Posted: 08 August 2012 at 5:36pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by sanika_hp
Being a bit older, I have some advice for the younger readers here.
I will try to say this in the nicest possible way I can. If in any of the following statements you feel as if I am trying to put anyone down, let me make this clear, that its not my intention.
So, firstly let me address the main topic. Why don't other people let us be? Stop asking other people to change the world for you. I know this is a cliche, but you need to be the change you want to see. You don't necessarily have to be downright rebellious or ill mannered to do this.
Why am I saying this? It is because, I have gone through the same situation when I was at university. It was the way i handled it is what makes the difference. My parents too, were the typical Indian middle class parents, who were not really comfortable with me befriending boys or wearing western clothes. How did I convince them? Well, firstly I was always honest with them. We had calm logical discussions in a matured fashion. I gave them my reasons and they gave me their's instead of having a heated discussions. They knew all my friends, guys and girls, personally. Over the years, my friends have become like adopted children to them. My parents have learnt to trust me and my friends. But I had to EARN the trust.
The second issue is about clothes. There is a simple trick to it. As my dad says, 'Jaisa Des waisa Bhes'. That is why, I tend to dress differently accordingly to the company I keep.
The next issue is about drinking. I consider my self lucky in this matter, as I was never really hindered from having a sip or two from my dad's glass when I was growing up. It is due to this, that I wasn't really curious to feel "high" or get "drunk". Thats a personal choice. I personally don't think there is anything wrong in doing either of the above until and unless your actions harm others which is wrong or you end up harming yourself, which will be plain stupid! Its not "cool" to get drunk and barf all over the place, its just plain tacky. One should learn to enjoy alcohol just as they enjoy any other kind of food or drink. I personally hate getting "drunk" as I just don't like loosing control. Also, some of the alcoholic Liqueurs are very nice and used in making cakes and chocolates. I enjoy a casual drink and discuss different alcohols with my dad.
Lastly, start forming your own opinions. Do not do things in life, just because that's just how things are. Learn how to think for yourself. Read more and listen to what different people have to say. Keep an open mind and do not ever jump to conclusions. Remember, what is right for you, might be wrong for someone else.
I shall stop my /rant with this message.
Best reply ever on a post on this particular subject! I'm so glad you shared how you personally managed all the difficulties that are being shown in SG. What exactly is needed between parents and their children is an understanding and that understanding, which eventually leads to trust can only be build when we talk to our parents about all these problems of a teenage/young adult life. You said it correctly that we need to EARN the trust of our parents and by lying to them we do exactly the opposite. I mean I'm 17, I live in Europe but I also have many restrictions being from a Pakistani family. I sometimes feel that my parents are being unfair to me by not letting me go out till late in the night but then they explain to me their point of view and I respect that and them also, they respect my point of view and give me some space, some freedom. I think all that is needed for a healthy relation with our parents is a mutual understanding.