Posted: 15 April 2012 at 12:21pm | IP Logged
O-zone Vinita Dawra Nangia
Love is always right!
need not know any boundaries or norms; love can never be inappropriate
unless it hurts another or dishonours your commitment to someone
TIMES NEWS NETWORK
are two kinds of romantic love — one that makes homes, another that
breaks them! The first is the result of the natural nesting instinct of
all living beings. You grow up and find your feet; then you look for
someone to share your life with. The natural urge for procreation
sharpens senses, and the hunting instinct takes over as one looks for
the right mate to have children and share our future with. You have
waited for the right time and taken an informed decision to enter the
next phase of life. Appropriate love.
Then there is love that
breaks moulds and upsets settled patterns. Love that doesn't follow
societal norms and is considered inappropriate — for instance, extramarital love. A happily married person is as vulnerable to indulge in an affair on
the side as one who is unhappy and needs a distraction. A wellsettled,
happy life that doesn't offer too many challenges leaves the mind free
to be seduced by unexplored vistas. When the mind doesn't challenge
itself, nor are you engaged in something that stretches your mental
boundaries, romance is an attractive option to fill the gaps.
On the other hand, someone who is unhappy with his or her personal
life and relationships is also ripe prey for an attentive and
sympathetic soul. Stuck in an unhappy relationship, he or she is happy
to have a distraction that helps soothe the jagged edges of a stressful
marriage and brings in moments of muchneeded happiness and peace.
What would you do if in your vulnerable moment you fell in love with a married man or woman? Or, if years later, you realized the man or woman you are married to is inappropriate for you?
someone had warned me about him 12 years ago, I would never have
married Ranjan,"confessed Radha in one of those girly heart-to-hearts.
"He is just so unsuitable for me!"
I am sure if someone were to ask Ranjan, he may have the same sentiment to express about his wife of 12 years.
Twelve years is a rather long time for a couple not to realise their 'inappropriateness' for each other.
But I wonder how Radha would have responded if someone had pointed out
their unsuitability while they were still in the first flush of love.
Undoubtedly she wouldn't have taken it positively. Did love iron over
the 'inappropriateness' initially and then as it evaporated, allowed
cracks in the relationship to show up?
What would you do if you
found yourself in love with an 'inappropriate' person? Who is
'inappropriate' or rather, who decides who is appropriate? In Kuch To
Log Kahenge, a popular serial on Sony TV, surgeon Dr Ashutosh and his
junior by 22 years, Dr Nidhi are in love. Society frowns upon the age
difference and they promise
to try and forget each other. Is then a yawning age gap inappropriate?
In another serial, Kya Hua Tera Wada, a female boss sets out to win back
her former lover, now her junior and a married man. Is a
boss-subordinate relationship inappropriate? Tom Cruise is 5'7" tall
while former wife Nicole Kidman was 5'10", and always chose to wear
heels, a point of discord between them. Is a taller female partner
Smruthi, 28, a professor in Kannada was killed by
her brother last month for marrying a Dalit. Is then, loving someone
beyond your caste inappropriate? How about a very rich girl marrying a
very poor guy, or an educated person falling for an unlettered one? Is
How irreconcilable all the above differences
are depends solely on the comfort level of the partners. However, when
it comes to matters that involve the well-being of others, the decision
of the appropriateness of a relationship goes beyond the concerned
couple. For instance an extramarital affair, which puts at stake the
happiness of others and breaks faith. Or someone in a disciplinary,
authoritarian position involved with an underage ward. Or say, an
incestuous relationship. To my mind these are the three possibilities
where love can be inconvenient and inappropriate…
Can you add any others?