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FF - Fatherhood LAST CHAPTER,PAGE - 125 (Page 7)

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Nosh25

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Nosh25

Joined: 15 June 2010

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Posted: 26 June 2012 at 7:00am | IP Logged
Liked Sam - Sonu interaction. Keep going. X

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-PD-

IF-Sizzlerz

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Joined: 18 December 2009

Posts: 12320

Posted: 26 June 2012 at 7:34am | IP Logged
dear FF is really good but i noticed few things..

the FF is too serious, make it little fun.. loosen up the characters they are like holding tooo tight.
the love and fun elements are missing...

Sonia and Sameer interaction is good but in that scene sonia sometimes talks like 18+ years girl instead of 10 years old, so concentrate on this just imagine how you will talk and think when you are 10 years old girl.

Sonia asking doubts to Rishi about her name is good one make her more curious to know the facts.

remaining comment I PMed you Embarrassed


Edited by preethimadhavg - 26 June 2012 at 7:36am

shona90

IF-Rockerz

shona90

Joined: 04 June 2012

Posts: 7857

Posted: 26 June 2012 at 10:32am | IP Logged
Nice Poulomi...!!
Great concept really different and unique. Smile
waiting for ur next update...!!!

-PD-

IF-Sizzlerz

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Joined: 18 December 2009

Posts: 12320

Posted: 26 June 2012 at 9:52pm | IP Logged
dear i Pmed you something today morning... can you reply me on that Embarrassed

-Paulomi-

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-Paulomi-

Joined: 18 January 2012

Posts: 12656

Posted: 26 June 2012 at 9:58pm | IP Logged

CHAPTER – 6

[1 MONTH LATER]

All the kids were home since after their exams,the vacation had just started.It was Sunday.There was too much of noise in the house.All were laughing and talking at the breakfast table.Sonia came out of her room with a hockey stick in her hand which she generally uses for two purposes,first for beating the ball and second for kicking if anyone does any kind of misdeed with her or her brothers and sisters.She called Indira,"Mamma main maidaan mein ja rahi hu khelne"and then called others.Indira warned her,"Sirf ball ko hi maarna,kisi insaan ko nehi,vaise bhi jab bhi tu khelne jaati hai mujhe dar lagta hai ke pata nehi aaj kiski shaamat aayegi."She then ordered Seher,"Seher beta,iska na dhyaan rakhna,mujhe bilkul bhi bharosa nehi hai ispe."Sonia got offended and folding her lips,looked at Rishi.Rishi winked at her with the signal of ignoring Indira.Munna added,"Arey o meri Jhansi ki Rani,tujhe na main keh raha hu,jo tere saath bura karega na uska band bajaa dena,main tere saath hu,tu dar mat."Sonia was very happy and left with others.

                                                             Suddenly,a car stopped in front of SN and a man,very well known to the whole Chandni Chowk,came out of it and entered inside.The whole house suddenly became silent like dead and everyone got up from the table.A bowl of food slipped from Sunaina's hand which made a loud sound.Indira broke the spoon out of anger and all the pain and sufferings of Mandira flashed before her eyes.The person slowly opened his goggles.It was Sameer Diwan.Mandira's guilty and Sonia's biological father.

                                                             Indira started shivering with rage.She fumingly headed towards Sameer and held his collar tightly,"Tumhari himmat kaise hui is ghar mein kadam rakhne ki?Kyu aaye ho yaha par?Meri maasum behen ki zindagi barbaad karke,uski jaan lene ke baad bhi tumhe chain nehi mila jo yaha wapas muh uthake chale aaye?"and leaving his collar and folding her hand continued,"Ya phir jail ki sazaa kam par gayi hai?"Sameer boiled with anger from inside but still he put a mocking smile on his lips and asked very sweetly,"Kaisi hai aap Indiraji?Mera bhai aapka khayal to rakhta hai na?"and suddenly gave a wild view,"Aur ye bhi suna hai ke mere teen chote chote pyare pyare bhatije aur bhatijiya bhi hai,kaha hai woh?Mujhse nehi milvaayengi?"Indira raised her finger towards him and warned,"Mere bachcho se dur rehna Mr Sameer Diwan."Sameer continued smiling.Rishi interrupted in between,controlled Indira and asked Sameer,"Tu yaha kyu aaya hai?Kya chahta hai tu saaf saaf bata?"Sameer fixed his collar and said,"Main tum Sharma Niwas walo ko ye bataane aaya hu ke ab tum logo ke sukh bhare din beet chuke hai aur dukh bhare din aane wale hai."All shockingly turned towards him.Rishi still with a cold voice asked,"Kya matlab hai tera?"Sameer turned towards Rishi,"Matlab yeh ke main bohot jald yeh Sharma Niwas apne naam karwaanewala hu"and then slowly changed his expressions into a devil and continued pointing towards Indira and Rishi,"Tum dono ke vajah se maine 7 saal jail mein guzaare hai.Aur un 7 saalo mein har pal maine sirf tum dono ki barbaadi ki hi dua maangi hai."He cooled himself down and moved towards Rishi.He patted Rishi's cheek and said,"Bohot bara vakil hai na tu The Big Advocate Ricky Diwan,bacha sakta hai to bachaale apna sasural."He mocked Rishi,bid goodbye to Indira,wore his goggles and left.

                                                         Outside SN,as soon as Sameer's driver opened the car's door for him,at that moment he heard a loud chaos which was heading towards SN.He moved away from his car to have a look towards the chaos.He saw that some streetrats were running as if being chased by police.He looked till end to unfold the mystery and to his utmost surprise or shock,he found out those guys were chased by a small girl with a hockey stick on her hand.The girl's face became clear as she came near.It was the same girl who embarrassed him on the road one month ago.

                                                         Sonia caught one of the guys by his collar with the help of her stick.The guy fall down on the road and she,putting one leg on his chest,said with a very angry face,"Manaa kiya tha na,ke meri Ishu ko tang mat karna?Uske baal mat khichna?Meri baato ko bachchi samajh ke ignore karne ki jurrat kaise hui tumhari,ha?"Saying this,she started beating him mercilessly as if she would kill him now.She warned him,"Aakhri baar keh rahi hu,agar mere bhai behno ko tang karte hue dubaara miley na toh jaan le lungi"and made a face which could have dried down anyone's heart.The guy ran away as soon as she removed her legs upon him.

                                            She then turned to enter SN,and to her utmost surprise,she found Sameer Diwan standing in front of her with a strange look on his face as if he was seeing any ghost.She surprisingly asked,"Aap?Aap mere ghar ke saamne kya kar rahe ho?"and then gave a mocking smile and said,"Oh samjhi.Zarur kisika accident kiya hoga aur un logo ne case kar diya,isiliye mere daddy ke paas aaye ho apna case leke,hai na?"and continued with a straight face,"Dekho mere daddy na aise cases nehi lete,aap ja sakte ho."Sameer narrowed his eyes hearing her words.He asked,"Tum Ricky Diwan ki beti ho?"He asked curiously,"Kya naam hai tumhara?"She bluntly replied,"Ha aur kya main aapko jaanti hu?Nehi na.To phir main aapko apna naam kyu batau?"Saying this she was about to cross Sameer to enter her house,suddenly a man came behind her with a knife.He was just about to stab her,at that moment,Sameer grabbed his hand.Seeing the knife,she was so terrified that her hockey stick fall from her hand and at the next moment,she hugged Sameer tightly by his waist and Sameer too,covered her back with his hand in a manner of protecting her.

                                             Sameer gave a firy look to the man,twisted his hand as a result of which the knife fall and Sameer made a hard punch on his face.The man,on looking at his eyes,got terrified and ran away.Sameer suddenly realized that the girl was still hugging him which made a very strange and sensational feeling all over his body and heart.Sonia too realized it and they freed each other.Now as Sonia was covered with mud,Sameer's dress too got dirty.He screamed with anger,"Oh sh*t!Yeh kya kiya tumne?Mere saare kapre gande kar diye.Ab main aise kaise wapas jaunga?"Sonia,fully recovered from the trauma replied in a cool manner,"Kyu nehi ja sakte?Kaunsa paidal jaoge aap?"and then pointing towards the car,she continued,"Bel gaari pe to aap aaye ho nehi,itni bari gari yaha pe chorne ke liye bhi to zarur nehi laaye honge,usime to jaoge,hai na?Aur phir ghar jaa kar saabun aur pani se achche se nahaa lena."She was about to leave when Sameer stopped her again,"Meri dress kharaab karke mujhe tum attitude dikha rahi ho?Ab tum mujhe sorry bolo."Sonia turned towards him,"Vo toh main bolne se rahi kyu ke vaisa koi kaam maine kiya hai nehi,jo hua achanak hua aur jahaa tak baat rahi aapke kapro ki,toh uska ilaaj mere paas hai,one minute….."

                                                         She went inside and returned with a bucket full of water.She emptied the whole bucket by throwing the water over Sameer,drenching him completely from head to toe.Sameer stood like a statue with a disbelief look.Keeping the bucket by her side,Sonia mockingly said,"Maine aapko ganda kiya tha na?Lo ab saaf bhi kar diya.Ab khush?Agar kaho to saabun bhi laake du?Main aapke tarah itni kanjoos nehi hu by the way"Sameer came towards her and raised his finger on her face,"Tum….."Sonia too made a very straight face by putting hand one hand on her waist,looking directly into his eyes,removed his finger and with a pause continued,"By the way main aapki jaisi nehi hu,isiliye meri jaan bachaane ke liye thank you very much."She turned her back to him and disappeared inside.

                                                        Sameer again stood like a statue,speechless and astonished about what happened just now with him.He didn't ever expect even in his worst nightmare that a little girl will show him his actual image,make such blunt statements on his face and make him spellbound in such a way.He was deadly impressed by her.He could only just say,"Yeh larki hai ya aag ka gola?Ye to apni ma se bhi zyaada tez hai."Unknowingly he smiled,"Aaj pehli baar aisa laga jaise apne saamne apne aap ko dekh raha hu"and then confusingly thought to himself,"Mujhe to ispe gussa hona chahiye par aata nehi kyu main gussa kar nehi pa raha hu. aur jab bhi ye larki mere saamne aati hai to mujhe aisa lagta hai jaise iske saath mera koi bohot gehra rishta ho."Thinking this he entered his car and left for DH.They both still didn't know that one day destiny will again bring them face to face with a new identity which will completely change their life.

The following 7 member(s) liked the above post:

kinha-thebestMudrika25kirti123samrudhi.rshona90...fari...-Neha04-

-Neha04-

IF-Sizzlerz

-Neha04-

Joined: 29 April 2012

Posts: 11207

Posted: 26 June 2012 at 10:18pm | IP Logged
Very nice update such may aaj ka updatd dhasu tha padhkar hasi bhi arahi thi ki such me badi tez hai isne to indu ko bhi peche chod diya. Such me ye 10 saal ki hi hai na? Veryyy nice to good...

-Paulomi-

IF-Sizzlerz

-Paulomi-

Joined: 18 January 2012

Posts: 12656

Posted: 26 June 2012 at 10:23pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by Avni30

Very nice update such may aaj ka updatd dhasu tha padhkar hasi bhi arahi thi ki such me badi tez hai isne to indu ko bhi peche chod diya. Such me ye 10 saal ki hi hai na? Veryyy nice to good...
Kyu zyaada bari lag rahi hai kya?Dialogues zaraa baro ka toh nehi daal diya maine?I mean actually sameer ki beti hai na to thora bold toh usey banna hi tha varna baap ki beti kaise kehlaayegi isiliye aise likha.

-Neha04-

IF-Sizzlerz

-Neha04-

Joined: 29 April 2012

Posts: 11207

Posted: 26 June 2012 at 10:50pm | IP Logged
paulomi sonia10saal ki nahi 20saal ki ladkion ki tarha baat karti hai.but thik hai.hitler ki parvrish or sam ka khon hai to eaise hi hongi. Buy baad me bat karenge

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