Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon


Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon
Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon

Crooner 1.16 :When the clock strikes 12 - Updtd (Page 22)

hd75 Senior Member

Joined: 31 January 2012
Posts: 379

Posted: 07 August 2012 at 2:42am | IP Logged
Originally posted by honeypriya

Originally posted by hd75

Yesterday's episode was kind of shocking, disgusting for many, but for me it seemed a reflection of our society and as someone who has experienced that kind of behaviour, I could so relate to it. I don't know if we are allowed to write about personal experiences here but nevertheless, let me go ahead.

Mine is an inter-caste, love marriage, I married into an orthodox, upper caste family that still believes in the most regressive thoughts. In the initial days of our marriage, I had so many instances of people refusing to acknowledge my presence in the room, this after having a traditional wedding attended by everyone that mattered. Whenever we visited people's homes, they wouldn't even bother to give me a smile and they would only keep talking the others, not even a side glance towards me, one person didn't let me touch her feet and take blessings because she was doing her daily prayer ! I can't tell you how demeaning it was. I am a highly qualified professional, the kind of modern day woman that people talk about, yet, when it came to being accepted in the new family, I couldn't do much more than an average daughter-in-law. My in-laws are nice people but more like Payal or Mami, you could say, not bold enough to speak up before the elders in the family. 

There was one instance during a family function where I was asked to pick up the leftovers on the plantain leaves after the guests had eaten, it was the duty of the daugther-in-law it seems ! I believe in the dignity of labour and really didn't feel bad but when you look at it from an outsider point of view, of all the people there, I was asked to do it. Not only that, when all the high priests and men were eating, I wasn't allowed to touch the vessels they were being served in, in fact, I was very politely asked to stay outside. Thankfully, I was always prepared for this kind of treatment and made a joke out of it and laughed. 

As for servants, the less said the better, even to this day, in my in-laws place servants are not allowed inside prayer area and the kitchen. Everything is kept outside for them, if any leftovers are to be given to them, they are given in plastic covers, using plates and glasses are a big no-no. I don't live with my in-laws, the few times that I am there, I make sure I give the house-help their due respect. 

Where is my husband in the midst of all this? He has been the single, strong pillar behind me at every step. He doesn't visit people who don't give me my due, no matter how close they are, during the family function I mentioned earlier, he was almost in tears when he came to know what I was asked to do and refused to eat along with the guests and stayed up to eat with me in the end, in front of the whole crowd. He gives it back to people if they say anything offensive about me and tells me to give it back too and he would take care of the rest. Thanks to his unconditional support, 3 years later, nobody even dares to say a thing to me, especially when he is around and I have gained in confidence to show them their place and make my position known. 

How did I get this confidence to stand up for myself before everyone? The knowledge that I mean the world to my husband and he would stand by me no matter what.

Our dear Khushi unfortunately, still doesn't have that confidence about her position in her husband's life, she still has the sword of the contract hanging over her neck and she knows he loves her but is unsure of what her status will be at the end of the 7-8 days. Where would she get the confidence to stand up and proclaim her position in the family? This is what ASR was doing in the precap, right? Giving her the confidence to stand tall. 

Mami has always been looking for a chance to humiliate the Gupta sisters and she conveniently chose to keep quiet saying she couldn't speak up before Dadi, I am not surprised. It is like ragging in colleges, just because you have been subjected to ragging, you think it is only fair that you rag your juniors !

Bahus keeping quiet and taking rubbish heaped on them, family members not being bold enough to speak up, demeaning the word servant, yes, a lot of regressive points were shown in the episode yesterday and I am not justifying what was shown but it may not be too far from reality, a sad reality that is. 

I apologise if my post is out of place here but it did touch a chord somewhere and felt like sharing it. 

Was dashing for a meeting, but had to had to reply you back...its soo sweet of you to share such a life experience with us...your story has been an amazing inspiration to read...nad if you comfortable to share, you dont have to think twice...all of us keep sharing our personal experiences at many times.
Wow your husband must be really proud of you !!!!
It saddens always to read such biasness prevalent in our society - across stratas and castes...I have seen similar scenarios with friends and couple of very close relatives...when we can we do take the stand - for NK and Paayal...we feel pity - sometimes younger cant always voice before the elders - though we need to come out of that mindset too - a wrong is a wrong any day...
And for Maami in all counts she was wrong - and there is no defending her watever the past or present circumstances be.
And thats also was my major "Ranting point" - we know these issues are so widely prevalent in ouer society - so mediums that can make the difference - bring a slight change in the thought processes- shows the can the society ever learn - a small step can sometimes make a big change...and Television is such a vulnerable medium and soaps have become such a daily part of Indian audience - from a villager to a millionaire !!!
Yess, Khushi should be the one who should have voiced her thoughts and all that you said following - I said in a long response to a friend on Pg 61 in previous Crooner.
Khushi can assume her stand only when she knows where she stands - when she knows the marriage is also "standing" one - and not to be blown away by a storm - and her husband apart from an I love you should provide that.
Thats a responsibility every husband takes an oath on the wedding day across the world - to "provide" in good or bad - which ASR still has to do for Khushi.
All I can say to you hats off -- ClapClap and thanks a lot for sharing such a personal experience.

Oh, thank you for those sweet words Embarrassed. I totally agree with you on television being responsible about influencing society's thoughts. I was in fact waiting for NK to tell Dadi that Khushi was not a servant, Mami and Payal, I had no hopes. I was frustrated about the whole thing, no doubt, it was all there for the drama quotient to heighten the disgust in all of us. Having said that, yes, they could have very well shown something different, something that would make us all feel proud of the show. I just hope people with such regressive thoughts watched that scene and may it prick their conscience !

It would have been a great scene if someone spoke up, that is why when the precap was shown, I was actually whistling for ASR Clap, will the CVs redeem themselves tomorrow? 

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Divya1503 IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 14 November 2011
Posts: 11962

Posted: 07 August 2012 at 2:46am | IP Logged
Originally posted by mouramen

updated on pg 1.
another day of why did i even post it???Embarrassed

Anu di!!! loved ur post!!Monkey Icons Yoyo!  almost similar questions in my mind too!!!Tongue

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Sunshine80 IF-Rockerz

Joined: 15 July 2012
Posts: 8014

Posted: 07 August 2012 at 2:48am | IP Logged
CONGRATS Shweta and IndiClapClap...Damn I am missing reading all your postsCry

Every time the world tries to bring down a woman, its her love, belief and inner strength that bounces her back with the world and smile through the struggles of her life.

  • Priya...above statement is enough and nothing more to explain. Well said and I really loved that statement.
  • 12 ticking in my mind now...all linked to why and where...will be stalking your crooner more eagerly now.
  • Sanka devi spilling water on daadiShocked

  • I am with you on Daadi treating or misunderstanding Khushi as Servant. A BIG NO NO for me. Even if Khushi was a servant, it doesn't  give anyone any right to treat a person the way Dadi treated Khushi.
  • Abhi samaj mein aaya where ASR got ye aukaad talking from...inke blood mein hain..

  • I am with you on Manorama, Payal and NK...why can't they complete a sentence...jst cut her and say NO she is NOT SERVANT but ASR's wife.
  • Like you said I can understand Maami's insecurity..she has came as a maid. As each one react different way to same situation. But how much it is right to show her react that way. After etching her character so brilliantly during kidnap episode, they had moved her back to square one.
  • Anjali's reaction seeing Daadi amused me. She said she was missing her very much and always thought about her. But show started one year back and there was never a mention of anything about Daadi. Though I understand story line changes and new character comes up during the course of the show, writers wouldn't have used dialogue in that way.
  • Can't talk much about Daadi...because her character had to be revealed more. But showing her hand everytime was

  • Was waiting kab aake jhalak the end darshan ho higaya
  • I loved the way they showed the positions at the end scene. Anjali Dadi on one side and Arnav-Naani on side and Khushi,Maami, NK, Paayal in middle.
  • Precap...was the moment. Can't wait more

Edited by Sunshine80 - 07 August 2012 at 2:50am

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archanan14 IF-Dazzler

Joined: 16 May 2006
Posts: 3311

Posted: 07 August 2012 at 2:49am | IP Logged
Updated on Page 1! Thakela-est post ever alert!!!

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hd75 Senior Member

Joined: 31 January 2012
Posts: 379

Posted: 07 August 2012 at 2:52am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Omoraboti

Originally posted by hd75

Yesterday's episode was kind of shocking, disgusting for many, but for me it seemed a reflection of our society and as someone who has experienced that kind of behaviour, I could so relate to it. I don't know if we are allowed to write about personal experiences here but nevertheless, let me go ahead.

That was really sweet of you to share something so personal. Well I kind of understand Payal too now when you said that the confidence comes from the husband. In fact, I can completely relate myself to this too. I havent been through what you had and I am not actually familiar with these things too.. but my own very experiences also state that if your husband is there by your side, you can face the world. The day that I will always cheris all my life is when my husband said to his family that he believes me over everything. This has not only given me the confidence but has also given me a sense of responsibility to live up to his belief.
That was really a great read .. thaniks again.

Payal, by nature has always been the low on confidence kind except for a few instances may and for all the love that people at RM shower on her, she still doesn't have the confidence that her husband is there for her no matter what and Akashji isn't helping her much either Smile. In a marriage nothing can take the place of a spouse's unconditional support, they have to work together as a team. The couples in RM need to learn that soon.

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-Facetious- IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 16 November 2007
Posts: 12449

Posted: 07 August 2012 at 2:53am | IP Logged
Khushi manaofying Arnav - SBS Tongue

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subiscs IF-Rockerz

Joined: 09 September 2010
Posts: 4987

Posted: 07 August 2012 at 2:58am | IP Logged
Originally posted by shwetachauhan

Originally posted by indi52


thanks so so much. oh stupid is lucky for me heehee. yippee, me star, love it.

shweta, mazel tov Star
i do want to thank you for taking me into khushi's thoughts. beautiful post. phront phront want to duscussionwa. very interesting point in the sweet sanka girl's life, na? jappi for that joint star. hum do taare, khushi ke taare?

suba, nishi, jappi pappi, hugs shugs. anjali gets it so right!!!! Clap

Oh yes Di.. hum do taare, Khushi ke taare! A big tight jhappi to you too!! Big smile

I am all in for any discussion on Khushi anytime!! Because yes this a very interesting point in her life! As you rightly said, we dont need it but Khushi needs the remarriage!! A proper one, the one she always dreamed of! Not a big, fat one but at least a normal one.. with her family and friends around her, with her husbands love about her!!

She doesnt say it often but the restlessness is quite evident in her eyes.. she needs a dignified restoration of her respect and status in the family! She might have apologized to others and let them forgive and forget how she got married but she has neither forgotten nor forgiven it! She is hurt at the insults by Daadi but doesnt say anything to retract it, to correct it! Because she is not confident of her own 'darja'! She just lets it be! With assured love will come assured stance! And thus.. 'koi farak nahi padta jiji, tumne suna nahi maami ne kya kaha'!

shweee...bang on!!! so true...dignified restoration...a proper remarriage for her...the proper ones she dreamt of !!!! so true...Smile yeah totally true the uncertainty ard the marriage...contract playing in the background...and now when she gets the u said with assured love will come assured stance...

oh gosh shwe i absolutely loved thisHeart

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writ_in_water Goldie

Joined: 12 November 2011
Posts: 2064

Posted: 07 August 2012 at 2:59am | IP Logged
arrgggh as always I am bhery bhery late but nevertheless! very thoughtful crooner Priya.. I have something to say to this though. I understand completely where you are coming from and the rant against woman-servant is totally understandable too. But my point here is, if we are assuming that IPK is as real to life as it can get on a daily soap with its own daily pressures, why not this reality as well? For how much ever we try to turn away from this reality of what I call sophisticated untouchability  and  ego/pride/ignorance (for always, pride comes with ignorance as much as it does with arrogance) disguised in rituals and religion, this exists. It still does. It is as much a reality as anything else in our complicated country. Is it the responsibility of fiction to showcase reality as it is or does its responsibility extend to 'correcting' what is wrong in society. I am not debating here... I am just asking a question.

In this context, wanted to share a personal detail with crooner ladies!

When I saw dadi yesterday, I was open mouthed. It felt as if the spirit of my own dadi (that is my cousin dadi) had somehow got into ASR's dadi!! I come from a joint family  and this dadi was EXACTLY like this and I am not exaggerating. Ritualistic, high brahminical so-called cleanliness...the constant shuddhikarans...the inborn disdain for people whom she considered lower than her own self imposed standards and yet, principled, not all bad and very judgemental and opinionated. She did not even attend my wedding coz she thought I had become 'impure' by marrying a non-brahmin and God forbid if any of the domestic helps touched her stuff! And yes, they were neither allowed near the puja room nor allowed to give her any food nor touch her things. And if such a horror happened, she would straight run for shuddhikaran. Her respect too for her own kind, women, was very suspect too.. I will say that much without going into too many family secrets on this public forum!

It felt surreal and then today morning I come and read your crooner and I am just trying to realign and get some viewpoints. So Dadi is as real as they come. So should fiction show this reality or not?

Sorry, my intention is not to fight/debate but just out of curiosity! Smile

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