Attachment v/s soulmate love

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Malika

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Posted: 11 July 2012 at 2:51am | IP Logged

Before I begin with this post of mine, I sincerely want to confess that this is a mere attempt to analyze and introspect into this universal feeling of LOVE from Anandi's pov.So pls forgive me if you find this post totally out of place and meaningless...I turn a stupid some times and dare to think out of the box LOL

Now seeing the last epi,I can't stop myself from pondering over this.Anandi is all broken and crying.She has become totally indifferent to all other emotions of beauty around her. There is a man in front of her.A man probably any girl would wish to be hers.A man who is complete in all senses.But that man is there just for her.He goes all out of his way just to help her talk to her mom so that she comes at some mental peace.And still she is not even an inch moved with his compassion.That thought of "why he is doing so much for me?" doesnt even hit her in the farthest of dreams.Why?Thats so abnormal.A girl in her age,even if shy and reserved,would have been somewhere wooed by a gesture of this kind.Then why not her?Why she still keeps on crying for a man who doomed her life?Bcoz she loves him?Does she still love jagiya?Probably yes.That is what all of us,including me perceive.

But as I further try to introspect into the emotion,I find layers of depth into it.Anandi,from the beginning was born and brought up into a mentality that ur "husband" is your everything and obeying his orders is your whole and sole duty.Initially she didnt love jagiya rather she shared a love and hate relationship with him.With her being away from her village,he became the only friend and confider in her life.The one who used to protect her from dadisa's wrath and whose selfish act of letting her do all his homework in a way fulfilled anandi's wish of studying.So on a whole she loved being with him.She had become "attached" to him.This relationship was so like a lonely child and his fav teddy bear.A child which has no friends and so he confides himself into a favourite toy and starts considering it as its pricest procession.So was jagiya to Anandi.She got her strings attached to him.Call it her destiny or the mindset she was born into,but her heart naturally grew to love Jagiya.And when he separated from her, her ONLY procession was snatched too.Now she had nothing to look forward to.She thought herself to be worthless and undeserving.

Next enters Shiv. She still had those strings attached to her husband when this knight in shining armour entered her life.Obviously she being still so much into the attachment of her "fav toy" and the pain of losing it couldnt see thru the real him.

Now this is what brings me to the conclusion of ANandi's feelings.Yes no second thoughts she loved Jagiya.She loved him a s a friend,as a confider and as a peer.She had an undettered "attachment" to him.But it surely wasn't soulmate love.Bcoz soulmate love is equal and befitting.Just like a lock fits a key.Anandi's love for jagiya was a mere attachment-a karmic connection.She is still a child whose not come out of the pain of losing her favourite teddy bear-the one she was most attached to.She is still so unaware of those sides of her womanhood which only a soulmate can expose to her.A soulmate who will enlighten her about her own beauty. bcoz thats the same beauty which flows within his soul as well-the same fluidity which connects them at a spiritual level-that qualifies them as being two physical forms of a single spiritual existence.Anandi has till date NOT felt a love like this.She is still living into an attachment that destiny brought her.But her heart is totally unaware of the most nurturing forms of love-the SOULMATE love - The love which will be equal in all senses.The love which will help her appreciate her strength,her own beauty.The love which will give meaning to her existence.

I can just wish that cvs are able to enrich Shiv's character to a level that one day Anandi;s sees her soulmate in him - the one soul which befits her...who not just complements her but completes her. too Embarrassed

Okk I dont know guys whether I was able to make some sense with this post or not.But would love to hear ur pov abt it.

Edited by princessyashika - 11 July 2012 at 2:59am

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aparnauma

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Joined: 03 September 2011

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Posted: 11 July 2012 at 3:50am | IP Logged

Nice post. That part about Anandi and Jagya was well put.I completely agree with you.Probably Jagya also felt the same way about Anandi.He being male and after exposure to the world out side he realised he didnt love Anandi as man loves a woman. But in this process of realisation he messed up Anandi's psyche completely.

Anandi like you have said had very minimal interaction with the world outside and she believes Jagya's opinion about her.The state she is in it is very difficult to believe that a man like Shiv could actually want her.So she doesn't trust him.She thinks he is too good to be true. I cant blame her if she thinks that way because as a viewer I too feel his character is too good to be true.

Also she is annoyed with her family members who are relentlessly selling her this idea of Shiv being an ideal partner.They are not giving her the space she needs.

This is not to mention her own dreams of him as her knight in shining armour.For heaven's sake she does not require a knight shining armour to rescue her.She is capable of rescuing herself.

All these make it very difficult for her to see Shiv as her soulmate.

They have to go back to their professional relationship as it was before all this happened and take it from there for her to realise that he is her soulmate and mirror image and not just a knight in shining armour

Edited by apjk - 11 July 2012 at 4:10am

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SiriuslySujal

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Posted: 11 July 2012 at 4:27am | IP Logged

Interesting and well-written post!

I get the feeling that more than anything, Anandi is plagued by the idea that there was some kami in the way she fulfilled her duties as a wife. As a child, Dadisa was never happy with her and always favoured Jagya. Dadisa may have changed now, but the wounds that that sort of treatment from her inflicted on Anandi are yet to fade. I'm not saying Anandi feels resentment towards Dadisa... I think her resentment is purely for the culture that has encouraged bal vivah... hence her work to stop it and save other children from the fate she herself suffered. But despite not feeling any resentment towards Dadisa and the rest of her family, she is still psychologically wounded by the thought that she was somehow not good enough for Jagya to stay with her. Logically, she knows that he is the one at fault, but emotionally, she still blames herself on some level.

I agree that attachment does play a big role, though. She grew up being told that her husband was to be her everything. She was essentially taught to treat him as more important than her own self. Now that they are no longer together, she has been growing out of that and growing into herself a lot more... getting an education, doing samaj seva, becoming a strong member of the community. But part of her is still that girl who believes that all that isn't enough, and that she is still defined by the fact that her husband left her and that that says negative things about her capability as a beendhni (and therefore as a person, because it was impressed upon her as a child that a beendhni wasn't just what she was, but WHO she was). Add to that the way Jagya was putting her down for being "gawar" and you get serious self-doubt. Plus, I mean, her relationship with him wasn't just based on duty - they had a close friendship, and he did like her at first. The betrayal of all that must seriously sting as well.

The only thing I disagree with in your post is the teddy bear analogy. I think that is more apt to describe Jagya's feelings for Anandi... as a plaything to use as and when he wanted. He has never really seen her as a person... more as a beendhni who he has a right over. He does care for her, and that's shown in flashes, like when he ran off to Jaitsar to save her from Heth Singh and the kidnappers (lol, that sounds like a band name... Heth Singh and the Kidnappers

ANYWAY). So yeah, he does (or did) care for her, but his spoiled upbringing and MCP-ness comes in the way of that most of the time. He has certainly never appreciated her, or really been thankful for how good he had it to have a wife like her. Rather like with a teddy bear... a new toy (Gauri) came along and the old toy suddenly seemed dilapidated and unattractive

Whereas Anandi's feelings were much more serious... there was much more devotion there. In short, she was much more invested than Jagya than he was in her, because that's how the culture taught her to be. And because that investment was so great and spanned so many years (and part of her childhood), it's that much harder for her to get out of it.

I believe that as she realises what Shiv feels for her, starts feeling for him herself, and realises what love really is, she will realise that what she had with Jagya was never truly love, but just two incompatible people being thrown into an attachment before they had any say in the matter. She obviously knows that logically, because she keeps saying it (e.g. she told that bal vivah supporter at the press conference that a husband grows up and barely even remembers his wife's name). Like all the other stuff, though, she needs to really REALISE that on every level and stop blaming herself deep down. And she needs a LOT of time to get to that stage, though. Let this divorce happen, and then we will see.

AnSh should be a conscious choice from both of them based on a deep mutual love and respect, and should embody equality, compassion and attraction. They should serve as a misaal for viewers that THIS is how relationships should be, THIS is how partners should treat each other, that abuse, even if it's not physical, is NOT OK, that compatibility is important, that a girl who's been treated badly can and should start her life over. And crucially, much as people may not like it, Anandi taking her time over this whole thing and not immediately jumping into Shiv's arms just because she's lonely and he's a hunk is also important to this message: it shows that one should take one's time over relationship decisions. A girl shouldn't immediately go with anyone who's nice to her just for the sake of having someone. She should be OK with herself first, wait until she's ready, make sure (or as sure as she can!) that the guy is right for her, and THEN take the plunge. People should realise through watching Anandi that it's OK to wait, because the right guy will understand and hold out for you, and your relationship, when it does happen, will be stronger for that

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tinoo

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Posted: 11 July 2012 at 5:35am | IP Logged

Originally posted by SiriuslySujal

(lol, that sounds like a band name... Heth Singh and the Kidnappers

ANYWAY).

I laughed so hard at this that stuff started coming out of my nose.

Count me in as their first groupie!!!!

Heth singh and the kidnappers

... I predict they will be bigger than the beatles.

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SiriuslySujal

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Posted: 11 July 2012 at 5:56am | IP Logged

Originally posted by tinoo

Originally posted by SiriuslySujal

(lol, that sounds like a band name... Heth Singh and the Kidnappers

ANYWAY).

I laughed so hard at this that stuff started coming out of my nose.

Count me in as their first groupie!!!!

Heth singh and the kidnappers

... I predict they will be bigger than the beatles.

Glad I caused so much amusement! xDDD I'm now imagining Heth Singh on stage in those sunglasses of his and a Keanu Reeves-style Matrix suit, surrounded by a bunch of bandits...

I wonder what they'd sing? xD

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tinoo

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Posted: 11 July 2012 at 5:57am | IP Logged

Originally posted by SiriuslySujal

. He does care for her, and that's shown in flashes, like when he ran off to Jaitsar to save her from Heth Singh and the kidnappers (lol, that sounds like a band name... Heth Singh and the Kidnappers

ANYWAY). So yeah, he does (or did) care for her, but his spoiled upbringing and MCP-ness comes in the way of that most of the time.

sujal - I'm inclined to take this action of his with a pinch of salt ... I doubt he really cared for her ... at the time she was still sending him money ... he probably figured that if he didnt find her, then his money pot will be zero ... also he wanted to get some brownie points with his dad ... and bhairon just did not fall for his hero act either ...

i highly doubt that it was an action of pure caring.

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tinoo

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Posted: 11 July 2012 at 5:58am | IP Logged

Originally posted by SiriuslySujal

[ I wonder what they'd sing? xD

The "Thaari bhali hovey" remix.

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aparnauma

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Posted: 11 July 2012 at 5:59am | IP Logged

Originally posted by SiriuslySujal

Originally posted by tinoo

ROFL

Originally posted by SiriuslySujal

(lol, that sounds like a band name... Heth Singh and the Kidnappers LOL

ANYWAY).

I laughed so hard at this that stuff started coming out of my nose.

Count me in as their first groupie!!!! LOL

Heth singh and the kidnappers Cool

... I predict they will be bigger than the beatles. Thumbs Up

Glad I caused so much amusement! xDDD I'm now imagining Heth Singh on stage in those sunglasses of his and a Keanu Reeves-style Matrix suit, surrounded by a bunch of bandits... LOL

I wonder what they'd sing? xD

How about Balika vadhu title song ?

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Attachment v/s soulmate love

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