Joined: 06 June 2008
Aik din hum wohi ban jaate hain jin se hum nafrat karte hain
–Main Hoon Na
" you are nothing but a characterless woman, who only knows how to trap rich men!"
He still remembered the day when he had cursed her, the damned day when his brain had officially stopped working and he was basically throwing tantrums for God knows what. Wasn't he known for his logical strategies and smart planning? What had happened then? That day it wasn't the Arnav Singh Raizada that the world knew for his self control but more like that kid in the mall who threw tantrums driving his parents insane. Except his tantrums didn't just drive her insane but literally blew her off. What was he thinking? Had he gone insane? No insane is too small of a word, his brain probably jumped out of his head, yes that's what. But wasn't he always like that? Hurting everyone around him doing what pleases him and always on fire? Well then he probably never had a brain in the first place, all the chaos in his not so shaant Shantivan wouldn't have occurred otherwise.
"No you listen to me!" he wouldn't let her speak not even a word.
He had had enough and those fake tears of hers would do no good.
Only if I had let her speak that day, only if I had listened to her once
Arnav Singh Raizada never made quick and irrational decisions but that day he did, perhaps the most irrational decision of his life, to separate his wife from his existence. He never apologized but that day he did something that he was ready to apologize for eternity every single moment every single minute of his life he would apologize, he would hold his ears, fold his hands, and he was even ready to go on his knees.
Anything to bring back the old Khushi, the girl he fell in love with. The girl who fell from the ramp, only to land in his arms with a trembling face, shivering body, eyes moist ready to tear up. And, she never cried anymore. Neither had she trembled, no longer did she smile, or express herself be it sadness, anger, or last and also the least, her happiness.
Its like the Khushi Kumara Gupta had died only to be replaced with Mrs Arnav Singh Raizada, not the chirpy girl that used to brighten his day but a wife of a businessman who attended charity functions, she had been disgusted by the kitty parties and the business parties, well she was forced to go to those, once again for her so called husband as everything was a matter of his reputation. Right…his reputation. Even though he would tell her it wasn't necessary but she forced herself to go, after all it was about the reputation right? Who cared what mattered to her, to hell with Khushi and her happiness
Like she wasn't disgusted enough with his presence and now she was forced into a whole world where there were many ASRs, and their wives who were nothing but a fashion parade on the go. Screw that, it didn't matter anyway, she was beyond that point where it mattered, where she cared, when she would cry, when she would cringe in disgust. All she contained was hatred and disgust, so much that anymore of this content pushed her way wouldn't even make a difference to her, she was used to it, used to living like a breathing corpse. In fact living would be too much of an exaggeration, she was surviving, surviving on oxygen and water, the essentials to survive, yes she had those… who needed love and care? Besides in this cruel world it hadn't really existed. It was something she fanaticized about in her fairytale, her maternal home, her laxminagar
Too bad life wasn't as sweet as her bauji's jalebis but it was a bitter truth that was exposed once she stepped in Shantivan.
He thought about the occurrences of the past, even though everything happened so quickly and suddenly, it felt like eternity. It felt like he was tangled in his self created mess since the day he was born.
It has been five years since that damned day but it still hurt like it was a grief of yesterday.
Sipping his morning coffee while staring out the huge French doors, leaning against the walls, Sun piercing its rays upon the poolside, Arnav began his thinking process all over again like every single day.
What do I do? What can I possibly do make everything the way it was? Why can't there be a rewind button in life?
He felt stabbed, pierced and torn. But did any of that matter now? Did he even suffer the fraction of her pain? No it was nothing compared to the torture she was put through, thanks to the one and only Arnav Singh Raizada.
A tear rolled down as he took the next sip, feeling as helpless as ever. It felt like nothing was in his control anymore, it felt like Khushi has become a stone, no gesture no action would affect her.
He didn't know what was worse: he was the reason of her current state or that she had become what he used to be once, heartless, emotionless, distant and isolated.
Perhaps this is what she meant by when she said money can't buy happiness.
She was right money can't buy happiness, what was the meaning of all this money when he didn't have the happiness of his life? His Khushi? She is there but not there, she breathes yet not alive.
Not even her favorite delicacies made her smile, she would stuff those in if the family insisted but it was obvious she was only doing it so they stop insisting, not that she loved them. Love was not something she was familiar with, not anymore just like he was unaware once upon a time.
He was lucky that she entered his life and filled it with colors, but what about her? He wasn't as strong as she was, she had the patience to deal with him, but he could not even see her in this state.
She came into the room silently and placed the folded clothes in the closet, her side of the portion which resembled to his, it was replaced from the vibrant hues to the plain pastels.
He turned around and stared at the robotic figure in front of him.
Her back was facing him, long black tresses up to her waist were held back by a few pins at the back of her head. She no longer wore the bangles whose noise was melody to his ears or her signature jhumkas that would sparkle and convince him of her presence even at a distance.
His heart wrenched at the sight his eyes were witnessing. This is not the woman he fell in love with. Why had she changed so much? Was his love not enough for her to come back to her old self ?
"Khushi promise me you will never stop loving me" he asked holding her hand in his
"I won't I promise"
"promise me you wont change"
"I won't change but time will"
Her eyes started to well up and he did not understand what had happened that made her cry.
Today he understood what she had meant by her statement.
She was right she did not change she did not stop loving him. Time changed and it had snatched Khushi away from him. She did not stop loving him neither did she change, but she was lost in that black hole from where even the mighty Arnav Singh Raizada couldn't bring her back. She was lost to never be found.
He placed the half empty cup on the table beside the recliner and moved towards the closet.
He held her by her wrists as she began to slide the doors close and brought her towards the bed ignoring her questioning gaze.
For about five minutes or so she kept looking at his hands that still held her wrists, in anger, in confusion or to avoid his gaze he did not understand.
Not being able to hold it any longer he asked
" kuch maangoon ga to do gi?"
He asked directly looking into her eyes with the burden of guilt and her miseries. His shoulders being slumped signifying his loss.
"kia chahiye" she asked in the most non-Khushi like manner, again more like the sophisticated wife of a rich businessman mixed with a defeated woman.
"mujhe Khushi chahiye" he spoke as his grip on her hands got tighter, and the sincerity in his voice grew.
"Khushi Kumari Gupta" he whispered, his voice sounding hoarse and broken.
In the last few years she has seen him lost and dull and she knew the reason behind it too, but she could only take so much and she had already reached her tolerance range five years ago. She did love him still but wanted to shield herself from the world even from him, after all he was no less of a contributor to her miseries.
She couldn't stop loving him but after what he had put her through she couldn't let him hurt her again, not this time, she would explode if anything.
After an era those jhumka less ears heard her full name, the name she was given at birth after ages she was being addressed as Khushi and not Mrs Arnav.
An unfamiliar flame of warmth lit in the corner of her heart and she finally decided to look into those pools of brown.
"Kia tum mujhe wohi purani wali Khushi laake de sakti ho?" he asked in a calm manner, his voice sounding more like a plead of that innocent prisoner who tried to convince the officials of his character.
A tear rolled down her cheeks and his eyes welled up seeing the girl in front of him express any emotion in a long time. The same girl who used to share everything with him.
A flame of hope ignited somewhere in the existence of Arnav Singh Raizada and he felt a gush of faith run within him. Maybe God was there after all and miracles happened today too.
Joined: 20 January 2005
-editing-Anything. Wow.I'd LIKE for Arnav to do all that.You know our age-old dream of seeing Arnav do any and every thing for Khushi. And that does NOT include just doing a few petty rasams, visiting the mandir, dancing, and putting on a henna dot..I mean serious redemption..but sigh! Thanks to your OS's I can see Arnav's guilt...eeeks!
Joined: 19 February 2012
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Joined: 19 January 2012
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