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Discussion of the Day: Virtual Flirting (Page 6)

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mermaid_QT

IF-Sizzlerz

mermaid_QT

Joined: 25 September 2005

Posts: 11613

Posted: 30 March 2007 at 1:27pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by sareg

Originally posted by mermaid_QT

Originally posted by sareg

Originally posted by mermaid_QT

A question to those who think flirting is always HARMLESS fun and others who are policing it are doing it just for being jealous Big smile -
Would you say the same if / when you have a teenage daughter who is flirting online with God knows who? Would you police / would you sit back and relax for not being jealous of her and her flirting partner? Wink

I am curious to know this!

 

If one has taught their children their limits, difference between responsibility and privilege, one would not need to sit and hawk around themWink 


So while teaching children their limits, YOU WILL GIVE THEM A LESSON AGAIST VIRTUAL FLIRTS and the HARM they could cause?? Wink

Parenting 101:  Never give out private information over the internet

Parenting 102: Convey to the kids, dont do anything you would be embrassed to tell me or your mom



I am completely in agreement with you.  I also know that this originates in the fear and awareness you have for the impact of virtual flirting and insecurities. Policing is not the least about being jealous, it is about CARING for someone.  You may not be logged in to police, but policing none the less via these means.

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mermaid_QT

IF-Sizzlerz

mermaid_QT

Joined: 25 September 2005

Posts: 11613

Posted: 30 March 2007 at 1:40pm | IP Logged
Tania, the question was about teenage daughter because it is a know fact that there are predators lurking around. I would never ask "Whether there are predators lurking around" If anyone has a doubt, we can send them YOUTUBE videos of the predators caught on tape in the sick act.

I also had to ask the question because several opinions suggested that it was OKAY to flirt and others were policing un-necessarily. hence i wondered whether it was a general statement of flirting being okay, or it changed when it got personal to child's level. I did get my answer here. Big smile

In response to the last post, I agree with you ClapClap that some people could refrain from moral policing.  Yet, they sometimes intrude in order to maintain the DECORUM of virtual space and I see nothing wrong in that.  For those indulging in flirting that crosses limits of decency (through suggestive words), I think private chat rooms and private messengers are great media. 


Edited by mermaid_QT - 30 March 2007 at 1:44pm

sareg

IF-Dazzler

sareg

Joined: 10 January 2006

Posts: 3976

Posted: 30 March 2007 at 1:47pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by mermaid_QT

Originally posted by sareg

Originally posted by mermaid_QT

Originally posted by sareg

Originally posted by mermaid_QT

A question to those who think flirting is always HARMLESS fun and others who are policing it are doing it just for being jealous Big smile -
Would you say the same if / when you have a teenage daughter who is flirting online with God knows who? Would you police / would you sit back and relax for not being jealous of her and her flirting partner? Wink

I am curious to know this!

 

If one has taught their children their limits, difference between responsibility and privilege, one would not need to sit and hawk around themWink 


So while teaching children their limits, YOU WILL GIVE THEM A LESSON AGAIST VIRTUAL FLIRTS and the HARM they could cause?? Wink

Parenting 101:  Never give out private information over the internet

Parenting 102: Convey to the kids, dont do anything you would be embrassed to tell me or your mom



I am completely in agreement with you.  I also know that this originates in the fear and awareness you have for the impact of virtual flirting and insecurities. Policing is not the least about being jealous, it is about CARING for someone.  You may not be logged in to police, but policing none the less via these means.

I dont think moral policing=caring,

For me it gets to a level where one tells others not to do things, b'cos it is the wrong thing to do, and generally the answer to "why" is, this is how good kids behave, this is how my religion or my upbringing or my culture tells me.(People hid behind that garb when they have no other valid reasons, this is something they wanted to do in their time, but were told that religion/culture does not allow them to do it, that to a level is jealousy)

For me that is wrong, in that time things were different, you cant apply situations from another generation to this one

Many a times, kids would listen to that sermon out of respect of age.But it is going to PO that kid, it is like throwing gasoline on fire and that kid would want to do that thing more than anything and at that point the parent loses the child for no reason



Edited by sareg - 30 March 2007 at 1:49pm

Minnie

IF-Veteran Member

Minnie

Joined: 20 September 2004

Posts: 8640

Posted: 30 March 2007 at 2:07pm | IP Logged

Originally posted by egghatcher

convenient selective policing is never a solution
it hides your faults and over exposes others that you may have an ulterior motive to bring to harm
besides CSP shows you in a very bad and immature light not necessarily on par with your wisdom and intellectual level .... I call it fangbaring session where you could compromise the person you seek such one sided redress from in the interest of satiating your vendetta urges
by you i dont point a finger at you. yes you .. i mean generally as you being one..
flirting is risking norms of the time ,, how it came to be linked homegenously with intersex bantering is another thread i hope..
Wink

eggyji, could you please translate that in English.....Embarrassed

mermaid_QT

IF-Sizzlerz

mermaid_QT

Joined: 25 September 2005

Posts: 11613

Posted: 30 March 2007 at 2:13pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by sareg

I dont think moral policing=caring,

I think that it is situation and individual-based.  I care for several of my jjkn friends who are silent readers here,  and I genuinely love them and would never want anyone of them in trouble because of internet predator.   Believe me I am not the only one who watches out for fellow IFians.  14 is young age! Sometimes, the damaging words could me subtle, confusing and unexpected.  If one thinks it is NOMB, they are right in their own mind Embarrassed.  Ofcourse it is their parents's responsibility and ofcourse parents are doing their job right, but IMO, having an additional caring DI on web will not hurt them Big smile.

For me it gets to a level where one tells others not to do things, b'cos it is the wrong thing to do, and generally the answer to "why" is, this is how good kids behave, this is how my religion or my upbringing or my culture tells me.(People hid behind that garb when they have no other valid reasons, this is something they wanted to do in their time, but were told that religion/culture does not allow them to do it, that to a level is jealousy)

Policing is not about just telling children what is wrong and what is the limit of flirting.  It is about telling them that predators are out there and there are no indications of them, but one's own judgement. 

Sometimes, policing is also to remind your friends and yourself that they/ we could be unfortunately looking like a predator if we have  that repeated tone/ talk in a shared space EmbarrassedConfused -

For me that is wrong, in that time things were different, you cant apply situations from another generation to this one.
Many a times, kids would listen to that sermon out of respect of age.But it is going to PO that kid, it is like throwing gasoline on fire and that kid would want to do that thing more than anything and at that point the parent loses the child for no reason

I completely agree with all the above.  Vineet, I detest the word RESPECT for AGE thrown at me too LOLLOL !  and i would never police someone and use authority for being older.  But being caring and being wiser does give me the right in some occasions and by using an equal level of friendship and guidance, one never has to distance their kids / virtual YOUNG friends. 



Vineet, I never have any trouble understanding what you are trying to say.  Somehow, I was finding it hard to understand and I hope I have not offended anyone.  My apologies in that case. 

Thanks Tania!  I am glad we are all on the same page when it comes to virtual flirting and the evil it can become unless BOTH individuals and reposible and into it and move on to their own private space when the talk is more of an adult nature instead of making wrong impression of oneself in a public shared space - especially such as IF where posters in early teens are in big numbers Big smile

sareg

IF-Dazzler

sareg

Joined: 10 January 2006

Posts: 3976

Posted: 30 March 2007 at 3:02pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by mermaid_QT

Originally posted by sareg

I dont think moral policing=caring,

I think that it is situation and individual-based.  I care for several of my jjkn friends who are silent readers here,  and I genuinely love them and would never want anyone of them in trouble because of internet predator.   Believe me I am not the only one who watches out for fellow IFians.  14 is young age! Sometimes, the damaging words could me subtle, confusing and unexpected.  If one thinks it is NOMB, they are right in their own mind Embarrassed.  Ofcourse it is their parents's responsibility and ofcourse parents are doing their job right, but IMO, having an additional caring DI on web will not hurt them Big smile.

For me it gets to a level where one tells others not to do things, b'cos it is the wrong thing to do, and generally the answer to "why" is, this is how good kids behave, this is how my religion or my upbringing or my culture tells me.(People hid behind that garb when they have no other valid reasons, this is something they wanted to do in their time, but were told that religion/culture does not allow them to do it, that to a level is jealousy)

Policing is not about just telling children what is wrong and what is the limit of flirting.  It is about telling them that predators are out there and there are no indications of them, but one's own judgement. 

I think that is the role of the parent or a moderator if it falls beyond the rules of the website

Sometimes, policing is also to remind your friends and yourself that they/ we could be unfortunately looking like a predator if we have  that repeated tone/ talk in a shared space EmbarrassedConfused -

I think it is telling someone how to act in public, if someone wants to make a spectactle of themself, that is their prerogative, again, I think that is the role of the parent or a moderator if it falls beyond the rules of the website

If no rules of the website are broken but someone finds it offensive that becomes that persons issue, that person can report it to the moderator and if the moderator does not find it offensive, maybe that person is the one who is being oversensitive and should not be there

 

For me that is wrong, in that time things were different, you cant apply situations from another generation to this one.
Many a times, kids would listen to that sermon out of respect of age.But it is going to PO that kid, it is like throwing gasoline on fire and that kid would want to do that thing more than anything and at that point the parent loses the child for no reason

I completely agree with all the above.  Vineet, I detest the word RESPECT for AGE thrown at me too LOLLOL !  and i would never police someone and use authority for being older.  But being caring and being wiser does give me the right in some occasions and by using an equal level of friendship and guidance, one never has to distance their kids / virtual YOUNG friends. 

I know what you mean, beleive me I have been in this dilemna and had a argument with a senior member  regards this

Later on, I also met a person who was on the other side of the sermon and looking at the reaction of the person receiving the sermon, I realized that sermon had been counterproductive.



Vineet, I never have any trouble understanding what you are trying to say.  Somehow, I was finding it hard to understand and I hope I have not offended anyone.  My apologies in that case. 

No offense taken

Thanks Tania!  I am glad we are all on the same page when it comes to virtual flirting and the evil it can become unless BOTH individuals and reposible and into it and move on to their own private space when the talk is more of an adult nature instead of making wrong impression of oneself in a public shared space - especially such as IF where posters in early teens are in big numbers Big smile

Predators are very discrete, one thing in common most of the conversation they have in public forum is extremely harmless, the ones in private messaging is the real thing

that is why I am against moral policing, that drives harmless conversation onto private messaging, where no-one has control but those two individuals and for underage children it is the riskiest thing

mermaid_QT

IF-Sizzlerz

mermaid_QT

Joined: 25 September 2005

Posts: 11613

Posted: 30 March 2007 at 3:17pm | IP Logged
Vineet,  I agree with you myself and hence said that some may think it is NOMB. I see why you would say that it is the duty of parents / mods. But when these are not around, I see nothing wrong in making a suggestion to see if majority would like such behaviour stopped.  If one can prove that majority finds the moral police wrong, then there is a reason to figure who is being oversensitive Wink.

In your opinion, just as the self-professed moral police is being over-sensitive and supposed to ignore the dirty words and flirting comments, the poster of such comments can (almost always does in fact LOL LOL LOL) ignore the police/ or should report the police in turn for that Embarrassed

Pressing report button multiple times against a poster making offensive / dirty remarks (which majority find distasteful and comment in PMs ) can only get the poster in trouble. Instead, if the moral police chooses to make it known to the poster, and the poster chooses to select audience, place and tone, I see no harm in trying that. It is being an adult instead of running to Dev team for every twisted or offensive word.

Regards RISKS of personal chatting, what can I say Vineet? I cannot agree more Clap Clap with you! Your parenting pointers are the right thing and there is only so much people other than parents can / should do when it comes to saving their friends from predators- who come in discrete fashion.

Additional Comment to clarify -  There is a THICK  line LOLLOL between funny flirting on web and making it more personal or of sexual nature.  I frankly support and even indulge in the former, while I have negative feelings regarding the LATTER in an Internet community where membership is open to children over 14.  That is when unasked-for-policing comes in.


Edited by mermaid_QT - 30 March 2007 at 3:27pm

mermaid_QT

IF-Sizzlerz

mermaid_QT

Joined: 25 September 2005

Posts: 11613

Posted: 30 March 2007 at 4:07pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by tania.ganguly

Well said Vinit.Public discussions are more safer than private chat rooms. Clap


Absolutely!  and the reason for that is the moral police and vigilant fellow chatters around Wink
Hence private chat is the only logical option ( as opposed to public display of sexual flirting) for those adults who just cannot stop flirting of sexual nature in public chats,  whether others would like to imagine them in certain acts or not.. 
A kid invited to private chat is ALARMED adequately by the invitation itself and with great guidance from his / her parents, will never leave public forum and go private way, as Sareg mentioned already. Clap




Edited by mermaid_QT - 30 March 2007 at 4:44pm

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