Posted: 09 April 2012 at 2:28pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by serialjunkie
Just want to ask everyone here, how many of you will be comfortable living in a joint family with lots of sisters, mother, other relatives whom your husband will always put ahead of you, every single day. Will you be good with that situation? If the answer is yes, then you are ready to love a guy who will put his family ahead of you. If the answer is no way i cannot live in a joint family but i dont mind him occasionally putting his family ahead of me, you are not ready to love a guy like ASR because you cannot pick and choose when you want him to put you ahead of his family.
Lets say you need his support to study further but he always wants you to assist in household chores and help his sister because she is pregnant. would you be willing ot make that sacrifice?
lets say you plan a nice twosome vacation and your sister in law and her kids want to tag along and he says yes because he does not want to hurt his sisters feelings, would you be willing to make that sacrifice?
lets say you want to work or run a business but your sister in law objects to it because she thinks a woman's place is at home, and he listens to his sister because he cannot hurt her feelings, would you be willing to make that sacrifice?
Lets say your mom or dad is seriously ill and you would like to spend some time with them, but your sister in law needs you at home because she is pregnant and cannot do much household work and he tells you that you should rather be home looking after his sister than spend time with your family because his sister is the msot important person to him, would you be willing ot make that sacrifice?
lets say you need money to buy a house/car/furniture/vacation/computer anything you feel is very important for you but your sister in law needs cash for sending her children to private school (a waste in your opinion because she can send them to cheaper but equally good schools) but she cannot afford to do so, your husband tells you to sacrifice your needs and sends all his money to his sister. would you be willing to make that sacrifice?
sure, you will be willing to make that sacrifice once, twice even three times but after the fourth time you can bet you all the good virtues in the world you will sure as hell resent him and his sister.
You put it in such a nice way... I almost thought you are talking about my husband. Ask me- I know it can get frustrating after a few times... Some men never change. They may love you but they have this overbearing sense of duty towards the family that they sacrifice everything for them- including their own happiness , which more often comes with the happiness of their wife/ children...
But it is hard to make others, especially the unmarried ones, understand. It is easy to be an idealist and live in dream world when you are unmarried... I was the best dreamer in the world. Carrying out those dreams in another thing!!!!! I saw people writing about the importance of your husband's mothers, sisters and family over others...They do not visualize the situation when they are part of your world. Your mother-in-law is just another person - a woman. Soon you will find that she has faults or shortcmings herself. just because she is your husband's mother does not make her the most lovable person in the world. That does not mean she always make the right decisions. If your husband allows her to make the decisions always and if you do not agree with them, you are not going to love it...Well, I think this has to be learnt from experience... No matter how much we say, unless you go through this, it is hard to envision the reality...But thanks for writing this, I loved reading your take on it... matches mine perfectly...