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Impressions and Feedbacks-BY a PROUD HCian <3 (Page 9)

kiran_28 IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 08 July 2011
Posts: 11896

Posted: 27 December 2012 at 3:54am | IP Logged
Originally posted by lakshmi_3004

FF-Pyar Ka Asar Chapter-24

1]heer winkingWink??  prem tho jal jal ke butta hogaya hoga becharaROFL  ya ryt jal bhunke poora bharta ban gaya mere Prem ka Embarrassed LOL
2]"Prem se teekha khana nahi khaya aja na." aww this is called "touch of reality "...loved the way you added a bit of realityClap...great thinking dearThumbs Up and "honey chilly potato" is an intelligent improvisationLOL...keep it upStar  actually honey chilli potatoes are my fav so mae ne Prem ka bhi bana diya Wink
3]"Prem (angrily thinking): Yeh Manmeet apnea p ko samjhta kya hai. Chilli potatoes khilane tak to thik tha. Lekin ab to kuch zyada hi ho raha hai. Agar ab isne Heer ke kareeb jane ki koshish kin a I swear mae bhool jaounga ki yeh mera dost hai." aww Angry HCDay Dreaming ...i mean PremEmbarrassed...i just can imagine his hands balling up ...shivering in pure anger...grinding teeth...thanks for including Jealous angry HC...i mean Prem.Hug...love you for thisHeart Arre yehi to hamare Prem babu ki khasiyat hai LOL
4]i almost forgot that Ash and Mish are also there in this FF...D'ohhehehe but now i m glad dat remebr dem LOL
5]"Bharat milaap" seriously kunal never fails to crack me upROFL...you have a nice sense of humorLOL...nice comic touchThumbs Up...adds that extra zing to the ffEmbarrassed  thank u thank u...its one of my best quality Embarrassed
6]"Prem (thinks): Atleast waha to muje Heer ke sath akele time milega.Heer (thinks): Kash waha muje Prem ke sath thorda time akele spend karne ko mile." bechara prem aur heerUnhappy Taras gayein hein APNI heer/prem ke saat kuch waqt akele bitaanekoDisapprove...thoda tho rehem karo apne heer/prem deewaane/deewaani peAngry...kaleja hey kya pathar AngryLOL* does nautanki and keeps left hand on forehead*  arre dont wry do dil zaror milenge...i'll make sure dat Wink
7]i had no idea KDMHMD forum band hogayi Shocked...sorry to hear that Ouchwell nice move that you shifted it to fanfiction sectionEmbarrassed...thanks for doing soHug  Kdmhmd forum band hone wala tha but not now humari (deshians) ki meherbani se LOL
8]awesome write up dearClap...magar it was short hence i was not able to analyse the continuity ...the technicality...and the quality conformation of the FF...EmbarrassedOuch
9]magar i liked this chapter a lotBig smile!! short but sweetEmbarrassed  thank u so much Hug
10] thank you for giving me a chance to review the FF dear and keep my views in front of youHug well its was my pleasure Embarrassed

Edited by kiran_28 - 04 January 2013 at 3:00am

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kiran_28 IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 08 July 2011
Posts: 11896

Posted: 27 December 2012 at 3:55am | IP Logged
Originally posted by lakshmi_3004

FF-Pyar ka Asar Chapter-25-In Ward Lake
1]The pic is so cuteSmile!! nice place dearEmbarrassed thank u Embarrassed this place in Shillong and i have already went thereBig smile ....i remember 26th/29th march 2009 episode jab prem was crying sitting on a small brifge like this thinking heer loved only his face not him...Unhappy
2]"There are many couples sitting on benches, under the tree or near the lake" nice touch of detailing dearClap maintains the believable aspect of the FFStar...gives a solid scenarioApprove...nice thinkingClap actually in reality ward lake is one of the lover's Point in shillong LOL
3]"Heer is busy in chatting with Ash and Misha. And our Prem is continuously trying to get Heer's attention. But Heer is not looking at him even for one second." i can imagine prem trying to catch Heer's attentionLOL!! remember his and heer's mehendi?? the broken mirror ...and i  like the way you said "our" prem.Day Dreaming...makes this FF a tad more personalBig smile.. brings the reader the narrator and the characters of teh story much more close..thanks for thinking in that wayHug well its my point of view Embarrassed
4]"Prem (frustratedly thinking):- Yeh Heer bhi na, Ash or Misha se to aese baat karne mae lagi hui hai jaise unse sadiyo baad mil rahi ho. Meri taraf to dekh bhi nahi rahi huh!!!" Adorable angry young man.Day Dreaming...i just can't stop going.ROFLROFL...thinking about prem's failed attemptsROFL and heer's chattingROFL hahaha han is one of the main reason  i love Prem LOL Wink
5]"Heer (thinks):- Oh God yeh manmeet to mere piche hi pard gaya hai. Muje to Prem ke sath baithna hai. Ab kya karun" Classic Heer.ROFL... Damsel in DistressErmm...hamesha kahina kahi phasjaati heyAngry...cute heerLOL... Heer ka doosra naam musibato ki rani jo hai ROFL
6]i can imagine heer nervously smiling and hesitating a lot to accept the invitation and pinning all her hope on prem to SAVE herLOL...and did prem looked like this? ya ryt Embarrassed

7]"Heer slowly stretch her hand to keep her palm on Manmeet's palm but before she could put  her palm on Manmeet's she was stopped by Prem's  scream" very very DRAMATIC!!!ROFL
i could imagine..heer's hand slowwwly inching towards manmeet's outstretched handsLOL...then the video panning and  focussing on manmeet's hand ...heer's hand...heer's face..prem's face...then heer's hand...prem's face...then heer's face...she swallowing  down..in hesitaion...then again prem's face..heer's hand...then a fast play of all the three subjects "with zuzuk zuzuk BG soundLOL* then suddenly Prem bucling up ...bending forward screaming!! then heer's shocked face manmeet's face now turns towards prem...and a still on every one's shocked face one by one as they watch prem screaming in pain...  hmm i know it was bit dramatic na...kuch zyada hi hogaya tha Ouch LOL
8]"Prem (screamed):- aaahhhahahaaa!!!!" but seriously i was so immersed in FF that i was shocked a bitShocked...how dare you keep prem in pain even though jhoot moot ka...Angry opps sry but kya karen kuch pane k liye kuch khona bhi to pardta hai na Wink
but nice thinkingLOL...although age old ideaErmm to draw attention of his sajni and escaping from the annoying peopleAngry and kabaab emin haddi manmeetAngry
9]i was expecting manmeet will be sucpicious cos of the TIMING of his painD'oh...can't prem build up his dramaAngry?? sort of leading to painErmm...so that no one could be suspiciousLOL?? anaari hey bilkul anaari Angryab kya karein iss jhalle ka??Ermm
10]i can see where prem is coming fromSmile...from his pOV he is in danger of losing heer  anytimeOuch...cos of not saying truth out...and personally i dint like the behaviour of chipku-manmeetAngry...arey kunal, thick friend of P and H din't take any liason with heer till nowEmbarrassed...but here manmeet is going on like a breakless gaadiAngryROFL hahahaha ROFL
11] waiting for your "Big Dhamaaka"...Big smile hmm just wait and watch Wink
12]awesome write upClap!! nice hold on story even though you had discontinued for some timeApprove..in between...nice continuity is maintained through outThumbs Up...nice scene build upClap...location was used wiselyLOL!! the reactions of various characters where well drawn outStar...specially the car mein ice cream wala scene ,prem's nautanki etc!!Embarrassed thank u so much Big smile
13] thanks for giving me a chance to review your work dearHug

Edited by kiran_28 - 04 January 2013 at 3:09am

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