EVERY SINGLE FEMALE IN SOCIETY!!!!!!!!!!! - Page 4

Posted: 11 years ago
Originally posted by payalibm



exctly..when the @bold child behaves
yoy are talking about them when they are now not child and all...and if they are child and missbehaves then you saying where is the father...lolzzz...coz father dosent have the duty to teach itsss mother duty to teach...now you wil ask why not father duty...disent he have responsiblity towards his kids...or only giving money is his duty and then finish...so again i will ask..why a father thinks this way...or why 90% of male generation of india thinks this way...are they born directly being a man out of their mama's womb...no they were also infant...then how come they say its a duty of wife...why...why they not sharing their sahre of work with their wife..why is it kee they are bread winners so they wil be absent from home when ever its their wish..why like western culture men in india cannanot tshare their shre of work load at home?????

I'm a little confused. Are you saying that how some men feel about their place in the family (the sole bread winner image) is the fault of women, of mothers specifically? 

Because that mentality is again the fault of the patriarchy and misogyny. This exists in western culture too, but not so much in the extent as it does in India. Even if men help out in the house, most women end up doing most of the housework and childcare by themselves. 
Posted: 11 years ago
Originally posted by earth1978


payal
 
in case of jagiya bhairon and sumitra were good parents. it was actually daadi saa and her blind love for jagiya which has spoilt him.
 
in reality especially in joint family , u must realise , he mother may teach oen thing but the child is also under grand mother and grand father a lot of time.
 
in fact with mother beign busy in house work and kitchen , the lions share of time a kid spends is with his grand parents like here.
 
in that case even if mother is giving him soem values and trying to discipline him, teh grand parents may do something to undo it.
 
intheir blidn affection and faith. and here we are blamign the hapless mother.
 
sorry dear i agree to people saying mothe ris not responsible.
 

yes sweet...what you are saying is complete sences and i fully agre with you..100% i agree..as i am in joint family...before marrige and even now..i have grand mother in law too(just recently 6months bfr she died),and its been 14yeras sinc i am married..so not only grand parents but great grnd parent too for my elder one...and she is spoiled...no doubt...but alas...wht i ahve experienced and what you ahve said was same my thoughts...then i ask my own maa one day a question..thtat time i dint had little one..and evry day my elder use to shout cry i wont carry bag to bus stop and all..or i wont go by bus and all...i was feed up..as been more then 3years and she still shouting now she was in 2nd stndrd that time...
i was having tough time...when i went to stay at mom place she explained if she has stood up and fought for their beterment of tom. then we should even if they call us bad...then and their i got it...
sweet...the thing is if she has fought for us we would ahve been different...but she dint do the mistake when aftr a long long time my younger bro came...tht time lolzz..more then 20members where their at home staying together...but she stood up...she argued...she dint let him pampered...today he is sharing equally with his wife.its been only 2yers sinc his marige...he has a son...i did same...and i got results..wont say instantly...been now 5 yrs...but i got...if my huby dosnt share now he dosent even pull finger... i realsie one thing..root cause is we ourselves...no one.be it me...my mom...my sister..my in-laws,grand -in-laws.be it any one..we are

Posted: 11 years ago
Originally posted by payalibm



yes sweet...what you are saying is complete sences and i fully agre with you..100% i agree..as i am in joint family...before marrige and even now..i have grand mother in law too(just recently 6months bfr she died),and its been 14yeras sinc i am married..so not only grand parents but great grnd parent too for my elder one...and she is spoiled...no doubt...but alas...wht i ahve experienced and what you ahve said was same my thoughts...then i ask my own maa one day a question..thtat time i dint had little one..and evry day my elder use to shout cry i wont carry bag to bus stop and all..or i wont go by bus and all...i was feed up..as been more then 3years and she still shouting now she was in 2nd stndrd that time...
i was having tough time...when i went to stay at mom place she explained if she has stood up and fought for their beterment of tom. then we should even if they call us bad...then and their i got it...
sweet...the thing is if she has fought for us we would ahve been different...but she dint do the mistake when aftr a long long time my younger bro came...tht time lolzz..more then 20members where their at home staying together...but she stood up...she argued...she dint let him pampered...today he is sharing equally with his wife.its been only 2yers sinc his marige...he has a son...i did same...and i got results..wont say instantly...been now 5 yrs...but i got...if my huby dosnt share now he dosent even pull finger... i realsie one thing..root cause is we ourselves...no one.be it me...my mom...my sister..my in-laws,grand -in-laws.be it any one..we are

 
see that is why i have great admiration for you. i wish o present gallantry wards to all women living in joint families. i salute their courage and strength. i admire u becuase u can still be so much positive about life.
since i dotn want to write much about myself ...i will just say this much i was blamed for my daughter not speaking early ... like i cud force words out of her mouth. i was criticised for even wanting to wash her dirty hands for fear of infection. now they just play and then get busy ...i am busy in the kitchen always havign little ime for my daughter ... i expect them to take safety precuations but alas not just itis not done , i am criticised if i pull her off the flight of stairs of a pile of trash.
the list is endless. but i thank my lucky stars i have to stay one for one month in a year now . if i had to stay 24 X 7 i dont know how i coudl have i managed. kudos to u dear.
Edited by earth1978 - 11 years ago
Posted: 11 years ago
Originally posted by payalibm


 

yes sweet...what you are saying is complete sences and i fully agre with you..100% i agree..as i am in joint family...before marrige and even now..i have grand mother in law too(just recently 6months bfr she died),and its been 14yeras sinc i am married..so not only grand parents but great grnd parent too for my elder one...and she is spoiled...no doubt...but alas...wht i ahve experienced and what you ahve said was same my thoughts...then i ask my own maa one day a question..thtat time i dint had little one..and evry day my elder use to shout cry i wont carry bag to bus stop and all..or i wont go by bus and all...i was feed up..as been more then 3years and she still shouting now she was in 2nd stndrd that time...
i was having tough time...when i went to stay at mom place she explained if she has stood up and fought for their beterment of tom. then we should even if they call us bad...then and their i got it...
sweet...the thing is if she has fought for us we would ahve been different...but she dint do the mistake when aftr a long long time my younger bro came...tht time lolzz..more then 20members where their at home staying together...but she stood up...she argued...she dint let him pampered...today he is sharing equally with his wife.its been only 2yers sinc his marige...he has a son...i did same...and i got results..wont say instantly...been now 5 yrs...but i got...if my huby dosnt share now he dosent even pull finger... i realsie one thing..root cause is we ourselves...no one.be it me...my mom...my sister..my in-laws,grand -in-laws.be it any one..we are

 
How true have you written Payal. I had experienced the same , but yes not as long as you. Fortunately my Grand mother in law was very very gentle. She established me in family. And she actully had provided me liberty. She passed away after a year of my marriage , but she has provided me a freedom to those limits that I can proudly tell me childern who she was..
 
 
 
Edited by akvats01 - 11 years ago
Posted: 11 years ago
Originally posted by payalibm



exctlyyy...bingo...bulls eye...MOTHER dosent always means bilogical (yes 90% it means the bilogical) but here we need to broden our thoughts...as even the one lady at home or 3 laides at home are their whatever they teching you,it should be some thing which will bring good out of you in future...not some thing like all this bull shit thinking...where male ego ,bread winner things and superiority type knowlege develops...@blue is what i was whole time trying to say...


Absolutely agree here!  

Women do become enablers.  It's the Mother figure and even MIL who reinforce the idea that the son/SIL should be waited on hand and foot.  This patriarchal thinking can only change if the women who shapes the thinking of the male and female child urges them to think fairly, with equality and respect for each other.  Change can happen at the nurturing stage, not when the tree is already crooked.
Posted: 11 years ago
Originally posted by payalibm



but then you need to give reasons naa swetuuu...where is he reason if you disagreee

the best reasons come from personal experiences only..!!  friends boyfriends family men colleagues, at 30 I can say I wasted 15 years of my life focussing on people around me whom I might have changed for the better, but the basic nature of a person that was never changed.. I have met so many guys with wonderful mothers, but they were a** and i would never blame their mothers for their being what they are.  

one of the reasons why we try to find good people is exactly this, else we can pick up any one and make that person good enough for yourself or for society..sometime we do..! but thats again personal and depending on who you are! 

A person is all about what surrounds him, and what he/she let around! who's part of your network... from the day you were born to date you are evaluating one's behavior. 

the bottom line is there are good people and bad people... and you're life truly shape up depending on who's company you fall in to. no matter female or male...or for that matter human or animal. 

Posted: 11 years ago
Originally posted by parisingh



the best reasons come from personal experiences only..!!  friends boyfriends family men colleagues, at 30 I can say I wasted 15 years of my life focussing on people around me whom I might have changed for the better, but the basic nature of a person that was never changed.. I have met so many guys with wonderful mothers, but they were a** and i would never blame their mothers for their being what they are.  

one of the reasons why we try to find good people is exactly this, else we can pick up any one and make that person good enough for yourself or for society..sometime we do..! but thats again personal and depending on who you are! 

A person is all about what surrounds him, and what he/she let around! who's part of your network... from the day you were born to date you are evaluating one's behavior. 

the bottom line is there are good people and bad people... and you're life truly shape up depending on who's company you fall in to. no matter female or male...or for that matter human or animal. 

 
humnas are born with their deficiencies and strengths . with atmoshere u an moudl hem a bit but something r beyond the scope of reform.
 
Posted: 11 years ago
Originally posted by megustajalebi



I'm a little confused. Are you saying that how some men feel about their place in the family (the sole bread winner image) is the fault of women, of mothers specifically? 

Because that mentality is again the fault of the patriarchy and misogyny. This exists in western culture too, but not so much in the extent as it does in India. Even if men help out in the house, most women end up doing most of the housework and childcare by themselves. 

you are confused because you are talking about tree...and i am talking about the seed of that treee...

sweet you wrote why a father figures not asked...and i am tlaking about the same father but when he was small or infant...i am tlaking about all the father figures kee how they devlop this thinking ke they shoould not do anythign at home and rest...why they assume 4rm the day one they are born kee when one day they amrry it will be their wife who will do the chores for him and will abide by his words and he will be whole and soul for her...and why the hell evry woman knows this is their future...wht woman cant think about the same equality with men...why cant they think ke if they come home their huby should help her i around with house hold work...lolzzz...thinking about when she comes home and huby might keep ready dinner for them,,,is like giving birth to alien...lolzzz..but why men easily knows and asumes for day one they are bron kee it will eb their mom who will be ready with fod whe he coems home be he working or doing velagiri out on raod with his frinds..how he knows he will eb served dinner or lunch with hot food...y this thinking for male??????? why??? why we female cant think????????? why?????
dear dont think about treee...or a grown man...think about seed...because the type of seed will decide how the tree will be...l8r as he takes shape its up to tree now from where he will grow...same kids how we want is (why only in hand of mother/?) in mother hands,,,,,,,, and once the kid is man or woman then they devlop their own thinking...
Posted: 11 years ago
Human nature is such complicated tht u cant generalise anything. Sometime for one person praising for his achievement inspire to achieve even more, for other it cause ghamand and spoil. For one the lad pyar of parents can spoil but for other it motivate him to do something to make thm proud and not let thm down. If one person can take dant dapat of elsers as lesson thn other can take it as insult and cause negative thoughts. So we cant generalise tht this method is rit or wrong for everyone. Its depends on each individual. To read the mind of individual, one need to be little bit psychologist. But the problem is tht not everyone is psychologist so generally people follow others method. If they see tht his neighbour kids were spoiled due to lad pyar, they started being strict with their own kids and vice versa. But as each kids react differently, so most of time it backfire. We sd read the psychology of our own children and not just follow the others. But in India, where illiteracy is a big problem, we cant expect people will recognize these very vital point and thts why in most cases its absolutely luck of the parents tht their method suit to their own kids, otherwise there is a huge chance tht it can backfire. 
Posted: 11 years ago
though in a lot of cases the way the father treats the mother moulds the son/daughter or the way the mother behaves with the father shapes the son's or daughter's ideologies about women and family life. but not in this case, coz jagya's parents were always loving and respectful... but ya, DS totally gave jagya the wrong values... but then again he was an educated man, so there's really no excuse and all moms cant be blamed... the women who treat the sons better have most probably gotten inferior treatment from their parents, so they have a certain ideology... not just mothers but every1 in the world shud treat sons and daughters equally... parents shud love thir kids not bcoz they are a boy or a girl but bcoz they are their childrenEdited by michelle281194 - 11 years ago

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