Monogamy? (Page 3)

@RTH, my apologies if the discussion came off little vague, let me try to clarify ...

I believe Monogamy is the best practiced until a couple changes the status to open marriage by rules. Though married couple focus on still keeping an outward appearance of traditional monogamy while practicing what basically amounts to polygamy behind closed doors which I conclude as cheating. The norms of monogamy are questioned, are they the norms ? I also question the  rights and needs of the second partner in monogamy relationship?

 


Edited by -Aarya- - 06 September 2012 at 2:36pm

So basically you are saying that monogamy eventually breaks down. That people put on the happy family front but carry on affairs on the sly or the couple eventually separates/divorces - and that amounts to cheating.

You have a valid point there. But I don't think monogamy is the problem. The real problem is that monogamy is the expected norm. Monogamy is not for everybody. You have to reach a point in life where you truly desire and need monogamy. Society needs to stop expecting that everyone will experience that. As I mentioned earlier that any relationship that is forced by family or society is cheating oneself.

I also don't think monogamy is meant to be permanent. And I'll agree that death do us apart etc. are all frivolous formalities. Life changes all the time. Today you may need that monogamy and commitment, tomorrow life may make you feel otherwise. It happens and people should be ready to accept changes and part amicably when need be. As long as there was full faithful monogamy during the commitment period and no affair was involved I don't see it as cheating.

At the same time I think monogamy is truly the best way for some people. Many people will have the ability to enter a monogamous relationship, be happy, fulfilled and keep it unto death.

"Till death do us apart" is a Christian sentiment which should be carried on. People who cannot make up mind and stray will never find peace either in monogamy or anything else. Monogamy is the right way for Christians, and a Christian is not a Christian if only she say but she must practice too.

Monogamy is not natural, and I think that the reason why it is prevalent has at least a little bit to do with the patriarchal roots of marriage and exclusive "ownership" or sexual "use" of women by men, who continued to have extramarital relationships anyway. Call me cynical, but I think many people end up cheating one way or another, and it's no longer restricted to just men because women are sexual beings too.

One reason why monogamy prevails may have to do with our insecurities. I think most of us want to believe in this romantic ideal of someone who "only cares for us." I love Nina Smone, but I think that concept is a myth and kind of relies on a sense of ownership over someone else that can actually be quite problematic.

In general though I think we tend towards long-term domestic partnerships as a norm. The real question is whether monogamy as a practice places severe constraints on how we can explore ourselves and navigate other relationships. I think polyamory is kind of interesting and could be a potentially fulfilling lifestyle if one can figure out how to make it work.