I had written this, just as a way of passing time, last week, I had no intention of posting it on the forum, but since yesterday, our forum has been very quiet. So good or bad I decided to post it. I am sorry if it goes against anybody's sensibilities, it was not meant that way. I was just feeling really crappy about Mallu coming back into the picture. So I just vented my feelings.
I know that all of us have their own opinions as to whether the current track will be positive or negative.I, like some of us are, am dreading this track. I do not believe that Mallika can ever be positive. Even if her character is reformed,(if I were to believe the assurances given by KPji.) just her mere presence, and now along with her baby, are definitely going to cause havoc in the life of Ashutosh and Nidhi.
Some of us on the forum have given their perspectives in forms of OS written as seen through the eyes of Mallika and Ashutosh, about how they feel. I might be mistaken, but I have yet to see anything, other than pollster some small posts, or a comment here or there, regarding how Nidhi must be feeling, or going through. I am also curious, as to the reasons behind why now all of a sudden she has become so career oriented, when previously, she had been content to be a stay at home wife. A person does not change that quickly, without some sort of a reason. Something had to have happened that impacted her to such an extent that she did such a complete 180. We have all passed her off. Oh, please don't get me wrong, nobody has said anything really cruel or negative, but all of us, including myself, have bashed her at one point or the other, in reaction to some of her actions, and insensitivity regarding Ashutosh and his wants and desires.
I don't know about anyone else, but ever since the news about Mallika's return came out last week, I have felt a lot of bitterness, towards Ashutosh. ( Now I could be wrong in some of your eyes, but please bear with me. I am just expressing my POV) All the issues regarding the last Mallika track have come to a fore, with vengeance. I still have unresolved issues, at way he had treated Nidhi, during that time. Hurting her, ignoring her, trusting Mallika over her, etc etc etc, and being forgiven by Nidhi, in the blink of an eye, well you all know what happened.
So I am writing this OS/predication (my take on where current track MIGHT go) Nidhi will get to vent and tell Ashutosh her side, basically air out all grievances and try to show him exactly how she felt and why she did or acted, whether selfishly or callously towards him and his desires.(I have always wanted to see this)
This scene takes places about almost a year from now(not exactly a leap more like a times forward) where Nidhi has finished her internship, and passed her PG exams and is currently trying to specialize in pediatrics. Only, there is a twist(isn't there always), Ashni have been separated for 5months.
NIdhi had finished her internship almost a couple of days before she and Ashutosh had a fight regarding Mallika, and Ashu's involvement with her and her baby. During the whole internship at KGH, she had seen Ashu's yearning and desire for a child, so she had decided to surprise him by agreeing to have a baby at the end of her internship, and not going the full two years as she had originally planned, and doing the rest of her specializing later after the baby. And as luck would have it she found out she was pregnant. She had been very excited to tell him that he was going to get his wish, and that he was going to be a father. But as luck would have it, she didn't get that chance.
At that moment Ashu had been in the hospital with Mallika, because she had just had her baby. And he was too busy to listen to her. Then she overheard him saying something that hurt her to her very soul. She still tried to overlook this and tried to talk to him later that evening at home.
She had been looking forward to the evening, and again tried to tell him of her surprise, but, Ashutosh taunted her decision of career. Vs him. And said that he could guess her surprise had something to do with her career, and as he had already given her two years, she could do anything she wanted. Anyway some more words were exchanged, and then somehow Mallika was brought into the mix. Like before, Ashu took Mallika's side and accused Nidhi of not having compassion for Mallika's plight. Then stuff like how he was disappointed in her because, she was a doctor herself, and a woman, and yet she didn't understand. Anyway way suffice it to say, once again he went overboard, and said something on the lines of how Mallika being a Only a Friend had given him what Nidhi being his wife could not. And that the baby(Mallika's) had filled his empty spaces. Of course he probably did not mean that, but we all know that Ashu often says things in anger that he later regrets. But of course, that doesn't make them any less hurtful. BB also took Ashu's side regarding the fact that Nidhi should have been more sensitive towards Mallika. So, this had been the last straw, as far as Nidhi was concerned. She spent the whole night pondering on what to do, and in the morning, both men without even acknowledging her, left to go visit Mallika and her baby at the hospital. That made up Nidhi's mind, she packed her bags, and wrote Ashu a goodbye letter how she would always love him, but sometimes love is not enough etc etc., and left the house.
Now during the five months, a lot happens. First Nidhi goes to her Baba's house, and swears all to secrecy about revealing her whereabouts and condition to Ashu. And gets a job at another hospital.( Yesterday we saw that Ashu said he has a policy of not going to other hospitals for doing surgery, so I would assume that it would be possible if she were very careful to avoid running into him, at least for a while) meanwhile Mallika's husband comes back and seeing her pregnant, reforms and turns over a new leaf, and repents, and Mallika, with Ashu's encouragement, agrees to give him another chance, after all he was the father of her child. And Ashu and Jagan also , come to a reluctant truce. (if Kpji can have Ashu forgive Mallika, even after she tried to kill Nidhi, why can't Mallika forgive her husband, if he also wants to repent, after all turnabout is fair play, isn't it? And what is the difference in Ashu forgiving Mallika. And Mallika forgiving Jagan. Both of their crimes in my eyes, are equally heinous). So now to intents all and purposes, Mallu and Jagan are reasonably happy with each other.
Ashu of course has become Devdas during this time without Nidhi. And then, what happens next, is fate or luck or whatever, which is when my OS starts(based on the above prediction track.).
Mallika's baby was sick. It was the middle of the night, so she did not have any choice but to take him the nearest hospital, which happened to be City Center Holy Hospital. When she and Jagan arrive with their five month old son, she was informed, but the nurse on duty, that they were in luck and that the Resident on call that night was actually in training For specializing in pediatrics, and that she had a magical touch with children. Since Mallika, was a well known doctor, she was not kept waiting in the ER but sent directly up to the pediatric ward. The nurse seated them in the doctors office, asked them to wait, and told them that Dr. Mathur would be in shortly to see them. She told them that the doctor, was giving a particularly difficult child an injection, which he refused to take by any others hand.
Mallika, was surprised, this sounded familiar. NO, it couldnt't be, she thought and shook her head. jagan seeing the confused look on her face said"kya baat hai, kya soch rahi ho? You look confused about something". Mallika-" nahin, it's nothing. Just a feeling. But I am probably imagining things. You know how it is, it's late and with (for the heck of it, I am going to give her baby a funny name) Tinku being sick, it's just my imagination working overtime."
Barely, five minutes later, the door to the office opened and the doctor came in. Mallika was busy trying to pacify her cranky child, did not look up or even notice that the doctor had come into the office, until the doctor said"good evening, so what's seems to be the problem with the baby"
Mallika, looked up, and her eyes widened in surprise"NIDHI"
Nidhi, was also surprised to see Mallika,"Dr. Mallika, you? What are you doing here"? Mallika-" Well, we came because our son is really sick. I have tried to give him medicines, but I can't figure out what is wrong, and tonight he just wouldn't stop crying, and it being so late, we had to bring him here, as this was the closest hospital to our house".
Nidhi-" Oh! Ok, let me take a look at him and see what's up."
When Nidhi, got up Mallika, couldn't help but notice"Nidhi, you're pregnant"? Nidhi-"Yes, Dr. Mallika. Apparently. But please. I don't really want to talk about this. Let me take a look at your son. After all that is why you are here. Right?
Mallika-"Yes, but Nidhi...". She stopped when she saw Nidhi's forbidding look. So, she went over and handed her son to Nidhi, who took him to the exam table to check him out. All the while Mallika, just kept on staring at Nidhi, she just could not stop herself. Mallika knew that she had no rights where Nidhi was concerned, to ask any questions, although as Ashutosh's friend she did. But, in this instance, she did not have the courage to even meet Nidhi's eyes, let alone hold an inquisition. Of course Ashu, had to be notified that she had found Nidhi, he had been going out of his mind for the past few months worrying about where she had gone. Mallika, felt so guilty, it was because of her and her obsession with Ashutosh, that he and Nidhi were separated. And other than letting Ashu know of her whereabouts, she didn't know what else she could do. She doubted that Nidhi would hear anything she had to say. And was there anything she could say, that would or could ever excuse anything she had done. All the injustices and cruelty, she had heaped on this innocent young girl, could anything ever justify that. And that too, for what? For falling in love? Mallika, knew she would carry the guilt and shame of her actions till her dying day, and still not be able to make reparations. Ashutosh had forgiven her, but then her crimes had been more against Nidhi. And , she knew that Nidhi would never listen, or forgive. Would she if she were in Nidhi's place? Be willing to forgive the woman who Hurt you repeatedly, harmed you professionally, and tried to murder you, and managed to destroy your marriage. No, Mallika knew that she could never be able to do that. But Nidhi, on the other hand, was made from a different cloth. This young girl had the biggest heart she had ever seen. When any other person would have had her sent to jail, Nidhi, had forgiven her and let her go free. She had even sent her husband, whom Mallika had tried to steal, after her to warn her when her husband had come looking after her, intending to harm her. She had never seen this kind of kindness and courage in any other human being. Maybe, at some point, not now of course, but somewhere in the future she and Nidhi could talk, and then Mallika would ask for her forgiveness. And then maybe She and Nidhi, could be friends.
Mallika was still musing, when Nidhi, said" Dr. Mallika, I have examined your son, it's not a problem, he just has an ear infection. I have written this prescription for an antibiotic, he should be alright in a few days."
Mallika-"but, I have already given him a course. And he would not let me check his ears, so I couldn't be sure.". Nidhi-"Its ok Dr. Mallika, small infants, often give a hard time during ear exams, specially when they are having an infection. And sometimes, this antibiotic that I have given you works better than any other on babies. And you are a mother, and mothers tend to worry more, even if they are doctors. Don't worry, he will be fine. You can go to your own pediatrician of course and get a second opinion, if you want.". Then Nidhi picked up the baby. He did not cry, in fact when she talked to him he smiled and kicked his little arms and legs. This was the first time in the whole day that her son had smiled, at anyone, let alone a stranger. And he usually didn't even like strangers. Nidhi, indeed had a magical touch with children. And now she was also going to have one. Ashu would be so happy when he found out, she couldn't wait to get back into her car and call him.
As soon as Mallika and her husband left, Nidhi, sat down on her chair with a thud. Her time was up. She had known from the beginning that she would not be able to hide from Ashutosh for very long, unless she left the city. But she did not want to do that. She could not leave her father and DB. It was not their fault she had left Ashutosh, she knew that DB had also pressurized her to have a child, but ultimately it had been up to the both of them to keep their relationship intact. Love had never been the issue. Nidhi, knew that Ashu loved her a lot, and she loved him also, but like she had written in her letter, Love alone is Not enough to sustain any marriage, there had to be trust as well as respect between two partners, and on that front both she and Ashutosh had been lacking. He for always letting his insecurities and his rigid stances on right and wrong come in between them, and her for not trusting that at the end of the day he would always come to her, and that for him she was it, and also in her desire to make something of herself, she had ignored his greatest desire, and pretended not to notice his pain. That was not why she had left him though. She just could not put up with his constant mistrust in her. No matter what, in his eyes it was always her fault, he never tried to look at things from her perspective.
Anyway, the time for reckoning was here. She knew that tomorrow, she would have to face him. She just had to prepare herself, mentally and emotionally. She could not afford to break down in front of him.
She would never admit in a million years, that she was starving for just a glimpse of him. She would also never tell anybody, about how many times she had gone to KGH, and parked in a corner, and sometimes waited for hours just to see him. She missed him like hell. It was hard , so hard to live without him. People always said, time is a great healer, but in her case, that was not true. Every second, since the day she had left him, had been hell. It never got easier. Especially, with the fact that she was pregnant with their child. She had given him what he wanted, only he did not even know it. It had been hell. The first three months of morning sickness, she had desperately needed him. Then when she had started showing, she had wanted to share that excitement with him, then the first time she had felt the baby kick, She had cried all night, every day the hell just got worse. The worst had been the day a month ago, when she had been five months pregnant, and the doctor had done the sonography, Nidhi, had gotten her first glimpse of their baby, their daughter. She would never forget that. And , of course, being a doctor she had seen the baby's sex herself, the doctor did not have to tell her. Nidhi knew Ashurosh wanted a girl, and she had been so happy to know that she was indeed giving him his hearts desire.
He was not there to see that, though, and of course that was not his fault, it was hers, he would have been there had he known, but she had taken that choice away from him. She realized how unfair that was but she just could not live with him anymore. She would rather keep loving him and missing him, rather than staying with him, and having the love in her heart destroyed. Anyway, TOMORROW. Well she would face it, come what may, and, no matter what happened tomorrow, she knew life would still go on.
Ashutosh's cell phone rang at 7:00am the next morning. Groggily, he reached over to see who it was,"Mallika, what happened, is everything alright. The baby is fine isn't he? Mallika-"Ashutosh, the baby is fine, don't worry, and if I had my way, I would have called you at 3:00am, but Jagan stopped me. He said to let you rest, as he didn't know when you would again.". Ashutosh-" why, what happened, Mallika, would you please tell me what is the matter"? Mallika-"last night the baby got really sick, with a high fever, and he would not stop crying. Anyway, long story short, I got so scared that we took him to the hospital. And the pediatric resident on call, A certain Dr. Mathur, treated him. We were told she had a magic touch with children, and it was true. When we got there, she was giving an injection to a child who refused to take it from anyone else but her. Sound familiar ,Ashutosh"?
Ashutosh, didn't know how to react. He had been praying for this day for the past five months. And now that he had finally gotten news about Nidhi's whereabouts, he did to know what to say.
Mallika-"I know how you must feel, but say something, please".
Ashu cleared his throat" Mallika, are you sure"? Mallika gave a soft laugh"Ashutosh, Nidhi, took care of my son, she is the Dr. Mathur that treated him. Is that sure enough for you". Ashu-"where...where is she? Is she alright"? Mallika-". She is more than alright, but you will have to go see that for yourself. She is working at the City Center Holy Hospital. Ashutosh, go to her, she is hurting as much as you are. Go bring her back into your life. She really needs you right now.". Ashu, "Mallika, what do you mean by that. And are you trying to tell me that she has been here all along, and I have been trying to find her all over the world". Mallika-"yes Ashutosh, she has been in the city all along. She's a very clever girl, your Nidhi, what better to place hide, than in plain sight. She knew that you wouldn't look for her here. So, Here is where she has been. Now I am going to hang up the phone. Call me later, will you? I will be on tender hooks all day waiting to here what happened"? Ashu-"Mallika, I don't know how to thank you. You are a true friend". Mallika-"if only I had been a true friend from the beginning, none of this would have happened. I am sorry Ashutosh, you have suffered a lot because of me, because of your friendship for me, and all I brought you was pain. I am sorry, and if you could, would you please tell Nidhi, I said sorry, and that this time I mean it, it's for real."? Ashutosh-" I will try Mallika. I owe her an apology also, for a lot of things, I hope,that she will be able to forgive me too. Anyway, I will call you later, I don't know when, depends on how everything goes and how long it takes. Bye for now".
Ashu, didn't know how to contain his relief that she was ok. He had been really worried about Nidhi. He had tried everything he could think of to find her. He had even asked Nidhi's father and DB. Both of them had been very apologetic, they told him that she had sworn them to secrecy. Even though he had asked repeatedly they had been remained steadfast. Ashu was surprised to see that out of the two is was DB, who was more sympathetic to his plight. The only part that she constantly went on about was that, he should have taken more care, regarding his friendship with Mallika, and how she had always known that nothing good would ever come from it. In a way she had been right. In hindsight, he saw that he had used Mallika 's pregnancy unfairly. Even though unintentional, he had used that to continually drive home to Nidhi how much he wanted to have a child of their own. He had been very unfair to her, and that last fight, between them had been his fault. Just holding Mallika's baby, had brought that desire to the forefront with such a vengeance, and he had unleashed all his frustrations out on Nidhi. He had not even given her a chance to tell him what it was that had her so excited that day. And to be fair to her, she had tried 2-3times, but he had been in no mood to listen. And it had been absolutely unfair on his part to accuse her of having no compassion for Mallika and her situation. That was a problem he had always had, saying things he did not mean in a fit of temper. Baba had told him often that one day this habit of his was going to land him in trouble. He had been right. He had himself pushed Nidhi away. And his and Babas attitude the next morning towards her had been unforgivable, he didn't blame her for leaving. Right now more important part was, how was he going to get her to come back to him.
The last five months had taught him a lot and had also brought home the fact of exactly how unfair he had been to her, in regards to so many things, specially his friendship with Mallika. He remembered all the incidences , and he had realized just how much she had put up with due to him. He still could not believe that he had accused his Nidhi of attempted murder and had thrown her out of the house, not directly, but when she left he had done nothing to stop her either. Well now was not the time to go over the list of his crimes against her. He needed to get ready and go talk to her, see her himself and assure himself that she was fine.
So he hurried out of bed and got ready. He called the hospital and told them that he would not be coming in that day and would be available only in an emergency. When he came out of his room, he saw that BB was sitting on the table having his breakfast. When he saw Ashu, he asked him to join him. Ashu told BB about Mallika's phone and that he was on his way to go see Nidhi. BB was really happy to hear that, and said that he too wanted to go with Ashutosh.
When, Ashu got to CV's house, they were waiting for them.
CV- "Good morning. We have been expecting you.". At their puzzled look he went on to explain"Nidhi, called early this morning and told us that Dr. Mallika would have told you where she was, and that you would in all probabilty be coming this morning."
Ashu-"Baba, I asked you so many times, why didn't you tell me, you could have at least given me a hint"?
CV-"Ashutosh, how could I have done that? You know that Nidhi, swore all of us to secrecy. She threatened us that if we told you or even tried to give you any hint , she would leave and then nobody would know where she was. I thought that it was better to keep quiet, that way at least she would be here, and she would be safe. I am sorry that I could not help you, but Ashutosh, as far as I am concerned it was all your fault that this happened. I have never said anything to you ever since the day I gave my daughter to you. I have never interfered in your lives, I never even said anything when your best friend tried to murder my daughter, but there is limit as to how much a father can take. You have hurt her a lot. I don't know that I can forgive you for that ever. You know sometimes, I even regret that I allowed her to marry you, I feel that in the long run she would have been better off without you...". He had been about to say more, when he was cut of by, "that's enough Baba". Ashutosh turned towards the voice, and he saw Nidhi, standing in the doorway, she looked beautiful. Ashu blinked, to make sure what he was seeing was not a dream. She was wearing A Blue dress, and was holding her white lab coat on one arm and also holding her lunch box in that hand and had a briefcase in the other. She slowly stepped into the room and walked towards where they were all sitting. Just then, Chote sarkar, rushed in and held his hand out to take the things from her, which she very reluctantly handed over. Then as if taking courage, she squared her shoulders and turned to face them. Whatever Ashu had been thinking or about to say, was lost, and his mind went blank. He couldn't believe what he was seeing.
Nidhi was pregnant. He blinked and rubbed his eyes to clear them and make sure he saw correctly. No there was no mistake, Nidhi was pregnant. Ashu looked at her with accusing eyes and before he could get any words out, Nidhi, said" This was what I was wanting to tell you that day. You wouldn't let me, you were too busy, telling me how much of a failure I was as a human being and woman. I was so excited, and you were not willing to listen to a word.". Ashu, recalled that day, she had been very excited to tell him something and he had thrown some carelessly taunting statement at her how, he didn't want to listen to anything, since it was probably only connected or had something to do with her career plans. He really had not given her a chance, and the next morning had not even glanced at her, and had left without saying a word to go visit Mallika and her baby at the hospital. He should have listened to her. He should have kept away from Mallika.
Ashu-"Nidhi, we need to talk". Nidhi-" Dr. Ashutosh, I don't think we have anything to left to talk about, other than the baby". Ashu-" Nidhi, please".
Just then DB came into the room. DB -" Doctor, Nidhi just came home after almost two days. Can she at least eat before She does anything else.". Ashutosh had no idea that she had been working so hard. Ashu-"I am sorry DB, I didn't know that. Yes, of course Nidhi should eat before anything else". Nidhi wasn't hungry, but she knew that for the sake of the baby, she had to eat. So reluctantly she went with DB and sat down at the dining table with everyone. Her father had insisted that BB and Ashutosh join them for breakfast.
After breakfast CV took Nidhi aside to talk,
CV" Nidhi, beta, I think you should talk to Ashutosh". Nidhi-"Baba, why? What's the use Baba. I don't know what to do. That's the reason I left, I just got so tired of constantly having to defend myself, always getting blamed for everything, and being treated like a child. I felt like an outsider in my own house. I am still not clear about everything" CV-" Nidhi, beta, how is not talking going to help anything. Ashutosh is your husband, and the baby's father. Beta a child needs both parents. Don't you remember your own childhood. I know that you had DB and Anji's mom, but did they really make you forget your mom? I know that you missed not having a mother. Do you want your Baby to go go through the same thing? Beta those are not the values I gave you. You are my daughter and you can not just give up. Unless you are thinking about something more permanent, sooner or later you have to work at resolving the issues between you and your husband, you know that". Nidhi-" Baba, how can you even think that I can even think of something like that. I still love Dr. Ashutosh very much". CV-"Beta if that's the case then talk to him and try and sort this out, go back to your own home. And let the baby have both of his parents.". Nidhi-" you are right Baba, we have to talk, and come to some sort of a compromise, at least for the baby's sake. But it won't be easy" CV-"beta life is never easy, and anything worth having is even harder".
Nidhi, asked Ashutosh to come with her to her room so that they could talk without being disturbed.
In her room, Nidhi, asked Ashutosh to give her a few minutes to freshen up and change her clothes. She came out a few minutes later wearing a loose fitting gown, which made her pregnancy look even more pronounced. Ashutosh, could not take his eyes off of her. She looked beautiful, pregnant. He wanted to go to her put his arms around her, basically just to feel her near him again. He wanted to put his hands on her stomach and feel his baby. Right now though, he was too scared to even go near her. He did not know how she would react. So he waited till she sat down. Nidhi was also very wary, she didn't not know how to act around him any more, she didn't know where to start or what to say. So she went over to the recliner/rocker that Baba had recently bought for her, and sat down gratefully, and put her feet up on the little footstool that stood at the end of her chair. She was so tired and her feet were killing her. Ashu, saw that her feet were really swollen. He wished he could go and give her a massage or even chide her for working so hard. It was not a very comfortable silence. Finally when he couldn't stand it any longer
Ashu-" Nidhi, I need you to come back home. I know I said a lot of things in anger, but I didn't mean any of it. Please forgive me". Nidhi-"It's not so simple, Dr. Ashutosh. I left because you were making it impossible for me to stay with you, without resenting you". Ashu-" Nidhi, I realize that I made a lot of mistakes, and I hurt you a lot. But I didn't mean too. It wasn't until you left that I began to realize in how many ways, little and big, exactly how much. Nidhi, I can't turn back the clock, but I promise that it will not happen like that again. After all, Nidhi, how long can we go on on like this. It has been hell for me, these past few months without you. I love you Nidhi, you are my life". Nidhi sighed,"I know you love me. I have never doubted that even for a second. But it's all the other things, the were the problem. And it wasn't all you. I made my fair share of mistakes also. Dr. Ashutosh, sometimes love just isn't enough...". Ashutosh began to feel as if a heavy weight had settled on his chest," Nidhi, are you saying that you don't love me anymore"? Nidhi-" No, I am not saying that. I still love you, if possible even more than before. But I am saying that for me love isn't enough by itself. We both need more from each other. I just don't know if we can give each other what the other needs. That's all". Ashutosh" what do you mean Nidhi, what more can I give you. I already have given you everything. I have given myself over to you, totally. I know I made some mistakes, but not giving myself to you is not one of them". Nidhi" if you don't know that, then I don't know that we have anything more to say to each other. I don't know where to even begin to try and make you understand, or even where to start. And I am afraid that once I do, I won't be able to stop. And we will end up worse than where we are right now". Ashutosh". Nidhi, I want you to say whatever you need to or want to, and I promise to try and understand. And I will promise that I will not let let things get worse.". Nidhi -" Dr. Ashutosh, you can't give me any guaranties, life doesn't work that way. Look, I never thought that I could live even for a second without you, yet here I am. I never thought that you could do anything ever that would make me leave you, and that was exactly what happened. So you can't give any promises that you will not be able to keep". Ashutosh-" Nidhi, I don't know what more do you you want, I have said sorry, I have said I made mistakes and will try not to make them again. I am here pleading for you to return. I don't know what more I can do". Nidhi-" you have said you made mistakes, but do you even realize what they were or how much they hurt, or how they affected me. Okay, you want me to talk, I will talk, but do not lay the blame on me later. Have you ever wondered Dr. Ashutosh, that why would a girl who went from wanting nothing more than to stay and home and take care of her family, suddenly wanted to back to work and finish her training and have a career? Did you once even give a thought to that? So, Where do I start, maybe Dr. Mallika. Do you have any idea what price I have paid for your friendship. It was your friendship, yet I was made to bear the burden of that cross. You fired me remember, because she told you to. Oh I know what you told me, that it was for my own good. But what good came out of it. You called me to the hospital, and out of the blue you fired me. There was no valid reason for it, and on top of that you humiliated me, in front of her. If you had wanted to fire me you could have done it a bit more privately, or at least not in front of her. Yet you did. So not only was I humiliated by you but when you left the room, I had to hear her gloating as well. But later, when you brought up the subject, I forgave and forgot, without you even having to apologize. Then you left me when I needed you the most. My father was in the hospital. And you left, you automatically thought the worst of me, then you came back and found out that I was not at fault and wanted me back, once again I forgave you. Of course I made my share of mistakes and hurt you also, like the time in Kerala, when I chose my family over you, but I had had no choice in the matter. I could not oppose my father. That was my shortcoming, and I caused you a lot of pain. But time and over I have tried to atone for that.
But the real and biggest of our problems came in form of Dr. Mallika and your friendship with hers. You have always placed your relationship with her above ours. You believed her over me, you paid no attention to my feelings. During her stay at our house, you were always with her, did you even once think about me or how I was feeling. You ignored me. You even threw me out of the house twice. And accused me of trying to murder your friend. Did you once stop and think, what I was going through or felt when you made those accusations, no it was all about Mallika. Dr. Ashutosh, I rarely complained and always forgave, and willing to overlook things. And the day she tried to poison my food, you were not ready to believe me even when I presented you with evidence, until she herself accepted her crime. Yet I forgave you, when you said sorry, and you didn't even have to say it twice. Did you even once stop and think, how I felt every time she hugged you or held your hand. Or how I felt seeing you comb her hair and spend nights on end in her room while I waited staying awake all night, for you to return. You gave every action of hers the benefit of doubt, yet you gave none to me, how do you think I felt then Dr. Ashutosh? And how do I forget that you were there to wipe her tears, and never even gave a thought to mine, i had to wipe my own.
Oh the money and credit card incident all seem very small in from of all this, but how do you think I felt when you said it was your money. Even if I never said anything, that doesn't mean that I was not affected. All of that made me realize that I needed to be independent. Tell me DR. Ashutosh, how was I to trust a husband who could see me walk out of the house in the middle of the night, and not even bother whether I was safe or not, and in fact you said good riddance and that there would be peace in the house without me, Oh yes don't look so surprised, Your Friend took great pleasure in telling me how you even stopped Baba from going after me.
How I trust that something like that wouldn't happen again, given the right circumstances? And the money incident made me realize that I needed to be financially independent. You said sorry afterwards, but do you think that was enough to take away the feeling of humiliation and pain, that I felt when you stressed that it was your money, and in effect I had had no right to spend so much of it. It was after that, that I promised myself that, I would not put myself in that position ever again. Then you decide that you want to have a child and because I don't want one at that time, you turned to Dr. Mallika, again. I know I had sent you after her to warn her about her husband. But that was the extent of it. Yet you still went ahead and helped her and got involved in her life again. You knew it was hurting me yet you didn't stop. I knew that I had hurt you a lot by not agreeing to have a baby, but during the course of my internship, when I saw you with children , or sometimes in the newborn nursery, I saw what it meant , and I had decided that after internship I would give you what you want, and continue with work and career afterwards. But by a huge stroke of luck,I found out I was pregnant the day after my internship ended, and when I came to tell you what do I see and hear. I saw you with Dr. Mallika holding her baby and telling her that her baby had succeeded in filling the emptiness in your life, and even my love had not been enough for that. How do ou think I felt Dr. Ashutosh, hearing my husband talking to the woman who had tried to kill me? How do you think I felt hearing you say those things to her about me. But still I loved you so much, that, as hurt as I was, I was willing to overlook once again, because I had been so excited to tell you that I was going to be giving you your hearts desire. What do I get, more abuse. How much did you want me to take, Dr. Ashutosh. How much more can i take? I know you love me. But I can't handle it any more, love without trust and respect, doesn't last. Just like a delicate plant requires water, sunlight soil, sun, it also requires some one to tend to it. Other wise it withers and dies. So does love. By itself, it cannot survive for long, and that's why I left. I wanted to keep on loving you, instead to staying with you and have my love die slowly by stages. I love you Dr. Ashutosh and I will always love you, till my dying day, I am just not sure that I want to live with you anymore. If it were just me, I probably would never have left you at all, but that time I had to think of my child also. I could put up being second to your friendship, but I couldn't stand to have my child take second place in the affections of her own father, to Dr. Mallika's child. I couldn't do that to her. It wouldn't have been fair on my part as a mother, to subject my daughter to that kind to misery, where she would have to compete against someone else's child for her own fathers love. So you see I had no choice but to leave".
Ashutosh, had been silent throughout her whole tirade. He did not not know what to say to her. He had no words to even begin to apologize. He had never thought about everything from her perspective. He felt truly ashamed, he had hurt her, every step of the way he had hurt her, even without meaning to. The one person he had sworn to keep happy, he had ended up causing so much misery to. He was to scared to even think what she would say and feel to know that Mallika was a part of his life again, though as nothing but a friend, and that her son, indeed had a very special place in his heart. How could he tell her that he was friends again with the very same woman , who had tried to kill her, and that he had forgiven Mallika. And after telling her that, how could he tell her that nothing and no one meant more to him than she did. Looking at her from her point of view it was incomprehensible, How could he have forgiven and forgotten all of Mallika's crimes that easily. If he couldn't justify his friendship to himself, how could he to Nidhi. The truth was that there was no justification. No husband who loved his wife would would have done , what he had. And where to even try and begin to make her understand that he had not meant those words he had said to Mallika. Yes he had affection for mallika's son, but no child could ever take his child's place. How could he explain what their baby meant to him, that he/she could never come second to anybody else. He was damned by his own words. He had barely known about the existence of his child for a few hours, but he already loved it with a fierceness that was hard to describe. His child already owned his heart, and Ashutosh did not even have the words to tell her this. Every action of his regarding Mallika, had successfully put up a barrier against his credibility. How would Nidhi ever believe him. He knew that the road ahead was going to be a difficult one, but he had to traverse it. He was lucky that she still loved him. At least that was in his favor, and the rest he would build up again. He would have too. He would do anything and everything it took to gain back her trust. And somewhere along the way, if he had to sacrifice his friendship with Mallika, then so be it. He had paid his dues towards his friendship, now it was his wife's turn. He had to pay his dues towards his marriage also. He would make it work, and whether she wanted to or not he knew that Nidhi would help him. He had seen the love in her eyes when she looked at him. The yearning for him was there too, she needed him as much as he needed her. The trick right now would be how to convince her to come back home with him. Well he had to try at least. But Mallika was one hurdle, that he had no idea how he would cross.
Ashu-"Nidhi, I don't even have any words in answer to your arguments. All I can say is that I never wanted or meant to hurt you and it seems that I have done nothing but that".
Nidhi smiled a tiny smile-"I wouldn't say that Dr. Ashutosh, during the time we were together you gave me a lot of happiness also. You gave me so much love that my heart still brims with it".
Ashutosh-"Nidhi, if that is true, than please come home with me. We can both try again. I will try and make sure that I never hurt you again. Please give me another chance"?
Nidhi-" Dr. Ashutosh, I can't. I will not allow myself to be in that position again. But, what I do know is that our child needs both of her parents. And I have to think of her now, and not myself. So, yes I will go back with you to your house."
Ashutosh couldn't believe his ears, he had thought that he would have to tie her up to take her home with him. The very thought of having her back home with him, filled him with elation. He looked up as Nidhi said,
" I have a two conditions, though. I want us to have separate rooms, and I will not tolerate Dr. Mallika in my life ever again, in any way shape or form. Of course I can not stop you from doing so, I know that, but neither I nor my child will ever have any contact with her. Will you agree to those conditions"?
The moment Nidhi had said the word conditions, Ashu knew that Mallika would be one of the conditions, he had not anticipated the separate room part though. That meant that Nidhi knew that he and Mallika were friends again. He didn't know how to react to that. How could he tell her that Mallika had changed, that she was not the same person who had tried to kill her. Nidhi, would never be able to forgive him for that. He knew that when ever they got back together, that wound would always be festering beneath the surface. And he didn't know how he could ever heal that part of her. His friendship was not above Nidhi's happiness, but now that the damage had already been done, he didn't know if he would ever be able to convince of her of that
Edited by Libra - 11 October 2012 at 12:45pm