Punar Vivah


Punar Vivah
Punar Vivah

!! DOTW - Love Marriages Against Arranged !!

shubhika124 IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 24 December 2011
Posts: 12156

Posted: 08 July 2012 at 1:01pm | IP Logged

A love marriage is a union of two individuals based upon mutual love, affection, commitment and attraction. While the term has little discrete meaning in the Western world, where most marriages are considered to be 'based in love,' the term has meaning elsewhere to indicate a concept of marriage which differs from the norms of arranged marriage and forced marriage.

Amid popular love lore like Soni Mahiwal, Heer Ranjha India always had a long tradition of arranged marriages. With the advent of the British and the subsequent introduction of British education system more Indians got educated. Education and exposure to the media, started to make people to think and realize they need not be bound by tradition and they can choose their own marital partners without having to rely on parents, matchmakers, relatives or having to consult astrologers. This gave rise to love marriages. Currently in our country we have arranged as well as love marriages taking place.

But love doesn't come easy. Though we acclaim to have evolved , there are several foundations tying us. Which one is better – Love marriage or arranged? The issue is debatable all over the globe.

 It is argued that love marriages offer more independence and freedom as compared to arranged marriages where the girl/boy is chosen by the parents so there is pressure to conform to parental expectations like producing a male heir, taking part in family rituals and traditions, putting up with sisters-in-laws, contributing to family expenses etc. One of the usual questions against an arranged marriage is that how can you marry somebody you don't know. Knowing somebody before marriage allows partners to have better respect and understanding for each other's needs and desires. This way they are better adjusted in the marriage when they finally take their wedding vows. 

Coming to arranged marriages, they offer more protection, security to the women. There is not much pressure on the women to look like models. Parents employ maturity and wise judgment when choosing suitable spouses for their children. Sometimes it helps to rely on another person's opinion and experience when selecting one's partner especially when the people marrying are young and need guidance and advice in marrying a suitable person. Having an arranged does not mean that the married couple remains happily ever after or that there is harmony in the relationship. Women have been known to stay on in abusive relationships for the sake of family pride, respect in society etc. Even in an arranged marriage there is a different sort of pressure to be fair-skinned and beautiful. In India the evil of dowry, caste and community issues and the concept of matching horoscopes, sometimes taken to its extreme levels have contributed much to the argument against arranged marriages. 

It becomes difficult therefore to predict the ideal sort of marriage. So ultimately it is up to the individual to decide whether he wants to have a love or an arranged marriage after all it is a question of being happy in love. 

Kindly put forward your opinion in the matter. Smile

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KinSanj IF-Stunnerz

BollyCurry Buzzer
Joined: 10 March 2006
Posts: 33957

Posted: 08 July 2012 at 1:06pm | IP Logged
very nice topic!
personally I am a strong believer in arranged marriages, I am not so much of a fan of love marriages as i've seen most of the love marriages turning out to be a disaster...so far to what i've seen arranged marriages are mostly what lasts longer compare to what we have in love marriages.

According to me a love marriage is something where you know your partner from a long time, you feel comfortable with them...but since you know the person so well you start expecting things from them...and when they don't get  what they expect that's when their relationship starts to change and they think it's a decision they took in a rush and that they regret. (I have seen this so many times..I've seen them change) you can take prateik and paridhi for an example, paridhi is finding it hard to adjust in prateik's family despite of being with him for so long. what was the point og having a love marriage when both knew that paridhi wouldn't be ale to adjust in prateik's family. she is having issues, where as Aarti is mature enough to handle everyone in the family.

Arranged marriages can go wrong sometimes too if one didn't find out about the person's background properly...but in most cases it's never gone wrong. (everyone in my family, relatives and all went for an arranged marriage and they seem to be very happy.) in an arranged marriage it's a whole new experience, that curiosity to know how your partner exactly is...you know you can't take that person for granted either since you're still in that process of building that relationship. one gets to know their partner slowly and that's what makes their bond stronger.

I don't know if any of this makes sense...but yeah. for me it's arranged marriages all the way, as I personally feel that they are more successful.

Edited by KinSanj - 09 July 2012 at 8:24am

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Abby-GC-Crazy IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 10 December 2010
Posts: 12723

Posted: 08 July 2012 at 1:22pm | IP Logged
I go for arranged marriage...

my only belief is that... with the amount of external influence n the influence of attraction on people of young age... i think it becomes very difficult for us to differentiate between true love n attraction...
it's very common that today people consider mere attraction as true love because somewhere serials n movies make us believe in fairy tale type stories which honestly dont exist in real life.. n so the youngsters tend to believe mere attraction to be true love...

Our parents... they have lived through true love.. they have more experience and they know the world better...
They know that to keep a marriage intact, there's lots more needed than just love unlike the belief of the youngsters...
youngsters today very easily say that we can live in any condition if our love is with us but only wen dey cum face to face with d real situations, dey realise its nt so easy and dat is wen marriages tend to break..

Hence, I absolutely believe that our parents know the best for us because they know us and the world better..
So, I go with arranged marriages...

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DMKJ_VB IF-Rockerz

Joined: 29 August 2010
Posts: 5857

Posted: 08 July 2012 at 1:34pm | IP Logged
Shubhi- brilliant write up!Clap

 According to me, both have their respective pros and cons. While, it can be argued that a love marriage creates a stronger bond between the husband and wife, because their union is sanctified by their love, arranged marriages may be equally effective if the partners involved manage to build a good mutual understanding. Lovers are supposed to have this understanding even before their wedding. However, how often do we do what we are supposed to?

The belief that love marriages are more scientific than arranged is a Myth! There is no better or worse. I have seen love turning into war soon after the wedding. You might think you know the person u love in and out, but unless u start living with him in the same house, its often impossible to know all aspects of his nature. This might not seem dangerous at first, but just imagine - what if u get to know certain facets about your partner which in your wildest dreams you never thought would be true! I say this on the basis of some personal experience.

Arranged marriages come with their share of burden. Its true, there is a lot more fear associated with them. If love marriages can become unsuccessful, what guarantee is there in relationships, made , not by means of mutual love or affection, but by family negotiations, and some faith in one's own fate ?

I am sorry, if i sound too bitter, but this is the reality that I see around me. But does that mean I am against marriages? definitely not! There are so may couples who are in extremely joyous unions. Basically,I don't think there can actually be any general opinion about the positive and negative aspects of any type of marriage. Most of the time, it depends on the people involved, their values, their maturity, and their morality!

So,I am hoping that all of us who will probably get married some time in future, are able to strike a positive and happy chord in their married lives, no matter whether its love marriage or arranged.

Edited by DMKJ_VB - 09 July 2012 at 1:23am

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nikita_88 IF-Stunnerz

Joined: 02 May 2005
Posts: 36918

Posted: 08 July 2012 at 4:02pm | IP Logged
Awesome discussion! 

I have to say there is no right or wrong it always depends on the two people involved in the relationship be it love or arranged if you want to make it work it works... Everyone has faults and living with someone you pick up on them and if you let them fester they cause problems later on in life... Both have problems because with arranged you are telling someone who is a stranger to change something about themselves or vis versa to you and in love you don't want to hurt someone's feelings or get hurt...

Going into a relationship love or arranged you both have to know what the other person wants and at times you have to be practical, like I can't go into a relationship with someone who might want to marry next year, I am no where near that stage of my life and even I was in love with that person I wouldn't be able to do it. 

I think as long as there is trust and respect and care in any relationship love or arranged it all comes with time with love it might be there before marriage but with an arranged marriage it grows as well 

Neither is wrong neither is right, it depends on the individual and personally I would not mind either of the two because you can't predict the future and you have no idea where life is going to take you 

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-Anarkali. IF-Veteran Member

Joined: 11 April 2010
Posts: 14860

Posted: 08 July 2012 at 5:41pm | IP Logged

Nice Discussion Thread Shubhi...Wink

  Well...,My Point Of View.., I am living in quite a modern place...,And all marriage is basically love marriage...,,one hardly gets into arranged marriage...
In every single aspect a love marriage and an arranged marriage differs
A love marriage, its about simply knowing the one you are going to spend the rest of your life with.. Its about being with someone who you are comfortable with...,Its about loving someone and getting back the same amount of love...,
But on a serious note..., After watching Punar Vivah...,i am actually left to wonder..Confused...,One can get all of those things...,and feel secure but after marriage things tend to change...like what prashant did to aarti...
With an arranged marriage..., There is actually expectation from all round...
Responsibilities that can not be ignored..., There is so much that must be followed with out saying anything..., But slowly one tends to get use to all that... Which is nice, atleast you can assure yourself everyone appreciates you and won't betray you so easily.
So Should it be love before marriage or love after marriage...???
What ever it is...,
Whoever you are suppose to be with you will be with them only..., Those are relationships that last for a lifetime.
It doesn't matter what type of marriage you have.Wink

Edited by Amanda_18 - 08 July 2012 at 7:36pm

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..CountingStars IF-Stunnerz

Joined: 31 March 2009
Posts: 27812

Posted: 08 July 2012 at 6:38pm | IP Logged
I'd Choose None -- Cuz I Don't Believe In Marriage
There's Advantages In a Love Marriage As well as Disadvantages.
Same goes to Arranged Marriages.
But it's better to let the individuals choose for themselves.. Love Marriage or no Love Marriage; life goes on Big smile
Yeah Something like that..LOL
Sadiie x

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Joined: 04 July 2012
Posts: 8460

Posted: 09 July 2012 at 1:08am | IP Logged
I totally don believe marriage/ relationship is permanent ...nor it remains d same over d tym...
Good example is Telugu film orange wer hero falls in love fr 10 tym n he believes love doesn't remain d same n it
Interest / attention decreases...wid tym partners starts to lie to save der relationship. So ULTIMATELY
love/arranged marriage nothing lasts fr evr.

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