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Monogamy? (Page 2)

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Beyond_the_Veil

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Posted: 05 September 2012 at 11:14pm | IP Logged
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Vinzy

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Posted: 06 September 2012 at 12:16am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Heart

Originally posted by zorrro

Originally posted by -Aarya-

Isn't monogamy considered a form of cheating?
Is monogamy the most natural practice?

Any form of -gamy is suicidal so its cheating the self. Tongue
LOL
 Suna hey sometimes a married man needs to cheat just to break the monogamy. TongueWink

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Angel-likeDevil

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Posted: 06 September 2012 at 2:23am | IP Logged
Whatever gamy it is.. It's bad, when you are cheating yourself. Be true to yourself and fair to other people you are connected to Tongue
 
 
 
Like BTV, said, if you are saying that monogamy leads to cheating and all, like I said, one must be fair and responsible to the people he's made a connection with :)
 
 
 

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Goldie

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Posted: 06 September 2012 at 8:02am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Beyond_the_Veil

Originally posted by -Aarya-

@King-Anu, did you forget...
oogamy,plasmogamy, syngamy, xenogamy LOL


Or rather yet, you can take pretty much any words from the dictionary and add gamy to it. LOL

And from what I got from you, I think you are implying that since human beings generally are not meant to be sexually monogamous, lifelong monogamy might lead to cheating and stuffs. Right? Is that what you were trying to say?

Serious reply coming later. And also to that God thread. Let my fu**ing exam end for once and all in a few hours. Party


The true meaning of marriage is put to test, and what happens to till-death-do-us-part...Doesn't part of committing to someone else is knowing that person will be there for you through thick and thin, in sickness and in health? And if your thin or sick happens to come when your partner is out screwing around with someone else I would think it would be very hard not to feel hurt or betrayed or cheated.  To me monogamy is just a clever way having your cake and eating it too, it's a choice!Though it doesn't come naturally and sometimes it requires negotiation between partners but the fact remains that in the end you can either have that cake or you can eat it, but you simply can't have it both ways.

A serious reply LOL



Edited by -Aarya- - 06 September 2012 at 8:20am

return_to_hades

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Posted: 06 September 2012 at 8:49am | IP Logged
Originally posted by -Aarya-


@RTH + @Beyond_the_Veil, Monogamy is considered cheating and exists as the only rational choice to have one's emotional and sexual desires met in a culture that believes in open marriages.


I didn't understand this bit. I can understand monogamy being considered like "cheating" in a culture that believes in open marriages. An open marriage is based on the premise that all people engaged in the marriage are free to seek emotional and sexual fulfillment with whomever they wish clinging to just one person would be considered a betrayal of this expectation of openness.  So it would be the opposite of conventional marriage. However, I don't get how it is the only rational choice in a culture of open marriages. If a culture that accepts and encourages open marriages exists, wouldn't poly-amorous relationships become the norm and rational choice?

 

I think monogamy and polygamy are both natural to humans. It is natural for humans to be driven by hormones and have sexual relations with several people. It is also natural for humans to development attachment to one person and want to permanently be with them.

 

Monogamy is not that far out or merely a social construct. Jealousy, possessiveness, desire are very innate qualities of human behavior. When we really like someone, we feel possessive about them. We desire their attention and feel jealous if it goes elsewhere. Even kids who are not sexually or romantically aware develop deep rooted possessiveness about friends and make "BFF" pacts etc. It is human nature. If a human meets someone who sparks that sort of desire and possessiveness, and they are willing to sacrifice their own freedom to sleep around to get that love and attention they engage in monogamous relationships. And it is not just sexual desire or possessiveness it entails a lot more like an emotional desire to feel loved, cared for and protected by that person and to give the same back to them, an emotional jealousy when that person cares for or pays attention to someone other than you, a social desire to be able to share life, and its ups and downs with that person and a social jealousy when that person shares their life with others.


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sub_rosa

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Posted: 06 September 2012 at 9:39am | IP Logged
Originally posted by return_to_hades

Originally posted by -Aarya-


@RTH + @Beyond_the_Veil, Monogamy is considered cheating and exists as the only rational choice to have one's emotional and sexual desires met in a culture that believes in open marriages.


I didn't understand this bit. I can understand monogamy being considered like "cheating" in a culture that believes in open marriages. An open marriage is based on the premise that all people engaged in the marriage are free to seek emotional and sexual fulfillment with whomever they wish ' clinging to just one person would be considered a betrayal of this expectation of openness.  So it would be the opposite of conventional marriage. However, I don't get how it is the only rational choice in a culture of open marriages. If a culture that accepts and encourages open marriages exists, wouldn't poly-amorous relationships become the norm and rational choice?

 

I think monogamy and polygamy are both natural to humans. It is natural for humans to be driven by hormones and have sexual relations with several people. It is also natural for humans to development attachment to one person and want to permanently be with them.

 

Monogamy is not that far out or merely a social construct. Jealousy, possessiveness, desire are very innate qualities of human behavior. When we really like someone, we feel possessive about them. We desire their attention and feel jealous if it goes elsewhere. Even kids who are not sexually or romantically aware develop deep rooted possessiveness about friends and make "BFF" pacts etc. It is human nature. If a human meets someone who sparks that sort of desire and possessiveness, and they are willing to sacrifice their own freedom to sleep around to get that love and attention ' they engage in monogamous relationships. And it is not just sexual desire or possessiveness ' it entails a lot more like an emotional desire to feel loved, cared for and protected by that person and to give the same back to them, an emotional jealousy when that person cares for or pays attention to someone other than you, a social desire to be able to share life, and its ups and downs with that person and a social jealousy when that person shares their life with others.




Is it still open marriage if your abide by rules, isn't marriage ruined by practice of monogamy? While practicing monogamy a couple is not trying to include other sexual partners, they're just acknowledging that other attractions happen and an affair; it's still consider cheating. It  sounds like open marriage, and open couples are by far the most common form of polyamorous relationship. I agree to your points, though my questions was strictly on monogamy and its norms considered cheating?


Beyond_the_Veil

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Posted: 06 September 2012 at 9:53am | IP Logged
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zorrro

return_to_hades

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Posted: 06 September 2012 at 11:18am | IP Logged
Like POH, I am not sure if I understand the point you are trying to make. Confused

Originally posted by -Aarya-

Is it still open marriage if your abide by rules,



Everything has rules. Even if you go to a hippie nudist free love colony, there are certain rules, obligations and expectations you have to abide by. Society means rules. There is no expectation or rule for monogamy in open marriage/relationships.

 

What specific rules are you talking about here?


Originally posted by -Aarya-

isn't marriage ruined by practice of monogamy?



How so? It is personal choice. Those who want monogamy engage in monogamous relationships. Those who don't want monogamy don't.


Originally posted by -Aarya-

While practicing monogamy a couple is not trying to include other sexual partners, they're just acknowledging that other attractions happen and an affair it's still consider cheating.



When you have an affair you cease being monogamous, that is why it is cheating.

Are you implying that attraction is also cheating in monogamy? That is not true. Attraction is human nature. Monogamy does not mean denial of attraction, it means a commitment not to act on it.

 

I'm not sure how this implies monogamy itself is cheating though?


Originally posted by -Aarya-

It  sounds like open marriage, and open couples are by far the most common form of polyamorous relationship.


They are most common. Many don't even enter relationships, they remain single and just date a lot of people. There are other arrangements like swingers, sex groups, sex clubs people engage in. Monogamy is not a part of polyamorous relationships.



Originally posted by -Aarya-

I agree to your points, though my questions was strictly on monogamy and its norms considered cheating?




That is what I still don't get - what about monogamy and its norms are you calling cheating?

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