Women on physical abuse (Page 4)

So are you defending the parents who enforce their grown up kids??iBuffie i adult does not ...honey he/ she does not nead a guardian . Even if he/she is financially dependant. That will simply make him "financially dependamt"!!snt that too abuse of a sort..then how can we say that when parents enforce or beat their kids up,A parents beating up a grown kid is NEVER O.K ...yes its 100% abuse and in the U.S you can be jailed for it. its OKAY..ofcourse, notwithstanding the decisions parents make for their toddlers( a ka choice of the school, choice of clothes, choice of name etc)Although in case of a child, maybe under tean he/she may nead physical enforcement. I may need to force my child and make him sit down quietly on a plane, thats not abuse anywhere!!.…….and about the guardian, the counter example is cited in the next parragraph…..Agreed, a woman with subnormal intelligence can be mentored, but a woman who has zilch knowledge in certain realms such as investment etc cannot be mentored....she can be gradually taught things, but there is no point in discussing things with her about which she knows nothing......She can be taught those things, and then be consulted...But initially, she cant! Buffie i imagine an average couple has two people of minimum average intelligence. They aren't of below Average intellignce. Now there is a diffrence between intelligence and knowledge. I hope you understand what i mean. I am intelligent enough but i have no knowledge about several things like financial matters. If my advisor/ mentor/ husband explains to me patiently. I may not understand every thing but i will try and use my brains and follow this stuff. Its like my mom,a simple lady, not very wordly wise and smart,  to her a computer was nothing but this weird tiny T.V that did something. In about 2 weeks i taught her to log into India- forums and view Videos while in the U.S. If you meet my mom she is such a simple lady that one can't believe that she will be able to understand computers. But being simple did not mean that she lacked grey matter. She was sufficently intelligent enough to pick up internet usage when taught very simply.

My point being , that unless a person is IQ challeneged, he/ she as an adult has sufficient capablity to be a partner in her husbands decision if her partner helps explain to her the issue in a simple term.

I might not be maried, but I'm not a nincompoop…

I know you aren't a nincompoop , but after you experience a marriage you can understand what a breaking of marriage could feel like better.  Till then you know it "theoratically " ONLY!!

But the husband is not a robot…say the husband loved the wife like mad, he did everything to please her and keep her happy….he has never before raised his voice, let alone hand….but one fine day, he realizes that she has  been cheating on him for the past 7 years…. ….He cant calmly take the rough as he does with the smooth….the unfaithful wife whom he loved and trusted so much does deserve a slap ..more about this has been said in the following paragraphs...

O.K just to meet you half way i imagine this man is having a break down. Right ???? If he has lost all senses. Then even the court of law will probably be more leniant saying was a crime of passion if he kills her. Not every spouse has a mental break down when they discover an affair. There may be different degrees of emotions. But unless this man has had a serious break down......then it could be looked at differently.

It wouldn't..i never said that just one slap would metamorphose the bitchiest of the bitchiest into a seraph…..but a not so good, not so bad wife, may change when sense is drilled into her head…Perhaps she would be enraged at the moment, but later when she ponders in solitude about whether she was right or wrong, it may dawn upon her.Buffie it doesn't work like that. An angry wife will not be pondering her husbands slap and then learning from it. Take it from a wife who has had her normal share of fights with her husband. ….There are women who dont let the husbands have a word in between when they talk....…..now if he very cooly corrects her saying"hey look honey..i know you have problems, but please sort it out"…would it really have an impact on the stubborn wife…..Ofcourse, her basic nature wouldn't change if she is spanked, but atleast she would think twice before denigrating her in laws in futureBuffie wrong again, If he tries to speak to her it may help( considering she isn't that Hindi serial Vamp) That slap will not get him anywhere.........he may be fast headed for divorce this way. But if he tries the "talk and counselling". He can save it . But if thats still not working. Nothing will!

Divorce is the outcome when the marriage has reached an impasse situation…even if the couple have the slightest nkling that their marriage can be worked out if they make a few compromises, then I say make them…… I am not saying a an unfaithful husband needs to be forgiven....and at the end of the day, it differs from individual to individual...some wives may forgive, some may not....so that's subjective

But do we always think a thousand times before we say or do anythingTo most people words pour out first, even a stupid action. And a "slap" is a bad action. So it could happen. But its not justified.(actually we must be, but then we are human beings, and not always can we carry ourselves to perfection)…..another example(and I promise you this is my last example) ….a wife who has been nagging her hubby to shove his parents into an oldage home…She has been egging him on for months..he has tried explaining to her,he has done everything possible under the sun…..Yet again one fine day she  brings up the same topic again, and this day she crosses all her limits……and he cant take it anymore….he spanks her……No, his spank wouldn't change her attitude, it wouldn't make her love her inlaws whom she has only hated till then….but then, how could we expect him to keep his cool 24-7…there are limits of tolerance,and when a woman crosses all knows limits of decensy, it wouldn't be wrong if she slapped….Yes its still wrong. If this man can't convince his wife . And this man knows his priorities. Then he will have to choose between two relationships. This "slap" of your will not solve any issue.

Another thing is, not  every action would garner the desired consequence……and just because an acion does not have a consequence, it wouldn't become an "abuse" ……Just because nothing is going to be achieved by slapping a woman who faked to be a wonderful wife(but in reality was a  tramp), the entire act of slapping her for her infidelity wouldn't become an "abuse" or a "waste"....in that way, there are so many things that a re nothing but wastes...girls drool over john abraham..now no one is going to get him....what do girls achieve by drooling???..NOTHING!!!....so logically speaking, the drooling over is a waste....…when it comes to venting the emotions, the brain takes the backseat...all logic fails You are comparing John Ab harmless drooling with  physical abuse!!??!!

No, I never said anything about the consequence of the slap or what really is going to be achieved…Its an instantaneous reaction, when the person who slaps is wallowing in hurt/dejection/anger/bitterness/loss of faith etc etc…and the person concerned really cannot think logically then…..tell me, do WE always follow our head???…don't we follow our heart too…..and when the faith and the love the husband harboured for the wife for years is shattered, the brain takes the backseat and he really wouldn't be able to use logic and wonder as to what is to be done next…cant a human being be entitled to even feel sad, to feel deceived???? Its like 2 wrongs do not make a right!! Same way just because the wife was wrong , the man lost his cool and slapped her. It should be O.K!!  If he lost his cool and hit her , it may happen ......but its not right!!

That's what I'm saying….The ideal reaction would be to just walk out on the cheating husband/wife, and file a court case…the realistic reaction would be a slap, or a dose of wailing, ranting whatever one fancies

Couldn't have disagreed with you anymore…….for starters , I'm wasn't talking about a man who abuses his wife even when he's wrong..such a man would be an abuser in daily life too, a chauvinistic pig who would be exercising his chauvinism in daily life matters too…..and when there's no real shock or jolt,I don't think a wife would get hysterical(unless she wants to create a melodramatic effect)….she would feel sad, but her shock would be definitely less than the shock a woman experiences, whose husband who was  supposed to be an " altruist and puritan"  cheats on her …and such a husband, who is otherwise a quite OKAY fellow, but whose only weakness is the opposite sex, wouldn't really hit his wife whe she accuses him of infidelity…….There are some men who are chauvinistic, promiscuous,egoistic,an alcoholic….and even if the battered wife of such a swine uncovers his infidelity, she wouldn't really be "SHOCKED" as she already knows what sort of a man he is as he hasn't put up any kind of a faade ….the women I'm talking about are those who were deceived into believing that their husbands are Sri Ram's, and those who have really held their husbands in high regard…when such a man's true colours comes out, it is extremely painful for the wife…and he himself would feel guilty, and wouldn't really reciprocate her slap….i'm not talking about the ruffians, I am talking about a man who has certain weaknesses, certain frailities but who has concealed his other side from his wife…he necessarily need not be a chauvinist,he might not be an abuser, but he might be unfaithful….and when such a man is rightfully slapped, he wouldn't slap his wife back You know you are assuming these reactions  and don't have any real experience of it. Well nor do i !! But  i think it will be better not to assume how the betrayed wife feels , the shamed husband behaves. We both are certainly speculating these reactions.

If the hurt and the deceit hits him with full force, why cant he ????circumstances bring out the best and the worst in a human being……I might have never even raised my voice in my life, but if my chastity is in danger, I might even kill my assaulter……Chastity or life in danger are likely to bring out different reaction from a person feeling betrayed.

But at that point of time, when the truth about the husband/wife starkly stares at the spouse  for the first time, would he/she really be in a state of mind to even say anything…..do you think the husband/wife would be in a state of mind to give a lecture???/definitely not!! I can guess most likely the reactions are wailing, crying and shouting , throwing things. Its not neccesarily  always "hitting" !! Nor am i saying it doesn't happen. But it doesn't make it correct. It will solve Nothing !!