Joined: 23 May 2011
Joined: 21 April 2010
Joined: 01 July 2011
Mit jaathe hai..
(the marks left by everyone)
Bas ek wo mit-ta nahi..hey..
(yet he is the one who stays forever..)
Maan le jo har mushkil ko,marzi meri
(if my will accepts all of the troubles)
Ho humsafar na tera jab koi
(and when you will be alone on ur way..)
Tu ho jahan rahoonga mein wahi
(I'll be there,wherever you would be)
Tujse kabhi ek pal bhi mein juda
(not for a moment will I leave you)
Tu na jaane aas paas hai khuda
Tu na jaane aas pass hai khuda
(you may not know but the one is all around you)
I threw my guitar n stopped singing further as I don't want to build more hopes n expectations now..no!!anyone can get what they wish but in my case I get everything which I don't want…
Today iam just wishing to listen birthday wishes from my parents atleast from mom but nope!!!as always she too forgot my birthday..well I stopped to expect any thing from anyone but still don't know why I have some hopes…and she made me build hopes..
She si PARI…I don't know how she looks,how she talks n where she lives but I know that she is pari who wants me to stay strong even after being shattered many times…since one year she has been sending me notes through some one or the other when she found me near by lake sitting alone…her every word in those letters depicted her wish to see me stronger…I don't know why n what made her think like that..when my own parents don't have confidence on me then how can a stranger expect me to do something… I felt so happy thinking someone is there who understands me,have trust on my skills as she mentions "NEVER GIVE UP" whenever she sends me the note..but why she didn't come infront of me…even I was not much interested becoz I always prefered to stay alone away from everyone…
I always spent my time near a tree near by lake side where there is no noise only silence which I prefer…one day when I was so much dissapointed with my parents who didn't bother to come on the day which was most important for me..that day I won singing competition..i won among many students but I still felt that I failed as I didn't have my parents that day to share my happiness…huh!!how can they come here when they don't even have time to look at me when I visit home for holidays..that day pari sent me this song..she wrote it for me…I almost decided not to participate in anything but after those beautiful lines from her;which brought new courage in me..i decided to fight…
She always wrote asking me why u accept defeat so easily??… I smiled sadly..she don't know my side of story so she thought to encourage a failure complete failure who failed to reach expectations of my dad..i tried my best but don't know where I failed..
I was in boarding school since from my class7..i was topper at school n has good manners but I don't know why dad wants me in boarding school..so I landed up here..i used to wait for the day when I visit home so that I can spend with my mom n dad n share everything with them just like my friends but nope!!dad never gave me chance to speak out…he used to send me for computer classes in holidays in which I was never interested but I has to attend that's it!!
"why cant I do whatever I want???why this life is so complicated n why mom always wants me to do whatever dad says…don't I have any own wish…hmmm…but it's not in the case of dev,my younger bro..he always got whatever he wanted..
Iam not jealous of him as I know he is much talented..i guess even more than me..so he have luck to spend at home with dad n mom..
This year I don't even have chance to visit home as iam in 10th standard now n have to work hard…not becoz I have to score more n more marks but becoz dad already passed his orders to me to get top marks…though iam not that interested in studies I must do it for dad n his expectations…
I hope he will be satisfied with me atleast now!!!
Finally I successfully completed my exams n it's the day to return back home not to forget permanently…I cant say how happy iam..i packed everything in hurry n waited for my dad to arrive…at the same time I felt bad as I'll miss pari n her writings for me…anyways life must move on so I should..
Atlast a huge car entered the campus n I smiled excitedly expecting my dad..i want to hug him tight as iam gonna see him after one long year…but alas!!i found our driver vikram as always…
"why would I expect them to come when I know they wont??"and again I hid my emotions as I never liked to pour them out in front of anyone..but from inside I felt like screaming loud n run away from there…
I sadly stepped inside n stood silently looking out of the window lost in my thoughts..
Suddenly I felt poke on my shoulder n turned to find vikram handing me his mobile.."maan baba ur dad is on line..."
My happiness has no bounds…oh so dad was busy so he didn't come but iam happy that atleast he bothered to call me to pacify me..i excitedly received the mobile n before I could speak dad spoke.."maan beta how are u??"
"iam fine dad..how are u??"oh those words were really soothing to my ears..my tears slipped down unknowingly..i just couldnt hold my tears..iam soo soo happy..
Suddenly I heard mom asking the same question which dad asked…oh this is double happiness for me…mom spoke to me after nearly 2 weeks..yeah she didn't call me since 2 weeks n I felt so bad but iam happy today…she asked me about my packing n all n did I forget anything..oh mom really takes small things in other way…
And finally as I feared dad blasted bomb on me…yeah he informed me that dev got admission in reputed school that too in london..so mom n dad left to london..my heart winced in pain not becoz they went to london without me but becoz they are informing me after 3 months of admission..wow that's great!!!
I wondered why they are informing me now…oh then I got it!!they are in london n I should stay alone at home with servants only servants roaming around me..
Well I was always alone even if they were there…but I felt that they would receive me after a year..anyways I stopped blaming them for every thing…I guess I have lot of expectations from them which I know will never happen not in this life but u know human sycology..it turns 360 degees round n comes to same place where iam now…I always killed my wishes n hopes but again something in me made be to build hopes…
I reached home which was in pin drop silence..i just couldn't hold my emotions n ran to my jim directly…I always removed my fruatation doing martial arts which I learnt at school…after hours of work out I calmed down a li'l…but again iam all alone…
It's been 3 months after my return n time to join college now…as always dad chose my everything n when I was about to say no mom emotionally blackmailled me.."beta plz dad thinks everything good for u..u trust ur dad na..he knows what will be good for u so u better do what he says..dev bhi toh wahi kar raha hai na jo dad keh raha hai..plz beta maan jao..apni mama ke liye"
"god!!just give me a break..dont I know what is good n what is bad..for god sake iam grown up now n I know to take decisions at leat regarding what to study n what not to"…whenever I spoke for myself I was shut by dad saying.."koi apne bete ke liye itna kuch nahi kartha mein toh sautela bete ke liye itna kar raha hoon..when i did so much for u cant u do this thing for me..cant u understand that whatever iam doing is for ur good future"
Yes Iam not his son..they adopted me when iam a child..i was tagged with khurana as surname.and my name is MAAN SINGH KHURANA but i always think how can I be a khurana n part of their family when I don't want me as part of their family…but mom she never said that..she is only the reason iam staying with them….i cant hurt her n even dad too as he gave me life when I don't have anyone…but after dev's birth everything seemed to change..i was pampered till then but not now..still I don't have any complaints as atleast they love me I guess…dad never hurted me but insisits me to do things which I don't want…
As years went on I totally lost all the hopes n lost confidence on me as dad was never satisfied with me rather say I failed to satisfy him; even after bringing good marks..dont he likes me??i questioned myself but he never behaved in that way….so no is the answer..
It's the day of my results of 12th..yippie this time dad praised me as I got state first.."well done beta u didn't break my hope..iam proud of u my boy"he said n patted my cheek..oh I felt like heaven..i was dying to take appreciations from him…god I cant belive my ears..dad phoned someone n spoke about some party arrangements..
Iam in cloud9 now…oh how wrong I was dad loves me soo much..he just wants me to do good in everything so he was strict..he is arranging party on my success..iam really glad that I made him feel proud of me…iam so excited for party today as I want to see how dad n mom feels when others appreciate me in the party…one more news that too happiest one dev is returning back to home from london after completeing his 10th standard..
Iam happy for my bro as he too passed with good marks…everything is set now n I was given suit to wear in the evening party…god iam so excited….
When iam getting ready I hummed the song wrote by pari for me..
Dhundhla jayein jo manzilien
(the destinations will blur..)
Ek pal toh tu nazar jhuka
(if u lower your eyes a moment..)
Jhuk jaye sar jahan wahi
(the head bows down right there itself)
Milta hai rab ka raasta
(where the route to the one is found)
Teri kismat tu badal de
(come n change ur destiny)
Rakh himmat bas chal de
(have courage n just move on)
Tera saath hi mere kadmon ke hai nishan
(my foot prints are your guide lines along your way)
Tu na jaane aas paas hai khuda
Tu na jaane aas paas hai khuda..
oh I soo miss her notes…thanks to her she gave me courage to fight n iam here today…I looked at myself for the last time in the mirror n descended down…
may be geet's entry
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