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The Newsagency- An OS

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..KaJenDelena..

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..KaJenDelena..

Joined: 09 November 2010

Posts: 726

Posted: 30 April 2012 at 4:16am | IP Logged

The Newsagency

5.45 pm. 

A pair of artic blue eyes bludged on the besmirched clock that was stuck on a frame of white wall, neatly hidden underneath the circles of red '20 million' Lotto balloon's. And Like a preying lion that waited for attack on the oblivious baby deer, Summer stood in perfect standstill eyeing the clock as it ticked away time.  

5.46 pm.                                                                       

She sighed almost luridly, and in a sadistic manner her mind had already planned to bury her body in a mountain of dirt... anywhere but here. Time was moving in a snail's pace, and like an evil step-mother it had snatched away her comfort blanket sneering at her with a devilish smile.  

Summer's pale limp body snapped to perfect frame as the screeches of a door swang open. The cries of the wooden floor filled the room as the steps of a well fed man drew closer to her presence.

The air thickened with unease and slowly like a dying fish that battered itself to death on the board of a boat; she felt the airway in her throat tighten as her eyes quickly befell on the machine infront of her. Her hands as a reflex foraged upon the silver screen in a perfect well-trained pretence of interest, ready to eliminate any form of accusatory to fall in her way.

"Any Customers?" A thick evenly coated Australian accent drummed against her ears.

There was a certain coldness mummified in his tone, that even when he tried to sound friendly it always sounded like a sick animal stifling on a cold night. Swallowing almost instantly, her head tilted towards his wrinkled face. His eyes were blue like the sky on a sunny day while strands of grey hair that was barely tamed remained the only evedience of a harsh and broken life he led.

"Few." She replied, feeling her lips turn dry.

"Mmm..." He voiced, a habit stemmed so deep that she had noticed was usually always his second reply.

His hands stained of grease, perhaps tainted from the chips he had taken into his office,tapped on the worn-out, out-dated computer. The receipt struggled and croaked its way through the machine before Mr Jones snatched it away. His eyes sketched through the figures penned on the paper like a dying solider reading his wife's letter -but only seconds later he crumpled the paper and aimlessly threw it on the bin.  

Distant footsteps on the marbled floor just outside the shop could be heard approaching their way. Summer's eyes darted at the clock once more. 5.51 pm. Her stomach churned in dismay as her heart plunged on the core of her belly, annoyed and tired. Not another customer.

The shops doorbell rang. The door hissed open. Stepped in a woman dressed in all black from head to toe, only revieling her eyes. She was the modern day crusader, priding herself in her clothes that veiled her identity and yelled her belief. Suddenly the room resembled that of a theatre, hushed and quite as their suspecting gazes eyeballed the sojourner, the foreigner.

She was slow in pace, almost sluggish in the way she carried herself as though her body had suffered many wounds, perhaps she was old. There was no way of telling. There was a pause before she walked into the second aisle where children books stacked up.

She was almost familiar with the setting and wearingly flouted the looks of disgust passed in her way. Mr Jones eyes slowly lifted towards the mirror cornered in the shop to keep a check on intruders, she was a serious contender.

She did not look like a thief or a criminal, delicately looking through children's ABC books but that did not matter, she was a foreigner, one of them. They were too different so much so that a weary silence crowded the room where our breaths were strictly forbidden to mingle together.

The Muslim woman was eyed from head to toe up until  her steps took her to the counter and forwarded a puzzle book. Her eyes were almond shaped and a deep shade of brown, almost burnt in colour looking directly at Summer's soul. It was beautiful and unlike any other Summer had seen.

"Do you have the number puzzle book?" The Muslim woman asked, her voice directed only at Summer.

Summers memory almared her  that there was a dozen more left in the store room but before she could nod, Mr Jones barked 'a no'. Too shocked to soak in the rasped rage interwoven in his voice, summer's head snapped towards her boss almost alarmingly.

"Are you sure?" the women sounded helpless... tired.

"Yes." stressed Mr Jones.

The woman nods almost afraid, perhaps drained of fighting.

"That would be $2.00 and 50 cents" Summer added to break the tension soaring the atmosphere.

Summer could see the anger blaze within her eyes but somehow with great effort, the muslim woman had reined it in. Her coins scattered on the counter before she said a final 'thank you' only in direct response to the small  smile flowering in Summer's lips. The shop's doorbell rang. The door hissed open. Out walked the Muslim woman back into the bitter cold, which embraced her like an old friend.

 

Maybe, she'll try her luck with an another Newsagency.

 

I honestly hope no one takes offence in anything I have written or the way I have protrayed certain characters. Nothing is meant to be offensive, infact I wanted to enlighten you'se about certain aspects Muslims face in everyday life due to prejudice and ignorance. I am a muslim myself and I have worked in the Newsagency so this was very much inspired from bits and pieces I have experienced. I would like to stress that all Australians are NOT the way I have protrayed Mr Jones, infact Aussies are very open-minded and friendly but you know there is always the nutters, I myself met a few but hey I love Australia/ Aussies. The character of 'mr jones' is actually based on my ex-boss whom unfortunately died. I have mixed feelings about the way this has turned out so yeah, Idk, I think I like it as it is personal but I am not sure if the story flow is good, please be honest with your comments, tell it as it is, no sugar-coating please.

ps; I would like to stress that this has been also inspired by an unknown writer, and I surely hope she makes into the writing industry. So yeah.

Priyanka ;)



Edited by ..KaJenDelena.. - 30 May 2012 at 2:01am

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sweetdesire

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sweetdesire

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Posted: 30 April 2012 at 6:46am | IP Logged
Hey Priii...OS is written beautifully...The issue brought up by u is too delicate but too common...not only in Australia but in most countries of the world...There are ppl Like Mr. Jones...I can completely understood wt u r trying to say here...Good wrk...Keep writing...Take care

lots of love
Geet

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Ameres

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Ameres

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Posted: 30 April 2012 at 6:59am | IP Logged

It was a great piece of writing. Very crisp and clear and I have not taken offence to it but one line in particular is highly disturbing. 

perhaps she was old or had been tormented... it was not uncommon among Muslims.

This line does sound kind of offensive because here you seem to be categorizing Muslim for tormenting woman. I guess you were trying to highlight the Muslim plight but in process it actually sounds demeaning.

If you had said that in the society it happens then it was understandable because yes, violence towards woman is common but saying its common among Muslims is not true. Islam is the only religion that has given woman high status and talks about woman respect and honor. It is only us humans that fail to comply with it. In fact no religion promotes violence against woman. All religions talk about respect but it's us humans who fail to understand and follow it.

 "demeaned" and "forced" women of Islam

Again it's not 'Islam' because of which woman are demeaned or mistreated rather it's the human beings who are at fault here. I fully understand in which context you had written that line but the way it is presented is somewhat...upsetting I would say. 

There is a big misconception in the world that Muslim woman are suppressed or demeaned. That is not true. Islam does not say that instead it's the society that we live in, the culture that makes it so because our society norms are not wholly based on religion. We do not follow our religion properly and mostly now mold it to our liking. The fake norms and values that we have made for ourselves can be blamed here not the religion.

I understand you were trying to give a positive message but these two lines were really disturbing. I'm sorry for saying all this; really I have no intention of hurting you but just had to say it.

Again I apologize if my words have offended anyone. Peace out. 

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anumeha_rajat

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Posted: 30 April 2012 at 7:18am | IP Logged
interesting...
very nice...
i liked the topic u brought up...
but its really sensitive to touch upon...
so great writing...n do write more..
thnx for the pm...

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..KaJenDelena..

..KaJenDelena..

Senior Member

..KaJenDelena..

Joined: 09 November 2010

Posts: 726

Posted: 30 April 2012 at 8:17am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Ameres

It was a great piece of writing. Very crisp and clear and I have not taken offence to it but one line in particular is highly disturbing. 

perhaps she was old or had been tormented... it was not uncommon among Muslims.

This line does sound kind of offensive because here you seem to be categorizing Muslim for tormenting woman. I guess you were trying to highlight the Muslim plight but in process it actually sounds demeaning.

If you had said that in the society it happens then it was understandable because yes, violence towards woman is common but saying its common among Muslims is not true. Islam is the only religion that has given woman high status and talks about woman respect and honor. It is only us humans that fail to comply with it. In fact no religion promotes violence against woman. All religions talk about respect but it's us humans who fail to understand and follow it.

 "demeaned" and "forced" women of Islam

Again it's not 'Islam' because of which woman are demeaned or mistreated rather it's the human beings who are at fault here. I fully understand in which context you had written that line but the way it is presented is somewhat...upsetting I would say. 

There is a big misconception in the world that Muslim woman are suppressed or demeaned. That is not true. Islam does not say that instead it's the society that we live in, the culture that makes it so because our society norms are not wholly based on religion. We do not follow our religion properly and mostly now mold it to our liking. The fake norms and values that we have made for ourselves can be blamed here not the religion.

I understand you were trying to give a positive message but these two lines were really disturbing. I'm sorry for saying all this; really I have no intention of hurting you but just had to say it.

Again I apologize if my words have offended anyone. Peace out. 

 
NO, no You have not hurt me at all, and I want to thank you for actually providing honest feedback yayayayaay! I completely understand where the offence could be drawn from those lines, I will be changing it as it was NOT my intention to ever vibe such a feeling to the audience, especially being a muslim.
 
I would like to let you know that I am a Muslim woman (17 yrs old if u consider that a woman lol) and well aware of what Islam provides for women in terms of rights, infact I am often the one who preaches exactly what you have written above! lol, legit you have said exactly almost word to word what I respond to those whom dont understand about women's role/ right in Islam. 
 
I would like to tell you why I aligned those sentences together as it is imp for me that you know that I am not trying to shine a negative light on Islam, anywho by using those exact two lines I was trying to convey others misintrepretations of Islam. I would not DARE to even negatively think of my religon let alone disrespect it.  I also wanted to piont out that I was writing this from 'summer's' POV whom infact isn't a muslim, hence the word choice.  Shit, I feel like I have to prove my faith to you which feels so weried (Dont ask, I really dont know how to spell this word). lol Offence was not taken from your words and you dont ever need to apologize for your opionion and I will be editing those sentences lol ;) Thank you for your honesty.
 
Priyanka.

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Posted: 30 April 2012 at 8:39am | IP Logged
Originally posted by ..KaJenDelena..

NO, no You have not hurt me at all, and I want to thank you for actually providing honest feedback yayayayaay! I completely understand where the offence could be drawn from those lines, I will be changing it as it was NOT my intention to ever vibe such a feeling to the audience, especially being a muslim.
 
I would like to let you know that I am a Muslim woman (17 yrs old if u consider that a woman lol) and well aware of what Islam provides for women in terms of rights, infact I am often the one who preaches exactly what you have written above! lol, legit you have said exactly almost word to word what I respond to those whom dont understand about women's role/ right in Islam. 
 
I would like to tell you why I aligned those sentences together as it is imp for me that you know that I am not trying to shine a negative light on Islam, anywho by using those exact two lines I was trying to convey others misintrepretations of Islam. I would not DARE to even negatively think of my religon let alone disrespect it.  I also wanted to piont out that I was writing this from 'summer's' POV whom infact isn't a muslim, hence the word choice.  Shit, I feel like I have to prove my faith to you which feels so weried (Dont ask, I really dont know how to spell this word). lol Offence was not taken from your words and you dont ever need to apologize for your opionion and I will be editing those sentences lol ;) Thank you for your honesty.
 
Priyanka.

I'm glad you are not offended and your reply is really reassuring. And please no, dont change the lines. That was not my intention. I understand you are trying to highlight a very important and sensitive issue here. And I really do appreciate your efforts for the way you have brought it is very commendable. Good job.
Only those two sentences were putting off but dont please change them or I'll feel really bad. 

I'm a Muslim girl or woman whatever you may say, too (21 to be precise lol) and really believe that Islam provides safety for woman but somehow when it comes to execution thats where we lack. 

@Summer POV- Yes, that makes sense. I guess I perceived it differently. 

Please no you dont have to prove me anything. You have every right to your opinion and since you asked for an honest feedback, I just did that. 
Thank you for being so understanding, that was really kind of you. :)

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Aanya.

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Aanya.

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Posted: 30 April 2012 at 10:24am | IP Logged
PRII <3 This was honestly so beautiful! Really! I love these stories and the way you portrayed the prejudice was brilliant. It was so subtle! :)

I feel like writing an essay for this flawless piece of writing but 12th grade is shit and I don't have time :(

Love you <3

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meriyaar

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meriyaar

Joined: 09 July 2009

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Posted: 30 April 2012 at 11:42am | IP Logged
hey Priyanka,
That was really beautiful, you have a very lovely writing style, loved reading it! And I like the issue you bought up, because although it is the minority;  muslim women do go through things like that, I am a muslim to (17 like youEmbarrassed) and just wearing the Hijab gives me nasty comments and dirty looks, but the majority take no heed. Anyways, you story was very interesting, thank you for the pm and would love to read more of your work :)
tc
xoxo

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