my first feedback in this thread...is for Sneha di's AMAZING FF "
*FF: The Seasons Of Life-
here goes my errr long feed back for
Chapter 3 Part (a)
The first bud of Spring
1]change is a inevitable in life di...and the first sentence gave a crisp and straight-to-the-business tone to the story!!!
2]loved the details you included.
.like tea-breaks..fresh flowers..and raghav's work..not only it gave a sense of passage of time (intended) it also helps in maintaining the consistency... i loved subtle continuity
...makes the read much more enjoyable
3]i am not able to connect
...at this point of time to the fact that Sia is acting as if the-normal-soap heroine-having infinite-patience-never opening her mouth-at the face of injustice
..i mean this FF is far far far more better the everyday crap they dish out as soaps in TV
..and if we get to see the same pattern here too...its...irritating
?? (for lack of correct word)...
4]i agree completely here with you di
.. although consistency is important in stories...in reality there is hardly anything which is consistent ever in life
..and hence change is the norm of life
...this last sentence was a gem and also acts like a peg which is holding this piece of imaginative writing down to the base of reality...a gentle reminder of sorts that "hey!! these things do happen in real life too..."
again excellent job in maintaining an air of reality instead of flowing away in imagination..you..know..no fantasy..
5] "It had been an exhausting day in every sense of the word for Raghav. Some issue had cropped up in the firm in the morning that had made him leave home on an empty stomach. Half of his working time had been accommodated with solving the issue but the situation still looked grave as they were not able to reach at consensus. His important client meeting scheduled for that day had been called off which left him in a sour mood"
this piece of work struck me for some unknown reason
...may be the day to day office scenario was so akin to real life
..or i could just imagine raghav or rather HC
in an office setting...or may be we as workers do face it on a common basis.
.,,or may be i could relate very well to the off- mood of R due to cancelled appointments
krish's school event?? the tone says it was a known fact...what am i missing di? how can i oversee this?
i can see a storm coming
...lol i can imagine Hc's face
with lot of internal thinking..and restlessness
6]i liked the greased-hand starting to smile and sighing and rolling eyes sia..
.these small small details has huge contribution to the overall believeablity
(there i go inventing a word
all cos of u
) of FF...
i mean until and unless conciously or subconciously you concentrate on the actions reaction in environment you can't add it in the FF kno...
7]"Raghav had just slumped on to his couch and was having hard time thinking about talking to Krish. His nephew of late had come to say that Raghav had no time for him. His heart ached thinking about it and moreover knowing that perhaps it was true. Yes he had drowned himself in work so as to run away from the memories. He had come to find out that he did not know any other way to cope. But then this had lead to him spending less time with Krish. He would leave early in the morning for the firm and come late at night only to see Krish tucked away and fast asleep. But everyday Kaka would mention about Krish asking for his Chachu. All he would do was curl up beside the little ones form and hold him for a while, as if this small gesture would fill him with life again, with hope again, with peace again. But today he felt way too low. Was he being selfish here? Was he in the name of running away from the pain, neglecting Krish? How could he forget the event at school? Krish had been so looking forward to it. He decided he would go to Krish and try and pacify him in any which way possible. With all these thoughts raking his mind he had messed up his hair, by running his hand through them umpteen number of times."
...i dunno y but i LOVE IT
!!...the subtle nuances..the questions raised..the-running away-from memories-by immersing oneself into work is so so raghav/HC!! and the way i like...internal turmoil of raghav is always so interesting...and you bottled it perfectly!! awesome
i really can understand the trouble you had to undergo NOT to slip into lalalala land when you were writing about raghav's hair!! awwwieee his hair...and that tooo messed up!! killer di..
8]grrr raghav is way tooo acidic in his behaviour towards a lady
...no amount of reasoning can be taken as excuse to his stupid behaviour
..my hand was so itching to give a tight slap to him for his pricking words!
! what he things himself?
does he control sia's breath too grrr.
...i hate raghav for this at present.
..ok fine he lost his family..so?? so what? its not end of the world..nor world's biggest trajedy..and neither a loss nobody has ever gone through grrr
..there are many who have gone through much more terrible things boss!!
(i think sia is one such
)..can't he cut some slack for sia?
9]what a karara phatka sia
gave in her reply to R's rant.
..in her irritatingly
"calm-understanding -reassuring-as well as slightly disconnected
"way...R sooo needs that kinda reality check.
...am so so happy!!
10]i liked the detailing..u know..sia talking with her back towards R...R staring at nothing!! i can imagine the intense eye to eye contact...oi maaa
if i was in sia's place i would melt.
and what sia said was true..one need to talk things out so that it wouldnt drown them in...self pity and self blaming is worst right?
then again these qualities making R's charecter much more humane and convincing!!
...although frankly i felt at start that sia was putting her hand staight inside lion's mouth he he he
11]"She looked right back into his eyes while saying "well if takes all the yelling out on me to make you feel lighter...go on... be my guest." This disarmed him...she had thrown a curve ball his way and he didn't know what to do except for being rooted to his place"
hilarious and solemn at the same time!!..i LOLed when she said "be my guest"
...i know the way R would have got the jhatka.
..lol first of all sia was brave to talk in an eye contact
...dint quail under his death stare
...on top of that completely unexpected dealing she did...very very very funny and sad too...sad cos R was so hurt he NEEDs some one to talk and trust..again..
12] "lost look" "i am scared" drew a lone tear out of my eyes
13]i really really was saddened and cried along with raghav..all his IFs was paining me too along with sia..felt..as if saying " shhh shhh dont break into pecies.
.."wiping his tears away
..felt ...felt to give him a warm reassuring hug
!! he in so need of it
14]"Siya in the most consoling voice reached out to him "Hey!!! It's ok ...It's ok to be scared..." He looked up at her, into her eyes, and found that those words that she said were genuine as it reflected in her eyes. She gave a nod as if trying to affirm her words. "Its all scattered right now... but believe me...it will be fine in the coming days as you cope...it will". at this he said "I don't think so. Bhai n Bhabhi have left such a void within me that I..." and he could not continue. "I do understand what it is to lose your dear ones... It's like a part of you that was a part of them too is snatched away...leaving you changed to a certain extent... Yes it hurts and hurts like hell... But then when try to look a bit beyond our pains we are able to see what we can do about it... You have Krish to cling on to... your driving force... As for work at the firm...a few days down the lane and you will be able to deal with it just like you brother did... And as far as Krish is concerned...Anyone who says that kid resents you has button for eyes... That kid out there is as much your world as your are his... nothing can shake that... not even missing out on the meets... Yes the recent happenings have made it difficult for you to spend time with him, sometimes done purposely to drown yourself in work whereas sometimes the reasons being genuine... But then nothing in this world right now can give Krish more happiness than your presence and vice versa... Stop this running away from memories... they will stop chasing you... eventually."
He asked again, "does this ever stop? The memories lashing out at you?" To this she said... "No it doesn't... though they become less frequent... Initially they tend get on to you and you constantly feel the loss... but eventually they take a back seat... coming back at few odd times... but by then you are able to take them, shed a few tears and then gather yourself up all by yourself."
"I don't think I could ever forget them..." he said voicing his doubts and as if in sync she continued "...and you don't have to... Just keep them safe in that corner of your heart which is still warm...where there is summertime all year through... now you may not find it...let a few days pass by and you'll know the place""...
two words come up ...and apt too...: BEAUTIFUL...heart touching...
15]as to your question at the end??
in a way its a small start...but for me..as a reader...its a talk with huge consequence
...it might change the whole way of looking at things for raghav
..bring about charecter fortification.
...its very very significant talk!! and as it matters hearts
...i am very sure Raghav has slipped for sia( a wishfull fangirl dream
)..even though he is not in what you might say "right frame of mind"..
thanks di for including me (make a point and comment brigand lol) in your thank you notes ..am honored...
as for my reaction?? "curl up beside you..only that am the little one "