Originally posted by hd75
Yesterday's episode was kind of shocking, disgusting for many, but for me it seemed a reflection of our society and as someone who has experienced that kind of behaviour, I could so relate to it. I don't know if we are allowed to write about personal experiences here but nevertheless, let me go ahead.
Mine is an inter-caste, love marriage, I married into an orthodox, upper caste family that still believes in the most regressive thoughts. In the initial days of our marriage, I had so many instances of people refusing to acknowledge my presence in the room, this after having a traditional wedding attended by everyone that mattered. Whenever we visited people's homes, they wouldn't even bother to give me a smile and they would only keep talking the others, not even a side glance towards me, one person didn't let me touch her feet and take blessings because she was doing her daily prayer ! I can't tell you how demeaning it was. I am a highly qualified professional, the kind of modern day woman that people talk about, yet, when it came to being accepted in the new family, I couldn't do much more than an average daughter-in-law. My in-laws are nice people but more like Payal or Mami, you could say, not bold enough to speak up before the elders in the family.
There was one instance during a family function where I was asked to pick up the leftovers on the plantain leaves after the guests had eaten, it was the duty of the daugther-in-law it seems ! I believe in the dignity of labour and really didn't feel bad but when you look at it from an outsider point of view, of all the people there, I was asked to do it. Not only that, when all the high priests and men were eating, I wasn't allowed to touch the vessels they were being served in, in fact, I was very politely asked to stay outside. Thankfully, I was always prepared for this kind of treatment and made a joke out of it and laughed.
As for servants, the less said the better, even to this day, in my in-laws place servants are not allowed inside prayer area and the kitchen. Everything is kept outside for them, if any leftovers are to be given to them, they are given in plastic covers, using plates and glasses are a big no-no. I don't live with my in-laws, the few times that I am there, I make sure I give the house-help their due respect.
Where is my husband in the midst of all this? He has been the single, strong pillar behind me at every step. He doesn't visit people who don't give me my due, no matter how close they are, during the family function I mentioned earlier, he was almost in tears when he came to know what I was asked to do and refused to eat along with the guests and stayed up to eat with me in the end, in front of the whole crowd. He gives it back to people if they say anything offensive about me and tells me to give it back too and he would take care of the rest. Thanks to his unconditional support, 3 years later, nobody even dares to say a thing to me, especially when he is around and I have gained in confidence to show them their place and make my position known.
How did I get this confidence to stand up for myself before everyone? The knowledge that I mean the world to my husband and he would stand by me no matter what.
Our dear Khushi unfortunately, still doesn't have that confidence about her position in her husband's life, she still has the sword of the contract hanging over her neck and she knows he loves her but is unsure of what her status will be at the end of the 7-8 days. Where would she get the confidence to stand up and proclaim her position in the family? This is what ASR was doing in the precap, right? Giving her the confidence to stand tall.
Mami has always been looking for a chance to humiliate the Gupta sisters and she conveniently chose to keep quiet saying she couldn't speak up before Dadi, I am not surprised. It is like ragging in colleges, just because you have been subjected to ragging, you think it is only fair that you rag your juniors !
Bahus keeping quiet and taking rubbish heaped on them, family members not being bold enough to speak up, demeaning the word servant, yes, a lot of regressive points were shown in the episode yesterday and I am not justifying what was shown but it may not be too far from reality, a sad reality that is.
I apologise if my post is out of place here but it did touch a chord somewhere and felt like sharing it.
Hey dear..Your post did struck a chord with me...was just leaving but cudnt resist commenting..Yes it is sad but truth in MODERN INDIA that many people face such biasness and attitude and thus it is very real...It is sad to know that you went through that .. and some people who I knw too do believe in this difference and are even from educated UPPER CLASS too... such behavior with female protaganist was intended for me to give an insight into what kind of family maliks were . and as far as Manorama is concerned..we shud try to understand she was of low class too and thus her inability to speak is may be due to her insecurity at her acceptance in the household...
I am glad that your husband have stood up for you ..
and it is also good to stand up for yourself sometimes..