The famous Kubler-Ross Model has FIVE stages of grief or loss. "The five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance
are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the
one we lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be
feeling. But they are not stops on some linear timeline in grief. Not
everyone goes through all of them or in a prescribed order. Our hope is
that with these stages comes the knowledge of grief 's terrain, making
us better equipped to cope with life and loss."
The stages, popularly known by the acronym DABDA, include:
- Denial ' "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."
Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This
feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of possessions
and individuals that will be left behind after death. Denial can be
conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, information, or the
reality of the situation. Denial is a defense mechanism and some people
can become locked in this stage.
- Anger ' "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; '"Who is to blame?"
Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot
continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due
to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Anger can manifest itself in
different ways. People can be angry with themselves, or with others, and
especially those who are close to them. It is important to remain
detached and nonjudgmental when dealing with a person experiencing anger
- Bargaining ' "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..."
The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow
postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life
is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle.
Psychologically, the individual is saying, "I understand I will die, but
if I could just do something to buy more time..." People facing less
serious trauma can bargain or seek to negotiate a compromise. For
example "Can we still be friends?.." when facing a break-up. Bargaining
rarely provides a sustainable solution, especially if it's a matter of
life or death.
- Depression ' "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die soon so what's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"
During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the
certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent,
refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This
process allows the dying person to disconnect from things of love and
affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual
who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be
processed. Depression could be referred to as the dress rehearsal for
the 'aftermath'. It is a kind of acceptance with emotional attachment.
It's natural to feel sadness, regret, fear, and uncertainty when going
through this stage. Feeling those emotions shows that the person has
begun to accept the situation.
- Acceptance ' "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
In this last stage, individuals begin to come to terms with their
mortality, or that of a loved one, or other tragic event. This stage
varies according to the person's situation. People dying can enter this
stage a long time before the people they leave behind, who must pass
through their own individual stages of dealing with the grief.
Edited by abc113 - 14 August 2012 at 4:57pm