For One Shot#5
I'm moved.
Forgive me but my comments on almost all your one shots so far have been terribly bland. My proper fashion of commenting does not come to life when I do not feel what I had been reading. My two cents will however always be nearly as good as the prose itself if I did feel it. You have written this one shot with the elegance and supremacy that I have always identified your works with. En, this is a masterpiece and I am not even kidding anymore. Most of all before I even begin with the actual comment, thanks for writing it. 😳
The beginning is very sharp. It is intelligently written as though both the author and character have been having an equalized magnitude of bad luck in their day lately. It bears stark resembles to any setup in which Swayum and Sharon from LTD were pissed. Ingenious! A creep old lady stalks Swayum into the bus. 😆 Might I add expressions like 'the bus arrived just then, squirting a cloud of polluted smoke in its wake' explain all the sharpness I am talking about. I love a prose with details.
The main narrative is really very engaging! It's miraculous how I almost believe that the horrendous thoughts and a surge of intimidation that regulated through Swayum were indeed because of how the girl looked. 😆 It was good of you to first mention his motion sickness and then the awe he displays for the girl sitting next to him. A regular writer can't usually wait to jump up to the point they make the hero ogle at the heroine. Sharon's appearance was so well described by the way. It was flawless with the simplicity of it all. Well done already.
I pronounce myself outta an adjective to give here to tell you just how much I cherish the conversation between Swayum and Sharon that you've penned down. It is literary excellence along with a generous amount of moving emotion. I had an inkling that Sharon was blind since she was wearing goggles on a winter day. But that did not at all affect the pit that formed inside my stomach when she told Swayum about it.
I can give you more but you'll get bored. I dun kid. So I come to you with a business transaction now that occured to me. Toodles!
Kanks 🤗
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