Joined: 15 October 2012
Well I am 33 year old marathi guy originally from Satara district (MH) but now working in PUNE as a software engineer . My salary is 25k with an exp of 3.4 years working in a small, local IT company . I got married with a chemical engg girl from Buldana district (MH) working as a piping design engineer in Thane with salary 10k . We came to know about each other from shaadi.com accounts . As I have had lost my precious youth in finishing my electrical engg studies and then setting up my career , I did not bother about getting married on time rather I established myself at first and then started searching for brides . In my region , owning a farm land is a basic criteria for grooms to get married, as we don't own any land ( my father is an ex-serviceman and my mom is a retired primary school head teacher while my younger brother was in UK for his studies ( he had done Hotel management but he dnt want to work anyone's under rather he wants to venture into a business ) .
I met her on 14th April 2011 in Thane in the presence of one of her room mate and I explained everything to her about myself but at that time I told her that my salary is 30k ( my appraisal was due in 5-6 months ) . She told me that her dad is a retired medium school vice principal and ex-general sec of Maharashtra State Teacher's federation , mom is housewife , one M.Sc. Agree graduate ( pre-marriage working as a lecturer ) sister living in Thane with her husband working for CIPLA as research scientist , another sister is BAMS doc married to another BAMS doc living in Buldana district and her last brother is studying TE (E&TC) in pune . I clearly mentioned everything to her about the reasons behind me finding a girl on shaadi.com and not in my relatives . She listened to everything and after 2 hr meeting , while departing I told her to convey her decision to me , but she said that it is me who has to convey . Still I gave her 4-5 days to think about and then I called her and asked her decision , she said that she is ready and we can go ahead and tell each other's parents about the same .
We did it and then her parents along with her elder sister along with her husband, daughter , my wife is 3rd daughter and her younger bro and she has 7 years age diff came to our house on 23th april 2011 , everything was discussed and after 2 days her parents told us that they are ready and engagement will be fixed soon , I took my parents to Thane and they saw her there.( for somewhile I was not on good terms with father because he is arrogant and reason for spoiling one of my future marriage ) then as per discussed , our engagement was fixed on 10th May . On 30th April we again met in Lonavala where we have had smooching and I again told everything about myself like I used to smoke, drink etc etc in college days. And my present economical condition that I havent saved anything , she said that money is not an importent thing for her .( Her dad's had specifially told me in our first phone call that he dont want a addicted person as his SIL) But she said that it is acceptable in college days but don't do after marriage , at that time I wasn't taking alcohol or anything but I used to smoke which is normal in IT industry . Then after our engagement she returned to Thane and gave a notice period to her small company . Again on 27th May ,she came to Pune for a meeting .we spent a whole day with each other and after that she stayed with me for a night in my double room appt. We have had not an actual physical contact but yes we crossed limit .
Ok you seem to be bored with this lengthy story . Let me make it short . Our wedding was scheduled on 18h June 2011 in Buldana , my parents paid around 60K for private bus and other vehicles and there was no dowry taken rather we spent around 1.3 lakh Rs on her gold ornaments . After marriage , we went to Mahabaleshwar on 28th June for 3 days honeymoon , here she caught me smelling ciggy smoke and a i promised her that I will not do it again ,sweared on my mom's name .Then I have had rented a flat in Vishrantwadi ,pune near to Viman nagar, my workplace and her future workplace ( thats what I thought as there are so many core engg companies nearby Bhosari, Khadki , Pimpari , i dont know anything about core engg as I have never working in it ) .. So thats how our family life started ,but soon after 15 days , i caught her logging into a guy's Facebook account using my mobile . I asked her about it and got furious with her , she started crying and told me that she doesnt have anyone in past , future or present life besides me . But I did nt belive her as I was constantly asking her about her past life before our engagement and she always denied involving herself in something like this .And now this , I called upong her brother, and her dad ( I informed about this to my parents also ) to come down and lets discuss this . Her brother came and both tried to fool me around . I clearly told them I am not and don't try . After 2-3 days , her parents came and stayed with us for 2-3 days , I took out him for a walk one day and I told him about her act , but he told me that as they havent cross checked me so I should not do same and pledged me to forget this and live happily . I don't know what sort of stupid modern attitude I had at that time , that I thought about giving it a try and didn't force her to leave the house . Thats still a long story .
Joined: 15 October 2012
After we started our daily routine life , her parent's started interfering tom much in our life . Her dad, mom used to insult us whenever I went to bring her back after a month or so ( we marathi's usually send newly brides to their parent's homes for festivals like 1st Ashadh Shrawan , 1st Diwali , 1st Sankrant ) This stops after Sankranti and after this she has to celebrate at her in-laws house . Citing the reason for being a long distance between Pune and Buldana ( 400 km ) , they used to visit us and stay with us for a week and then take her away for a month or month and half . Meanwhile she and me searching for a job for herself but as there aren't any jobs suitable for her job profile in Pune .( she told me that she has an exp of 1.8 years which was fake that I came to know after few days as she couldn't face interviews and she is very poor in english , even 10th pass student knows much better english than her ) Obiviously she started getting frusterated and her parents, her 2nd sis(a jobless with a mother of a 2 yr old daughter livin in Thane) started adding fuel . Everyone of them started blaming me for her leaving present job for me and her inability to get a new job .
As I was living out of home for more than 14-15 years , I found it difficult in running family like buying veg, and all other sorts , i was really living in a fool's paradise at that time as a normal thing . Her demands were very high. She started talking about buying a car and while I told her about our own home but she said that it is her dream to buy a car . Her lifestyle was very hi-fi . Weekly shopping in big malls , movies, regularly eating in major hotels . Meanwhile I found out that she mentally weak ( evident from her not talking and whenever she spoke something it has to be pessimism . For diwali, she went to her parent's house and in that period my brother returned from UK , he didnt finish his studies and started searching for high paid jobs in Pune ( He thought that being in UK for a year , he will easily get a high paid job here ) . Me ,my bro , sis , her husband n her 2 kids went to buldana to visit her . It was mine first diwali and as per our maharashtrian culture , her parents are supposed to give cloth's n precious gold . Her dad gave me a gold chain which was like a bracelate and they didn't give me cloths ( I don't believe in these things but as it is a custom I was following ) . There her parents , bro, sis was constantly insulting us but we ignored and we returned . After diwali ,she returned but her complaints about me and her joblessness were never ending . I used to visit my hometown ( 100 kms away from pune) once in a week/15 days .
Joined: 15 October 2012
And after this actual drama started , her sister in Thane told her dad that there is a job as an elect engr for me in Mumbai , her frnd's husband was working in some company and there is a opening for elect engr ) .Her dad told me that I can switch to Mumbai and switch my IT field . now how can i bear this nonsense , this is total and complete nonsense . I clearly and angrily told my wife that I don't like such type of advices from anyone even my parents have never interfere in my career .who the hell is her sis to give me such type of advices . In the name of good advice, her dad said that they will not do anything like that in future ( their actual plan was such that they wanted me to shift with their sis to Mumbai so that my visits to my hometown will be reduced and she can get a job in mumbai but that was nonsense for me as for 2 years I was in mumbai for my C-DAC and then for job search and then I did few jobs there also but as salary was very low and living cost was so high , I had decided not to ever shift to mumbai ) .
Then in the month of Nov. while she was in my parents place and I was in pune ( some kinda festival for which she stayed back for a day ) , her sister called me up and started harrasing me as why do u always visit your parents and she was using all nonsense language to me . After she returned to Pune after 2-3 days , I got furious with her as her sister was always interfering in our life . She was very abusive and arrogant . We faught with each other then her parents called me up and we had fight . Everything went well after 2-3 days .. Whenever her parents , sister called me they were always complaining about her not getting a job and blaming me for not doing anything which wasn't right . after 15 days , on 15th dec , her bday was on next day , she created a scene for not celibrating it on 16th but I have had an urgent project work on next day which has required me to stay very late night in the office ( typical IT thing ) .
Still somehow I managed to take her to a Drama , we ate out and had slight fun after we returned , we cut the cake and did all that which a couple do. On 29th Dec , I told her that we will be going to visit our hometown as there was few visitors , we had started searching a bride for my brother too and being elder son , it was my duty to be present in the house at that time with my wife . We have had a major fight on that day , she clearly told me that she is not intersted in visiting to my parents house and we have a huge fight . We slept in diff rooms and we continued this till 2-3 AM .. next day she didnt wake up early so I woke her up and clearly asked about when we would be going to my town . She was normal at that time and she said that it is Thursday and we will go on friday . At around 8 PM I returned from office only to find that door is closed . I checked in house and found that she had taken her all cloths , all bags , gold and everything .
I tried her number but she wasn't responding . I called upon my parents, her parents , her brother and her sister and asked if she has came there .. everybody said that they didnt know anything . Even her sis and bro were abusive with me . After 30 minutes , her bro called me and he told me that she is on the way to Buldana and currently near Aurangabad . I was calling her meanwhile but she wasnt replying at all . On 31st Dec. again I called her and spoke casual things and wished her , I was also angry with her for such stupid act . On that day and after that day , her dad, her sis, started talking nonsense with me and they werent neither resposnive to ph conversations.
Joined: 15 October 2012
She switched off her mobile from 1st Jan neither her parents were talking to us . As sankrant was on 15th Jan , we went to her place on 8th jan to present them gifts ( As per our custom , newly bride's in-laws have to give gifts to her on 1st Sankranti ) That time they were abusing me for being careless not loving their daughter and all that nonsense which you hear from sissy boys . They were recounting all useless stuffs and things happened in our married life . They had sent her to Thane ( i dont know for what ) . I didn't utter a word as my dad had warned me to keep my mouth shut and just listen to them , he was talking to them . I have had recorded everything in mobile starting from my phone calls on 29th Dec to till date ( whenever i suspected something fishy is going to happen ). On 16th Jan , i recieved her 1st phone call and she asked me about her gmail and FB ID ,password . I have changed her passwords . So somehow we were again on talking terms but it was same story . Like her parents , she was complaining for everything . This drama continued untill 8th Feb . Daily we used to call and while I was trying to pacify her she was constantly on a complainant mode .
sucide attemptOn 8th Feb , when everything became unbearable for me as she was talking about divorce and all that nonsense stuff , I tried to end my life consuming rat-kill poison , my brother who came after 30 minutes , took me to a hospital and got admitted me there , he called upon her parents , mine .. And then on the next day she and her dad visited me in the hospital , my parents , relatives were already there . After 20-30 minutes , her dad came to me and asked if he can take his daughter back to Buldana , i refused and he has to bow down ..
I havent finished yet..But before coming to Pune , they have had called one of my office-mate and checked weather I am really in office or not . She stayed with me and mother for 5 days and after that on the pre-text of bringing back her bags , she went back to Buldana .. On 17th Feb she returned from Buldana and everything started well in between us , both of us started a new life .. She was always hesitant to visit my parents place but this time I took her to Satara for 2 days ... On 11th march , she informed me that she is getting a job in Sinhgad road Pune as a Piping designe engr and her saalry would be 10000. So our daily life started well , but after 7 days she realized that doing a job and working in home is not possible for her , she is mentally and physically weak .. So she started complaining about her busy schedule ... This continued for a month .. As there was a wedding ceremony of one of my close relative ( my father's sister's son's wedding ) on 22nd april , everybody in my house invited both of us .. but she was on constant denial mode... So finally I had to literally cry in front of us and beg her not to detach me from my relatives .. Somehow she accepted and came with me on Sunday 22nd 2012 ( she has sunday as weekly holiday ). Then again came a plan for north India Tour . My sis and her family , my mom and my grand dad were going for a North India tour from 6th May 2012 to 14th May .. As registration has to be done in advance , again everyone including me started requesting her to come with us , here again she was constantly refusing ... So finally on 3th May 2012 , somehow she accepted , but as ours was a 11th hour registration , I had to face so many problems ( financially ranging from last minute train tickets from Pune to Mathura ,in peak summer season , for both of us , here she and her brother were suggesting me to go by air which was way costly for a guy like me earning 25k /month )
ABORTING OUR FIRST CHILD
Somehow the tour went well , and we returned to Pune on 15th , due to Grace of Mata vaishnow devi , she missed her periods, and I think that she had told about it to her Mom , who called upon me on Saturday while my wife was in office and gave me a long lecture about TAKING RESPONSIBILITIES ... On Saturday evening , we went to the Doc and with Sonography reports it was confirmed that she is preggy my 6 weeks and 6 days .. According to report , she may deliver a healthy child on 5th Jan 2013 . While we were outside of clinic waiting for Sonography reports , she was constantly telling me that this is becoming to fast and suggesting me that she is not yet prepared for this ...But as I am already 33 , I wanted to be a father as early as possible before I pass my working age ...Doc while consultation , asked us what to do with the child , She started looking at me and I firmly said that we are going with the child... and not going abort it ... She has to kept mum .. I was so happy on that day that virtually i told about this to everyone including my family , as usual she was sad and did not phone anyone .. From the next day onwards , she started fights on petty issues with me .. She started talking about MY RESPONSIBILITIES towards the family ... Her allegations were so non-sense type that anyone can laugh it off .. She is too childish ...On Monday 22nd May, while going to office , she picked up a fight with me on the reason that I didn't give her MERE 40 Rs. , she had enough money to fend us for next month still she was picking up a fight with me ... She left for office on 8 AM .. and after 15 minutes later , I received her SMS about me not taking responsibility , I ignored it as I was also in a hurry to go to have wash and prepare for my office ... Soon after I returned from Bathroom , I saw another SMS from her , stating SHE IS ABORTING THE CHILD and requested me to inform her decision to all ... I got furious with her and called her but she didn't say anything .. then I called upon everyone including her arrogant dad and my parents and told them about this ... Her dad is a dominating person in her life and according to her only her Dad can take any decision in her life and not me ... He told me that he will talk to her and will call me back .. Obviously as this plan was hatched by her and her parents , they kept me waiting till evening ... At 7:30 , just after she entered in the house , her dad called me and started a fight with me ... We have had a huge fight on that day ... In this period , she took a knife and threatened me that she will kill herself ... Her dad called on one of my neighbor's number and that aunty took her to their house for 10 minutes .. meanwhile I again called upon my parents and her parents and told them what had happened just before ...Her mom started talking sweet things to me and pacified me ... I was so foolish that I went to my neighbor's house and bring my wife back ... I got very calm and I started behaving normally with her .. she was not on talking terms with me ... This continued for 2 more days , on that day My dad came and she again created a scene infront of him and told him that she will be going back to her Dad's house when he will be coming to visit us ... My Dad had never seen her actual arrogant behavior.. In this time , again she tried to go outside and both of us stopped her from going out ... To normalize things , my Mom visited us after 2 days and she stayed with us for a week ... Things became somehow normal for me but not for her .. She started telling her plans to her parents on that phone ...( I checked this on her phone call records , it was erupted to 2-3 hours per day from 5-10 minute phone call per day in last 3 months ) ... On Saturday 2nd June 2012 , her Dad came along with his son ... I have had my family at my side , my mom, dad and brother ... On Sunday , we sat for a discussion , in this her dad was silent and did not oppose anyone of us which was an unusual thing for me ... He started talking sweet things about welfare of his daughter's married life and etc etc BS meanhile me and my wife were having a fight in front of them and she was constantly insulting me and my mom, bro ... He asked us if she can take his daughter back to Buldana for few days along with her Sis, living in Thane ... Everybody opposed it and my brother said that we don't belive you as you may not allow my wife to return back to Pune ... But he promised us that it will not happen ...
They had booked tatkal train tickets on Sunday 8 AM and he was asking our permission on Sunday 4 PM .. So it was just a formality ... My emotional dad allowed him ..They reached to Buldana on Tuesday and they didn't call anyone of my family and shared about their whereabouts ...
While this thing was going on , my professional life caught into trouble , first my office was shifted from Viman nagar to Magarpatta city which is 22 KMs away from my living place .. I don't own a bike and public transport system of pune isn't reliable.. Daily I had to spent 4--5 hours .. Another thing happened , I received my annual appraisal letter ( long waited since 6 months ) and my company did not raise my salary ...I told her about all these developments and my plans to shift the flat as flat owner had increased flat rent by 10 % i.e. 6600 .. Considering economical aspects I told her that we need to shift the flat ..but she started saying that we should not shift as Hadapsar would be far away for her parents whenever they would visit us ... How insane is all this ... earlier my dad, bro had told them that one of them would visit buldana to bring her back to pune and her dad promised us that if it could not be possible for us then he would drop her on 15th/16th June
still to comeOn 14th , I started calling everyone including my dad,bro and her dad to bring her back to pune as we would be shifting our flat and her choice of flat would matter me a lot .. Meanwhile she lost her job as she went ahead with her journy to Buldana without telling her Boss ...All these things were going against me and on 14th I got frustrated with everyone including my family her family and her nonsense childish behavior ... I sent a sms to her telling her my frustration.. Her dad took it in other way and told me that this is going beyond out of control and they are thinking about filing a divorce application ...I argued with him for a while and on next day I called up my parents and conveyed them last nights proceedings ... I don't know what happened in between my dad and her dad .. As per planned nobody went to Buldana on15th/16th and neither her dad /she returned to Pune ...
So on 22nd June , my dad went their without informing them and i followed the same on next day ... As usual she wasn't there and since a week her phone was switched off and even her family had started talking nonsense with me ... On 23rd , we asked her to come along with us to pune but she refused and then whole drama started off .. Her repeatedly insulted me and told me that financially I am weak and I can not take care of his daughter and all that repeating of first 6 month's happenings .. Her dad threatened me and my dad that he will kill both of us if we don't leave the house ... In the same period in the fit of anger , she cursed me for doubting her character after 15 days of our marriage ... It was a total drama ..Meanwhile her mom told me that my wife has started bleeding . And they had told us that she went to her Aunt's place the day before we visited ( which was a lie , she had went to visit her Doc sis and i suspect that she may have aborted the child with the help of her Sister ) I have all this recorded on my mobile .. and everyting from 29th Dec to 23rd June 2012 ... phone calls , meetings with her family ... We felt insulted and left her house ... After reaching pune , I decided not to shift my flat rather I will send everything back to my home in Satara as my wife's return to Pune seemed to me dismal .. My parents asked me not to send the things back to their house as it would degrade our social status ... rather they called upon her Dad and told him about this .. Her dad said that let's divide the items i.e. he will take back whatever was given to his daughter in our marriage and my parents would send whatever daily utensils they had given to me ... Her dad agreed that he would return the gold ornaments which we had gievn to her in wedding ... ( on23rd june in front of her parents , my wife was complaining about the quality of Engagement ring given to her by my parents ) ...
Her dad came on 30th June and took everything back to I don't know may be Buldana or Thane as her sister's husband living in Thane , had brought a vehicle from Thane with Mumbai RTO passing .. I suspected that he may be sending household items to Thane ...
Still there are so many untold things left to be shared with you ... I don't know what to do ..Please give me guidance and how to handle this situation ..I know that I am the best judge in my life but I need your help regarding whole this drama .. Can I sought a divorce from my wife claiming metal cruelty towards me ?? I can not live with a childish person for rest of my life .. Can I sought a divorce from her ?? Can I file a complaint against both my wife and her dad for aborting the child without my consent and threatening my and my family's lives ...
Please guide me ..I have studied Hindu marriage act 1955 , Medical Termination Prevention Act 1971 but legal advice will be good for at any time .. Can I tell me what kind of case I can form against them ??
8thI am not well at all, my frnd.My entire life has been ruined ... I have never cried so much in past 6 months ..Even though I struggled for 9 years to complete my Electrical engg , 3 years to secure a stable job , but at that time also I have never been so emotionally week as I am now ... Things like suicide were never on my cards in my entire life , but once this person came into my life , I have became pessimistic ... There is absolutely no hope for me ... calling her for counseling is not possible as her entire life and day to day routine is closely monitored by her Dad ... I have never seen any extremely possessive father like him .. I don't know what sort of love they have for each other ..Otherwise how can a father threaten to his SIL to kill him and get a divorce for his daughter while his daughter is preggy .. I strongly feel that both father and daughter are facing from OCD ( Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ) because his daughter used to fear alot to sleep alone in bedroom while I am still in the Hall watching TV ... She used to start calling me whenever I go out to buy anything from outside shop ( which was like a 2-3 minutes walk ) ,after a delay of 5 minutes ... Her father used to call her daily and talk to her continuously for 2-3 hours and if she failed to call him or respond to call him some day then he would start fighting with her ...
I am not being sissy here but things have already gone out of my control ..I understand that people around the world are living with extreme pain and in front of their pains mine are nothing .. And I need to be strong and I can not live like an emotional fool for my entire life .. But that's the way it is ... I have already gone past my age of maturity and I don't think that I can change my character to a totally different level within a short span .. I have to live like this and I have to love myself for what I am .. I have changed myself as I felt that being a married person I have had to take care of everything including my wife , parents and mine too ... As mutual trust has already broken , so I don't think that anything can be done ... Last time i.e. in Jan , when she left my house and was staying with her parents , I have tried to counsel her and told her the same things which you are suggesting me ... but she is too practical and her definition of marriage is " just cooking twice in a day , sleeping on time , going out for movies ,eating in big resto's , owning a car ,flat and earning big money while she has to build a career for herself " ( I have this on the phone recorded conversation ) .. I don't think that anything can work out from onwords ... Rather she laughs off at whatever I try to counsel her on marriage and she says that I should keep my " Philosophy " only to myself and should not share it with her
9thOn 22nd June, when i went to her place to bring her back , her dad clearly told us that they had always wanted a SIL who is working in cities like Pune,Mumbai earning big salaries ... and they don't visit any house where there are addicts in a family ( my mom is addicted to Masheri ( tobacco ) , my dad chews tobacco and I smoke when I am in office or with my co-workers although I have never smoked in front of any family member or never been addicted to Alcohol , I have tasted everything right from Cocaine to Bidi but I have never been addicted to anything except ciggies ) I don't think that any woman can leave her husband just because he smokes in the office ... I am into a hectic IT life where there is a enormous work load on me .. I am not justifying my addiction ... But from past since 6 months I have had quit it just for the sake of saving my married life ..and I have had corrected my mistakes and resurrect all those allegations made against me by them ...
Last time when she had left the house on 29th Dec 2011 , she had taken all her cloths , her certificates along with her and thrown whatever me and my brother had presented to her as gifts including a costly purse bought from Goa , dress materials specially bought for her from UK by my bro , a designer necklace with special pearl from UK ... a costly Paithani Saree given by me ... This time she didnt take anything except her cloths and EDUCATIONAL CERTIFICATES ... this clearly shows that she has made up her mind ... and it is only me who wants to have a stable family life ... I suggested my parents to initiate a legal process but as they are from rural background where one's social status matters a lot to people ... They fear that my brother who is going to get married soon , would get into trouble because of my troubled married life and if I divorce my wife , the new relatives may rethink about my brother's marriage ... I understand their plight but what can I do ?? ... every time we go to my in-laws place her dad start bullshit and whenevr he is talking outside or on phone with my parents ,he uses sweet words and they fell in his trap ..he says that as they have a bride side , so they are the one's who would be facing troubles if this marriage is broken ... As my parents also had faced so many problems during the first 3 years of my sister's married life ( her husband was not getting any salary during the first 3 year's , he works as a medium school teacher and he is the only son with a sister in family ) . My parents gets emotional and they say that time will heal every wound and my wife will start understanding her responsibilities as a wife , DIL and will adopt our house as her and will start thinking positively like a true indian housewife ... In my whole relatives we have never had any case of divorce .. This would be the first case so they are fearing from society ... My wife's dad is a strong politician , and she hails from well educated family ... so there is vast difference in between us ... For them it is common thing that a engineer girl do not know how to wear a saree , how to cook , how to do daily housework , wear bangles , mangalsutra , bindi on forehead ... What can I say more ?? .. I am waiting for tomorrow . just somewhile ago I called upon my Mom and told her that we should call them tommorow and ask their final decision ... So right now I am waiting for tommorow ...
Last time when her Dad came to Pune to take household item presented by them during marriage , he was saying that his daughter have taken a wrong decision and they will tell their decision after 3 months ... My dad and brother believed him but I didn't .. already 2 months have passed by and he wants another 2-3 months ... What if he says that his daughter still needs 2-3 months more after 2-3 months ... That means a year will gone by in this whole process and whats the assurance that she may not run away from our house again in future ... Do we have to again chase her and woo her and her dad to settle down things ... Why should we have to always dance on their tunes ?? ... And I have to spend my entire life with this psycho ... Right now I have my 67 year old dad , my 59 year old mom , 28 year old unmarried brother besides me ... but after 5-6 years they wont be able to help me out and neither I would be able to do the same things again and again and neither I would have left energy to start a fresh life ... Everybody is giving me an advice to have some patience .. I understand it but behavior of bride side is not showing good positive signs ... I don't know how to handle this situation ...
Read my previous posts . This is the last one
New Update :- Finally her dad told me that my wife has aborted the child
I am a 33 year old married Hindu, indian guy and places mentioned in this blog are from Maharashtra , IndiaWell finally what I was hoping for what should not be happened , has happened . On 25th July somehow I managed to break into her new e-mail account and there I found that she has uploaded new resumes on various job sites where she had mentioned her preferred job locations as Mumbai , Aurangabad , Nagpur and her current address as Dombiwali Mumbai ( Her dad had applied for a 1BHK flat scheme of MHADA ( Maharashtra Housing Development Association ) in Mira Road Thane and she was telling me about his plan to buy a flat in Pune before she left me ) ... I thought that if thats the case then she must have aborted the child and then only started for searching jobs in cities where I would never manage to contact her . I told about this to my parents , sister and then I got irritated with this whole nonsense so I called her , as usual she didn't pick the phone .
So I SMSed her 3 questions .
1. Have you aborted the child?
2. Do you want to continue this marriage ?
3. If No for 2) then are you ready for a mutual consented divorce
And I asked her to reply me through either a phone call or a SMS .. I waited for her reply for 3 hours and then I called upon my sister, mom and told them about this .. Then finally I called upon her dad and asked him straight on the face about my 3 questions asked to his daughter and also I informed him that I have asked the same to his daughter .
That bas***d calmly told me that his daughter hasn't aborted the my child but it had happened . I asked him when did this take place . Did she consult any doctor ? do you guys have any documents of it ?. That Madarchod told me that when he had came to pune on 30th June to take household items of theirs back to Buldana , the abortion had been happened before it . I persisted about the date of abortion and documents of it . I asked him to send me a latest Sonography report of his daughter . That Behenchod had lied to my brother and dad earlier when he was infront of me on 30th June . He had told us that they haven't aborted the child and neither they seek a divorce rather he was blaming his daughter for taking a wrong decision .
On my persistent questions about sonography report , he started abusing me and cussing in the worst language you will ever hear from a Vice prinicipal of a Secondary School . Then I couldn't control myself and I raised my voice and told him that this is a question of my life and you guys have ruined it . He became speechless and couldn't keep a track with my raised voice because I wasn't allowing him to counter attack me , so he simply put the phone down .
After this thing happened , I called upon everyone from my family and told them what happened between me and that bas***d . Everyone was extremely furious , i left the office in afternoon and reached my home at around 6:30 o'clock .( I live in Satara , 100 Kms away from Magarpatta , Hadapsar Pune ) then we went to my Dad's lawyer friend , I have had given my uncompleted statement regarding whatever happened throughout 1 year of married life . Me and my dad asked him to draft a legal notice which would be sent to my in-laws and initiate a legal process as soon as possible . My lawyer uncle also told us that I have made a big blunder by marrying someone from an area which is 550 KMs away and I should have inquired about this family before marriage . When I said that I have had inquired about my wife through common friends . He said that it wasn't enough as college friends always say nice things about a girl although they won't say good things about a guy . But I must have had inquired this family through someone elder person and asked me not to bother about this marriage . Do not ever call anyone from my in-laws side and let this matter be closed amicably .. Forget whatever happened and make a fresh start .. if possible search a new job , shift to a new city while we elders will handle this on our own way . You just concentrate on your job and keep yourself busy , happy and do not ever think about your past but do not forget it as I have might to recite your Hell infront of judge during the court trial .
After we came back to our house , my mom told us that her dad had called on landline number and had asked my dad to call him back .
I exchanged my SIM card with my Dad's and put into my mobile with a Phone call recorder and asked my dad to call that bas***d . As expected he started spitting venom in dignified way . First he told my dad about my phone call but he didn't say a word about abortion ( He had some shame left ) and then he started threatening him with 498A cases , DV cases and making my parents lives hell and creating problems in my brother's marriage . My 68 year old Dad , 60 year old mom kept quite and talked to him in casual way . After phone was over my dad , mom told me to keep quite until this case comes before court then I can present the phone recordings in front of judge and win this case easily and just get rid of this girl as quickly as possible and they also told me that we have already searching for a new girl , so don't worry . Do not loose focus from your life because you are the owner of it and don't let that bytch and her dad control it for the rest of your life . If you want to teach them a lesson then have some patience , just after when you get divorce papers, gold items in your hands, then you can do whatever you want to do with them . But for the moment keep quite .
And thats what I am currently doing .. I need strength to get myself through this HELL and win this battle for survival . I hope that I win it
11thWell still nothing is going right in my life ... I have had posted my story on an indian forum related with post marriage problems and readers of my posts were suggesting me take a drastic step to get rid of this misery ... I was using my wife's gmail ID and in her google+ account there was a guy who was following her ... I have had changed her basic info and may be he got curious and must have had contacted her .. So she may have told him her SIDE of story and after knowing it .. One day he messaged in her google+ account which I was using ... it was just a casual hi, hello ... and then he started talking that your husband has gone mad and it is fine for her to divorce him and abort the child and move on ..etc etc .. he knew beforehand that its not my wife but its me who is using it .. I don't know what was his intentions ... So finally i could not control myself and gave a link to my forum posts .. he read it and again said that your husband is mad .. than i was forced to reveal my identity .. once he came to know that he started the same things that i am doing wrong with her and i have spoiled her life ..etc etc ... and i am not a justice with her by posting our private life in public forums ... I explained many things about why am i forced to reveal the most private moments of my married life in public forums.. and showed him my wife's real face ... but he started saying that he can not trust me as both of us are strangers .. i agreed with him and then told him everything which i could not share in my forum posts ...
he forwarded a link to my posts to my wife and her sister .. both of them along with her husband read it by sitting throughout the night and then her sister called upon my brother and started cursing me and even she said that they are accepting her sister's mistakes but i must have to divorce her and i have done a wrong thing by discussing my private life with strangers from internet ... and even she critisized me saying that whatever i have written is based on false imaginations and there is no proof involved in it and i have maligned my father-in-laws image and i am tarnishing their social status .. blah blah ...
My brother just told her that my brother will delete those posts and she do not have worry about it ..but she didnt stop and continued with her ranting ... My brother recorded her phone call and sent a MMS clip to me and asked me what to do ?? I told him not worry and i will be deleting my profile from that forum as soon as reach the office ..
After this my father in law called upon my brother on his mobile and repeated the same things and even he started abusing my brother and threatened that he may be spoiling his marriage and he may file false Domestic violence cases against me and my family .. My brother was assuring him that I will delete the posts but he kept saying and he said that he can kill me with ease ...
Once i reached my office i checked the forum ... there were many users who were angry with my in-laws and my wife for their torturus behaviour with me and they were suggesting me to get rid of this family as soon as possible ... I tried to delete the posts but forum rules were such that i wasnt able to ... So i had to e-mail admins of that forum to either delete my posts or delete my profile ... After 30-40 minutes somehow my profile from that forum was deleted and so did my posts ...only replies to my posts were still there ... Then i checked my gmail account and there i found a surprise package for me .. My wife had e-mailed me from a new yahoo ID ..and she had cussed me in the worst language ... She was blaming everyone including me , my mom .. and everyone ... she was telling me what she did while I made that suicide attempt but she had no plans to accept her wrongdoings and she didnt accept that she was the sole reason for my attempt ... She was saying that she faced so many problems while running the house while I WASN'T GIVING HER MONEY and ALSO SHE WAS JOBLESS AT THAT TIME ...
Obivious question came to my mind at that time .. If i wasn't giving her money and still she was able to run the house without any job ... Then who was paying her money ... There were so many allegations which everyone of my in-laws made against me in January .. and she was repeating them again and again ...
Anyways its already very late and I have leave .. See you tomorow ..I will update further more .. for the time being bye bye!!! and please pray for me
12thWell well guys , I am back with new updates .. I dont know how many people read my posts which are in somewhat in broken english ... But I can not find any better way to share my feelings .. There was a way of writing it in a diary but that option is not safe as in future someone from my family may read it which i dont want ... I am an expressive guy may be I may sound stubborn at some times but I have every emotions in the book which every individual have ...
well it has been 9 days since I didn't post anything ... I deleted my forum posts and next day I visited my legal lawyer who drafted a legal notice to her and her Dad ... On the day when her dad was talking to my brother regarding my forum posts he was repeating same thing that he can spoil his marriage and make his life miserable too ... My brother got angry and told him clearly that it is his life and this whatever nonsense is going on , is between your daughter , you and my brother .. what he has all got to do with it ..he is calm because our family honestly want to keep this relationship going on but you guys are creating all sorts of problems right from the beginning.. Besides that he met my wife and their family after a gap of 5 months of my marriage , my brother was in UK at that time and he couldnot attend my wedding ... He is totally unaware of happenings in my family life ... but my FIL was dragging him in it for no reason ... So my brother told him if he want to talk to him then be polite otherwise he should not call him regarding this matter .. From that day onwards my FIL stopped calling my father , me and my brother ... This happened on 2nd Aug ...
Well on 11th Aug , I somehow managed to find her new e-mail ID and managed to break into her account using Google's account recovery options .. After 2 days google gave me an access to that account ... There I found that my wife had visited her old office in Thane ( a small company having employee strength not more than 20 ) on 1st Aug .. and she had promised to join that company from 13th Aug ... Using e-mail IP tracking , i found that she was in Buldana / Nanded on 8th Aug and from there she had sent that job acceptance mail .. and her next mail on 9th Aug was sent from Parbhani ...
In the view of new developments , I suggested my lawyer to sent a legal notice directly to her office instead of sending it on her sister's address .. which he accepted ... from that day onwards i could not stop myself from thinking about her .. earlier i thought that may be she and her parents would be pacified after few days and will rethink on everything... So yesterday I could not stp myself from calling her at first .. ( but she picked the phone said Hello and then after a minute she cut it without saying anything , after many tries she did not bother to accept my phone ) then I sent her a SMS telling her that I want to meet her and discuss everything , past , future and present and I am not expecting anything .. it is going to be a casual talk to clear every doubts so that in future neither she nor me would blame each other .. Life is not just limited for an year , a day or a week .. nobody has seen the future and what it has in store for us .. If in future she says that because of me , she is facing a ruined life then I wanted her to rethink again on happenings thats why I wanted to meet her .. As we have had met in the absense of of our parents and decided to get married , so I asked her to repeat the same .. There would be neither my parents nor her parents , present when we talk so that both of us would be free from anyone's pressure .. She neither replied to my SMS nor called me back .. I thought that may be she feared that I might be recording her phone call and thats why she is not ready to talk on mobile , so I called her from a landine number but again same thing happened ...
So these are new developments , I feel that mine every dream has been shattered , every promises that we made to each other for a better family life have gone without fulfilled .. Someone has choked my breathing and asking me to either die or bear the pain .. Just for her career and wealth , she and her parents have ruined her mind and in turn have spoiled my married life ...
I am not claiming that I am cleaner from my side .. I was lazy in first 2-3 months of our married life .. wasn't caring much for money .. Sometimes I mixed my professional life with my personal life and even if I explained it to my wife , she never understood it as she was far away from facing difficulties in professional life .. All those mistakes which she told me in month of Janury 2012 , i corrected in the next 3 months .. I started to go to a gym , started waking up earlier in the morning ... have stopped spending money lavishly on her... even she have had changed herself to some extent ..But once the news of her pregnancy broke out , she and her parents went back to their old module ...
This has happened so far .. I dont know what has been stored in future for me ... I try my best to face it and be prepared for worst but sometimes in a day i could not stop myself from shedding tears and breaking down ...
Going through legal process is not a pill to digest which i understand .. But as I am an emotional and expressive person , I find it extremely difficult to accept the fact that a person whom I have had accepted as my soulmate , my life partner parted her ways with me for reasons which could have been sorted out with time and with patience ... Everybody wants money in life but it is not everything and the only reason to live life happily ..If that was the case then only Bill Gates was the only happy husband on this planet ... I have always mentioned to her that I would be changing my job after i complete 2 years in my present company which will boost my prospects in securing a good salaried job , she should have waited for another 3 months ... I did so many tries to get her a job but she always belived that through any interview process , she is not going get a job rather she always thought getting into a job is easier through references.. she used to meet random strangers and asked them to help in it ...
I can play blame games too but I must accept that it is not going to change the present condition ... I dont know what should I write further as I am totally confused at the moment .. Life has earlier taught me many toughest lessons but this lesson is really hard for me understand .. This lesson is giving me a tag as DIVORCEE ..someone who could not keep his wife not for more than an year ..
I know that I have to be a strong person and face this difficulty with a smiling face and let everything happen in its way and I have to be neutral as much as possible so that i can make up my mind ... This is very easier to say but it is extremely diffcult to do ... I have never been in any woman in my entire 33 year lifetime ..I have always preserved my love , my heart for my future wife .. I know that I am extremely emotional and practical world care less for emotions .. But what should I do with my mind , my heart .. My wife was the only one for me with whom I wanted to share everything and I wanted to both of us to be 1 body, one heart and one soul...
I should blame myself for giving my heart and trust to someone so easily ... But honestly to tell you I never had any love of any woman in my whole life .. Whatever love I got was through my Mom ... I can openly say that whatever woman I understood in my life was through my Mom ... I have had an affair at the age 16-17 with my 14-15 year old cousin sister but there was no love involved in it .. It was a case of imatufication .. Both of us were stepping into youth phase of our lives .. there were few changes going through bodies and it was just an experiment under the influence of romantic movies .. There was no practical approach to that .. I am still loving my wife even at this point of time .. And I am still ready to forgive her parents and forget everything and whatever happened so far .. There are mistakes done by both of us.. But cutting all those emotional strings is extremely hard for me .. There were millions of emotions , dreams attached with her ... I know that in some corner of her heart , there is a tiny place for me .. I know that I am not that much bad as per her ...
Daily 24x7 I try to explain my heart not to think much about her but just after I finish it , within 2 seconds again I start thinking about her , her mistakes , her wordings , her habbits ... Even though she is a stubborn and extremely practical woman but I have every faith in my love towards her that she must be thinking about me , just for a second in a day ... whatever it may be ... This is the most difficult phase of my life ... I dont know what should I do with it
I need to stop here otherwise I don't know what kind of things may cross through my mind .. May be destructive ..may be sucide etc etc ...
Will share everything in my future posts
Joined: 12 October 2012
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