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Impressions and Feedbacks-BY a PROUD HCian <3 (Page 8)

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-vandy-

IF-Stunnerz

-vandy-

Joined: 19 September 2008

Posts: 34476

Posted: 07 December 2012 at 8:45pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by lakshmi_3004

Feed Back for 
@Vandy di's

*^*Vandy's Creations*^* 


1] i loved the relaxing flavour of the song diSmile...awesome song selectionThumbs Up..atif aslam's voice lends an ethreal feel to the VMEmbarrassed
2] 0.11 the way raghav's hand starts bleeding and the guitar strumming struck meDay Dreaming ...i liked the syncing a lotClap!! it was one of those bright moments of the VMHugClapStar
3]0.21 when the line kuch iss tarha starts and the way Raghav was lost in sia's (still stranger to him) innocent dari dari sehmi sehmi demeanor was so...Day Dreaming ...awww LOVED it diHug
4]0.33-0,40 aansu tere and the subsequent line was so well in sync with vid...APT scene selection.Thumbs Up...we could feel raghav getting instantly connected to sia.Embarrassed...
5]0,40-0.44 the eye-lock raghavI had was so intense.ShockedDay Dreaming...still unsure...like testing each other...hope i made sense hereConfused let me explain
raghav might be wondering what a mystery she is with an air of disinterest
while sia might be pondering..over her step...which took lot of courage for her to muster taking into consoderation her present condition being in  psychological trauma...those few seconds spoke million di!!ShockedClapStar
6] the end was a bit truncated.Disapprove...i mean was bit suddenOuch...it caught me off guard as i was all lost in raghavI's eyes...Day DreamingROFL
7] and the length Embarrassed...it could have been a bit more di..Unhappy
kya karoon di dilse HCian hoon...Dil Maange MoreROFL

The VM was awesome Thumbs Up..short but sweetBig smile...short duration but strong impact...Clap

Thank you Vandy di for letting me review and giving me chance to keep my thoughts and opinion as feedback in front of you Hug
thanku for this lakshmiSmile
hc's face and atif's voice is a perfect combo for meDay Dreaming

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Ephemera

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-vandy-

IF-Stunnerz

-vandy-

Joined: 19 September 2008

Posts: 34476

Posted: 07 December 2012 at 8:46pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by lakshmi_3004

feedback for 
@vandy di's

*^*Vandy's Creations*^*


1] one of my fav songs diBig smile...thank you for choosing itHug...shaan is just magical in hereEmbarrassed...
2]0.06,0.9,0.11 the freeze moments and the heart beat in BG was EPIC diClap...it is one of those bright moments of this VM di!!
3]0.14-0.16 the effect was splendid diThumbs Up..went well with the music behind...APTStarThumbs Up
4]0.16-0.26 loved raghav's expressionDay Dreaming!! again the song and scene was in tandemClap..it was  as if expressing raghav's heart-of-heart's desireDay DreamingROFL
5]0.41 when Raghav emerges on screen with dil ne tumko was MAGICAL diShockedClap!! i was transfixed by it...Day Dreaming
6] the way raghav was holding sia's hands while she was struggling to get freeLOL...was so soDay Dreaming...i mean raghav was not only transfixed by sia's innocence but also wanted to say a million things to herDay Dreaming...making him forget where he was LOL...what he was doingLOL..and in what predicament he wasD'ohLOL!!
7] short.Angry...but splendidClap...duration is the only bone of contention here di..AngryCry..

The VM was awesomeClapStar..what made it more endearing was the song selectionBig smile...(am a bit partial hereWink)...

Thank you Vandy di for letting me review and giving me chance to keep my thoughts and opinion as feedback in front of you Hug
thanx for it againSmile
keep these feedbacks coming...just love reading themWink

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Ephemera

-vandy-

IF-Stunnerz

-vandy-

Joined: 19 September 2008

Posts: 34476

Posted: 07 December 2012 at 8:49pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by lakshmi_3004

*^*Vandy's Creations*^*


1]OMG OMG OMG my all time fav songeeepHug!!!...thank you thank you tahnk you di for this VM..HugBig smile
2]0.00-0.09 when the line went SHINING...and the way raghav yanked sia from harm's way was so...Day Dreaming it was very very nice di!!Big smile
3]0.08 just when i was thinking the video is too bright in the lighting senseEmbarrassed...suddenly the coloring of vid changedShocked..shiftedBig smile...awesome..ClapClap
i would look at it in 2 ways...
a) straight forwardly it felt that some one switched off the light in roomROFL
b) ..just when the lyrics went "shining in the sand and sun" the colouring effect went to sandyEmbarrassed...it was beautifully executed..ClapThumbs Up
4]0.15-0.17 "heal me heal me" was so symbolicShocked...in the sense sia silently requesting raghav to medicate her wounded heart and soulDay Dreaming...(my imaginationLOL) and vice versa..as raghav too had a wounded heart!!Unhappy
5]0.47 to 1.00 the entry of raghav on screen with tera was so nice...Day Dreaming
and yeah raghav had become sia's the moment he saw herDay Dreaming!! awww how romantic and cute!!Day Dreaming
i mean you have given a lot of ways to perceive and enjoy same set of scenesStar!! you are gifted di!!Hug
6]last but never the least your signature on the video was niceThumbs Up..the way vandy was announcing itself was nice little personalizing touch di..Hug
7]am seriously amazed Shockedat your skill di...hmm shortAngry VMs have become your signature working style i guessAngryLOL

awesome VM diClap...always i had HC's face in my mind whenever i heard this songEmbarrassed..now you have given wings to my imagination whenever i will hear the song again..ROFL

Thank you Vandy di for letting me review and giving me chance to keep my thoughts and opinion as feedback in front of you Hug
that colouring effect happened accidentlyROFL
good u liked itROFL
naa lakshmi...
i guess short vms r better...
u tend to make more of them...esp wen one is in initial stages of a show with limited scenesOuch

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Ephemera

Ephemera

IF-Sizzlerz

Ephemera

Joined: 08 July 2012

Posts: 10954

Posted: 08 December 2012 at 3:57am | IP Logged
@vandy di i dint understand that wink di...you really like reading it...or u are hinting at length?ConfusedLOL

are waah colouring effect by accident thi...but it's PERFECTClapLOL

di i am not making more of it lol...i can understand its the initial stage but still loved the multiple way one can view it

The_Inner_Voice

Goldie

The_Inner_Voice

Joined: 05 July 2012

Posts: 1621

Posted: 17 December 2012 at 2:59am | IP Logged
[QUOTE=lakshmi_3004]my first feedback in this thread...is for Sneha di's AMAZING FF "
My reply in Purple:

Awesome thought of coming up with a new thread dedicated to feedbacks Thumbs Up

*FF: The Seasons Of Life-

here goes my errr long feed back for 

Chapter  3 Part (a)


The first bud of Spring

..
1]change is a inevitable in life di...and the first sentence gave a crisp and straight-to-the-business tone to the story!!!Thumbs Up
Glad u noticed it Big smile

2]loved the details you included.Hug.like tea-breaks..fresh flowers..and raghav's work..not only it gave a sense of passage of time (intended) it also helps in maintaining the consistency... i loved subtle continuityClap...makes the read much more enjoyable Big smile
Glad the details had the desired effect Big smile

3]i am not able to connect Confused...at this point of time to the fact that Sia is acting as if the-normal-soap heroine-having infinite-patience-never opening her mouth-at the face of injustice...attitude.Angry..i mean this FF is far far far more better the everyday crap they dish out as soaps in TVAngry..and if we get to see the same pattern here too...its...irritatingConfused?? (for lack of correct word)...Embarrassed
At this point of time Sia is just letting him be... yup She's taking the crap just for the time being... she's nt the one to take all the blame when its not her mistake... but then... at certain times one needs to be a listener ... well she did shut him up once in the previous chapter...and if she hadn't been a listener today ...you wouldn't have got the heart to heart talk between Raghav and Sia.. I had a choice : (1)Sia shutting Raghav up for the outburst or (2) Sia bearing the burnt of his anger to hear him out...Well I chose the later...coz only then the story would move forward as I want it to.

4]i agree completely here with you diSmile.. although consistency is important in stories...in reality there is hardly anything which is consistent ever in lifeOuchLOL..and hence change is the norm of lifeSmile...this last sentence was a gem and also acts like a peg which is holding this piece of imaginative writing down to the base of reality...a gentle reminder of sorts that "hey!! these things do happen in real life too...Star
again excellent job in maintaining an air of reality instead of flowing away in imagination..you..know..no fantasy...ClapThumbs Up
Well  cantt promise you of a write up devoid of filmy stuff or fantasy...coz hum to fultu filmy hain LOL... Guess you need to wait n watch LOL

5] "It had been an exhausting day in every sense of the word for Raghav. Some issue had cropped up in the firm in the morning that had made him leave home on an empty stomach. Half of his working time had been accommodated with solving the issue but the situation still looked grave as they were not able to reach at consensus. His important client meeting scheduled for that day had been called off which left him in a sour mood"
this piece of work struck me for some unknown reasonSmile...may be the day to day office scenario was so akin to real lifeSmile..or i could just imagine raghav or rather HCBlushing in an office setting...or may be we as workers do face it on a common basis.LOL.,,or may be i could relate very well to the off- mood of R due to cancelled appointmentsLOL..dunno..Confused
krish's school event??Confused the tone says it was a known fact.Confused..what am i missing di? how can i oversee this? Shocked
i can see a storm comingLOL...lol i can imagine Hc's face Day Dreamingwith lot of internal thinking..and restlessness
What abt krish's schol event?... all knew about it...just that Raghav couldnt make up to it... U havent overseen anything re... LOL

6]i liked the greased-hand starting to smile  and sighing and rolling eyes sia...these small small details has huge contribution to the overall believeablity(there i go inventing a word LOLall cos of uAngry) of FF...Smile
this is also shows your caliber as an observer dear..ClapClapClap
i mean until and unless conciously or subconciously you concentrate on the  actions reaction in environment you can't add it in the FF kno...
Thankoooz Big smile

7]"Raghav had just slumped on to his couch and was having hard time thinking about talking to Krish. His nephew of late had come to say that Raghav had no time for him. His heart ached thinking about it and moreover knowing that perhaps it was true. Yes he had drowned himself in work so as to run away from the memories. He had come to find out that he did not know any other way to cope. But then this had lead to him spending less time with Krish. He would leave early in the morning for the firm and come late at night only to see Krish tucked away and fast asleep. But everyday Kaka would mention about Krish asking for his Chachu. All he would do was curl up beside the little ones form and hold him for a while, as if this small gesture would fill him with life again, with hope again, with peace again. But today he felt way too low. Was he being selfish here? Was he in the name of running away from the pain, neglecting Krish? How could he forget the event at school? Krish had been so looking forward to it. He decided he would go to Krish and try and pacify him in any which way possible. With all these thoughts raking his mind he had messed up his hair, by running his hand through them umpteen number of times."
one word-STUPENDOUS...i dunno y but i LOVE IT!!...the subtle nuances..the questions raised..the-running away-from memories-by immersing oneself into work is so so raghav/HC!! and the way i like...internal turmoil of raghav is always so interesting...and you bottled it perfectly!! awesomeHugClapStar
i really can understand the trouble you had to undergo NOT to slip into lalalala land when you were writing about raghav's hair!Blushing! awwwieee his hairDay Dreaming...and that tooo messed upBlushing!! killer di..LOLBlushing
Glad it had that effect on you...and abt lalala land...can we not discuss it please... LOL

8]grrr raghav is way tooo acidic in his behaviour towards a ladyAngryAngry...no amount of reasoning can be taken as excuse to his stupid behaviourAngry..my hand was so itching to give a tight slap to him for his pricking words!Angry! what he things himself?Angry lord governor?Dead does he control sia's breath too grrr.Angry..pathetic behaviourD'oh...i hate raghav for this at present.Angry..ok fine he lost his family..so?? so what? its not end of the world..nor world's biggest trajedy..and neither a loss nobody has ever gone through grrrAngryAngry ..there are many who have gone through much more terrible things boss!! Angry(i think sia is one suchWink)..can't he cut some slack for sia?Angry grrr
Acidic!!! ...oh yeah!!!!!... that he is at the moment but kya karen... each person reacts differently in grief... waqt waqt ki baat hai... now my my...itne saare Angry for Raghav...hmmm chalo sahi track mein hoon abtak if that's ur reaction til now.LOL


9]what a karara phatka sia gave in her reply to R's rant.Clap..in her irritatinglyAngry "calm-understanding -reassuring-as well as slightly disconnected "way...R sooo needs that kinda reality check.Clap...am so so happy!!Big smile yippeeeDancing
Chalo madam khush to hui LOL

10]i liked the detailing..u know..sia talking with her back towards R...R staring at nothing!! i can imagine the intense eye to eye contact...oi maaa Day Dreamingif i was in sia's place i would melt.Blushing..hai neeeBlushing
and what sia said was true..one need to talk things out so that it wouldnt drown them in...self pity and self blaming is worst right?Embarrassed then again these qualities making R's charecter much more humane and convincing!!ClapThumbs Up awesome confrontationClap...although frankly i felt at start that sia was putting her hand staight inside  lion's mouth he he he ROFL
Glad u liked the nuances there... and ...Lion's mouth ROFL

11]"She looked right back into his eyes while saying "well if takes all the yelling out on me to make you feel lighter...go on... be my guest." This disarmed him...she had thrown a curve ball his way and he didn't know what to do except for being rooted to his place"
hilarious and solemn at the same time!!..i LOLed when she said "be my guest"LOL...i know the way R would have got the jhatka.LOL..lol first of all sia was brave to talk in an eye contactClap...dint quail under his death stareClap...on top of that completely unexpected dealing she did...very very very funny and sad too...sad cos R was so hurt he NEEDs some one to talk and trust..again..Ouch.
I'm so happy that it reached out to you Big smile

12] "lost look" "i am scared" drew a lone tear out of my eyesCry
Awww Hug

13]i really really was saddened and cried along with raghav..all his IFs was paining me too along with sia..felt..as if saying " shhh shhh dont break into pecies..."wiping his tears away..felt ...felt to give him a warm reassuring hug!! he in so need of it OuchCry
That hug he surely needs... but let Sia do the honors Wink

14]"Siya in the most consoling voice reached out to him "Hey!!! It's ok ...It's ok to be scared..." He looked up at her, into her eyes, and found that those words that she said were genuine as it reflected in her eyes. She gave a nod as if trying to affirm her words. "Its all scattered right now... but believe me...it will be fine in the coming days as you cope...it will". at this he said "I don't think so. Bhai n Bhabhi have left such a void within me that I..." and he could not continue.  "I do understand what it is to lose your dear ones... It's like a part of you that was a part of them too is snatched away...leaving you changed to a certain extent... Yes it hurts and hurts like hell... But then when try to look a bit beyond our pains we are able to see what we can do about it... You have Krish to cling on to... your driving force... As for work at the firm...a few days down the lane and you will be able to deal with it just like you brother did... And as far as Krish is concerned...Anyone who says that kid resents you has button for eyes... That kid out there is as much your world as your are his... nothing can shake that... not even missing out on the meets... Yes the recent happenings have made it difficult for you to spend time with him, sometimes done purposely to drown yourself in work whereas sometimes the reasons being genuine... But then nothing in this world right now can give Krish more happiness than your presence and vice versa... Stop this running away from memories... they will stop chasing you... eventually."
    He asked again, "does this ever stop? The memories lashing out at you?" To this she said... "No it doesn't... though they become less frequent... Initially they tend get on to you and you constantly feel the loss... but eventually they take a back seat... coming back at few odd times... but by then you are able to take them, shed a few tears and then gather yourself up all by yourself."
     "I don't think I could ever forget them..." he said voicing his doubts and as if in sync she continued "...and you don't have to... Just keep them safe in that corner of your heart which is still warm...where there is summertime all year through... now you may not find it...let a few days pass by and you'll know the place""...
two words come up ...and apt too...: BEAUTIFUL...heart touching.....Big smileClap
This part of writing has been one of my favorites too Big smile

15]as to your question at the end??
 in a way its a small start...but for me..as  a reader...its a talk with huge consequence Smile...it might change the whole way of looking at things for raghavStern Smile..bring about charecter fortification.Smile...its very very significant talk!! and as it matters heartsEmbarrassed...i am very sure Raghav has slipped for sia( a wishfull fangirl dream Day DreamingLOL)..even though he is not in what you might say "right frame of mind"..Ouch..
thanks di for including me (make a point and comment brigand lol) in your thank you notes ..am honored...Hug
as for my reaction?? "curl up beside you..only that am the little one " ROFL
Hmm About Raghav falling or Siya...as i always say...Wait and watch... and about you curling up like the little one... Here's me going a la Sia way.."Be My Guest" ROFL

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Ephemera

The_Inner_Voice

Goldie

The_Inner_Voice

Joined: 05 July 2012

Posts: 1621

Posted: 17 December 2012 at 3:23am | IP Logged
Originally posted by lakshmi_3004

@sneha di's

**The RaSiKri Poems Wishing Well**


Wish Penny put in by Divs  : Siya-Krish relationship 

1] will start with couple/twin words as is usualLOLEmbarrassed

a) goal-console goal is what sia lacked in her life..she was so wounded that she had no strength left to set any goal let alone achieve it...and as we all know life was specifically harsh to her...as she couldn't trust anyone and had no hopes on the existence of humanity..she was always offered sympathy but never anyone really consoled her and saying that "all is well"...and hence she was unaware of the positive force she had in herself..which would make her think to console some other person..even when she was battered inside..

b)soul-cajole talking of soul...sia's soul was so battered ...the wounds she got from life...was not jismani...but ruhaani...no body could gauge the extend of pain she endured as it was all on her soul which is not exactly seen...
as i said above no-one was close enough to her to drag her out of the pain hardship and heal her wounds hence she was on the threshold of losing herself..her very essence..her soul and emotions..but life is always unpredictable in its ways...for who could even take a guess that a small kid not more than 8 years can work wonders in her matter...
here comes the cajoling part...with his innocent ways , silence and expressive eyes...wise reaction beyond his age...and the silent support from Krish became the strongest pillar of strength to lean on for sia..putting even the grownups to shame..
krish could sense..see...guage sia's silence...her fears...her misplaced doubts and misgivings on self ,,,Krish not only cajoled her but filled her with the enthusiasm to live again..which she had lost long ago...and this is what makes there relationship pure and great

c)lost-bound here i would like to see lost in two ways...
i)in literal sense she did lose her unborn child (reason we all know)
ii) she had lost TRUST on her LIFE and hence she lost her LIFE itself in the onslaught of pain and wounds she had to face...
bound can also be viewed in two ways..
i) in that sia had wrongly assumed..that whatever she underwent as J it was her fate and she was destined to suffer..
ii) she felt an instant bond to the kid...it might be her motherly instinct or a connection based on pain and sufferings..as even Krish had lost his father and voice...

d)own-unknown here it clearly demonstrates sia's motherly yearnings...she craved to be a mother...which was cruelly denied by circumstances...but in krish she could relive all her motherly wishes!!
unknown can be looked in two ways..
i)practically she dint knew much about krish but still she felt connected with him...
ii) the bond is unknown in the sense it can't be categorised exactly under any type...as its a mileu of various relations...and the bond is more on psychological level...

e)keep-deep here i feel the promise sia makes is more to herself than the kid...she is promising herself that "no matter what ,will face life with determination as should be the case...and will never let down oneself...in the first place.."
and in a way this promise creates a foundation for sia to build her life anew...
deep for me is a symbolic word for the abyss people face life as...sometimes..with respect to krish..he is staring at a bottomless tunnel in the hoplessness and despair situation of never  getting his voice back...or be happy with a full family

f)stay-way its remarkable in the transfiguration sia undergoes in life,the kid...being the catalyst...so to say...i mean not many muster courage to fine the lost hope back in life based on ..leaning on..deriving inspiration from a kid much younger than oneself..so the journey from thinking that one is the cause of harm to being a shield  to others and staying in harm's way protecting others is spectacular in itself..and serves the very purpose of making people live.,.in that way sia has won half of her battle by doing so...
way is the path now..which sia was able to choose thanks to krish's presence in her life...

g)years-fears years denote time spent which is always subjective,,,,for instance... as J he one year she spent with her abusive husband was hell and felt as if it was 10 years cos she felt difficulty in breathing-in-the-relation...so to say... and that her life meant a burden to herself..where as when she will see the years passing by while taking care of krish it would seem that clock has stopped ticking...cos she will relive her childhood ..her lost happiness..her reason to live in krish's upbringing...
and once again from being the one who needs a support she is ready to be a support to someone..and that change is a success story in itself!!

h] way-away way in here is life itself..not just the path...as life is created or destroyed by the choices made..so whenever the kid will stumble due to faulty decision...the way or life would get complicated and confusing...and at that time if he has someone to fall back on then life will become easier..and am happy to see a positive sia donning that role of somebody
away here shows the amount of confidence sia derives from life now..that she has krish with her...which allows to be with him..and yet leave 

i)unfold-told there is an air of contradiction in these two words in the sense..unfold relates to unexpected ways..in a way fulfills the definition of life being surprising...so for good or for worse she has got a reason to face life boldly...and in the way she also becomes a reason for krish facing his life boldly...its mutual...some things are not in need to be spoken out...or uttered..or told...it is understood...and the beautiful unnamed (as yet) relation need not say out aloud its sanctity needs not be proven...such is the purity of this pure relation

2] sia-krish relation was beyond words...as sia drew a lot of support and courage from the little one...and krish got a support before life could have a upper-hand...so this poem is so apt!!

3]liked the way sia spoke with Krish here in a motherly way in a protector way...and its amazing the love she has for the little one has changed her so much...in a positive way!!

4]as for my reaction? second and third line of 4rth stanza di Embarrassed

thanks @sidra for the cute aviHug...i am gonna steal it LOL
thanks @div for your request Hug
thanks a lot sneha di for letting me review and keep my take on the poem in front of youHug


Thanks dear for  the detailed feedback... love that you take time out to mention the hings that reached out... As for this poem... well its been one of my favsBig smile
And for ur reaction.. well ...here you go Hug
Keep the feed backs coming Big smile


Edited by The_Inner_Voice - 17 December 2012 at 3:22am

Ephemera

IF-Sizzlerz

Ephemera

Joined: 08 July 2012

Posts: 10954

Posted: 27 December 2012 at 1:38am | IP Logged
@Kiran's 
FF-Pyar Ka Asar Chapter-24

1]heer winkingWink??  prem tho jal jal ke butta hogaya hoga becharaROFL
2]"Prem se teekha khana nahi khaya aja na." aww this is called "touch of reality "...loved the way you added a bit of realityClap...great thinking dearThumbs Up and "honey chilly potato" is an intelligent improvisationLOL...keep it upStar
3]"Prem (angrily thinking): Yeh Manmeet apnea p ko samjhta kya hai. Chilli potatoes khilane tak to thik tha. Lekin ab to kuch zyada hi ho raha hai. Agar ab isne Heer ke kareeb jane ki koshish kin a I swear mae bhool jaounga ki yeh mera dost hai." aww Angry HCDay Dreaming ...i mean PremEmbarrassed...i just can imagine his hands balling up ...shivering in pure anger...grinding teeth...thanks for including Jealous angry HC...i mean Prem.Hug...love you for thisHeart
4]i almost forgot that Ash and Mish are also there in this FF...D'oh
5]"Bharat milaap" seriously kunal never fails to crack me upROFL...you have a nice sense of humorLOL...nice comic touchThumbs Up...adds that extra zing to the ffEmbarrassed
6]"Prem (thinks): Atleast waha to muje Heer ke sath akele time milega.Heer (thinks): Kash waha muje Prem ke sath thorda time akele spend karne ko mile." bechara prem aur heerUnhappy Taras gayein hein APNI heer/prem ke saat kuch waqt akele bitaanekoDisapprove...thoda tho rehem karo apne heer/prem deewaane/deewaani peAngry...kaleja hey kya pathar AngryLOL* does nautanki and keeps left hand on forehead*
7]i had no idea KDMHMD forum band hogayi Shocked...sorry to hear that Ouchwell nice move that you shifted it to fanfiction sectionEmbarrassed...thanks for doing soHug
8]awesome write up dearClap...magar it was short hence i was not able to analyse the continuity ...the technicality...and the quality conformation of the FF...EmbarrassedOuch
9]magar i liked this chapter a lotBig smile!! short but sweetEmbarrassed
10] thank you for giving me a chance to review the FF dear and keep my views in front of youHug

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kiran_28

Ephemera

IF-Sizzlerz

Ephemera

Joined: 08 July 2012

Posts: 10954

Posted: 27 December 2012 at 2:44am | IP Logged
@kiran's 
FF-Pyar ka Asar Chapter-25-In Ward Lake
1]The pic is so cuteSmile!! nice place dearEmbarrassed ....i remember 26th/29th march 2009 episode jab prem was crying sitting on a small brifge like this thinking heer loved only his face not him...Unhappy
2]"There are many couples sitting on benches, under the tree or near the lake" nice touch of detailing dearClap maintains the believable aspect of the FFStar...gives a solid scenarioApprove...nice thinkingClap
3]"Heer is busy in chatting with Ash and Misha. And our Prem is continuously trying to get Heer's attention. But Heer is not looking at him even for one second." i can imagine prem trying to catch Heer's attentionLOL!! remember his and heer's mehendi?? the broken mirror ...and i  like the way you said "our" prem.Day Dreaming...makes this FF a tad more personalBig smile.. brings the reader the narrator and the characters of teh story much more close..thanks for thinking in that wayHug 
4]"Prem (frustratedly thinking):- Yeh Heer bhi na, Ash or Misha se to aese baat karne mae lagi hui hai jaise unse sadiyo baad mil rahi ho. Meri taraf to dekh bhi nahi rahi huh!!!" Adorable angry young man.Day Dreaming...i just can't stop going.ROFLROFL...thinking about prem's failed attemptsROFL and heer's chattingROFL
5]"Heer (thinks):- Oh God yeh manmeet to mere piche hi pard gaya hai. Muje to Prem ke sath baithna hai. Ab kya karun" Classic Heer.ROFL... Damsel in DistressErmm...hamesha kahina kahi phasjaati heyAngry...cute heerLOL...
6]i can imagine heer nervously smiling and hesitating a lot to accept the invitation and pinning all her hope on prem to SAVE herLOL...and did prem looked like this?


7]"Heer slowly stretch her hand to keep her palm on Manmeet's palm but before she could put  her palm on Manmeet's she was stopped by Prem's  scream" very very DRAMATIC!!!ROFL
i could imagine..heer's hand slowwwly inching towards manmeet's outstretched handsLOL...then the video panning and  focussing on manmeet's hand ...heer's hand...heer's face..prem's face...then heer's hand...prem's face...then heer's face...she swallowing  down..in hesitaion...then again prem's face..heer's hand...then a fast play of all the three subjects "with zuzuk zuzuk BG soundLOL* then suddenly Prem bucling up ...bending forward screaming!! then heer's shocked face manmeet's face now turns towards prem...and a still on every one's shocked face one by one as they watch prem screaming in pain...
8]"Prem (screamed):- aaahhhahahaaa!!!!" but seriously i was so immersed in FF that i was shocked a bitShocked...how dare you keep prem in pain even though jhoot moot ka...Angry
but nice thinkingLOL...although age old ideaErmm to draw attention of his sajni and escaping from the annoying peopleAngry and kabaab emin haddi manmeetAngry
9]i was expecting manmeet will be sucpicious cos of the TIMING of his painD'oh...can't prem build up his dramaAngry?? sort of leading to painErmm...so that no one could be suspiciousLOL?? anaari hey bilkul anaari Angryab kya karein iss jhalle ka??Ermm
10]i can see where prem is coming fromSmile...from his pOV he is in danger of losing heer  anytimeOuch...cos of not saying truth out...and personally i dint like the behaviour of chipku-manmeetAngry...arey kunal, thick friend of P and H din't take any liason with heer till nowEmbarrassed...but here manmeet is going on like a breakless gaadiAngryROFL
11] waiting for your "Big Dhamaaka"...Big smile
12]awesome write upClap!! nice hold on story even though you had discontinued for some timeApprove..in between...nice continuity is maintained through outThumbs Up...nice scene build upClap...location was used wiselyLOL!! the reactions of various characters where well drawn outStar...specially the car mein ice cream wala scene ,prem's nautanki etc!!Embarrassed
13] thanks for giving me a chance to review your work dearHug

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