Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon

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Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon
Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon

Crooner 1.16 :When the clock strikes 12 - Updtd (Page 23)

hd75 Senior Member
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Joined: 31 January 2012
Posts: 379

Posted: 07 August 2012 at 3:09am | IP Logged
Originally posted by riti4u

Originally posted by hd75

Yesterday's episode was kind of shocking, disgusting for many, but for me it seemed a reflection of our society and as someone who has experienced that kind of behaviour, I could so relate to it. I don't know if we are allowed to write about personal experiences here but nevertheless, let me go ahead.

Mine is an inter-caste, love marriage, I married into an orthodox, upper caste family that still believes in the most regressive thoughts. In the initial days of our marriage, I had so many instances of people refusing to acknowledge my presence in the room, this after having a traditional wedding attended by everyone that mattered. Whenever we visited people's homes, they wouldn't even bother to give me a smile and they would only keep talking the others, not even a side glance towards me, one person didn't let me touch her feet and take blessings because she was doing her daily prayer ! I can't tell you how demeaning it was. I am a highly qualified professional, the kind of modern day woman that people talk about, yet, when it came to being accepted in the new family, I couldn't do much more than an average daughter-in-law. My in-laws are nice people but more like Payal or Mami, you could say, not bold enough to speak up before the elders in the family. 

There was one instance during a family function where I was asked to pick up the leftovers on the plantain leaves after the guests had eaten, it was the duty of the daugther-in-law it seems ! I believe in the dignity of labour and really didn't feel bad but when you look at it from an outsider point of view, of all the people there, I was asked to do it. Not only that, when all the high priests and men were eating, I wasn't allowed to touch the vessels they were being served in, in fact, I was very politely asked to stay outside. Thankfully, I was always prepared for this kind of treatment and made a joke out of it and laughed. 

As for servants, the less said the better, even to this day, in my in-laws place servants are not allowed inside prayer area and the kitchen. Everything is kept outside for them, if any leftovers are to be given to them, they are given in plastic covers, using plates and glasses are a big no-no. I don't live with my in-laws, the few times that I am there, I make sure I give the house-help their due respect. 

Where is my husband in the midst of all this? He has been the single, strong pillar behind me at every step. He doesn't visit people who don't give me my due, no matter how close they are, during the family function I mentioned earlier, he was almost in tears when he came to know what I was asked to do and refused to eat along with the guests and stayed up to eat with me in the end, in front of the whole crowd. He gives it back to people if they say anything offensive about me and tells me to give it back too and he would take care of the rest. Thanks to his unconditional support, 3 years later, nobody even dares to say a thing to me, especially when he is around and I have gained in confidence to show them their place and make my position known. 

How did I get this confidence to stand up for myself before everyone? The knowledge that I mean the world to my husband and he would stand by me no matter what.

Our dear Khushi unfortunately, still doesn't have that confidence about her position in her husband's life, she still has the sword of the contract hanging over her neck and she knows he loves her but is unsure of what her status will be at the end of the 7-8 days. Where would she get the confidence to stand up and proclaim her position in the family? This is what ASR was doing in the precap, right? Giving her the confidence to stand tall. 

Mami has always been looking for a chance to humiliate the Gupta sisters and she conveniently chose to keep quiet saying she couldn't speak up before Dadi, I am not surprised. It is like ragging in colleges, just because you have been subjected to ragging, you think it is only fair that you rag your juniors !

Bahus keeping quiet and taking rubbish heaped on them, family members not being bold enough to speak up, demeaning the word servant, yes, a lot of regressive points were shown in the episode yesterday and I am not justifying what was shown but it may not be too far from reality, a sad reality that is. 

I apologise if my post is out of place here but it did touch a chord somewhere and felt like sharing it. 

Hey dear..Your post did struck a chord with me...was just leaving but cudnt resist commenting..Yes it is sad but truth in MODERN INDIA that many people face such biasness and attitude and thus it is very real...It is sad to know that you went through that .. and some people who I knw too  do believe in this difference and are even from educated UPPER CLASS too... such behavior with female protaganist was intended for me to give an insight into what kind of family maliks were . and as far as Manorama is concerned..we shud  try to understand she was of low class too and thus her inability to speak is may be due to her insecurity at her acceptance in the household...
I am glad that your husband have stood up for you ..Clap  and it is also good to stand up for yourself sometimes..Smile

Mami, Payal and Khushi all suffer from these insecurities because inspite of being loved, they have not been given their due status in the family, somewhere the people at RM have failed in giving them that assurance that they are valued for what they are. ASR is now redeeming himself to Khushi. Akash still has a long way to go ! 

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archanan14jakhushiDivya1503honeypriyariti4u

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Posted: 07 August 2012 at 3:14am | IP Logged
Originally posted by hd75

Originally posted by riti4u

Originally posted by hd75

Yesterday's episode was kind of shocking, disgusting for many, but for me it seemed a reflection of our society and as someone who has experienced that kind of behaviour, I could so relate to it. I don't know if we are allowed to write about personal experiences here but nevertheless, let me go ahead.

Mine is an inter-caste, love marriage, I married into an orthodox, upper caste family that still believes in the most regressive thoughts. In the initial days of our marriage, I had so many instances of people refusing to acknowledge my presence in the room, this after having a traditional wedding attended by everyone that mattered. Whenever we visited people's homes, they wouldn't even bother to give me a smile and they would only keep talking the others, not even a side glance towards me, one person didn't let me touch her feet and take blessings because she was doing her daily prayer ! I can't tell you how demeaning it was. I am a highly qualified professional, the kind of modern day woman that people talk about, yet, when it came to being accepted in the new family, I couldn't do much more than an average daughter-in-law. My in-laws are nice people but more like Payal or Mami, you could say, not bold enough to speak up before the elders in the family. 

There was one instance during a family function where I was asked to pick up the leftovers on the plantain leaves after the guests had eaten, it was the duty of the daugther-in-law it seems ! I believe in the dignity of labour and really didn't feel bad but when you look at it from an outsider point of view, of all the people there, I was asked to do it. Not only that, when all the high priests and men were eating, I wasn't allowed to touch the vessels they were being served in, in fact, I was very politely asked to stay outside. Thankfully, I was always prepared for this kind of treatment and made a joke out of it and laughed. 

As for servants, the less said the better, even to this day, in my in-laws place servants are not allowed inside prayer area and the kitchen. Everything is kept outside for them, if any leftovers are to be given to them, they are given in plastic covers, using plates and glasses are a big no-no. I don't live with my in-laws, the few times that I am there, I make sure I give the house-help their due respect. 

Where is my husband in the midst of all this? He has been the single, strong pillar behind me at every step. He doesn't visit people who don't give me my due, no matter how close they are, during the family function I mentioned earlier, he was almost in tears when he came to know what I was asked to do and refused to eat along with the guests and stayed up to eat with me in the end, in front of the whole crowd. He gives it back to people if they say anything offensive about me and tells me to give it back too and he would take care of the rest. Thanks to his unconditional support, 3 years later, nobody even dares to say a thing to me, especially when he is around and I have gained in confidence to show them their place and make my position known. 

How did I get this confidence to stand up for myself before everyone? The knowledge that I mean the world to my husband and he would stand by me no matter what.

Our dear Khushi unfortunately, still doesn't have that confidence about her position in her husband's life, she still has the sword of the contract hanging over her neck and she knows he loves her but is unsure of what her status will be at the end of the 7-8 days. Where would she get the confidence to stand up and proclaim her position in the family? This is what ASR was doing in the precap, right? Giving her the confidence to stand tall. 

Mami has always been looking for a chance to humiliate the Gupta sisters and she conveniently chose to keep quiet saying she couldn't speak up before Dadi, I am not surprised. It is like ragging in colleges, just because you have been subjected to ragging, you think it is only fair that you rag your juniors !

Bahus keeping quiet and taking rubbish heaped on them, family members not being bold enough to speak up, demeaning the word servant, yes, a lot of regressive points were shown in the episode yesterday and I am not justifying what was shown but it may not be too far from reality, a sad reality that is. 

I apologise if my post is out of place here but it did touch a chord somewhere and felt like sharing it. 

Hey dear..Your post did struck a chord with me...was just leaving but cudnt resist commenting..Yes it is sad but truth in MODERN INDIA that many people face such biasness and attitude and thus it is very real...It is sad to know that you went through that .. and some people who I knw too  do believe in this difference and are even from educated UPPER CLASS too... such behavior with female protaganist was intended for me to give an insight into what kind of family maliks were . and as far as Manorama is concerned..we shud  try to understand she was of low class too and thus her inability to speak is may be due to her insecurity at her acceptance in the household...
I am glad that your husband have stood up for you ..Clap  and it is also good to stand up for yourself sometimes..Smile

Mami, Payal and Khushi all suffer from these insecurities because inspite of being loved, they have not been given their due status in the family, somewhere the people at RM have failed in giving them that assurance that they are valued for what they are. ASR is now redeeming himself to Khushi. Akash still has a long way to go ! 


hey hi! have not interacted here with you before but strange coincidence.. I just wrote my real life experience on page 22...somewhat similar to yours from the other side... and I completely understand where you are coming from! brings back to the question i asked in my post... is it wrong for fiction to portray ugly reality?

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archanan14NandalalasubiscsDivya1503honeypriyariti4u

shwetachauhan IF-Dazzler
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Posts: 3186

Posted: 07 August 2012 at 3:18am | IP Logged
Originally posted by hd75

Yesterday's episode was kind of shocking, disgusting for many, but for me it seemed a reflection of our society and as someone who has experienced that kind of behaviour, I could so relate to it. I don't know if we are allowed to write about personal experiences here but nevertheless, let me go ahead...




Hello dear.. Smile I am glad that you posted here and shared with us your personal experience! You showed us a real picture of some parts of our society which still has such regressive beliefs! Its sad to know that you went through the insult and humiliation in the beginning.. but kudos to you for standing up for yourself and making your position known to everyone! This of course would have been even more difficult if your husband dint stand by you! I applaud him too!Smile

What you have said here is exactly what I had in my mind! Khushi finds herself at a loss to protect herself from the insults, she cant stand up for herself coz she is still not sure of that pillar of support for her! She herself is not sure of what her status is then how can she be emphatic about it to others! Thus, though hurt, she prefers to keep quiet! Maami's reasoning and the reminder about the circumstances around her marriage made her weaker and quieter still! It depends on ASR now to assure her of her place and position and to make her believe in her relationship and stand up for it!

Upon your reflection, i do understand why Payal and NK or even Maami kept quiet about it! Although I still believe that one of them should have spoken up at least to clear the confusion about the 'servant' thing!

All said and done, hope to see the tables turning soon and that we get to see the 'soch nayi'!!! Smile

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Posted: 07 August 2012 at 3:26am | IP Logged
Originally posted by mashira

arrgggh as always I am bhery bhery late but nevertheless! very thoughtful crooner Priya.. I have something to say to this though. I understand completely where you are coming from and the rant against woman-servant is totally understandable too. But my point here is, if we are assuming that IPK is as real to life as it can get on a daily soap with its own daily pressures, why not this reality as well? For how much ever we try to turn away from this reality of what I call sophisticated untouchability  and  ego/pride/ignorance (for always, pride comes with ignorance as much as it does with arrogance) disguised in rituals and religion, this exists. It still does. It is as much a reality as anything else in our complicated country. Is it the responsibility of fiction to showcase reality as it is or does its responsibility extend to 'correcting' what is wrong in society. I am not debating here... I am just asking a question.

In this context, wanted to share a personal detail with crooner ladies!

When I saw dadi yesterday, I was open mouthed. It felt as if the spirit of my own dadi (that is my cousin dadi) had somehow got into ASR's dadi!! I come from a joint family  and this dadi was EXACTLY like this and I am not exaggerating. Ritualistic, high brahminical so-called cleanliness...the constant shuddhikarans...the inborn disdain for people whom she considered lower than her own self imposed standards and yet, principled, not all bad and very judgemental and opinionated. She did not even attend my wedding coz she thought I had become 'impure' by marrying a non-brahmin and God forbid if any of the domestic helps touched her stuff! And yes, they were neither allowed near the puja room nor allowed to give her any food nor touch her things. And if such a horror happened, she would straight run for shuddhikaran. Her respect too for her own kind, women, was very suspect too.. I will say that much without going into too many family secrets on this public forum!

It felt surreal and then today morning I come and read your crooner and I am just trying to realign and get some viewpoints. So Dadi is as real as they come. So should fiction show this reality or not?

Sorry, my intention is not to fight/debate but just out of curiosity! Smile



Smile hey mashira...your thoughts on realism echo with mine reply too... yes people like Dadi do exist in reality as much as people like shyam exist dear...but does this show justify their acts no..and btw I am not comparing dadi with shyam...LOL..point was that Dadi's viewpoint as you mentioned in very real...and as far as manorama being justified..she is as much as justified as payal and khushi are for keeping quiet..she is bahu like them..and she feels same inability as they will feel in front of her.. Having said that I respect all views present ...we can have different views on things...Big smile

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writ_in_waterarchanan14subiscsDivya1503honeypriya

hd75 Senior Member
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Posted: 07 August 2012 at 3:30am | IP Logged

[/QUOTE]

hey hi! have not interacted here with you before but strange coincidence.. I just wrote my real life experience on page 22...somewhat similar to yours from the other side... and I completely understand where you are coming from! brings back to the question i asked in my post... is it wrong for fiction to portray ugly reality?

[/QUOTE]

Hi ! I'm usually a silent stalker here, happy reading and admiring all the brilliant posts here. I read your post and was equally surprised at the coincidence. 

Personally, I don't think it is wrong to portray reality as long as it is shown how ugly it can be and how it should not be acceptable in any way in what we call "civilised" society but if you justify that ugly reality, then it is bad. It need not be preachy but it should make people at stop and think, atleast prick them somewhere. 

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Posted: 07 August 2012 at 3:43am | IP Logged
Arnav ro raha thaCry Cry Cry

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Posted: 07 August 2012 at 3:43am | IP Logged
Originally posted by shwetachauhan

Originally posted by hd75

Yesterday's episode was kind of shocking, disgusting for many, but for me it seemed a reflection of our society and as someone who has experienced that kind of behaviour, I could so relate to it. I don't know if we are allowed to write about personal experiences here but nevertheless, let me go ahead...




Hello dear.. Smile I am glad that you posted here and shared with us your personal experience! You showed us a real picture of some parts of our society which still has such regressive beliefs! Its sad to know that you went through the insult and humiliation in the beginning.. but kudos to you for standing up for yourself and making your position known to everyone! This of course would have been even more difficult if your husband dint stand by you! I applaud him too!Smile

What you have said here is exactly what I had in my mind! Khushi finds herself at a loss to protect herself from the insults, she cant stand up for herself coz she is still not sure of that pillar of support for her! She herself is not sure of what her status is then how can she be emphatic about it to others! Thus, though hurt, she prefers to keep quiet! Maami's reasoning and the reminder about the circumstances around her marriage made her weaker and quieter still! It depends on ASR now to assure her of her place and position and to make her believe in her relationship and stand up for it!

Upon your reflection, i do understand why Payal and NK or even Maami kept quiet about it! Although I still believe that one of them should have spoken up at least to clear the confusion about the 'servant' thing!

All said and done, hope to see the tables turning soon and that we get to see the 'soch nayi'!!! Smile


Thank you Smile.

I wish NK was given a chance to clear the confusion. Mami was scared to answer the questions if she revealed that Khushi was the Bahu and even otherwise Mami was never too fond of Khushi, so I didn't expect her to say anything. 

Somebody should have spoken up but then a drama is a drama and we are waiting for our hero to make his grand entry and show everybody their rightful place Wink

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Posted: 07 August 2012 at 3:49am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Divya1503

Arnav ro raha tha

Hmmm... Khushi bhi ro rahi thi... So it seems he's not angry with her... But the past memories have taken a toll again... And wifey is trying to bring him out of his shell... I loved the song from NY they played in bg...

So what ya think... He'll hug her back?

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