Should divorce be quick/easy or hard to obtain? - Page 3

Divorce laws in India are messed up big time ...


The 6 months cooling of period in India sounds great in theory, yet the truth is that it works only if BOTH the people want a divorce, there is no conflict regarding children/money/property AND if the judge is sensible. Judges actually refuse divorce because they feel that divorce is immoral. Yes, it actually happens.


Heavens forbid, if you file a case on the basis of extra marital affairs or violence, you will be stuck in the courts for eternity ... And if only one person wants it, then forget it. You will never get a divorce.


My cousin was beaten up by her husband and his family yet she went with mutual consent divorce otherwise she would have never been rid of them. It still took a year. And they kept all her jewellery/cash/shares. She could have contested, but that would have meant that she would have still been tied to that scum. So she thought, forget the money, let me just save my life.


... the mumbai high court, a few days back refused a divorce plea. Both parties wanted it, the guy had a transferable job... they had not lived together for years and he was getting transferred again and they were both fed up ... The judge said that a wife should be like Sita (from the Ramayan) who followed Ram to vanvaas for 14 years ... this is the actual statement of the judge ... Yes, this is the HIGH COURT of the country


So, i'll take the quick drive through type of divorce any day ... at least women don't end up being tied up to monsters and finally buckling down to Societal pressure which increases more the case prolongs.

In the indian culture - EVERY realtionship has a specific name. They are not all lumped under one Aunt or Uncle.

I have not read all the discussions in the thread but on the basis of the write up of the thread maker I definitely support Hooked.

Marriage is not like a dress you go shopping for and just throw it away when the color fades off. It involves a relationship with an individual and in the Indian culture with an entire family. Naturally this comes with a lot of emotions which cannot be taken lightly. Marriage is a journey where the partners gradually understand each other and there is definitely a constant mutual adjustment that needs to be done. It does take some time to be totally comfortable with eachother and this can only happen if the two parties involved are open and matured enough to do so. Many a times after living with each other for a long time people do take their partner for granted (which is not ideal) and staying away from each other for some time may just make a person realize the other's worth. Making the divorce proceedings difficult and having a six month cooling period in my opinion is needed to help people reconsider their decision and also not make any decision in an impulse. I do believe in the sanctity of marriage and I feel it is only fair to give it as much chance as possible to work.

Imagine the life of a wife who is abandoned by her husband just because he found a better upgrade? or the plight of a husband who's wife married him just to get a share in his assets? Making divorce easy will only make it easier for such people with wrong intentions to play their games easily. One needs to held accountable and making the divorce proceedings difficult will just add to this and will keep a person under check to a certain level.

The law of California does make sense if one of the partners is mentally unstable or  physical abuse or of the kind but then again many people can use this as a loophole and if incorrectly used can lead the whole divorce proceedings to be very ugly and in the bargain marring the name of the individual concerned.

Originally posted by: andv

Imagine the life of a wife who is abandoned by her husband just because he found a better upgrade? or the plight of a husband who's wife married him just to get a share in his assets? Making divorce easy will only make it easier for such people with wrong intentions to play their games easily. One needs to held accountable and making the divorce proceedings difficult will just add to this and will keep a person under check to a certain level.

Hooked, i think your idea is right about emotional consequences ... but barring a few women, any woman hardly initiates a divorce in this country.

I know I am making sweeping generalisations, but the truth is that no matter how 'forward' thinking your parents might be, it is drilled into a girl's head since birth that you have to adjust, you have to tolerate, you have understand, you have to change, you don't marry the man but the family  etc etc ... Add to that the terrible stigma of divorce in this country even among educated, urban, metropolitan circles

Hence the emotional consequences shouldn't be thought of in terms of the bhabhi, mami, chachi, tai, mosi etc ... but more in terms of that this girl has no more capacity to "tolerate" ... she has been probably counseled by everyone from her parents to the distant relatives to the neighbours to the relatives of those neighbours to try to make it work ... Just let her go free to find some measure of happiness.


I am not saying that women are innocent in all cases ... sometimes men are ill treated and ill used too ... sometimes its just the case of two people fed up of each other ... but in our country, with its horrendous statistics of dowry/violence/mental abuse/infanticide, maybe a quick way out is not a bad decision


P.S: We as a country glorify mental abuse in the name of saas-bahu serials ... What is shown - the constant interference, fault finding, taunting, the girl made to do everything and be nice to even the ass of the family, the girl requiring permission to even breathe  ... these are all forms of degrading someone's self worth

Originally posted by: tinoo

 

I think that this is where hooked, and I differ.

 

See I dont believe that a marriage should be held together by a "legal" agreement that holds people "accountable". ... or that people "have to be kept in check"

 

It has to come from the heart where two people voluntarily love each other and care for each other and uplift each other.

 

If it has come to a point where my husband has filed for a unilateral divorce,  I would really find it beneath my dignity to beg him to stay or to reconsider or to say "please give me a chance"

 

That is my personal POV. 

 

Others may want to have a husband who stays in something because he is legally bound and kept in check. 

Tinoo the legal system does have it pros and cons and every law too has loopholes in it. With the complex nature of individuals, relationships and social sett, these laws can either be beneficial in a good way or benefit a wrong person. Nevertheless the laws have to be made trying to benefit the majority of the population.

In the case of matured individuals who take this first step of marriage itself after through consideration, will certainly see to it that they do all that they can to make it work. But at the end of the day if they are sure things are not going to work, the six month waiting period would not be such a big issue when they look at the bigger picture of not being bound to the relationship for life. But if one of the partner still wants to give it a shot while the other is not willing to, these six months can prove beneficial to that person at least. anyway in the mutual divorce plea both the parties need to file the case together so the question of hurting ones ego does not really arise.

On the other hand what about people who are impulsive, or have ulterior motives or who are just not matured enough, don't these people need to have something to hold them accountable rather than just leave them free to get in and out of a relationship at the drop of a hat? 

Am sure the institution of marriage to begin with was formulated with a very positive concept that was ideally meant to keep two individuals together for life. But with time things have changed, people have changed. Hence in my opinion the best way to avoid all these hassles is take enough time before taking the plunge into marriage and if you have, try your best to make it work. If one is really not that happy staying bound by legal ties, there are other ways people live together like live-in relationships etc, which of course is only bound by the rule of the individual's heart.

hooked that is beautiful !!

hooked,

Bips,