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Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon
Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon

Silence doesn't equal spineless

Tinkerbell5 IF-Dazzler
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Posted: 09 August 2012 at 5:57am | IP Logged
I have come across several posts where there has been some healthy arguments about the way Dadi behaves and the way Khushi responds to that behaviour. I havent created this post to argue either for or against India Forum members, but I only wrote this post to put across my point of view - not trying to me the morale police or anything. I know that I will undoubtly offend some of you so will apologize beforehand.
No matter what country you are in elders do take advantage of their age - they use it as an excuse the determine their authority and their opinions on the younger generation. But how you reply to that kind of behaviour or emitional blackmail is conpletely down to how you are raised and what your individual personality is. I can honestly say without hesitation that I will never raise my voice or speak back to elders who behave this way towards me. I might not agree with them but at the same time my upbringing comes into play with the way I handle those situations.
I will do eaxctly like Khushi does and not answer back but will show respect by being silent. Khushi first of all doesnt know Dadi and she knows that Dadi has taken a dislike towards her for some reason which is not clear as of yet. If Khushi is this situation starts to answer back or even reply negatively the situation will escalate. The best option is to stay silent and let either Nani, Arnav and Anjali deal with Dadi and her issues - which is what she is doing at the moment.
Like to finish with saying that just because Khushi is silent it doesnt mean that she is spineless - she is just trying to avoid the situation to go out of hand and also the fact that arguing with an elder goes against her nature and upbringing. She is trying to access the current situation and will deal with it in her own unique way.



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Posted: 09 August 2012 at 6:11am | IP Logged
Ok I am agree wirh ur POV - we should not answer back or argue and respect others.

But My take is litle diferant Here.
I will not be quite like Khushi at first place. though I wll not be Rude  with Dadi or will not jump into argumnent. But I will try to make her understand politely that what she is thinking is wrong.

My way of thinking - If someone is taking u wrongly and u doesn't means that then you should speak up about the truth(that person is elder or younger doesn't matter) being in ur limits without loosing ur manners.

Again What I explained is for real Life. I don't want to compare real life scenario with Fiction .

In Fiction anything is possible but not in real lifeSmileSmile

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samin6

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Posted: 09 August 2012 at 6:31am | IP Logged
I completely agree with you on this. In fact Khushi is anything but spineless !! She has time and again proved that. but she is also a small town girl, brought up in a certain way, and does not speak out unless under extreme provocation.
 
She is unsure of her position in this marriage, in this house, she has already caused a major upheavel with Sham incident, she doesnt know dadi well and has just met her, so naturally she is silent.
 
Any way its not that Khushi is keeping quiet only against dadi, mami has always been horrid to her and Khushi has never retaliated against her.
 
I remember even when Buaji was accusing her, Khushi never retaliated, so why is her silence against dadi an issue? Dadi is infact the eldest memeber of the family.
 
In India, girls are always balancing their independence with managing relationships particularly in their sasural by following the silence is golden rule.ask me I am an independent working woman - a tigress at work, but often keep quiet on issues in my sasural to maintain relation ships!!

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xyzsantaBonhi_ipkknd

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Posted: 09 August 2012 at 6:52am | IP Logged
Agree...

Khushi won't talk back...

But knowing Khushi she will try her best to clear all doubts...
The way she handles things... Best way is winning dadi respect...



chaitali00 Senior Member
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Posted: 09 August 2012 at 6:52am | IP Logged
Taking shit is not permissible be it elders ... be it boss... and be it Prime Minister... respecting elders doesn' t mean let them shit on ur head and then put shampoo... Arnav is also respectful but still he's protesting... well I'm not asking Khushi to retaliate in a bad way... but she shud have a firm body language which unfortunately she doesnt... Arnav, Buaji, Garima, Mami, Shyam... anybody has the permission to behave badly with her... this is not good upbringing.. this is lack of self-esteem... 

Respect cannot be demanded but needs to be commanded... the elders should understand that...the world is changing... Respect the one who deserves...

My parents apart from respecting elders also taught me a few more things

  • Respect urself then only people will respect u...
  • Be respectful but be strong...
  • And there is something called Democracy...
I guess I had a bad parenting...
Tinkerbell5 IF-Dazzler
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Posted: 09 August 2012 at 7:06am | IP Logged
Originally posted by chaitali00

Taking shit is not permissible be it elders ... be it boss... and be it Prime Minister... respecting elders doesn' t mean let them shit on ur head and then put shampoo... Arnav is also respectful but still he's protesting... well I'm not asking Khushi to retaliate in a bad way... but she shud have a firm body language which unfortunately she doesnt... Arnav, Buaji, Garima, Mami, Shyam... anybody has the permission to behave badly with her... this is not good upbringing.. this is lack of self-esteem... 

Respect cannot be demanded but needs to be commanded... the elders should understand that...the world is changing... Respect the one who deserves...

My parents apart from respecting elders also taught me a few more things

  • Respect urself then only people will respect u...
  • Be respectful but be strong...
  • And there is something called Democracy...
I guess I had a bad parenting...
 
You havent been brought up badly or anything. As I explained in my post a person's personality does come into play with how we deal with these things.
 
One thing I would like to include though is that by being silent doesnt make them weak - infact it takes a lot of strenght and energy to ignore your basic instincts and not shut. And just because your stand up for yourself doesnt make you strong either. it depends on the situation and life experiences to what is strenght and weakness.
 
I am truly sorry if I have offended you in any wayOuch

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shree99

chaitali00 Senior Member
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Posted: 09 August 2012 at 7:15am | IP Logged
Originally posted by uktamil

Originally posted by chaitali00

Taking shit is not permissible be it elders ... be it boss... and be it Prime Minister... respecting elders doesn' t mean let them shit on ur head and then put shampoo... Arnav is also respectful but still he's protesting... well I'm not asking Khushi to retaliate in a bad way... but she shud have a firm body language which unfortunately she doesnt... Arnav, Buaji, Garima, Mami, Shyam... anybody has the permission to behave badly with her... this is not good upbringing.. this is lack of self-esteem... 

Respect cannot be demanded but needs to be commanded... the elders should understand that...the world is changing... Respect the one who deserves...

My parents apart from respecting elders also taught me a few more things

  • Respect urself then only people will respect u...
  • Be respectful but be strong...
  • And there is something called Democracy...
I guess I had a bad parenting...
 
You havent been brought up badly or anything. As I explained in my post a person's personality does come into play with how we deal with these things.
 
One thing I would like to include though is that by being silent doesnt make them weak - infact it takes a lot of strenght and energy to ignore your basic instincts and not shut. And just because your stand up for yourself doesnt make you strong either. it depends on the situation and life experiences to what is strenght and weakness.
 
I am truly sorry if I have offended you in any wayOuch

arre no yaar... I disagree doesnt mean i'm offended... but u have to stop people from misbehaving with u... and I have experienced elders taking advantage so maybe ur post struck a wrong chord and I replied so seriously... but this is something I believe from the core of my heart... that even the elders should not be spared...they r the ones who make more mistakes and they r the narrow minded ones... so as a person I dont have a very special respect for elders...

pls dont bash me yaar... i know i overdid... but my thoughts are firm...


Edited by chaitali00 - 09 August 2012 at 7:29am
Tinkerbell5 IF-Dazzler
Tinkerbell5
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Joined: 25 October 2011
Posts: 4258

Posted: 09 August 2012 at 7:29am | IP Logged
Originally posted by chaitali00

Originally posted by uktamil

Originally posted by chaitali00

Taking shit is not permissible be it elders ... be it boss... and be it Prime Minister... respecting elders doesn' t mean let them shit on ur head and then put shampoo... Arnav is also respectful but still he's protesting... well I'm not asking Khushi to retaliate in a bad way... but she shud have a firm body language which unfortunately she doesnt... Arnav, Buaji, Garima, Mami, Shyam... anybody has the permission to behave badly with her... this is not good upbringing.. this is lack of self-esteem... 

Respect cannot be demanded but needs to be commanded... the elders should understand that...the world is changing... Respect the one who deserves...

My parents apart from respecting elders also taught me a few more things

  • Respect urself then only people will respect u...
  • Be respectful but be strong...
  • And there is something called Democracy...
I guess I had a bad parenting...
 
You havent been brought up badly or anything. As I explained in my post a person's personality does come into play with how we deal with these things.
 
One thing I would like to include though is that by being silent doesnt make them weak - infact it takes a lot of strenght and energy to ignore your basic instincts and not shut. And just because your stand up for yourself doesnt make you strong either. it depends on the situation and life experiences to what is strenght and weakness.
 
I am truly sorry if I have offended you in any wayOuch

arre no yaar... I disagree doesnt i'm offended... but u have to stop people from misbehaving with u... and I have experienced elders taking advantage so maybe ur post struck a wrong chord and I replied so seriously... but this is something I believe from the core of my heart... that even the elders should not be spared...they r the ones who make more mistakes and they r the narrow minded ones... so as a person I dont have a very special respect for elders...

pls dont bash me yaar... i know i overdid... but my thoughts are firm...
 
No worries - you must have experienced something horrible to feel that way and you are entitled:) No one here is going to bash you for stating your point of view - you wrote it in a nice way without using swearwords so well done Clap

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