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Ek Hazaaron Mein Meri Behna Hain
Ek Hazaaron Mein Meri Behna Hain

How things change... - SS updated pg 20 (Page 8)

BadtameezDil. IF-Rockerz
BadtameezDil.
BadtameezDil.

Joined: 16 October 2011
Posts: 5642

Posted: 17 August 2012 at 10:35am | IP Logged
Amazingly written!!
Loved it!

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-Pj-

Neha.K. IF-Sizzlerz
Neha.K.
Neha.K.

Joined: 16 January 2007
Posts: 15567

Posted: 17 August 2012 at 4:13pm | IP Logged
Sorry for being so late to review this... I m doing combined comment of last two updates...
I don't even know where to start...Shitt...M kinda..hating you and loving you right now.Sleepy
Flashback scene was OUCH...they broke KHOON KA RISHTA:(:(:( M' anger.. its been 13 months they are not in contact...aah... still alive??Ermm whose photo J burnt?


"Ignore everything? Me? You're the one who is ignoring your feelings. Something has pissed you off, yet you won't acknowledge it and tell me. And I'm the one who is ignoring things. . Smile - I love VIREN in ur SS the most... and J is always my fav. :))) I'd like to say right now that I LOVEDDD EVERYTHING U WROTE...
The Way You Write, The Plot, Details, Everything... SUPERBBB PoojaClapClapClap

They lost their Baby... :( means Jeevika lost her two babies.. her pain is no doubt much more than Viren...

I've lost everything, my parents, my family, my sister, MY child. Everyone is gone, they left, and some forever, whist others carry on with their lives, without even looking back. Where am I left, alone by myself." incredibly powerful and so heartrending...You've got me in tears, here..my heart's literally aching

Viren leant in and cried on Jeevika's bed. Slowly she patted him on the back and as she tried to understand what had happened.SmileSmileSmileSmile

Viren reading J's notes...  Superb ideaThumbs Up

So they are heading to Hrishikesh... Well then for sure Behnas gonna face each other after an year... :) well i wud love to know they meet again... so update the next part sooon... Overall Brilliant writing...Very well-written.. excellent use of descriptions, physical and emotional.
Keep it up

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munnihyderabad-Pj-

*Eva* IF-Sizzlerz
*Eva*
*Eva*

Joined: 10 May 2006
Posts: 15437

Posted: 20 August 2012 at 6:00pm | IP Logged
Sincere apologies for the late reading, Pooja! Unhappy Finally found some time to breathe...couldn't wait any longer (love your writing) so just caught up with the two parts that I missed :D

All I can say to this is...B R I L L I A N T!!!! Stern Smile I don't know how you do it, dude!!! The way you get right into Virika's heads and beautifully express their POVs...incredible!!! I was biting my nails throughout because I was picturing all this happening right in front of my eyes...your writing is SO convincing and believable *sigh* The flashback of the JM scene was haunting...major heartbreak! The sacred khoon ka rishta...broken?!  Unhappy Intrigued to see how and what happens when they meet again *covers eyes* All the Virika scenes are AMAZING Stern Smile It's like "when a tornado meets a volcano" *sigh* The way you presented their pain and anguish because of each other & the circumstances...it's hard to take a side! I can't help but sympathize with both...Manvi, the baby, the Vadheras...*sigh* Special shout-out to the June 5th and 6th notes...so poignant! My heart was in my mouth while reading them...got reminded of Grey's voiceovers actually :p

Great work, dude!!! Update again soon :D  

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munnihyderabad-Pj-

Eyes-Wide-Shut IF-Dazzler
Eyes-Wide-Shut
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Posts: 4873

Posted: 21 August 2012 at 4:37am | IP Logged
PJ! I just got back from my vacation and finally caught up with your amazing FF. Will be back to reply in detail.

PS: I always Heart Viren in your stories.

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-Pj-

-Pj- IF-Rockerz
-Pj-
-Pj-

Joined: 20 February 2006
Posts: 8315

Posted: 21 August 2012 at 5:45am | IP Logged

Thank all for your comments on part three. Eva the notes reminded you of Grey's voiceovers- so am I dark and twisty now?? Anyways I sure you are bored of my ranting before each part but here is the next instalment. Be sure to tell me if makes no sense or the characters are completely derailed. PS normal housekeeping ignore all grammatical errors. 

Part 4

As Viren opened the door in Rishikesh, he was amazed by the house. The open space, the breeze, the quietness. As Jeevika unpacked she admired the views of Rishikesh. The Ganges could be seen the distance as well as a view was Shivji idol. She loved this town, for many reasons and slowly she was feeling like her old self. 

As they wondered the streets of Rishikesh, Jeevika told Viren stories about her past. The mischief she would get up to, the tales of streets and the anecdotes that made no sense to him. This was her life for so many years; she couldn't detach herself from this - even if she tried. 

As they walked across the ghat neither of them had noticed that the steps were slippery. They both fell with Viren landing on top on Jeevika. Viren quickly rose, but Jeevika was struggling to get up. Viren picked her up and took her to the hospital. After a few minutes, Jeevika insisted that she was fine, adamant to get her checked out, Viren didn't listen. 

"I thought I was the Fikar minster?!" Jeevika said sarcastically. Laughing at her comment Viren headed towards the hospital. Once being checked out, the doctors told her it was nothing serious, just to talk care and rest. 

As they left the hospital, Viren heard his name from behind. They both turned and were shocked to see Virat standing behind them. Virat walked up to Viren and hugged him. Viren looked at Jeevika with a puzzled look on his face. They didn't understand why Virat was in Rishikesh. After everything that has happened over the last year, that was truly unexpected. 

"Bhai your in Rishikesh? What a surprise! But what are you doing in the hospital?" Not knowing whether to respond, Viren simply told him that, Jeevika had fallen and they came to check her out. Wanting to ask Virat for his reason for being in the hospital, Viren was unsure whether to ask. 

"Bhabhi, how are you? Are you guys going to go to..." before Virat had even finished his sentence, Viren placed his hands on his brother. He knew that they had no intention of going to the Chaduary house. However, Virat wanted to get then there. Jeevika took Viren's hand and was about to leave when Virat stepped forwards and offered them a ride. Coldly Jeevika told him, she knew what he was trying to do but she would never go to that house again. They may live here, but she doesn't have any obligations anymore. 

Virat wanted to make then realise that there were so many things that they didn't know, as he went to speak a woman's voice called from behind Jeevika for Virat. She knew voice; she had grown up listening to that voice. Her taunts, her anger, her telling offs to her love. Beeji came to Virat but before she could speak, she noticed Jeevika and Viren. Her eyes filled with tears. She had thought she would not see Jeevika again and seeing her before her very eyes was a dream come true. She caressed her hair gently and they both embraced. Beeji was adamant on taking Jeevika home, after many refusals Jeevika finally caved. She was headed back to her family home after over a year. 

As they left the hospital, Jeevika was clutching onto Viren hand. The car ride there was silent, but Jeevika and Viren had their own dialogue going on. He tried to reassure her that everything would be fine and that he was there for her. The fear and dread was clearly written across Jeevika's face. How could she do this? How could she face them all? How could she face Maanvi? This dread was eating inside if her, she felt physically sick. She wanted to run, run so far away that no one could find her. Suddenly the car halted, they were there. 

Viren stepped out of the car and put his hand out to Jeevika. Slowly she reached out to Viren taking his hand; Jeevika stepped out of the car. As she looked at the house, all the memories came flooding back. Running to the door with Maanvi as a child, playing in the courtyard with Dabbu, the fights, the giggles, there was a whole lifetime lived in this house. 

Virat pushed the door opened and nothing had changed, the house was exactly the same as she remembered it. The same sofa, the wooden swing, and that broken light that nobody ever fixed. Clutching onto Viren, she couldn't help to feel an outsider. She may have had her memories here, but this was no longer her home. As they entered the house one thing was different, there was no noise. No screaming, no laughter, or pranks, the house was quiet. 

"Daabu's at work. He works in a local shop as a salesman. He should be home soon. Maanvi..." 

Just as Beeji mentioned Maanvi's name, she noticed Jeevika's body becoming tense. She couldn't move. 

All of a sudden, Maanvi came out calling for Beeji. Dressed in a purple kurta she rushed up to Beeji and Virat, where she noticed Viren and Jeevika standing in the living room. As Jeevika looked at Maanvi, she had noticed many things had changed. She had lost a lot a weight. Maanvi was always slim, but she was slimmer than she had ever been before. Her hair was shoulder length, which was very surprising as Beeji never allowed them to keep short hair.

"What they are they doing here?" Maanvi said in a shocked voice.  "It's been over a year and now, they have come to see us. What do they think that everything is forgotten? Some things cannot be taken back."

Virat tried to calm Maanvi down and explain to her what had happened, but Maanvi did want to listen to them. Her anger was the same as it was one year ago. Jeevika was surprised. She knew coming here was wrong on all levels, but she never expected Maanvi to react in this way.

Just as Maanvi was trying to talk, she was finding it difficult to breathe, Beeji quickly grabbed her as Virat ran and got some water. They sat her down and gave her something to drink, once she had finished Beeji escorted her to her room. Viren and Jeevika stood there in shock; they did not just know what happened. On the surface things looked as if they had not changed but inside they had. Virat had become a permanent figure in the Chaduray house, the dynamics have completely changed, and Jeevika was unable to comprehend anything.  

Jeevika was about to leave, Beeji stopped her. She lifted her hands and apologised to Jeevika and Viren for Maanvi outburst. Lowing Beeji's hands Jeevika spoke.

"Beeji, you don't need to apologise. I shouldn't have come, it was my mistake. I didn't think Maanvi anger would be the same today. So much as changed since then, I've gone through so much, things no one knows about. I thought that maybe her anger would have calmed. But I guess not, if she wants to live with her anger, I will learn to live with regrets."

Under her breath, Beeji says ' "She's living with her regrets as well."     

"What regrets Beeji? What has Maanvi got to regret. She got what she wanted. She made that clear today, she doesn't regret anything" Jeevika was ready to leave, but Beeji wanted to tell her all but couldn't. 

"She has more regrets than you will know. Jeevika you know your sister, do you believe that she would be this anger at you for this long? You are Jeevika and Maanvi. The two who were inseparable, who couldn't go a moment without talking or seeing each other. Your fights lasted two seconds. Now you have gone a year with no contact and you think she is happy with that?"          

"What I am suppose to think Beeji, we were Jeevika-Maanvi two names spoken in once breath. But, now we are just Jeevika and Maanvi two separate people, living our separate lives and this is the way it is suppose to be. Life changes, people move on and I guess that we have done." Beeji was shocked hearing Jeevika's words. Jeevika always looked at the brighter side of life, she wouldn't simply hand things as they came and was never a pessimist.  

"Life has definitely changed. I never thought that I would hear those kind of words from you. I guess you have changed. Maybe now isn't the right time, maybe you still need time you fill those wounds that you both have created."Jeevika took blessings from Beeji and left the house with Viren.

Back in Maanvi's room, Virat came in and checked on her. She was sitting on her bed thinking about Jeevika. Virat came behind her and put his hands around her waist, he put his head on her shoulders and asked her what she was thinking about.

"Virat, ... do you think I was a bit harsh with Di. I mean it's been a year and she came on her own accord. Which itself took guts and I just yelled at her." Maanvi stood up and walked towards the mirror.

"I know I did overeat but what was supposed to do. She was just there! It's not like I could tell her the truth. After all we have said, how can I just tell her that I have cancer. We not the same people we once were, I guess we both proved that today" Maanvi sighed as she looked at Virat. He knew not to say anything, simply being there and listening to his wife was enough for her. He stood from the bed and wrapped his arms around her.   

As night fell, Viren worried about Jeevika as she had barely spoken since returning from the Chaduary house. The fire was burning in the back, and Viren and Jeevika cuddled of the sofa. He looked over at his wife who seemed to at peace.

"Jeevika?"

As she peered at her husband she knew what he wanted to ask. Taking his hand she explained to him that she was fine.

"What happened today needed to happen. Now I can move on and so can she. I now know there is no place for me there. And that's fine, I have a life with you and I will be happy in that life. I know I've held onto so much pain and kept that weight in my heart. I just woke up after everything and it was there, but slowly it is decreasing, especially when I am with you and now this chapter is closed. We can move on together." They hugged and fell asleep with the fire dying out in the background.


Coming up- Someone who you would not think of?

Part 5- page nine



Edited by -Pj- - 21 December 2012 at 3:38pm

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jeemanrocksshabeelaforKTVinalJainchandana123Daniaax3sabeehaNimishrrX_LifeAnu101munnihyderabadurmilShabana0786sweetdollashitaforever_youngshine123Marie_789pinky.paddaSaaraa.avni_19sushmakryan

shine123 IF-Dazzler
shine123
shine123

Joined: 20 May 2012
Posts: 3636

Posted: 21 August 2012 at 6:00am | IP Logged
amazing...tht person is maybe dr. Manan?wuld luv to see his entry...

sweetdollashita Goldie
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Joined: 19 June 2012
Posts: 1107

Posted: 21 August 2012 at 6:38am | IP Logged
you are such an amazing writer...the whole story till date is just mindblowing...conitnue soon n pm me 
nobo IF-Dazzler
nobo
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Joined: 14 March 2012
Posts: 4304

Posted: 21 August 2012 at 7:49am | IP Logged
With this update of urs Pj, I could actually connect to the title of story
 "clutching onto viren, she couldnt help but feel outsider"

"no screaming , no laughter , no pranks. The house was quite " 

"we WERE Jeevika - manavi two names spoken in one breath"
& then Then Jeevika turning all pessimistic & even sisters think they r change ...&& VM married...

All these things state how really things have changed...& m sure we r gonna witness more of these changes in coming updates
 I wud really like to see how Cancer & badi b & all conditions effected maanvi to behave like this As J was not the harsh one from start

So wonderful writing dude...& awesome connectivity (lmaoo I wonder if u work In Nokia...Connecting People ... )
 The story have it's flow & charm & Honestly I have no idea of the new character...But m waiting ...

Awesome one...

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-Pj-

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