarees,it hardly means that suits/sarees have become old fashioned and don't fit in a place.Suits and sarees are formal wears as well and they have been made formals because of the cultural aspects of many countries.
Again personally,I may go to US and UK and won't change my style of living so that I can fit into a place.I can't change my lifestyle for pleasing others.
I will change my dressing sense if I grow fond of certain dresses and wish to try them.
I'm not going to do this for any damn person or country or place or whatever.

Sometimes I feel that in this decision of Asad I could connect one of my personality attributes to Asad.And that is why I mentioned my personal point of view as well in relation to this topic.

Asad didn't like that Najma wanted to change herself for her friends and a silly lounge.
As far as I have understood Asad,Najma is his beloved baby.
Had Najma been a bit mature,she might have found a way to convincce her bhaijaan.
At the first go noone can expect Asad to give her permission for wearing jeans owing to the reason she stated.
If Najma really wished to get into that attire and wanted to do it for herself,I don't think after too much persistence Asad would have said no.He can't keep on keeping aside the wishes of his sister and must have eventually given in.There are few things in which he knows that he should better make a decision for his sister and there are many things in which he has given full freedom to Najma.
Najma also understands this very well and that is why she turned up to her brother when she decided to change her outlook and get his permission.
There is always a way to make others agree to your wishes.
Najma seems a bit childish and she was unable to put forward her point properly according to me.
*****************************************************************************

I liked your post a lot and I tried my best to clarify my point of view regarding Asad's decision.You can still disagree because at the end of the day it's my personal opinion.
I'm happy that you found this topic lovely and worthy enough to put across your points so well.
I'll be waiting for your reply.
Take care!


Exactly right Asma :) I can totally understand Asad's POV of not allowing Najma to wear jeans, cos I myself have been in a similar situation. I live in the UK and my mom gives me all the freedom to wear and do whatever I want, but at the same time she maintains that line of limit too. There have been things (I'm not gonna indulge into details of what things specifically) that just like Najma I had wanted to do, solely cos my my friends were doing them and even though it would have put me out of my comfort zone I still wanted to do them to blend in with my friends and when I asked my mom she said a no straight away lol. Not because my mum is a hypocrite or something or she's orthodox, but cos she understand me well enough to know whether I'm doing something which is completely out of my comfort zone, for myself or for others and it's the same case with Asad and Najma. Initially I was pissed at my mum but then after when I gave it a thought I knew my mom was right. If I had actually wanted to do the thing for myself then I'm damn sure my mom would have agreed but the fact that I wanted to do simply for the reason my friends were doing it my mom didn't let me do it and if I have to change myself and my ways to blend in or please my friends then I'd rather not do it at all! Same case with Najma, she wanted to wear jeans and put herself out of her comfort zone just to please her friends and Asad knew that well that she wouldn't have been comfortable with it and doesn't allow her cos he understands her well. And the fact that she is asking Asad for permission, proves that she isn't capable of making some decisions herself and seeks her brother's guidance, who more than a brother is like a father figure for her.

Reserved.
I'll edit it a bit later
Thanks a lot for this wonderful post dear.
It was much needed here.

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fly_chickmcdreamy.

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Posted: 04 November 2012 at 6:12am | IP Logged
Originally posted by ChocolateCharms

Also I would like to add that it's only even 5 episodes and it's way too early to judge Asad. And even if he is going to be judged now then it shouldn't only be based on one single thing that he said! There are so many other things that he has said and done and the ones that Asma has mentioned!


One of the main reasons for making this thread was that I didn't want people to call Asad an orthodox just because of a single statement of his.
I forgot to mention this fact in the main post.
Thanks a lot dear for reminding me.
It's indeed quite early to make strong judgements about Asad's character.
His character is really layered and I think I'm going to discover something new about Asad every day.
Thanks a lot sweety for raising this mindblowing point.
Take care!

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mcdreamy.

fly_chick

Goldie

fly_chick

Joined: 20 November 2007

Posts: 1534

Posted: 04 November 2012 at 6:21am | IP Logged
[/QUOTE] Exactly right Asma :) I can totally understand Asad's POV of not allowing Najma to wear jeans, cos I myself have been in a similar situation. I live in the UK and my mom gives me all the freedom to wear and do whatever I want, but at the same time she maintains that line of limit too. There have been things (I'm not gonna indulge into details of what things specifically) that just like Najma I had wanted to do, solely cos my my friends were doing them and even though it would have put me out of my comfort zone I still wanted to do them to blend in with my friends and when I asked my mom she said a no straight away lol. Not because my mum is a hypocrite or something or she's orthodox, but cos she understand me well enough to know whether I'm doing something which is completely out of my comfort zone, for myself or for others and it's the same case with Asad and Najma. Initially I was pissed at my mum but then after when I gave it a thought I knew my mom was right. If I had actually wanted to do the thing for myself then I'm damn sure my mom would have agreed but the fact that I wanted to do simply for the reason my friends were doing it my mom didn't let me do it and if I have to change myself and my ways to blend in or please my friends then I'd rather not do it at all! Same case with Najma, she wanted to wear jeans and put herself out of her comfort zone just to please her friends and Asad knew that well that she wouldn't have been comfortable with it and doesn't allow her cos he understands her well. And the fact that she is asking Asad for permission, proves that she isn't capable of making some decisions herself and seeks her brother's guidance, who more than a brother is like a father figure for her.[/QUOTE]
 
I agree with what you're saying. My parents also give me freedom to wear what I want and do as I like but to a point. Like you, I also had friends who did things that I wanted to do like going out in the evening etc but my dad did exactly what Asad did- I'll drop you and pick you up or your brother will so that scene made me laugh... However, there are certain things that my parents wouldn't allow me to do and rightfully so as it's out of my comfort zone but wrong aswell. I remember when I was at school, my friend asked me to smoke and I said No! My brother advised me to stay away from people who try to force you to do things you don't want to. I'm independant enough to know what I want and shouldn't do so I don't do it... najma on the other hand seems to be reliant on others and incapable of deciding for herself what's right or wrong...
I don't judge people based on what they do but at times you have to ensure that you don't change yourself for others...Do what you think is right...


Edited by fly_chick - 04 November 2012 at 6:33am

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Posted: 04 November 2012 at 6:37am | IP Logged
Originally posted by fly_chick

Exactly right Asma :) I can totally understand Asad's POV of not allowing Najma to wear jeans, cos I myself have been in a similar situation. I live in the UK and my mom gives me all the freedom to wear and do whatever I want, but at the same time she maintains that line of limit too. There have been things (I'm not gonna indulge into details of what things specifically) that just like Najma I had wanted to do, solely cos my my friends were doing them and even though it would have put me out of my comfort zone I still wanted to do them to blend in with my friends and when I asked my mom she said a no straight away lol. Not because my mum is a hypocrite or something or she's orthodox, but cos she understand me well enough to know whether I'm doing something which is completely out of my comfort zone, for myself or for others and it's the same case with Asad and Najma. Initially I was pissed at my mum but then after when I gave it a thought I knew my mom was right. If I had actually wanted to do the thing for myself then I'm damn sure my mom would have agreed but the fact that I wanted to do simply for the reason my friends were doing it my mom didn't let me do it and if I have to change myself and my ways to blend in or please my friends then I'd rather not do it at all! Same case with Najma, she wanted to wear jeans and put herself out of her comfort zone just to please her friends and Asad knew that well that she wouldn't have been comfortable with it and doesn't allow her cos he understands her well. And the fact that she is asking Asad for permission, proves that she isn't capable of making some decisions herself and seeks her brother's guidance, who more than a brother is like a father figure for her.[/QUOTE]
I agree with what you're saying. My parents also give me freedom to wear what I want and do as I like but to a point. Like you, I also had friends who did things that I wanted to do like going out in the evening etc but my daddid exactly what Asad did- I'll drop you and pick you up or your brother will so that scene made me laugh... However, there are certain things that my parents wouldn't allow me to do and rightfully so as it's out of my comfort zone but wrong aswell. I remember when I was at school, my friend asked me to smoke and I said No!My brother advised me to stay away from people who try to force you to do things you don't want to. I'm independant enough to know what I want and shouldn't do so I don't do it... najma on the other handseems to be reliant on others and incapable of deciding for herself what's right or wrong...
I don't judge people based on what they do but at times you have to ensure that you don't change yourself for others...Do what you think is right...

[/QUOTE]

Thanks a lot for discussing your personal experience.
You are absolutely correct dear.One should do things which he feels like doing rather than wishing to please others.
I'm sure all of us have read the donkey and father son story in childhood.
It's nice that you could understand your mother's point of view finally.
I love your posts dear.
You write really well.
Keep sharing your views like this always.
What's ur name?
Take care!
Asma

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