For me, today it was all about Arnav...The boy, the man...a tortured soul within, who has no one to share his pain till now...who has built his life on the remains of his dreams..and is now ready to walk through it with his only "happiness". I dedicate my post today to Arnav the boy who lived it through all in the past and is still living in it,though this time, he has a ray of light, his life, his Khushi.
There are three souls who reside in this man. The boy - chotte who lost it all ,
the Man - ASR who conquered it because of his will and brain
And somewhere in between there is both - Arnav who is healing under the love of his wife and who is content within as his heart is filled with love but is still haunted by his past.
Allow me to take you through them along with my analysis.
A 14 year old boy whose life resides in his sister, who literally worships her, is finally witnessing her marriage. A beautiful moment, an unforgettable one as his beautiful sister is beaming and is blissfully happy.There is decoration, celebration and a feast all around. He cannot look beyond his sister's angelic face and he wants to prolong this moment of sheer happiness. But that moment turns into the darkest of his life. His parents take that dreaded step which leaves the family in tatters. His sister's dream is shattered, his life crumbled!
He struggles for years to remove those memories, those dark moments from his life. He knows he can never forget it for its etched in his brain, his heart, his subconscious. But he tries his best not to remember them. He removes himself from all emotions, feelings that reside in that tiny, insignificant part of the human body, the heart and he thinks he feels whole again.
The last segment was completely emotional one for me because I could feel this boy's pain, his hurt, his betrayal and his sheer determination to rise again from that rickety existence!
He is satisfied for he is rich, powerful and successful. He is feared, obeyed. He believes he has got it all and is very content as he doesn't give away to emotions, as he doesnt succumb to that weakness of man called love... or so he thinks. For there comes a girl in his life who makes him realize that feelings don't make a man weak, they make him strong, she makes him realize that its not just brain that reside in human body but also a heart..which always beat when that particular girl was around. He feels what he has denied himself long ago, he starts to smile, to experience that rare emotion which starts to cure him from within.
And when finally he is ready to break those shackles around his heart and confess to this "weakness", he witnesses the life-shattering "pal" . His Di's only happiness proclaiming love for his woman!
He remembers the other night when something like this happened, he remembers the moment when his and his sister worlds collapsed. But this time, its only his life that crumbles. And he takes an oath of saving his sister's world, he pledges of protecting his "mother" from the man who dared to cheat her again.
So he decides to protect his sister by blackmailing his dream girl to marry him. He makes his life a nightmare so that his di's dreams are kept intact.
I thought I always understood what made Arnav marry khushi in that manner, that haste. But I was wrong. Its today I have got it why he did that.
That night when he witnessed shyaam proclaming his love for khushi, it was not just shyaam who was doing that. It was his Father doing that to the "other woman", it was his "father" who was cheating on his mother again. An action for which he has suffered a lot till now, an act which influenced his mother to leave her two kids for ever, an act which gave him the deepest of scars that are still raw, still hurting!
For a man who learns from his mistake at the first go, how could he have let shyaam do what his father did to his mother. For him it was all about saving anjali and thus saving himsef. Of course it mattered that it was khushi who was the "other woman" in this case, But at that moment I think it was about his parents again.
Finally the misunderstanding clears and the healing process begins again.
The man is happy with the way things have shaped up. His wife is right where he wants her to be, at his home, with him wholeheartedly. His home again has laughter, happiness and joy.
More importantly, his wife smiles at him and he winks at her. They laugh together and he enjoys that. He teases her about their suhag raat just to make her nervous, just to scare her a little bit, to see that red nose flaring again! he leaves no opportunity to claim "sadda haq" on her and hold her in plain view of anybody.
He is content!Blissfully happy!
But then, the dark past is again here to remind him of what he had and what he lost. He wants to forget that day but his dadi doesnt let him. He justifies his actions, he claifies that it was what shyaam did to his di, that he had to take an extreme step. That shyaam dared to hurt the one person he cannot let anything happen to. But his dadi is bringing the past before the present. She reminds him of the "decision" he has taken in the past and how wrong he was. She tells him that he has made a mistake in doing what he did and by this, he is not ensuring his di's happiness, in fact quite the opposite. He clearly asserts that his brother-in-law cannot enter his home, a decision that he is sure is correct in the same way as was in the past.
It is here that I saw both, the man and the boy.
When I saw him today in the initial part of the epi, I was extremely glad.
A man who believed in handling things directly, is now literally playing games with his wife. Just to ruffle her a little bit. He is teasing her, enjoying her discomfort and leaves no opportunity to pine her to him. He is a man who is happy within, who looks forward to a new day for he wants to see his wife, he wants to dream , to plan a future, to be like a normal happy married man.
And this filled me with so much content myself for he deserves it. Not just he but both of them deserve this happiness, this bliss of love that they have for each other. After what they have gone through, this is the least the life can offer them!
Loved the shot with them standing together with flower petals falling on them..Reminded me of a wedding ritual that takes place the minute the bridegroom and bride put Varmala on each other..I really loved that shot!!
But in the next moment, again I see the man who is torn between the past and the future. His dadi tells him that we cannot escape the past but we can rebuild the future. For him, how can he ever do that without healing his wounds first.
The torment he goes through when dadi blames his mother to be a coward, the memories he is trying to forget but she is not letting him, the silent plea in his voice as he tells her how hard it was for him to build his life from shambles...It touched me to the core. I cried with him, for the boy, for the man..who carries so much within his heart, who has suffered unimaginable pain till now and is again going to suffer...For past is still buried, just the top layer has been removed. And when it is unleashed, I am scared to think what new scars it will bring in its wake. And how will Arnav along with his strength, khushi, overcome that...
Other things to ponder:
She is still buried in past, she blames Arnav for a decision that he took and she wants to make him understand that he is wrong both the times, then and now.
Why does it look suspicious? Is dadi sent here by shyaam? or by shyaam and anjali together?
Because when Arnav explains why he threw shyaam out, there is not one fleeting expression of shock, hurt or grief. The time she is really shocked is when he tells her he threw the man out. But nothing for the "reason".
I did not get that. As a dadi, a woman why doesn't she see the "paap" her damadji has done? why doesnt she feel sorry and sad and most of all angry at shyaam for daring to cheat on her gudiya?
Is this because she already has been brainwashed by shyaam? She is here to pave the way for his entry at RM?
Another thing that didn't sit well with me is her persistence in raking up the past at Arnav's face even though he is literally pleading with her to no do it. As a Dadi, his tears should melt her, but she looks unmoved to me. All that was important at that time is to prove that Arnav is wrong and she is right. That his mother is a coward for ending her own life when her son did exactly the same.
I understood her reasoning of explaining to Arnav about how we cannot leave the past behind, it has to be with us. But what if it is the illusion of the past that she believes in, what if she is not ready to see the actual truth. How can a mirage help to heal the wounds? It will just cause more .
She really loves khushi for the only reaction that she shows at her erratic behavior is concern. She inquires if everything is alright, not once but twice! Sweet.
She wants to balance things, to not break the fragile world of Anjali who has just started restoring it, to somehow avert the disaster that is to follow when dadi learns about shyaam. But how can she stop the storm that Arnav Singh Raizada is when it comes to communicate directly..esp if it has to do with Shyaam and his di.
She wants to pacify her bachpan ki saheli "Sumi" **Rolls eyes** and fails.
The minute Anjali returns from her mandir yatra, she swiftly enters the den and requests to lay the matter to rest. Her only concern is Anjali should not be a part of this maha yudh that has started to build up. She is unhappy with both Dadi and Arnav for not understanding the circumstances, of not taking into consideration the Janamashtami utsav which is sure to bring smile on Anjali's face.
Her last look to Arnav indicated her displeasure at his stubbornness once again.
I am really very keen to find out about "once again" factor which was the theme in this epi. Dadi kept repeating it and Nani;s look said it all. What did Arnav do, what decision he made all those years ago? I want to know that.
Amazed that I am mentioning her in almost at the end of the post. But today the epi was dominated by Arnav and all his roop and Dadi, Nani.
She is scared, consicous and totally freaked out about the SR. So much so that she doesnt know if it is glass of milk that she is filling with water, that her dress is worn wrong or that she is making jalebis pe jalebis out of hermisery!
Loved the 1 min dhak-dhak when he pins her on the hallway and her frustration and "I will see u" look when he tries to tease her in the kitchen!
Very little things to ponder:
Anjali is a bad liar and she feels guilty after lying. Not justifying her character, just an observation..
Mami is once again the one who is closest to suspect anything. Will she be the one who will first see Anjali with Shyaam? need to wait and watch.
NK is ever so sweet. Loved how he first tries to see if anyone else has noticed khushi's wardrobe error, then when he realizes no one has, how very politely and in a friendly way points it out to her.
Swati Chitnis ji:
Your character is not something I am currently sympathetic to but you are an amazing actress. The total poise, the calm but the rigid sternness in your face off with Barun was excellent! Hats off!
Small scenes but effective. You are good at everything you do. Even that guilty face when Arnav looks at you for not telling the whole thing to dadi. Well done.
Your presence lights up the screen and brings a smile to my face everytime! You are a joy in whatever role you do. Loved you making jalebis again and that "moment" with Arnav. Poor you, he is really scaring khushi.
Man, Oh man...you will kill me with your acting prowess!
The happiness at khushi;s discomfort, the anger at dadi;s persistence, her extreme fury and the effort to control it..Wao! Everything just wao!!
What to say more! I am speechless whenever you are on screen!!