Joined: 28 November 2010
My gynaecologist colleague Dr Deepa Shah needs my opinion on one of her patients. The lady is four months pregnant but has been advised surgery for an aneurysm in the brain. Dr Shah wants a second opinion on whether surgery could be deferred given her pregnancy.
I am about to walk into Dr Shah's cabin when I hear something that stops me on my feet.
"Doctor, is there no way to treat my infertility? My husband and my in-laws are already discussing his second marriage on the grounds of my barrenness. I love him very much and he loves me too. But he is unable to withstand pressure from his parents. He promises that he will love me just the same even if he has to marry again. But I am scared that he may abandon me!"
Dr Shah is murmuring something reassuring in response, but I do not wait to hear. I am filled with rage against that unknown man. What kind of an animal is he to think of abandoning the woman he loved just because she is unable to bear him a child? And the woman thinks he loves her still? How delusional is she? Did these people even have a clue what the word love meant? God, there should be a law against the word love being used so loosely? What is love if not complete and unconditional acceptance of each other's weaknesses and strengths? How could the desire for a child make a man indifferent to the emotions of a woman he had sworn to love and protect all his life? Is he himself not betraying and hurting her beyond belief?
I was so angry that I practically walked into someone who was walking towards me. Only as she bent to pick up her stethoscope and the reports that she carried did I realize that it was Nidhi! Had it been four days since i last saw her? How many days had it been since I last held her? I could not bear to see her pallid cheeks and her empty eyes. She was no longer the woman I had fallen in love with and married. The last couple of months had changed her completely. She had become hardened, focused on her work to the exclusion of all else, it was like she had forgotten to smile. Why was she doing this to herself? Why could she not come back to me? Did she not know that it has been months since I have had a goodnight's sleep. The dark circles under her eyes revealed that she hadn't either. Why could we just not put the past behind us and move on. Mallika had been discharged and was back home. She had been declared fit to resume work. She had gone back to work at City hospitals. I called her on occasion to check if all was well with them but beyond that, there was nothing more. Why hadn't Nidhi seen this? That it was just about humanity and nothing else?
"I'm sorry, Sir...I didn't see where I was going...forgive me!"
Nidhi's voice broke through my reverie.
"Am sorry, Dr Nidhi...the fault is mine...I wasn't looking either!"
"Pity that, Sir...if one of us had looked, maybe we wouldn't have collided!"
Was she still talking about what happened just now?
I try to look into her eyes but she walks away without waiting for my response.
I feel strangely restless. I decide to go back to my cabin and wait out whatever was bothering me. I will be fine, possibly there is a mild fluctuation in my pulse or BP. Let me just get myself a cup of coffee and relax for a bit. All will be well!
I go into my cabin and call the canteen for a cup of coffee. I close my eyes and lean back against the chair. That conversation that I overhead keeps ringing in my ears! Why am I letting someone else's life story affect me so much? I can't be teaching other people how to behave!
Just then there is a knock at the door. Mallika peeps in followed by Maxi.
"Hi Mallika...come in...what is this...a surprise visit?"
"No AShutosh, I had an appointment with Deepa...!"
"Oh...you should have told me...I could have picked you up!"
"Why would you? I am perfectly capable of bringing myself over!"
"But still...did you take a rick...it is a bad idea for the child!"
"Stop fussing, Ashutosh...this is my child and nobody else can possibly care for it more than I do...!"
"I did not mean that...just that you need to be careful in such times...!"
"I am aware of that too...I took a call taxi and asked him to drive carefully. I am more than capable of taking care of myself!"
"Good then...so what did Deepa say?"
"All is well. We in fact got our first scan done today!"
"Really,,,why did you not tell me...I could have been there too!"
Mallika looks at me strangely.
"Why should you be there, Ashutosh?"
I don't have an answer to that. Why had I even suggested that in the first place?
"Ashutosh, is everything okay with Nidhi?"
I don't know how to answer that either.
"I don't know if she told you but I spoke to her before I got discharged. I don't know if she has forgiven me but she does not resent me anymore. I begged her to let go of her resentment for the sake of the baby. I don't want him to bear the weight of my past sins! I broke down in front of her, AShutosh...and the girl was large spirited enough to grant me that...I think you are incredibly lucky, Ashutosh...not everyone is blessed with the company of a loved one...I hope both of you learn to count your blessings. My barren life should teach you that if nothing else!"
I remain silent.
"Ashutosh, I cannot be grateful enough for all that you did for me. I also know how badly you want a child. But please, understand that girl and give her the time she needs. Don't try to experience beforehand that which you should share only with her. It is not fair to her, fair to you.,...and fair to me!"
Her voice breaks as she says the last words.
Then she gets up and leaves with Maxi rushing after her.
I remain sitting there stunned, not knowing what has hit me! God, what have I done? Is this what I have been doing? Is this what this has been all about? Is Nidhi right then? Have I been trying to experience impending fatherhood through Mallika's child? Have I so lost control over my inner desires that I seek subconscious means for their vicarious satisfaction? So, is my humaneness just an excuse? I suddenly feel cold, as if I have been stripped naked.
I get up and run out of my cabin as if the devil is at my heels!
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Joined: 28 November 2010
God, I feel so weary! The surgery had lasted four hours and it had been a complicated one, requiring complete focus and attention. Dr Metha had complimented me on a good job done at the end of it but all I could manage was a wan smile in response. None of it really seemed to matter. All I can remember at the moment is the restless vibes that Dr Ashutosh seemed to be emanating. He seemed very disturbed for some reason. I send out a silent prayer asking for everything to be okay with him. I pick up my mobile and notice ten missed calls. All of them from home. I can't help feeling perturbed. Why had Baba been calling me?
"Hello Baba, sorry but I was in surgery...is everything okay...why have you called me so many times...?"
"Beta...can you please come home?"
His voice sounds broken.
"Baba...I don't mean to disrespect you...but I can't come back...you know that...how can I when Dr Ashutosh does not even need me?"
"But he needs you, beta!"
"You are saying that, Baba...he hasn't!"
"He is in no condition to say it, beta!"
What did he mean by that?
"What do you mean, Baba?"
"Beta, he is under sedation at the moment!"
"He came home a couple of hours ago...he seemed very stressed and he was sweating...he went into the room and locked himself up. I tried knocking at the door but he did not open it. Then , Hiraman and I got scared and we broke the door open. Beta, he was lying on the bed, soaked in sweat...he was just staring at the ceiling blankly and all he kept saying was your name. He seem distressed and was trembling violently. I gave him a sedative to calm him down. I think he's had a panic attack...can you please come?"
His voice choked as he begged me yet again.
For a second, there was darkness in front of my eyes and the room seemed to swim around me. No, I can't be weak! He needs me to be strong.
"I'm coming, Baba!"
I rush out of the hospital to catch an auto, unconsciously clutching on tight to my mangalsutra.
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Ashutosh is staring at the ceiling. The convulsions have stopped and so has the sweating. But even the heavy sedative has not put him to sleep.
Baba sits by his side and trys to brush his hair off his forehead. Ashutosh does not even seem to register his presence. Baba tries to gently remove the pillow that Ashutosh clutches on to but his grip does not loosen. Baba sighs and gives up. What are these children doing to themselves? They clearly love each other beyond all else and yet, they are unable to resolve their differences. He sends a silent prayer up to his daughter asking her to take care of her daughter and son-in-law!
He hears the door bell ring. In a matter of seconds, Nidhi enters the room.
Her eyes appear wild and her hair is all over her face. She does not even seem to register his presence. She rushes to Ashutosh's side, clambers on to the bed and automatically picks up his hand and feels for the pulse. What she feels seems to satisfy her and her body relaxes just a bit. She looks up and sees him.
"What happened, Baba?"
Her voice breaks.
"I don't know, beta,...he did not say a word to me...!"
She looks up at Baba and then looks back at Ashutosh and then back at Baba again!
"Baba, can you please leave us alone for sometime...please?"
Baba nods for he does not trust himself to speak either. The naked love and need shining in his granddaughter's eyes unnerve him. This moment is too poignant, too intimate and too sacred to be witnessed by any other!
Nidhi closes the door behind him and returns to the bed.
She sits next to Ashutosh and gently strokes his forehead. Her touch seems to evoke no response. His eyes continue to stare into space. She slowly lowers herself to lie down next to him. She tries to take the pillow away from him but he refuses to let go even in his sedated state. She closes her eyes and tears squeeze through. What had happened to him? Why was he this way? She couldn't bear to see the man she loved reduced to this broken spirit.
She slowly manages to wriggle her way into his arms and throws an arm around his waist.
She then raises herself above him and kisses him on the forehead. His eyes, that refused to shut for so long, suddenly close of their own accord. She then proceeds to kiss him on the eyes. Tears now start flowing from beneath his closed eyelids.
She proceeds to sip the tears from his cheeks, drinking in all his pain and bitterness.
He starts emitting piteous wails, like an animal in pain.
She gathers him in her arms and presses her mouth to his to shut off the cries. For her heart breaks just a little at the sound of each one of them.
She infuses her life's breath into him and coaxes him back to the life.
His arms rise of their own volition and crush her to his frame.
She raises herself up and looks into his eyes.
She can see his broken spirit reflected in his eyes.
He attempts to speak
She shushes him by placing her hand on his mouth.
"I have already made my diagnosis and prescribed your medication too. You need to be put on it immediately if there is to be a chance of recovery!"
His eyes continue to water but a semblance of hope seems to peep through in his broken eyes.
"Sometimes the disease depends on how aggressive the course of treatment is, Words are too mild a drug to deal with what ails you and me. You need me and I need you!"
She offers him herself as his cure. She knows that no other drug can possibly begin to heal what he is suffering from. They needed to come together in the most basic of ways if they were to have a chance.
She starts off by unbuttoning his shirt and then pulling it
out of his trousers. His belt followed and then the rest. He seems to flinch from
her generosity but she is unrelenting. She knows that there can be no other way
to start.There is much to be said and much to be done. But there is no other way and no other place to begin from.
In a room shrouded in darkness, the beginnings are laid to put to rest the deepest and ugliest of fears and insecurities. Their iridescent passion helps to drive away the darkness in their souls as they both set off on their voyage of mutual discovery!
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I LOVED the last scene today!
Author: Naina007 Replies: 4 Views: 1395
|Naina007||4||1395||22 December 2011 at 11:07pm by sona2000|
THAT LAST LOOK...
Author: ...RamonaG.... Replies: 52 Views: 4663
|...RamonaG....||52||4663||25 November 2011 at 4:47pm by Mehek25|
Love at last !!! :)
Author: CertifiedBabe Replies: 12 Views: 1254
|CertifiedBabe||12||1254||19 November 2011 at 1:06pm by Sakshifan1|
loved last week's scenario
Author: ozone1 Replies: 3 Views: 1010
|ozone1||3||1010||15 November 2011 at 4:46am by ..Roopal..|
loved today's last scene-12th oct 2011
Author: sravss Replies: 1 Views: 720
|sravss||1||720||12 October 2011 at 10:55pm by aparna4karanika|
And it directly leads us to her childhood days..
Rajan Shahi gets talking about his inspiring journey from being a ...
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