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Sar Dhakai (Page 2)

Vinnie79 IF-Rockerz

Joined: 13 June 2012
Posts: 5395

Posted: 10 August 2012 at 7:21am | IP Logged
Thank you for clearing it  up...I always wondered exactly what is the cuostom here One Question it is shown on the show Sugni refusing to have Sardhaki, dose it mean it is the GIRLS choice to enter the trade???

Edited by Vinnie79 - 10 August 2012 at 7:21am

ForeverSHINee IF-Dazzler

Joined: 19 June 2012
Posts: 2897

Posted: 10 August 2012 at 7:41am | IP Logged
Thanks for the info. It is plain hypocrisy. The Bedni's enter a trade in a legal way and then get shunned by the society. A bedni can not marry even if the man is from Bedia tribe that is so cruel and her children get treated as outcasts while Thakurs are free to go for any Bedni they want.I feel sorry for these womenOuch

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Saviosaraff Senior Member

Joined: 11 July 2012
Posts: 485

Posted: 10 August 2012 at 7:57am | IP Logged
Yes Vinnie79 it is a girls choice.  But her options of earning a living is limited and with the men not wanting to earn she has no choice but to sell herself.  From what i believe she also has a choice to choose from the Thakurs who bid for her.  When the Thakur is tired of her she moves on to the next Thakur that bids for her.

The same was suggested by the Thakurs at Adi-Amu engagement.  They told Vikram Thakur once you are finished with Sugni we can have our chance at her.   Sugni herself has said that from morning to night they hear stories of how a Thakur uses a Bedni and discards of her.

Laila has often put up posts that CVs have not done their research well enough, neither in the mental illness of Reva nor in the actual meaning of Sardhakai, but the Forum never understood her.  This is a clear example of the CV making Gulb go for the option of Sardhakai rather than marriage.

The CVs have degraded the very concept of motherhood.  They themselves have not understood the meaning of Sardhakai.

The CVs do not know what they are doing themselves.  They are lucky though the vast audience being women are ignorant of the actual meaning of Sardhakai and have never been able to understand the Thakurs innuendoes.   They would have had women NGOs at their door step holding Dharnas for projecting a mother in such a way.

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JulieD IF-Dazzler

Joined: 17 June 2011
Posts: 3018

Posted: 10 August 2012 at 9:10am | IP Logged
Wow, thank you for that info. This makes us see Gulabiya in a whole new light and it ain't a good one!!!
Kalapi IF-Dazzler

Joined: 25 August 2010
Posts: 3873

Posted: 10 August 2012 at 9:30am | IP Logged

Well, even though the event of sar dhakai isn't any of respect, I was wondering whether it is Ok for a girl to be deceived into a marriage, which isn't in any way legal (and the girl has no know of the illegality of that marriage). Then, the girl comes to know that the husband who confessed to her he loves her to destruction wsa hiding a terrible truth – that is that is wife (although mentally not stable – but mind you to most common people she appears to be perfectly well, we might term it double personality or bipolar – most people and even in the West, the symptoms of mental illness is hard to define or to identify), is alive and well and as the first wife, has all the right of a wife, so automatically according to Indian law, the second so called wife has no legal marriage to take the person to court. Of course, the second wife can try the person for defamation and fraud, but in an Indian court it is very hard to prove as such…So, this innocent girl becomes a victim , but Ok it is because it was done for love, s what the guy never respected her enough to tell her the truth. Did not give her the respect that could differentiate the girl as the 'wife' or a 'mistress'. Yes, we need men who could marry more than one and lie through his teeth. And the mom, who could try to stop that isn't a mother at all, after all what is her respect since she is part of that prostitution and failed to recognize the true intentions of the Thakur, who was giving a so called (oh not so legal) status….eh, well beats me…

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pyar-ishk IF-Stunnerz

Joined: 14 May 2009
Posts: 30916

Posted: 10 August 2012 at 10:55pm | IP Logged
Thanks for the info  ladies it really crazy that this stuff exist in the world. 

If this show wasn't on air I would've never knew about this custom 

@ Kalpani 

Please explain to me how is your comment supporting this topic Confused

No one here believe a deceiving someone into marriage or anything other wise is okay. 

As for marriages you can't speak about all over India or around the world. There are people in Africa that has more then one wife and all have equal rights as well as respect. I know a Muslim indian that has two wives and both get respect and there children has his name. The only thing is certain places that made not be recognize in the case of US but in Dubai is acceptable. 

I think when we are discussing the show we should leave it there and not general other countries or culture into these discussion. 

Gosh India where a man can married another woman just cause his first wife can't birth to a boy child and the second wife who has a boy child is given more respect then the first wife. Dharmendra  is with his second wife and I never read anywhere Hema Malini marriage isn't valid, Boney Kapoor & Sridevi and countless others. 

This topic is about understanding sar dhakai a little more better not about Vik being Anti Christ cause he lied and Mother Theresa helped her daughter be saved from the devil. The topic was a relief from the countless debate  topics on the forum but now that isn't the case. 

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ForeverSHINee IF-Dazzler

Joined: 19 June 2012
Posts: 2897

Posted: 10 August 2012 at 11:11pm | IP Logged
In Muslim law you have to take permission from your first wife for the second wife to be legal. Without permission from first wife the marriage is invalid.I don't know about Hindu laws but Muslim laws clearly explain the clauses where you can take a second wife. If the first wife is dead then the case is different but if the first wife is alive then this clause is most important. There are plenty of cases where both wives are happy but the man can never overlook one wife for another and the man can always go for divorce option.

Edited by anastasia211092 - 10 August 2012 at 11:19pm
XAiShBaBy08X Goldie

Joined: 08 June 2006
Posts: 1289

Posted: 10 August 2012 at 11:16pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by pyar-ishk

Awesome post

I'm confuse I thought the women can only sleep with the Thakur that does there sar dhakai but the Thakur can have more the one bedni. The rai is only for them to entertain the thakur by dancing and they throw money on them and only if you new like in the case of Sugni they can throw that cloth on your head. Now you're saying bedni sleep with more the one Thakur Confused so if the have children how will they know whose the father Ouch

Sleeping with one thakur was the only thing that is even digestible about this whole customs but now you're saying it can me more then one man Dead

I have also read that the women in the Bedni tribe as well as other similar tribes sleep with more than one person.

I think the point is that the women aren't supposed to know who the father of their children since the post says that the children aren't given their father's names.  

You know...this must also lead to many incest cases...but this is just my guess.  It's not a fact that I can prove. 

This definitely is a terrible practice.  Dead

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