good morning, priya,
first of all, happy birthday to arnab, your chhoto bhai. all the v best to him. you have spoken of him before, i do hope he has a great day, loads of gifts from didi, and lots of blessings from an older leo.
also my mother's birthday, a very happy one to her too. had she been around we'd have had major discussions on ipk where she'd have disagreed with me often but would have phangurrled arnav singh raizada as much as i do. to khushi's leaving home and objecting to the reinvoking of the contract she would have said, "besh korechhe." the servant fiasco of yesterday would have had severe repercussions on daadi's health and happiness. my mother was one of the most strong, loving, cool, deadly women i ever knew. sometimes naani's decisions remind me of her.
she taught us by the way she lived, among other things, men and women are equals, and servants are human beings to be treated with respect (important where we come from). no issues about asking them to do things but you don't serve people in a different set of bartans, you don't count what they eat, you don't grudge them plenty of time to rest, you don't ask them what their jaat is, you remember we are all the same, we are humans, and they don't become servants because they want to it's because life gives them no other choice and yet they don't grudge us our lives. your relationship is that of employer and employee not of master and slave.
bravo priya, on that ticking off re how we speak of servants in our world. in our feudal, caste ridden consciousness if any sign of decency is to enter this conversation, even saying a thing like i don't accept food from a servant's hand should be roundly admonished. in fact, there has been talk before in the thread about how asr yells at the prakash clan, i have to say i have no issues with that as such. it is a remnant from our feudal ways, it ought to go, but very often, esp with people such as asr, the relationship has moved to where there is respect for the worker's life, rights, and contribution, but in the day to day interaction, there is that peremptory order giving thing from before. guilty, i do it all the time. but i defend, value, and am abs grateful all the time too. some day, it will go to an even better place, our kids are already showing signs of that. as far as my 11 year old is concerned, in my house, i am the demon that the maid has to be protected from all the time. she wouldn't have left khushi in that mess yesterday.
another thing, and again as you said: the inability of 3 members of the family to speak up, shame. but most of all i hope to see some day khushi grow in confidence and ease to ask for, no assert her "huq" and say herself: "whoever you are, welcome, i am not the servant but khushi, arnav's wife and here we respect our helpers and do not follow ancient, inhuman customs... having said that you are my guest, do come in and sit down."
of course, for that to happen, first arnav has to throw out that contract and apologise to khushi for not understanding how much it hurt her emotions not just her self respect. possibly all this naukar talk will have exactly that effect and that's why it's there. (but whatever the story development requirements, still unacceptable, surely such talented creatives could have found a better route.)
beautiful illuminating crooner. the rose thoughts, wonderful, never would have connected. but roses in august in delhi
but this one, can maaf karo la.
anjali again sent funny signals. she feels more and more like her father to me, whom of course i don't know at all, ha ha.
significance of bal gopal, subhadra, mother of abhimanyu?, yashoda/nanaki just thinking about.
on remarriage. i don't need it but khushi i think does. the whole issue of social stigma, etc., there. and by giving her her rightful place, arnav will possibly be setting another wrong from the past right. also this will give khushi i imagine the sense of her huq. it has been absolutely endearing to watch this mad, wonderful, arrogant man want khushi to believe she has an inalienable right to be happy, take her huq. he doesn't realise how her life and his actions keep holding her back.
but i do believe khushi will grow to that place. she has already started taking baby steps to accepting her desires, her sexuality; she speaks comfortably in her head about her pyaar for arnavji. she will one day walk up to that spot that says, i too have a right to be happy, and i have a huq over this man. the finest of all huqs, the one of love.
that byron quote: a man's love is of man's life a thing apart, 'tis woman's whole existence. brings back school days, my best friend used to say it all the time. of course, don juan and byron were no feminists, but i have looked at that quote often in the insanity of living with a man, he he. what i find true in it is that a woman has the strength to feel it and say it to themselves knowing it in no way undermines the other aspects of one's life. men find it harder. look how arnav singh raizada struggles. yet he knows: mein tumhare bina..., i don't need anything else, khushi. to that i say, show it to her, man, and know somewhere your love is your whole existence.
but before all that i need the creatives, via asr and possibly naani to straighten out ther servant issue. ears still red. for khushi, for hp and cute op, also rahim chacha.
Edited by indi52 - 06 August 2012 at 8:13pm