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Gulabiya and Delusions of Grandeur

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Posted: 08 August 2012 at 8:30pm | IP Logged
I cannot completely support Gulabiya's actions in this story and the people I blame for this are the CVs of the show.  Granted Gulabiya wanted to make sure TVS intentions were honorable and when she found out he was already married she was well within her right to confront TVS for the deception.  Her intent was to ensure that her daughter was not going to end up as TVS' mistress; as a second wife (even if the first wife was kept hidden), it would reduce her to the status of a Bedni since the second marriage of TVS would be considered as invalid.
 
Here are my issues...Gulabiya's confrontation contrasts drastically with her behavior during the earlier parts of the show...when Sugni was ordered to the lal manzil - to be gang raped, Gulabiya was helpless...it was only thanks to the guy turning out to be her half-brother that saved her. Still, Gulabiya was terrified and slapped Sugni for defending a young girl.
 
Gulabiya could not protect her daughter from the Rai dance - she was forced to attend it thanks to the uncles and nearly got raped again...TVS came to her rescue here.  Then, when Sugni and the whole family was cut off from the community, TVS came to speak up; he also came to the family at their time of need when Sugni's mami was expecting and again, when the family was starving.
 
The manner in which Gulabiya spoke to him was very disrespectful compared to the other occasions when she was too afraid to speak up. WHY the difference?  The reason she spoke up is not because she wanted to protect Sugni - after all,  in all these other occasions Sugni's honor was at stake.
 
She spoke up or had the gumption to speak up because it was SAFE. TVS would NOT hurt her or Sugni...YES, he was deceptive, BUT he would NEVER rape Sugni or take her against her will. He would also NEVER hurt the family.  Knowing that it was SAFE for her to speak up,  I cannot view Gulabiya's actions as honorableor necessarily protective because she was NOT protecting her daughter from someone was EVIL or had EVIL intentions. Wrong intentions yes, but certainly not evil.
 
Also, if Gulabiya's intentions were honorable, then just as much as TVS is responsible for driving a wedge between Sugni and her mother, it was Gulabiya who FORCED Sugni to chose between TVS and her.  IF Gulabiya had not forced Sugni into TVS arms, then the rift would not exist. 

Our children always make bad choices in life; they fall for people we cannot comprehend and often see as someone is not good.  Sugni is 18; at best a mother can only guide or advise; when you give ultimatums like this you LOSE. It is fortunate that ultimately TVS had to confess the truth, but Gulabiya's disrespect did not win her any points; her freedom to let her tongue wag was only possible because the family would NEVER hurt her.
 
Now that Sugni is no longer going to be TVS wife, now what? Will the character of Gulabiya come to terms with the reality that the family is fianancially strapped? Will the family reawaken their financial struggle or with the CVs change the entire storyline and forget what hardships the family endured in the past? Will we watch Aditya suddenly become the hero of the day and the family openly loose their self-respect and accept gifts from him while rejecting the offer of financial help with TVS offered it (in the form of money and eventually a job?).
 
The CVs have thus handled the whole situation very poorly.  In essence they have not made Gulabiya come across as a wise mother - well intended -  but not wise in her actions. Her long term thinking clearly has not been considered.  Making enemies of the man who was there for you multiple times will not win her any brownie points with Sugni is forced to give up her honor - which I hope we eventually witness as this is the REALITY of the life of the Bednis.
 
As for throwing the ring at TVS feet - that was very rude on Sugni's part; granted TVS was wrong and she had a right to be angry and hurt but that was the ring of his mother and that was an insult to the woman.  I would have much rather seen her return the ring and if he refused to take it, leave on a table. A far more dignifed and honorable act and that would have still got the point of across.
 
OK..so let us see what happens...
 


Edited by Laila2009 - 08 August 2012 at 9:36pm

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Posted: 08 August 2012 at 9:25pm | IP Logged
Very well written post laila
I am not liking this behavior of gulabia at all.



Edited by ash_arti - 09 August 2012 at 5:32am

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Posted: 08 August 2012 at 9:44pm | IP Logged
I don't think Gulabiya did anything wrong.  In the past, Gulabiya didn't say anything and couldn't say anything because she was not in power.  However, not once did she not try to save her daughter.  We can't expect her to successful.  We do expect that she try her best which is what she did.  In order to save her from the Rai dance, Gulabiya throw her self respect away and asked Jwala Singh for money.  Also, we have to remember that she is always in this dilemma of what is right...their society is completely different from ours.  Bedni's consider Rai dance their dharma.  Even so, Gulabiya tries her best to save her.

When Vikram helped her family out...she spoke of him with respect.  However, when she was doubting his intentions, which we can't really blame her since she has only encountered Thakurs who want to use Bedni's, she doesn't speak to him as nicely.  This makes sense since she is doubtful...but I don't think she ever speaks badly to him.

When she finds out that his wife is still alive...then well by that time, anything is justifiable.  Gulabiya does what ever it takes to save her.   

You say that at 18, Sugni has the right to marry whomever she wants and that Gulabiya, or any mother, should give advice but accept the daughter's decision.  You are absolutely correct in this matter.  However, Gulabiya found out that Sugni isn't actually getting what she signed up for...then it is logical to not just stop her but show her the truth.  Her main purpose was to show her the truth.  In the Indian culture, it is not uncommon to see parents interfering in their children's lives.  I would not have liked it if Gulabiya was trying to stop Sugni from marrying Vikram at all costs simply because she didn't like him.  This is not the case though.  Gulabiya has a more than valid reason to stop this marriage because Vikram is already married and this marriage would have been illegal.  

She finds out that Vikram is lying to Sugni.  How can she trust him after that.  To her, it looks like he has bad intentions.  

Gulabiya shouldn't worry about making enemies...her first and foremost concern should be to save her daughter from a deceitful marriage which is exactly what she tries to do.  

As for Sugni throwing the ring, I think it was justifiable since she wasn't in the state to think rationally.  She had just found out that her love was actually deceiving her...and breaking her trust.  However, I can see how you think that it may have been too much.  

All in all, I just don't see why Gulabiya is so critically dissected.  If you look at the big picture, she tries her best to save her daughter from harm and supports her and her dreams despite the fact that she has to go against society.  She went from not knowing what to do about her daughter to making the decision to support her.  Instead of looking at it as there being an inconsistency, I see it as her character is actually evolving.  

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Posted: 08 August 2012 at 9:56pm | IP Logged
Excellent Post LailaClap

I hope you won't be misunderstood.  This is my main contention with Gulabiya, her methods.  Her selective behaviour towards only one person, when Sugni has been in dangers other times before.  She was disrespectful towards Vikram, had so much strength for him, when his main crime was loving her daughter so blindly that he had to lie.  We know he should have spoken the truth to Sugni and Sugni only.  Gulabiya first conversation with Vikram when she found out he was married, was so ignorant and stubborn.  She did not care to hear his side of the story.  Up to date she still maintains her belief that Vikram had his wife stacked away all this time, and to add insult to injury she will really believe Vikram would lie about the mental state of his wife.
It is as if when Vikram first confessed his love to Sugni, she snapped mentally.  She was after him from day one, and she was not done until she found something and she ran with, no reasoning, no real sense of logic in handling such a delicate situation, the future of her daughter.
This situation could have been solved long ago, if she took the time out to have a mature reasoning with Vikram, then she would know his wife is mentally ill and he did not know before that she was still alive. 
She could have then given him an ultimatum as her right as Sugni's Mother to make Vikram choose between wife and her.  Isn't that what she wanted from TJS, why she is so bitter about Thakurs?

When a man gives his Mother's ring to another woman, no matter how much of a jerk he is, YOu mean a hell of a lot him, and you would have to be an Idiot to not know that.   Sugni was very very out of place to throw back that ring. This is something her Mother would do. 


Edited by hillydee - 08 August 2012 at 9:58pm

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Posted: 08 August 2012 at 10:01pm | IP Logged
Laila your Title is very befitting of Gulabiya.Clap

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Posted: 08 August 2012 at 10:06pm | IP Logged
Gulabiya never initially supported Sugni's dream, that is why she ended up almost doing the entire Rai dance in the earlier part of the serial  This is  where Vikram had shown his distaste.  Then Sugni decided no matter what she will never do Rai for Thakurs.  That is when Gulabiya supposedly started supporting her because she realised Sugni was very very serious.  She never even took Sugni's dream serious to leave the community. Please roll back the tapes..Gosh.  It is so annoying to hear Gulabiya was supportive of Sugni's dream from day one. that is so not true.  It was later on. 



Edited by hillydee - 08 August 2012 at 10:30pm

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Posted: 08 August 2012 at 10:16pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by XAiShBaBy08X

I don't think Gulabiya did anything wrong.  In the past, Gulabiya didn't say anything and couldn't say anything because she was not in power.  However, not once did she not try to save her daughter.  We can't expect her to successful.  We do expect that she try her best which is what she did.  In order to save her from the Rai dance, Gulabiya throw her self respect away and asked Jwala Singh for money.  Also, we have to remember that she is always in this dilemma of what is right...their society is completely different from ours.  Bedni's consider Rai dance their dharma.  Even so, Gulabiya tries her best to save her.

When Vikram helped her family out...she spoke of him with respect.  However, when she was doubting his intentions, which we can't really blame her since she has only encountered Thakurs who want to use Bedni's, she doesn't speak to him as nicely.  This makes sense since she is doubtful...but I don't think she ever speaks badly to him.

When she finds out that his wife is still alive...then well by that time, anything is justifiable.  Gulabiya does what ever it takes to save her.   

You say that at 18, Sugni has the right to marry whomever she wants and that Gulabiya, or any mother, should give advice but accept the daughter's decision.  You are absolutely correct in this matter.  However, Gulabiya found out that Sugni isn't actually getting what she signed up for...then it is logical to not just stop her but show her the truth.  Her main purpose was to show her the truth.  In the Indian culture, it is not uncommon to see parents interfering in their children's lives.  I would not have liked it if Gulabiya was trying to stop Sugni from marrying Vikram at all costs simply because she didn't like him.  This is not the case though.  Gulabiya has a more than valid reason to stop this marriage because Vikram is already married and this marriage would have been illegal.  

She finds out that Vikram is lying to Sugni.  How can she trust him after that.  To her, it looks like he has bad intentions.  

Gulabiya shouldn't worry about making enemies...her first and foremost concern should be to save her daughter from a deceitful marriage which is exactly what she tries to do.  

As for Sugni throwing the ring, I think it was justifiable since she wasn't in the state to think rationally.  She had just found out that her love was actually deceiving her...and breaking her trust.  However, I can see how you think that it may have been too much.  

All in all, I just don't see why Gulabiya is so critically dissected.  If you look at the big picture, she tries her best to save her daughter from harm and supports her and her dreams despite the fact that she has to go against society.  She went from not knowing what to do about her daughter to making the decision to support her.  Instead of looking at it as there being an inconsistency, I see it as her character is actually evolving.  
And that is the point of the post...she is in power because the ENEMY is TVS who will do nothing to hurt her.
 
I do not recollect her ever speaking to him with respect, although she was grateful when he showed up at the bus stop when she and Sugni were thrown of the bus.
 
Sugni not thinking rationally is an assumption, not a fact to justify her behavior in throwing the ring.
 
You don't have to see why, it is our right to dissect her; it is a forum and we have the right.  We realise she wants to save her daughter, BUT her methods are flawed and her actions are very rude and disrespectful from the start and her boldness is ONLY possible becasue TVS IS a good person in that he would never hurt for speaking to him with such disrespect and that too in front of everyone. Wrong though he maybe in his actions, SHE has never given him a chance. 
 
That's OK if you see her evolving, I don't. I actually don't like her character...in the past I had a lot of empathy for her.
 
 

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Posted: 08 August 2012 at 10:22pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by hillydee

Excellent Post LailaClap

I hope you won't be misunderstood.  This is my main contention with Gulabiya, her methods.  Her selective behaviour towards only one person, when Sugni has been in dangers other times before.  She was disrespectful towards Vikram, had so much strength for him, when his main crime was loving her daughter so blindly that he had to lie.  We know he should have spoken the truth to Sugni and Sugni only.  Gulabiya first conversation with Vikram when she found out he was married, was so ignorant and stubborn.  She did not care to hear his side of the story.  Up to date she still maintains her belief that Vikram had his wife stacked away all this time, and to add insult to injury she will really believe Vikram would lie about the mental state of his wife.
It is as if when Vikram first confessed his love to Sugni, she snapped mentally.  She was after him from day one, and she was not done until she found something and she ran with, no reasoning, no real sense of logic in handling such a delicate situation, the future of her daughter.
This situation could have been solved long ago, if she took the time out to have a mature reasoning with Vikram, then she would know his wife is mentally ill and he did not know before that she was still alive. 
She could have then given him an ultimatum as her right as Sugni's Mother to make Vikram choose between wife and her.  Isn't that what she wanted from TJS, why she is so bitter about Thakurs?

When a man gives his Mother's ring to another woman, no matter how much of a jerk he is, YOu mean a hell of a lot him, and you would have to be an Idiot to not know that.   Sugni was very very out of place to throw back that ring. This is something her Mother would do. 
There will be people who will not grasp the essence of my post but that is OK. For those who do, I hope this post helps to enhance the arguments they are presening.  I agree; when TVS tried to explain to her what happened, she NEVER once gave him a chance.  I would have MUCH rather had Gulabiya tell TVS... I gave you the chance to tell her OR I will tell her. You can deceive her but then what? I will not deny the fact you love my daughter, but how can you marry her when your first wife is alive? One day it will be no longer be a secret and then what? Where will my daughter be?
 
The dialogue for this scene was poorly written and was the first step towards presenting Gulabiya in a poor light. Her ability to threaten TVS was only possible because he was a good person and would never hurt her. So this confrontation does not make her a hero...how about Gulabiya going up against a Thakur who wants to take her daughter? Gulabiya would be petrified and we signs of this in the earlier episodes...she was helpless even against TJS.
 
I totally agree with you...the fact he gave this ring to her and NOT Reva says a lot. I found the whole scene very tasteless and I lost respect for both mother and daughter here. Despite the wrong doings of TVS, I find the behavior of mother and daughter very cheap.

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