Joined: 31 March 2008
This is another short FF that I really felt like writing and yes, the idea is from one of my favourite FFs online. So, no the idea isn't mine but that's the only thing that isn't. I'm trying to make this story into my own. Oh and the characters. They aren't mine either!
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Chapter 1 - Page 1
Chapter 2 - Page 2
Chapter 3 - Page 5
Chapter 4 - Page 9
Chapter 5 - Page 10
Chapter 6 - Page 13
Chapter 7 - Page 16
Chapter 8 - Page 22
Chapter 9 - Page 26
Epilogue - Page 29
Chapter 1 - The coward
Before I even begin to write this, I'd like to make myself very clear. I'm not the kind of girl who'll pour all her thoughts and feelings into a diary. Ever since I had understood it's concept, I'd thought of it as a total waste of time and something that only jobless girls chose to do ' no offence to them or anything, but to be honest, I have better things to do in life than just sit and write about boys and the many problems plaguing my life. That is not to say that I hadn't even given it a shot. Of course I had! I am a girl for crying out loud! I am entitled to do all the cheesy and silly things that all girls do between the ages of 11-14.
However, today is an exception. And so will the rest of the days that will follow this diary entry. Actually, I'd rather title it 'journal'. I think it's more professional and elegant than calling it a 'diary'. Anyway, I digress. Right now, my thoughts are being crazy and I have no option but to write them down somewhere. It's rather ironic how writing always helps me but I think of it as silly, as I've already mentioned.
So, what's got my thoughts so mangled that I can't even think straight, let alone talk to someone about it? Well you see I may have done something completely stupid last night. Yes, I know what you're thinking. 'Uh-Oh'. Yes, that's something that crossed my mind too!
So, coming back to last night. Oh but before I begin the narration, I'd also like to say that I'm not a person who's impulsive. I'm never impulsive. I think things through; I make pro-con lists in my head and THEN do something. So, how, you ask, did I get myself into a situation where I consumed lots of alcohol, acted completely out of character and kissed someone who is the bane of my existence? Oh and I did all that when I already have a boyfriend?
Oh dear, this makes me sound like a total witch with a B. But it's not completely my fault, I swear! It's actually my boyfriend's fault to begin with. I mean, we were supposed to go to the Freedom Party together. But that didn't happen. WHY? Because he had an all Guys Night Out! Can you believe that? I couldn't! I mean, that too AFTER he'd made plans with me. Isn't that something!? And well, I'm the kind of person who is emotional; even though I don't look it. I mean, I'm not supposed to look like the vulnerable type! I'm Anya Gujral's sister, for God's sake! Oh Anya is the teenage pop-sensation. I know, kill me NOW!
I'm digressing again. But yes, I'm emotional. I cannot help but over think and over analyse things, which is actually what is causing me to become the mental person that I am. I mean, of course there are certain things that I'm curious about! For example, why did Karan not come with me to the party? Is he getting bored with me? Does he not like me anymore? What if he thinks our relationship isn't going anywhere? Why doesn't he like spending time with me anymore? Why was there a sudden change in his plans?
Oh Gosh. You see what I mean? I'm going berserk! Anyway, what I wanted from Karan was to be with me because he wanted to be with me. Not be with me because it gets him in the limelight! See? Here I go again, making him the bad guy. He's not that bad, honestly. He keeps me happy, and is genuinely very sweet. It's just that sometimes I need attention too! Yes, I'm selfish and a completely self obsessed woman. And yes, I'm not helping myself right now. At all.
So I went to the party alone. By myself. And no, I didn't have any genuine friends to 'hang out' with. I mean, I'm well acquainted with everyone and well liked too. But I'm not bosom buddies with anyone. Because everyone wants to be friends with me because of Anya; can I genuinely NOT have a happy moment for myself? I want a normal life! Normal friends, normal everything! But I'm not able to have it.
Therefore, I was upset. And what does one do when one is upset? At a party? With lots of alcohol around? That's right! They make absolute fools out of themselves! Which is exactly what I did too. All my morals and principles of thinking things through went out of the window. Yes, that's exactly what alcohol does to you. It's bad and I'm never doing what I did last night again. Not that I remember anything that I did last night. I just hope it's nothing worse than kissing the one person that I loathe the most. Yes, that's right. I absolutely acted out of character and I don't know what came over me; oh that's right, alcohol. It's bad. It's really bad. Which is why I'm sitting here right now, in one corner of my room, instead of going to school and facing everyone; something that I should definitely be doing? I'm a coward too, on top of all the bad names that I already have called myself.
All I remember is downing 5 shots of tequila, dancing like a mad woman to some of my favourite songs, drinking some more and having my face extremely close to those fierce brown eyes and having his lips on top of mine. That's all I remember and it's really not something that makes me happy. Hell, it's something that makes me pull all my hair out and curse myself.
Oh dear. I have NO idea how I'm going to face everyone tomorrow. Especially him ' Keshav Desai. Dear God, if you're listening, give me strength. Pleeease!?
-Kiya Gujral, the maniac who is becoming more cowardly by the minute.
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