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NimbuMirchi IF-Sizzlerz
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Posted: 10 April 2012 at 9:31am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Tani91

I never said that Suhana didn't deserve it, Ishan has full right to be mad at her about the party fiasco and also for neglecting him. My problem is with his inferiority complex he has regarding her earning more than him. That is total chauvinistic behavior and I completely hate that about men. I hate that we as women have to have responsibilities if careers and house and family and what not...what can't men do something for a change??. My dad for example comes from work and sits down to watch news. My mom on the other hand comes home from work, and right then she has to prepare dinner for us all. I am expected to help my mom leaving MY homework while my brother is free to play games and what not, and I'm the one in college and he's the one in high school . I'm not saying that it's bad or anything but why this kind of a treatment towards womenDead I have seen this with my cousins, my family friends everywhere. I get frustrated when my parents do that, make me do certain chores just because I'm a girl and make my brother do certain chores because he's a boy. I get so mad at them and only now after my tantrums have my parents started treating us equally and my brother has to help out with certain chores. 

Why can't a man help out his wife with groceries or household chores for once...and when a wife is working then why the hell should he feel inferior just because his wife earns more than himSleepy. That's chauvinist thinking and I hate thatAngry

-- Tani while for Above I agree with You... but for me.. it's different... My Husband cooks many times in Month coz I am tired or to say I am doing other cleaning/Laundry work... He likes it and he does it... He even will go to Laundry... no issues in helping me coz We live Alone... and We both work... Smile
 
I have seen all my friends helping their Wife... coz at once we all have lived as a Student in sharing basis... Guys used to cook when they used to share house with their other roomies... We girls used to look after all household chores when we used to share house with other girls roommates... we r habituated like this... even after Marriage... My Husband n other Friends.. do help their wifes Big smile
 
In India it's different coz Moms are generally Housewives... though scenarios are changing there also... in here[US] it's not the same... I have even seen my Uncle stays in Chicago.. helping my Aunt...Smile  Personally I see it as equalitySmile 

Anyways enough about my life story my problem is with Ishan acting chauvinistic regarding money, so he is fine with taking money from Inder which in my opinion is a LOT more degrading than taking money from Suhana. Again it was not as if Suhana was giving him money to buy some expensive crap, it was a family effort for the engagement and she didn't taunt him like Disha did with Elesh, she offered to lpe out with the expenditures. The fact was that he did NOT have any money thats why Suhana offered it and what does he do? He yells at her and says he doesn't need money, if that is not ego problem then what is? When you are out of money and your wife is offering you money for YOUR FAMILY and you refuse then what is it other than his inflated male ego??
--Ishaan definitely doesn't have Male Ego to say the Least... Smile He is NOT Egoistic... He is Feeling bad in taking Money coz His Colleagues Passed comments saying He lives on his Wife's Money... and That is what is hurting Him... and too add to the hurt.. Suhana offered him Money... [which was good.. ] but Ishaan took it wrong coz of the comments he heard... He only needs to be made to see it differently... and I am 200% sure he will take Money from Suhana... Smile just coz of one Refusal.. that too coz he was Engrossed in thots of living on his wife's Money he refused... Which in No sense make him Egoistic... on the contrary Ishaan is the most understanding person... Big smile he didn't made it huge when Suhana got her First Pay... He was Very Happy which shows He is NOT Egoistic... Smile
Then he has the audacity to tell her that her money is not their money???? That completely contradicts what he stands for, what he was trying to achieve with Suhana. Just because some jerks at his company said something regarding his wife's salary he starts feeling inferior?? Like I said before I hate that behavior in men and I'm mad that they made him behave the way he did.

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jshree_ramiViews.FearlessSoul.

ice.maiden Goldie
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Posted: 10 April 2012 at 10:06am | IP Logged
Getting the problem definition right is the first step in solving a problem. Its important not to mistake symptoms for the root cause. 
Lets take the case of the Ishaan-Suhana money scenario. 
Does Ishaan have a problem with Suhana earning more than him? No. (Ishaan was happy when he saw Suhana's cheque remember?)
Does Suhana want to belittle Ishaan by flaunting her money?No. 
The problem is that they have not developed a good level of understanding. Inspite of all the crisis they have faced in life, their relationship has not grown. So misunderstandings are bound to happen. Suhana has never been a good listener(except if BM is the one who is talking LOL) and has not been shown to make any attempt to get to know Ishaan better, that's her mistake. Suhana does not understand what she needs to give to each of her relationships. She does have this strong protective instinct which is a good thing. But relationships demand much more than that. She should look around her and learn from Rajni and Disha. And I am not talking about cooking and cleaning.  
Ishaan on his part has never been clear about what he expects from her and keeps saying stuff like its ok Suhana, be the way you are. Thats his mistake. He does not express his true expectations neither does he accept that he has these expectations. But if these expectations are not met he is hurt.

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Posted: 10 April 2012 at 10:35am | IP Logged
Originally posted by ice.maiden

Getting the problem definition right is the first step in solving a problem. Its important not to mistake symptoms for the root cause. 
Lets take the case of the Ishaan-Suhana money scenario. 
Does Ishaan have a problem with Suhana earning more than him? No. (Ishaan was happy when he saw Suhana's cheque remember?)
Does Suhana want to belittle Ishaan by flaunting her money?No. 
The problem is that they have not developed a good level of understanding. Inspite of all the crisis they have faced in life, their relationship has not grown. So misunderstandings are bound to happen. Suhana has never been a good listener(except if BM is the one who is talking LOL) and has not been shown to make any attempt to get to know Ishaan better, that's her mistake. Suhana does not understand what she needs to give to each of her relationships. She does have this strong protective instinct which is a good thing. But relationships demand much more than that. She should look around her and learn from Rajni and Disha. And I am not talking about cooking and cleaning.  
Ishaan on his part has never been clear about what he expects from her and keeps saying stuff like its ok Suhana, be the way you are. Thats his mistake. He does not express his true expectations neither does he accept that he has these expectations. But if these expectations are not met he is hurt.
@bold BINGO there in lies the problemLOL Ishan BM et al let her do her manmaani and when she tries to help she becomes the bad guySleepy

After the party instead of sulking he should have clearly told her why he was hurt and left early rather than just going to sleep



@sachi di..I don't know I still feel like his male ego is coming in the way, and that's exactly what I'm saying...if he was happy for her before then why is he making an issue nowDead

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Shwets1502 IF-Addictz
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Posted: 10 April 2012 at 10:37am | IP Logged
@chadni..lekin issue toh katam ho gaya na..LOL he understood and has apologised too...LOL

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Tani91iViewsNimbuMirchi

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Posted: 10 April 2012 at 10:38am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Tani91

Originally posted by ice.maiden

Getting the problem definition right is the first step in solving a problem. Its important not to mistake symptoms for the root cause. 
Lets take the case of the Ishaan-Suhana money scenario. 
Does Ishaan have a problem with Suhana earning more than him? No. (Ishaan was happy when he saw Suhana's cheque remember?)
Does Suhana want to belittle Ishaan by flaunting her money?No. 
The problem is that they have not developed a good level of understanding. Inspite of all the crisis they have faced in life, their relationship has not grown. So misunderstandings are bound to happen. Suhana has never been a good listener(except if BM is the one who is talking LOL) and has not been shown to make any attempt to get to know Ishaan better, that's her mistake. Suhana does not understand what she needs to give to each of her relationships. She does have this strong protective instinct which is a good thing. But relationships demand much more than that. She should look around her and learn from Rajni and Disha. And I am not talking about cooking and cleaning.  
Ishaan on his part has never been clear about what he expects from her and keeps saying stuff like its ok Suhana, be the way you are. Thats his mistake. He does not express his true expectations neither does he accept that he has these expectations. But if these expectations are not met he is hurt.
@bold BINGO there in lies the problemLOL Ishan BM et al let her do her manmaani and when she tries to help she becomes the bad guySleepy

After the party instead of sulking he should have clearly told her why he was hurt and left early rather than just going to sleep



@sachi di..I don't know I still feel like his male ego is coming in the way, and that's exactly what I'm saying...if he was happy for her before then why is he making an issue nowDead

Tani, the point I am trying to make is that both of them have not been communicative enough, both Ishaan and Suhana. And in this issue BM is thankfully no where in the picture LOL

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Tani91iViewsNimbuMirchiShwets1502

NimbuMirchi IF-Sizzlerz
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Posted: 10 April 2012 at 10:52am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Tani91

Originally posted by ice.maiden

Getting the problem definition right is the first step in solving a problem. Its important not to mistake symptoms for the root cause. 
Lets take the case of the Ishaan-Suhana money scenario. 
Does Ishaan have a problem with Suhana earning more than him? No. (Ishaan was happy when he saw Suhana's cheque remember?)
Does Suhana want to belittle Ishaan by flaunting her money?No. 
The problem is that they have not developed a good level of understanding. Inspite of all the crisis they have faced in life, their relationship has not grown. So misunderstandings are bound to happen. Suhana has never been a good listener(except if BM is the one who is talking LOL) and has not been shown to make any attempt to get to know Ishaan better, that's her mistake. Suhana does not understand what she needs to give to each of her relationships. She does have this strong protective instinct which is a good thing. But relationships demand much more than that. She should look around her and learn from Rajni and Disha. And I am not talking about cooking and cleaning.  
Ishaan on his part has never been clear about what he expects from her and keeps saying stuff like its ok Suhana, be the way you are. Thats his mistake. He does not express his true expectations neither does he accept that he has these expectations. But if these expectations are not met he is hurt.
@bold BINGO there in lies the problemLOL Ishan BM et al let her do her manmaani and when she tries to help she becomes the bad guySleepy

After the party instead of sulking he should have clearly told her why he was hurt and left early rather than just going to sleep



@sachi di..I don't know I still feel like his male ego is coming in the way, and that's exactly what I'm saying...if he was happy for her before then why is he making an issue nowDead
 
@Sushma... Bingo at the Pink... WinkLOLLOLLOL 
 
@Tani... I am open to agree that Ishaan have never been clear in his part...
 
but you are not open to see Suhana's fault... There's no point in arguing then... Ouch
 
I still feel that Ishaan doesn't have male Ego... You need to meet some REAL EGOISTIC MALE in your life... to see what is to be called as Male Ego... Smile
 
He reacted in moment coz he was engrossed in thots... Approve Which SUHANA has done Million times... but we let her go off... and if Ishaan does... he is at fault... Confused
 
and as Expectd... when Alok told him... he understood... Ishaan didn't drag it... Smile
 
You can't really Label Ishaan as EGOISTIC... at least I don't judge People on One Time Reaction... You have to see a Person as whole... Smile
 
 

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Tani91iViews.FearlessSoul.

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Posted: 10 April 2012 at 11:06am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Shwets1502

@chadni..lekin issue toh katam ho gaya na..LOL he understood and has apologised too...LOL
 
       What abt SHE ?

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.FearlessSoul.

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Posts: 892

Posted: 10 April 2012 at 11:26am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Tani91

I never said that Suhana didn't deserve it, Ishan has full right to be mad at her about the party fiasco and also for neglecting him. My problem is with his inferiority complex he has regarding her earning more than him. That is total chauvinistic behavior and I completely hate that about men. I hate that we as women have to have responsibilities if careers and house and family and what not...what can't men do something for a change??. My dad for example comes from work and sits down to watch news. My mom on the other hand comes home from work, and right then she has to prepare dinner for us all. I am expected to help my mom leaving MY homework while my brother is free to play games and what not, and I'm the one in college and he's the one in high school . I'm not saying that it's bad or anything but why this kind of a treatment towards womenDead I have seen this with my cousins, my family friends everywhere. I get frustrated when my parents do that, make me do certain chores just because I'm a girl and make my brother do certain chores because he's a boy. I get so mad at them and only now after my tantrums have my parents started treating us equally and my brother has to help out with certain chores. 

Why can't a man help out his wife with groceries or household chores for once...and when a wife is working then why the hell should he feel inferior just because his wife earns more than himSleepy. That's chauvinist thinking and I hate thatAngry


Anyways enough about my life story my problem is with Ishan acting chauvinistic regarding money, so he is fine with taking money from Inder which in my opinion is a LOT more degrading than taking money from Suhana. Again it was not as if Suhana was giving him money to buy some expensive crap, it was a family effort for the engagement and she didn't taunt him like Disha did with Elesh, she offered to lpe out with the expenditures. The fact was that he did NOT have any money thats why Suhana offered it and what does he do? He yells at her and says he doesn't need money, if that is not ego problem then what is? When you are out of money and your wife is offering you money for YOUR FAMILY and you refuse then what is it other than his inflated male ego??

Then he has the audacity to tell her that her money is not their money???? That completely contradicts what he stands for, what he was trying to achieve with Suhana. Just because some jerks at his company said something regarding his wife's salary he starts feeling inferior?? Like I said before I hate that behavior in men and I'm mad that they made him behave the way he did.
talking abt male ego...if u wnt to look at real male ego,then u must come to india & see it in rural areas...

looking at your essay...i just want to ask u dat wht suhana hd done 4 ishaan in full 2 years...when she hd given him appreciation tht he deserves...when she really feels abt ishaan...everytime she is in her own world...

everytime suhana ignores ishaan...then u hv no prblm...4 once ishaan hd said something...then u r saying he hs male ego...

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