HONEST CONFESSIONS OF A DHARAMPANKHI AND A PROUD HCian (lakshmi)
Silsila yeh chaahat ka
How to start???
where to start??
what to say??
will the words do justice and explain my feelings?
all these questions keeps buzzing in my mind whenever i try to explain my lagaav
for you to anyone..
lets start from the beginning...
JULY 10th 2006
let me see
...i saw you first time ..
..honestly i was vaguely interested in the show at that time( i feel like
upon myself..) .then cadet ali was introduced .
...i was about change channel
but was transfixed by the inane simplicity humble sweet innocent looking guy on my tv screen...
loved his way of talk his USOOLs
and the utter innocence
...phir kya tha
...my association with you started on a long journey
...which is still going on and will be till my last breath...*crosses my heart*
seeing you as akshat
was also a co-incidence( dhat tareeki kya mein kabhi nahi sudroongi
)or let me rephrase it MIRACLE only...
after LRL got over..i was a bit depressed due to missing you...i talked myself outta the depression soon thinking that its a crush
(how wrong i was
) and that too celeb one..so its pointless meaningless blah blah.
..(you know i never knew fangirling existed at that time
umm where was i
..yeah..i came out the depression
...but still cadet ali lingered ijn my mind...as there was no internet connection at my home at that time
..i could not "dig" deeper about you on the net.
..so as there was nothing else i knew of you
...i pushed you to back of my head ..(not forgotten though!!
i can never
it was late 2007 or was it early 2008
i am unsure
..(i suck big time remembering dates and such
..but love is true
) but i saw you in a bubbly avtar on Sony TV's ambar dhara during casual channel changing spree
...pehle tho i was shocked
....you know jaw-dropping-eyes-bulging-wala real shock.
..phir an audible loud gasp
...(everybody looked at me
) then i was tearing up
(i know its insane
as i couldnt explain y tears welled up in my eyes to six pairs of eyes staring at me
)i kept on rubbing my eyes wishing hearts of hearts that it was not a dream
..but it wasn't
and you were really playing akshat ...THAT day was a very memorable day cos my all too wise brain failed to talk me out that it was just a stupid crush...but i knew it was beyond crush love bf-gf couple wala love...but no words to give a name to it
BUT fate had some other designs for my feelings towards you
...that day was the last i saw you as akshat
...the next time i (with lot of trouble as i dint notice which prog you were on)
caught your show..it was no longer YOUR show
...some one else was enacting that role
THIS time around i was shattered
....its hard to explain what you undergo when you catch your most fav person to just vanish ...just like that...
khair...life moved on
...allthough i dint.
MARCH 12th 2008.
KDMHMD ...your entry as prem...OMG
..what an entry*wolf whistles
*...that walk up the corridor...that watch...that removing of...errr...your shirt....that flexing muscles..
..it was like my dead heart was starting to beat agian
...i had heard that you are gonna be prem ...but i was afraid to believe it ( all thanks to my past experience
)...now it was true...
i watched every possible way i can..all the scenes of your's...forced my dad to have an internet connection..."dug" deep about you...
...prem was a banda jo mere hissaab's se perfect tha...ek maapdand tha...for acting...(NOTICE i use past tense?? you will know y ...just read on
).the way he was a son husband brother boss and human ...it was too good.
..i started seeing him everywhere
(i lost it lol
i never once hated his actions.
..(which was weird as sometimes the whole house was shouting at him and i used to grind my teeth against my family supporting HC audibly
then 2010 came feb came 5th also came
...last day ...i was not strong to watch it
...so i gave importance to cleaning the house
...all the while wiping my eyes off tears.
parents were puzzled...(i let them be
) ... BUT STILL the same question was still lingering...WHAT was that I FELT for you i never knew i had to wait till
june 14 2010...
when TL started... in fact to be precise Nov 24-30th 2010 those 6 days gave me the IDENTITY of my relation with you...I WANTED TO BE LIKE TAANI WAS TO ONU.. .it was all clear!! i was sure ...calm and happy for the first time...no bechaini at all...
i felt ali onu and mohan were the most humane type
...and prem was idol type
...but i was proved wrong as i dint know you see what you had in store for us...
well i have one regret though
!!..i couldnt catch your "mohan" avatar on TV.
...but thanks to Vandy di here
...i could catch all of it on YT.
...i still remember how bleak the days were when i couldn't see you
..not even in youtube...
but loved the way you tried to be grey shaded person with a heart!! (i know i am not making any sense...) you get what i mean?...well i loved that way you used wear that watch (*DD*)
9th APRIL 2012
then came along RAGHAVENDRA PRATAP SINGH
...you surpassed your own records and standards set by you!! YOU ARE A LEGEND and it shone out loud and clear!! (now you know y i said past tense for prem?)raghav is imperfect magar us kirdhaar ko badi khoobi se perfectly portray ki aapne
saying anything else in praise of you your work is IMPOSSIBLE...as i have run out of any adjectives
...nothing can do justice to applaud you correctly
!! sahi maaino mein tho aap hi star hein superstar hein mere liye...yeh OSCAR EMMY NATIONAL AWARD sab aaphi ko milni hey
...to be frank...
I very honestly wanna share one more thing with you HC...a dream which i feel i have seen many times...
"it was misty and foggy in early morning a cloaked dark figure keeps walking in the joggers lane suddenly moves to its left and looks like just touched the shoulder of someone in front but after few seconds the person in front collapses unconscious" "that figure woke up in an makeshift roof place in some back lane of a city feeling a bit pain in head to which the dark figure makes him drink something soon his pain goes away"
"both of them are waiting the night out...the dark figure goes out and brings food to the other person.. when that person asks the dark figure it says it doesn't feel hungry/sleepy that much"
after 2 days and 2 nights that dark figure makes the person unconscious again and leaves that person from where that dark figure attacked in same joggers park"
"some voice says to that person that thank god he is safe and that we dint knew how to save you from life threatening situation for which that person feels all confused and thanks who ever it who saved him just then somebody asks autograph of that person...
the person is U...HARSHAD CHOPDA
the dark figure winds up in her room spurting blood from mouth due to self medication as she had drank a poisoned energy drink meant for that person and was protecting while attacking him and thinks that "just some more time before the poison goes out of body not only this time but every time i will save you my friend"
that cloaked dark person is ME
so think kis kadar aap mere dilpe chaaye ho
before i conclude...i just wanna say what i exactly i feel for you...
i wanna be your shield or armour to protect you from all things negative...
i am with you always will support you in everything.
i want to take all the hits(storms troubles) coming your way...
aapko meri umar bhi lagjaaye aapse jo meri dosti hey usey nibhaane ka ek mauka mile tho mein apne aap thak nauchaavar kardhoon...yehi meri qwaish hey
mujhe aapki saari gham takleefein aur dard (touchwood aisa kuch naho magar phirbhi...) dekar uparwala meri saari khushiyaan aapko dedein yehi dua hey...
aap kabhi kabhi bhi udaas na ho...yehi dua hey
pyaar bhi hey (meera wala jogan wala pyaar) aur bohot bohot gehri dosthi (bottomless deep friendship feeling) bhi hey
..kya karoon mein?
*...shaayad hi koi category hogi jismein mein fit aasakhoon...lol...
frankly to be practical aap thak meri yeh baatein nahi pohonchengi..aur naahi aapko meri astitva ke baare mein khabar ho gi...magar koi fikar nahi mujhko...kyunki mein behind the curtains rehkar aapka saath doongi... aapke liye hardin dua maangthi hoon...aur yeh zaroor pata hey that my prayers are reaching god..and through god its reaching you...touching your soul...protecting you...being vigilante...
mujhe na shaayri aati hey
na achi achi baatein dhang se likhna
(proof anyone? the present write-up
...its so messy,
i can't express myself properly too tho aapke liye pooja paat karna aur vrat rakhne ke alawa meri kuch aur aukaat hi nahi hein...
magar muje kushi is baat ki zyaada hey ki hona ho upar koina koi zaroor sunrahahoga...jab bhi aapko hasthe khilkhilaathe relaxed contended dekthi hoon...dil ko sukoon milthi hey...
DARD HANSKE SAHUN MEIN SABHI
AAH THAK NAA BHAROON MEIN KABHI
MEIN RAHOON ...NA RAHOOON...
TU SALAAMATH RAHE HAR GHADI
BUS YE DUA TERE LIYE TERE LIYE
P.S bura na maaniye mein thodi jhalli types ki aur batooni types ki ladki hoon...
Edited by lakshmi_3004 - 31 October 2012 at 11:20am