GibberishNonsense| KiSha FF | Epilogue, Page29 (Page 2)

11^th January

In case you're wondering, I'm going to school today. Dear God, have you heard the prayer from last night? If not, here it is again: PLEASE give me strength and let no one remember what happened last night?

I'm clinging to the thought that nobody saw us last night. I like to live in denial. Yes, so what!? Moreover, I'm really hoping that KD didn't tell anyone. Oh my God! What if he did!? Well, considering his past record, he hasn't been a snitch! But he has always hated me too! Of course he has, we even have nicknames for one another. He calls me 'Chicklet' and I call him 'Stoneface'. Isn't that adorable? *gag*.

KD's used to girls falling all over him. And he's the kind of person who boasts about it. A LOT! I'm the ONLY girl who has resisted his charms; it's not really difficult when you hate that person's guts! Actually I WAS the only girl. Apparently, I gave into his charms last night. WHAT was I thinking? WHY did I ever let any alcohol in my system? This is why I make pro-con lists. So that I don't end up doing something ridiculous; like last night. Maybe I kissed him because I was so alcohol induced that I thought it was Karan? YES! That must be it! Because to be honest, there is absolutely NO other explanation as to why I decided to have a go at kissing KD. NO WAY. I mean, I've hated the guy since 2^nd grade! That has to count for something right?

Dammit I'm going to hell.

I really think I need to change myself. You know? All the rejuvenation things and spas and finding my inner peace and all that. I'm THIS close to just running away to a remote island and sitting there and meditating! Seriously. This is one of the most emotional moments for me. I've gone over what happened last night to why I did everything a million times and to be honest, my head is just about to explode!

I'm being absolutely and completely unreasonable and when I go to school today, I should be calm and collected. I should NOT be looking like a zombie who hasn't had any sleep since the past 2 nights. I'm telling you, writing in this journal better work. Otherwise, I'm going to be even more miserable than I am right now and I don't think that's possible; but if it was, it wouldn't be a good thing for anyone. Everyone hates it when I cry. It's common knowledge. When I cry, it's a sign of me going hysterical and when I'm hysterical, no one even wants to come close to me, which leaves me by myself and that's not a very pleasant thought! So yes, when I say this thing better work, I'm basically hoping that I'll feel better.

Actually, there is someone else I told about my drunken escapades. Juhi came over last night. She's someone who is fascinated by my life and I really like her as a friend too. She's enthusiastic all bubbly. This is something that I desperately needed to be; and instead I'm all over-analytical and hypersensitive!

I really don't know what possessed me to tell her everything since she can't keep a secret to herself. She's thrives on gossip and any form of media. I think it's got something to do with her becoming an actress. I don't know why though! She's an academic genius! Anyway, I'm digressing again. So, I told Juhi. She had mistakenly thought that I did something MORE than kissing with KD. I had to completely yell out to clarify that it wasn't like that. It was just kissing. Her eyes went really wide and all she told me was that if we'd only kissed, it was okay. OKAY? HOW was it just OKAY? It was cheating! I cheated on Karan! With someone I hate. Dammit, I'm screwed.  And I'm feeling pathetic!  Juhi said that celebrities did it all the time and since I was the sister of a celebrity, it was okay for me too! How does she know all this!? HOW!? I mean, here I am, feeling guilty about everything and she's telling me it is okay if we just kissed. Here I go again, being paranoid! But I did tell her not to tell anyone about it and she agreed because I'm such a 'good friend' of hers and I'm 'THE Kiya Gujral' and she 'wouldn't even dream of telling anyone'. So that was good. I think.

I couldn't even pick up Karan's call last night. I was so scared. I just sent him a text saying that I wasn't feeling too well and you know what he replied with? 'Feel better babe! I missed you tonight at the party :) '

Oh my Gosh I feel like crawling into one dark corner of my room and crying my guts out. There he is, being so perfectly sweet and look at ME! Being such a liar and a cheater and bringing a bad name to all the girlfriends in the world.

Anyway, coming back to Juhi, she told me that KD hadn't spread anything of the, ahem, escapade between us; at least, she hadn't heard it! This was good, considering that fact that Juhi knows about each and every single rumour that is going about in the hallways of Royal Academy. I'm safe. For now, that is.

Anyhow, I've got to go. Royal Academy calls. I'm hoping I don't crumble out of guilt and shame when I see Karan.

-Kiya Gujral, the girl who is going berserk out of guilt and shame. 

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...to be continued