Posted: 30 May 2012 at 12:52pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by sashashyam
Just a quick note to thank you very, very much for giving us back our Arjun, the one whom we had grown to love. Now we can fall back on your story when Arjun Kirloskar, as he is now, gets us down too much.
You have done him justice and then some more. Your description of what he goes thru in those few minutes in his office is incredibly touching and evocative. Marvellous lines:
He wanted to
run to her and hold her in his arms so tightly that no one could tell
where one began or the other ended. He needed to comfort
her and soothe her so badly that his entire body almost declared mutiny
against his mind to go to her.
He knew she was hanging on by a
thread and he could not let her fall.
This is the original magic of Arjun-Purvi that we had lost in the last few weeks, a loss that we are all still mourning helplessly. It is so interesting that both of them are saying pretty much the same things as they do on PR:
Purvi: You string along both of us, play with our emotions and now you want us to both
be available to you whenever you need us?"
Arjun: I will set
everything right -for everyone. I know you love Ovi like a sister and you can
never hurt her or your parents but I PROMISE you that I will find a way out of
this that will have the least effect on everyone.
Yet, because you have so beautifully brought out what Arjun feels, the effect on the readers is completely different. We are no longer exasperated or angry at his inaction, or irritated by her tirades, for we see into their hearts. We understand that what happens is the result not of cowardice and pusillanimity on the one hand, or of a mindless yen for self sacrifice on the other. It happens because fate has dealt out such a bad hand to two young people who had the misfortune to fall in love when their other ties are all set to pull them apart.
I loved large chunks of parts 1 and 2 just as much, but you have gone one better here. In fact you are getting better and better all the time, Laurie! I am now waiting for part 4 (see what I warned you about!). I know that the act of creation can be exhausting, but then I am sure you have a whole book inside your mind all ready and eager to get out. You only have to set it down, not on paper, but on the PC!
To conclude, a couple of points I had wanted to make about part 2. It ia absolutely true that excessive unhappiness makes you feel sick to the pit of your stomach, and so Purvi's retching out of sheer misery was entirely understandable. But then, if she has eaten no lunch, and there is no mention of any dinner either, she would hardly have anything in her stomach to throw up!
But that is a minor point. What I did not like was the idea of Purvi working alone in the office till 11 pm and 1 am. It would not be advisable under any circumstances, even if she is the MD. She should have some company, her personal assistant or other staff. Or else she should go home at a relatively decent hour, say 8 or 9 pm. What was Archana doing, permitting Purvi to keep such excessively late hours?
Warmest congratulations once again and many thanks for taking us along on this wonderful journey to the hearts of Arjun and Purvi as they were, and as they should always be for us.
PS: One very small suggestion, if I may. When you are showing them speaking, you might like to have just the words - there would never be any confusion as to who is speaking - and leave out the explanatory phrases, such as "she hissed", "Arjun
fired back", "Purvi blasted him", etc. In fact you yourself have already done this for the 4th and 5th sentences. You will find that it reads better, and you will be saved the trouble of finding new adjectives and adverbs for the explanatory interjections.
Dear Shyamala - Thank you for the felicitations and encouragement. Excellent feedback I will certainly incorporate for the future. I need all the help I can get. I changed the lunch to dinner so it makes that part a little more plausible and there is a reason Ms. Purvi is working so late all by her lonesome Not to worry though - she is safe. Lots of security in this new place Like I mentioned in my reply to Abhi - I wonder if I set the bar a little too high - now I'm worried about my ratings
I've re-written part four about seven times now trying to get it just right. The thoughts are a bit jumbled at the moment but I will try to have the next installment out soon.
Thank you for your literary patronage.