Today's episode was full of pointers to the future. Yet it was all about a whole family - the Scindias - stuck in the hangover of the past!
Everything that hapened today seems to be carrying great significance in the future of Yash and Aarti's marriage ... every sentence and every action was loaded with with a clear signal saying "This is going to become an important issue going forward".
Yet strangely every single incident was also about the unshakeability of past for the whole clan of Scindias.
Yash and his parents seem in almost total denial of the present ... and are living the present as a fantasy-projection of the past ... but Yash and his parents differ in the way they are trying to carry the past into the future.
This past fixation of the whole family could become very damaging to the future of the Yash-Aarti marriage ... it has the quality of a family-obsession ...and this is what I want to write about today.
Here's my take on all that I noticed as past hangover with ominous portents for the future ...
1. Yash said he hates to be told lies!
Considering that the whole marriage is based on a huge lie that Aaarti is not a widow but a divorcee, we were all fearing the wrath of Yash's parents and hoping Yash would be on the side of Aarti when the time for the bhandaphod came. But today has shown me a chink in Yash's armour ... he is hiself extremely vulnerable to irrational anger about anyone telling him lies. This is not a good sign for the future. This is one case where Aarti's past is going to affect their future. All the other signals today were about Yash's past affecting their future.
2. Yash said Arpita's parents were the most important people in his life!
What was very strange to me was not that Yash was very much in love with Arpita, but he seems to have transferred that love for Arpita into a vicarious bonding with Arpita's parents! He is keeping Arpita alive, it seems, by keeping her parents at the centre of his world. Can Aarti get into a shaadi where not just one set of in-laws (Yash's parents) hover over her life, but she has to inherit the phsyical or "psychological presence" of another set of parents (Arpita's) in Yash's life also haunting her future?
3. Yash is unable to be at peace till Arpita's parents arrive!
Yash was not just showing normal respect for Arpita's parents, but he also seemed very ill at ease till they arrived. It was almost as if he could not bear the ceremony going forward without them. It was not till they arrived with his brother that he started even wearing a reasonably normal facial expression. Is he that much fixated on them? What pressure will that bring on Yash as he starts life with another woman like Aarti? Will not only the memories of Arpita but also the blessings of Arpita's parents matter to Yash at every future significant moment in his life?
4. Yash greets Arpita's parents like they are his true in-laws!
In all these days of the sagai and the subsequent meetings, I never once saw Yash give the Dubeys the kind of maryada he gave these parents of Arpita. In fact I was looking at Yash's eyes to see what expression flits across them when he looks at his past wife's parents. He seemed to portray a mixture of guilt and respect. Most notably he had a different emotion for Arpita's mother whose feet he first touched. Does he see the daughter in the mother?
5. Yash's kids treat their old Nana/Nani as their true ones!
Now let's for a moment drop the behaviour of Yash to his ex-in-laws ... the kids ran to their old Nana and Nani with a fervour that suggests that the Dubeys will probably never become easily their new Nana and Nani! The children seemed too closely bonded with their mother's side relatives, and that suggests a future of great trauma for Aarti and the Dubeys to try and replace Arpita's parents from the childrens' minds and hearts!
5.Gayatri gets Arpita's mother to upstage Shobha!
Now that we have seen Yash and his kids vis a vis Arpita's parents, the behaviour of Yash's mother and father are no less deferential to their ex-samdhijis! In fact when I saw all this by-play between Gayatri and Arpita's mother (where she gave the first haldi applying status to Arpita's mother) I get the distinct feeling that the Scindia's are and trying too hard to cover up their ambivalent feelings about this Punar Vivah by giving Arpita's parents excessive bhaav in these celebrations.
6. Arpita's kangans go to Aarti!
I thought that was a terrible thing to do, giving Arpita's kangans to Aaarti ... it is not a gift or even a simple bangle. It is like a pair of handcuffs! It is a desperate attempt to keep Aarti submissive to the memory of Arpita, handcuffed and imprisoned in Arpita's belongings, always feeling like she has wrongfully usurped the place of Arpita. The kangans may be a gift from a mother of a dead woman to the new woman who is replacing her daughter, but it looked more like person marking out Aarti's space as that belonging to her daughter.
6. Gayatri changes Aarti's name to Arpita!
This was utterly disgraceful of the Scindia's. Are they getting a Punar Vivah done with a new bride or are they getting their son remarried to Arpita's ghost? I think of all the stuff that went on today, this was the most demeaning to Aarti. To tell her that her own personality is worth nothing, and that she is here in Yash's life as a "past-memory trigger" is a desperate insult to any human being, let alone a girl as independent and vivacious as Aarti. No wonder in the precap she resents this bitterly!
7. Yash wants to keep Arpita's memories to himself and not let his parents play with that memory!
Now here's a paradox. All through the episode Yash has done nothing but yearn for the parents of his ex-wife and rekindle the memories of his life with Arpita in the past ... he seems haunted by Arpita, the sound of her kangans, her parents ... but he sees the actions of his family to make Aarti into Arpita as intruding on his precious memories of the past. He does not realise that just like he has his own past-fixation, his parents too were only acting out their past fixation in their own way through their behaviour towards Aarti! To different degrees Yash and his parents do not seem to know how far to carry this "memory of Arpita". Yash wants his memories to be exclusive and precious and kept to himself, while his parents want the memories to wash all over their lives and even Aarti's.
At the end of this episode I have just one big question in my mind: Are the Scindia's collectively "guilty" of this Punar Vivah? Are they especially "guilty" in the presence of Arpita's parents that they want to show at every step that it is not a punar vivah of Yash with another woman, but a punar-vivah of Yash with Arpita's ghost?
And as for Yash, today for the first time I saw Yash in a strange new light. I wonder: does he even know what exactly he wants and doesn't want? He seems to want Arpita's memories to remain intact in his life, through her name, her kangans and her parents ... but he does not want these memories becoming a family free-for-all.
Edited by skanda12 - 21 March 2012 at 12:40pm