The silent tears:
She watched as the three of them were involved in their own celebrations of the match, she watched the way Arnav encouraged the kid, the way Shethal watched their both bonding, the way Arrav enjoyed Arnav's attention, the way Arnav smiled at the both of them and was happily involved in their after match discussion, it all looked like a different world to her and her heart jolted into a tight knot.
She had been sitting there staring at them for god knows how long when NK came beside her and cleared his throat. If he did observe the blankness in her eyes, he knows better than to comment on it. She sensed someone's presence beside her and started looking everywhere; she then looked at him and smiled in that assuring manner and Nk smiled back.
He then turned into his own NK-self and started chatting away with her about the game.
"Haa bohath maza aaya" she commented on one of his statements.
"Aapko pata hai khushiji aapki sab se zyada speciality kya hai?"
"Kyaa??"
"Yahin ki aap ek dum original hai, aapke jaisa aur koi ho nahin saktha, aur aap kisiko kuch dikhane ki koshish bhi nahin karengee, you know, "pure" types?" he said and looked at her expectantly.
She laughed the genuine one this time but then again her vision shifted back to Arnav who was now drinking water still standing with Aarav and her heart again sank deeper for some unknown reason.
"Nanheji, hum thak gaye hai, hum ghar chalthe hai?"she said and he nodded.
"Khushiji, hum aapko ghar choden, yaa Nannav ko bulaye?" He stopped her when she got up to leave.
"Nahin, Nanhe ji, aap rehnedijiye, di aur jiji abhi gaye hai, aur driver hai na, aap sab aajayiye, hum chalejayenge"
She said and left leaving a thoughtful NK who somehow very well understood her state of mind and decided to let her be.
**
"Khushi kahan hai?" Arnav asked the first thing to NK and Akash who has been waiting for him in the court.
"Voh kya hai na Nannav, Khushiji thak gayee hai aur chalee gayi" Nk answered.
"Thak gayee hai, I told her not to play" he murmured beside sheethal and sheethal just looked at him with an attitude in her face.
**
Back in their room, she quickly changed into her night wear not wanting to wear anything else or not feeling like dressing up more, though she knew it's still a long day to go, she was just not in her mood to get dressed up.
She let her long wet hair free and walked out of the washroom as her mind started playing images from the last few days.
She remembered how she had disappointed him when he planned to go out with her. Not just she invited his whole family with them, but have gone the extra extent of being crazy in the theatre and embarrassed him.
"Main tumhare saath movie pe jaana chahtha tha, tumhare saath waqt bitaana chahtha tha, aur tum??---"
"hume maaf kijiye Arnavji,"
"You know, I sometimes feel, ki tum mujhe samaj hi nahin sakthee"
**
She then remembered the words that have been registered in her mind since she read Sheethal's dairy.
'Hum English movie dekhne gaye the, He really enjoyed it, par main, main toh bas useeko dekhrahee thi, there was something about this guy'
**
She remembered how in an attempt to make it up to him she embarrassed him more in front of his clients.
"Yeh mera office hai khushi, main yahan kaam kartha hoon, how could you do this?"
"Maaf kijiye Arnavji, hum bas aapko manaana chahthe hai"
"Call me Arnav"
"Arnav----"
"Khushi tumhe pata hai na, tum--"
"Ajeeb hai, ha jaanthe hai"
**
The day when she first have seen Sheethal in her life'
"Sheethal?"
"Arnav, hi"
She realized Sheethal does call him 'Arnav'.
**
"Let it be Arav, hume kisiko kuch prove nahin karna hai"
"Right, practice bhi chutgayee hoge I understand"
"Fine"
"Lets play'"
*
How he wanted Sheethal to play but not her; he obviously thinks she isn't capable of playing and would get hurt. Did she ever play the game? Its so 'his' thing'(and Sheethals')'she thought.
"Hum bhi khelenge"
"Oh no no, Tum rehedo , tumhe chot lagjayegee"
**
And then her memories reached the match and the way they played together. She had been trying everything else, but somehow this particular image in her mind made her sink down into some loop hole and cry out loud. She wanted to scream out loud but dint find a reason to do it. Ultimately tears found their way out of her eyes and she started sobbing, so much that she herself was scared of her sobs. She realized she is thinking too much and she is not supposed to cry, especially because she had to trust him that he loved her no matter what. No matter how she is hopefully'
"Sahin toh kehrahe the Arnavji, hume chot lagjayegee, jab hume football aur basketball main faraq bhi nahin pata, toh khel kaise payenge?" she tried to console herself.
"Aur basket ball khelne ke liye, yeh kapden pehenthe hai?" she remembered how everyone stared when Sheethal walked in the court and her heart turned into a tight not. Not that Arnav observed her, its surely did show how stupid might she be looking.
She looked up at her devi mayya and closed her eyes letting out the verge of tears. She wiped her eyes and dried her face. "aapto jaanthi hai na devi mayya, hum hamesha se aise hi hai, par aaj kyun hum yeh sab soch rahe hai"
She closed her eyes again and the only image she could see was of Sheethal. Frustration was the least possible word that she could define what she is going through, her mind stopped working and with flowing tears that refused to stop she caught hold of whatever was beside her and threw it hard on the ground. Realizing her action in the next mere second she reached the broken glass pieces and started picking them up. Her eye vision was blurred with tears as she started picking the glass pieces.
**
Arnav was walking to his room, wondering what khushi might be doing when he heard the glass broken sound. Panic took over him and he made his way faster to enter his room only to find khushi picking up glass pieces with her back turned to him.
"Kya huwa?"
His voice from the behind startled her and she quickly wiped her tears with her free hand. In the process of quick alerting of her mood, the glass pieces stroked her hand and the side of her hand was cut. She dint even shriek in pain like she would and instead hid her bleeding hand in her dupatta, before turning around to face him.
He came close to her as she stood up and looked expectantly at her for an answer.
"Uh, Maaf kijiyega, voh haath se chut gaya tha" she spoke slowly very unlike her.
"Its okay khushi, tumhe lagee toh nahin na?" he asked with his hand on her shoulder as she hid her hand more behind her and under the dupatta.
She just nodded her head to and fro as a reaction and he smiled. "Tum ek bhi kaam theek se karsakthee ho?" he chuckled teasing her and moved into the washroom.
Normally she would not bother about his comment and would laugh it off but at this right moment it was like adding fuel to her burning thoughts. She felt depressed and her heart was sinking even more down. She slowly walked to the bed and lay back feeling sick all of a sudden completely forgetting the wound hiding inside her dupatta. She moved to her side of the bed turning to face the mirror and looked at her own reflection. She suddenly felt inferior and the image of Shethal that's been bugging in her mind made her feel disastrous.
"hum humesha se aise hi the na?" she whispered to herself.
"Sheethalji Arnavji ke pasand se kitnee miltee hai, jaise dono ek hi tarah se bane ho, aur hum?"
She sighed scolding herself to stop thinking nonsense and tried to close her eyes. As her eyes were shut, the washroom door was opened.
"Khushi?" he threw the towel in his hand on the recliner and came to her side.
"Kya huwa tumhe, everything alright?" he asked trying to put a hand on her head when she suddenly jolted up in a sitting position avoiding his hand. He looked at her bewildered and raised his eyebrows as in questioning her. She unconsciously brought her hand on to her wet hair putting her locks behind her hair as in an action to think of an excuse for her reaction when his eyes caught the wound on her hand.
"Khushi, you are hurt!" he uttered suddenly being panic.
"Ha bas choti si chot thi?"
"Choti si? Its bleeding dammit!, maine poocha tha na tume, tumne chupaya kyun?" He was angry.
"Arnavji bas chotee se chot hai, rehnedijiye"
"Choti ya badi, tumne chupaya kyun?" he gritted his teeth and looked at her with angry eyes. He already was pissed at her and dint like her hiding things form him at all. Though this seemed small, it irked him a lot. He could never tolerate people hiding things from him, definitely not her.
"aaj kal tum bohath hi zyada chupane lagee ho, kya kya karthee rehtee ho mere peeche?" he murmured as he went around to take the first aid box and came back to her. One look at her and his heart was pinched. She was hurt, her eyes were showing clear hurt and sadness.
"Khushi main--" he tried to hold her hand and she withdrew it from his grip. Second time in the last few minutes she has done something like that and Arnav's angry was at its peak.
"Bohath bure hai na hum, aapse chupaathe hai, aapke peet peeche talassh karthe hai, hum sach main bohath bure hai, hume aise hi saza milnee chahiye, choddijiye hume apne haal pe, aur sehnedijiye is chot aur dard ko" She was at the verge of tears but he was angrier than she could imagine, more because she is not allowing him to look at her wound.
He then caught hold of her hand gripping it tighter making sure not hurting her at the cut and she resisted his grip. Her hand struggled inside his grip and he kept staring at her with blood shot eyes.
"Tum jaanthe ho, tum agar zid karogee to main aur bhi shaithan banoonga" he said, his face stern giving her the exact message to stop protesting. She knew better than to argue and she finally gave in.
He cleaned the blood and treated the cut and noticed it was deep . He teeth clenched and he half looked up at her. "Itna khoon behraha hai aur tum ise chuparahee thi, septic hojatha toh?" he said in his angry tone looking at her and mistakenly pressed the cut a bit harder for which she suddenly shrieked in pain.
"Ahhh"
"Khushi, sorry"
It was an instant reaction and both of them looked into each other's eyes. She looked at him with millions of questions revolving in her mind while looking at her pure innocent eyes and wondered why is being so upset lately.
Once she was sure he was done with it, she got up immediately standing in front of him.
"Kya huwa"
"Hume neeche jaana hai"
"Kyun?"
"Rasoiee--"
He caught hold of her hand at elbow and made her sit back. 'Kitchen main koi kaan nahin hai, Hp dekhlega, tum chup chaap araam karo" He ordered.
"Hame kya karna chahiye aur kya nahin yeh humesha aap kyun batayenge?" she bursted out and regretted the words next moment.
"Khushi whats wrong with you?" he turned around completely taken aback by her anger self. He was not getting anything, one moment she is silent and the other moment she is stubborn and then angry and then crazy'
"Hum abhi aate hai, hum kuch dher akela rehna hai"
"Kyun"
"Kyunki hume akela rehna hai bas!!" she stated and he was again shocked.
Without even looking at him and his reaction, too afraid to face him and his questions about her behavior, she left the room without looking behind. As he passed the hall way, her ears caught pieces of the conversation that sheethal and di are having about relationships.
"Opposites attract very well, aur raise rishton main Pyar bhi banke rehtha hai, kyun ki dono ek doosre ko samajthe hai aur kamiya aur khoobhiya ache tarah sambhalthe hai" Do said as she turned the pages of a relationship magazine.
"May be di, lekin jitna consistency similar logon ke beech ke relationship main hai na, utnee us relations main nahin hotee hai, I mean in the beginning the differences will be attractive, interesting and all but baad main jab hume ye ehsaas hone lagtha hai ki hum ek doosre se kitnee alag hai, hume unhi baathon pe gin aane lagthee hai, it gets annoying and irriating, after a phase it gets intolerable you know"
The words worked on khushi's mind like a spell. "Kya yeh hosaktha hai?, Kya Arnavji humare bare main aise---?
She felt a big question mark suddenly in her life. Despite of the fact that he loves her and her being very much aware of it, she suddenly did not understand if she belonged there..
"Did I belong to his world?"
??
Edited by dedeepyalove -
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